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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 1
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I see lots of profiles that have these or similar statements, implying they’re strictly husband hunting (probably the same thing going on with guys who are wife hunting). POF is a dating site-not a “Get yourself a husband/wife today” site. Isn’t it putting the cart before the horse?

I realize a lot of people have marriage and the fairy tale wedding as their ultimate goal, but people should take it one step at a time and get to know the person-really know the person-before making wedding plans. I guess it’s part of the instant gratification-must have what I want NOW-society we live in. There’s no time to find out if a person would make a good marriage partner. If it doesn’t work out, we can quickly get a divorce, go on POF and quickly get a new husband or wife.

Does anyone bypass profiles that have the “looking for someone to commit for the rest of your life” statements? Do you feel those type of profiles reek of desperation?
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 2
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Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/23/2012 3:57:39 PM
Yes I do, I can't help it. I'm sure they don't mean to come across that way, but when I was looking it weirded me out anyway. Are they looking for someone to die with? That's how it makes me feel when I read it.

I also don't know what the hurry is, what's wrong with the honeymoon stage? lol. Make it last is what I say.

Dating should be fun in itself, let the future take care of the future.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 3
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/23/2012 5:59:53 PM
This reminds me of a dating TV show I came across while flicking through the stations a year or two ago. At the point I started watching, a woman was in the process of finalizing wedding plans for her wedding. The date and venue was all set and she had purchased her wedding dress.

There was only one thing missing to complete her plans: she had no boyfriend! She was on the dating show to find a boyfriend who would be willing to marry her on the date and place she set. I guess she was totally obsessed with having a fairy tale wedding. So the show set her up to go out on dates with a number of guys to see if they could find her Mr. Perfect. On that episode, none of the guys were Mr. Perfect. I didn’t bother trying to find out what happened the following weeks.

Actually, I know a woman who was that obsessed with having a fairy tale wedding. She would discuss wedding plans any time she went on a date. She thought every guy she met was Mr. Perfect-For-a-Wedding and scared off a lot of guys by doing that. She didn't want to waste time by dating for a while. She wanted to get on the fast lane to the altar.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 4
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/23/2012 6:12:27 PM
Take it slow, go one step at a time... But if you're only looking for a good time, don't waste sometimes time who is looking for something serious
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 5
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/23/2012 7:20:09 PM
I met a woman from another dating site and on the first meet, she said she was looking for marriage and if I wasn't on the same page with marriage in mind, there's no point wasting her or my time. I was attracted to her and could see us being in a relationship, but when she gave an ultimatum, I was turned off and didn't contact her after. I am not opposed to marriage or some form of long term relationship, but I don't want to be pressured into an either-or situation. I would prefer to date someone and let nature take its course, however long that takes. The only true test of a relationship is time. Instant love to get to the altar doesn't work for me.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 6
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Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/23/2012 9:11:48 PM
I have recently altered my profile to make it clear I'm looking for a committed long-term relationship. I've known for a long time that's ultimately what I want. However, I keep allowing myself to get involved with men with whom there is no possibility of that happening. Now, it's not that I expect instant relationship, but if a guy is checking me out and there's *no* possibility of that in the future, he should just pass me by. And I need to pass him by. Because otherwise, I'm wasting his time and if I get involved with him, he's going to be one more guy on my list of interesting but temporary guys.

It doesn't mean that you expect that when you meet this person you're instantly thinking about marriage. Of course you want to get to know someone. But that's part of the point - taking the time to really get to know them and bringing it out in front if there are reasons why it's not a possibility. They could be completely closed to the idea, they could be leaving the country in three months.

So, in my own case, at this point, if I know there's no possibility of marriage down the line, I'm going to move on to the next.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 7
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Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:19:09 AM
I think it's good to be honest about what you're looking for. Why waste time with someone who is a commitment phobe? It doesn't make one desperate or in a hurry. If that's the case, then it's understandable to be scared off. There's a difference.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 8
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Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:44:11 AM
lol.... I think the STD's was Save the Date.... not a sexually transmitted disease......

I think it was meant to be funny... not offensive....



on topic.... I think that words in a profile are not generally reality..... I agree with those who say I would rather have someone who is looking for commitment than someone who avoids it....
 albert496
Joined: 10/7/2005
Msg: 9
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Asking for what you want
Posted: 4/24/2012 4:26:39 PM
As someone who is looking to get married,
I don't want to invest my time and energy with someone who does not.

Certainly, I would first want to spend enough time with a woman
to have reason to believe that we are a good match.

If you ask for what you want , you might not get it,
but if you DON'T ask for what you want, you are not likely to get it.
 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 10
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Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/24/2012 4:36:28 PM
If I am going to drive to Canada, and I am seeking someone to go with me, should I advertise simply that I am going around the block ? To Washington D C ? To NYC ? How about in a barrel over Niagra Falls ?

