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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Not sure what to make of this.....      Home login  
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 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Not sure what to make of this.....Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
he can be distant at times...He has a very demanding job and sometimes has to plan on when we see each other. It is a LDR and sometimes I get to spend only Friday eve due to his job demands.. I guess he assumes that everything is okay with me and this schedule


After one YEAR you have both established what to make of it by now.. What you have right now is likely what you will have next year, and the years after if you choose to keep it...

I bet he has a telephone but says he is soo busy he can't talk any evenings but when he is with you...
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 5
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Not sure what to make of this.....
Posted: 4/25/2012 7:25:07 AM
I don't think you can blame this on the long distance.

I've been in a long distance relationship for over 15 months, and we talk on the phone every day and working on spending more time as well as living together in the future.

It sounds as if you both have issues with communication and intimacy. He escapes into his work, and you into the arms of other men, apparently.

When I have an issue with my relationship, I talk to my man. When I feel lonely, I spend time with friends or do something else I enjoy.

If you can't talk to the man, you have nothing.

And one more observation, you state that you worry that your loneliness will take you away from somebody you care about. This indicates an unwillingness on your part to take responsibility for your actions. It's YOU who is making dates with other men, not some entity outside of yourself.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 11
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Not sure what to make of this.....
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:31:16 AM
So, you're manipulating him by telling him you're seeing other guys? And you're FORCED into juggling by which gun to your head, exactly?

Learn to communicate what your needs are directly, then you won't HAVE to manipulate and pretend it's all somebody else's fault.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
Not sure what to make of this.....
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:40:30 AM

Been seeing my man for almost a year... have met a few other men who want to see me often but I am on the fence about it.


If you're on the fence about staying with the guy or finding someone else who looks like a better deal, he is not your man, as you say. If the situation was reversed and he was dating others to see if there's a better deal than you, would you be OK with that? You would probably be on here b1tching about how all men are players and cheaters if he was looking elsewhere. You told him you miss him and want to spend more time with him. Do you expect him to quit his job to accommodate you? How did this all of a sudden become an issue after almost a year? You said the crazy work hours will go away soon, but you can't wait that long. Your best bet is to go find a man who's work schedule meets your approval.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 13
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Not sure what to make of this.....
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:56:10 AM
I'm confused. I just looked at your profile and it says you are single and looking for a long term relationship? So which is it...you are in a long distance relationship with someone or you aren't. You're actions -having a profile that says single - seems to be a greater indicator of your intentions than your words on this post.

What I was going to say before I saw your profile was that I thought you might have some difficulty expressing your needs directly "I care for you, I am lonely, this LD is hard on me, can we talk about this, I want to make this work...." it seems that you lean towards subtrefuge - playing cat and mouse games..... but now that I see your profile and then your post I think there are more complicated issues at hand.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 15
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Not sure what to make of this.....
Posted: 4/25/2012 9:36:30 AM
"I am just having conflict and need to know how to solve it."

The dating vortex is an opportunity...whether we like it or not...to