HONESTY is the best policy. Remember the Golden Rule.

So if you DON'T express what your intentions are, or if you DO... either way, you are , ' damned if you do, and damned if you don't.'

If someone sounds desperate, then someone who was previously interested, can change their mind. Good thing it's a free country!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 11
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/24/2012 5:56:49 PM
Funny about this post OP, is that I just sent an email to a fellow poster about me being tired of this marriage,long term "goals" of a LOT of people out there, and the fairy tale expectations. Like just seconds ago. I'm sure I bypass most profiles here because of what women my age say on their profiles, with marriage "goal" being one of them.

I've lost too many people in the last 5 years not to understand that my life could easily be done tomorrow. Thus, I've become a believer in

<div class="quote">Dating should be fun in itself, let the future take care of the future.

And it really doesn't have to be just the "dating" part. It's every part of my life that I'm starting to laugh and giggle at. My health has improved immensely because of the laughing out loud part. I also get some pretty good stares and looks when I'm laughing all by myself,enough, that I laugh even more.

Pretty sure the men in the white suits are just around the corner,but I'm ready for the phuckers!!!!!
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 12
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:28:19 PM
I try to keep an open mind..

I am open to friendship thru LIFETIME COMMITMENT..

but.. not tomorrow.. lol.. give me some time willya?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 13
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:34:41 PM

I am open to friendship thru LIFETIME COMMITMENT..
but.. not tomorrow.. lol.. give me some time willya?


That's fine. So what are you doing on Saturday? Are you free that day?
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 14
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/24/2012 7:33:44 PM


That's fine. So what are you doing on Saturday? Are you free that day?


busy.. have my son.. lol..
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 15
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/25/2012 4:38:31 AM

Do you really truly think that anyone with a LTR, marriage etc as a goal is expecting that to be an immediate result after a couple dates?? That would be insane.


If we had a time machine you could jump in and go back and experince the things I have with woman around my age. It IS some scarey shiat. I hear alllllll this proclamations of how "independent" and "strong" these women are(from their mouths too!!!!!) and have found instead mostly,shy,scared little girls, afraid of being alone for the rest of their lives. Understandable that sometimes being "alone" is not all the comfortable,but it isn't the end of the world. Not by a long shot. In saying that though, they feel very "incomplete" without "another" around,so when somebody comes around that fills the void, they quickly "fall in love" or start another proclamation of how they "found the one".

And yes, I have a heard of a few men like this. Just a few though.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 16
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Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/28/2012 9:46:45 AM
I don't know if they are "pulling the cart before the horse".......
That was their INTENTION to look for a life partner, it means to me that they are SERIOUS ... but if that did not work out with someone for some reason ,then it can't be help that each of one has to move on ,until they find that "life partner"..
Connecting,attachment,bonding emotionally and physically you will know the person if s/he match your true feelings with no hidden greed,ect. motives. Me , I would try my luck on this ,and see what happen...........

I have read also stated on some people's profile ,that they want to date but nothing SERIOUS, it means to me, pay your own good time with me, and we'll do "bara boom bara bang " and don't expect emotional attachment and help when you are down,> I have no moral obligation with you and I am out.... Me, I don't want to invest my time to know this kind of person..
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 17
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/28/2012 12:27:26 PM
Too many people on POF can only see things as either black or white, with no shades of grey in between. These are people who are strictly husband/wife hunting and need a spouse by yesterday. When they are in contact with someone and the other person doesn't share the same views concerning immediate matrimony, they are accused of being perverted sex monsters. There's no in-between. You are either here to get married right now (the less desperate ones will wait until next weekend) or you are a sicko pervert wanting sex. Wanting to date (one or more persons) for a while to make sure you don't jump from the frying pan into the fire is so yesterday. In the world of the internet, everything moves at the speed of light. No wonder there were so many negative responses to the thread that dealt with the topic of starting out as friends first.
 qualityl
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 18
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/28/2012 12:38:39 PM
Mailman 999 I think writing information "to grow old with" means you are not a player! Lots of people read remarks in negative mind set. This does not reek of desperate! Just not a player! Maybe you had bad relations with woman, divorced, cheated on, or just a Pof player to make a statement like that!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 19
Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/28/2012 12:54:35 PM
^^^I think writing information "to grow old with" means you are not a player!


Exactly what I was referring to in the previous post-everything is considered as either black or white. In your mind, if someone doesn't use the "grow old with" catch phrase, it automatically means Player. There is no in-between. Maybe someone wants to take their time to make sure that they have the right "to grow old with" partner and not have a temporary "grow old with" partner.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 20
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Profiles that say “Looking for my life partner”, “Someone to grow old with”. Etc.
Posted: 4/28/2012 2:08:58 PM

I think "instant gratification what I want Now" "Looking for a quick hop in the sack,no string attached" someone to grow a few hours older with "instead.


LOL, "this is very nice and decent to say..............
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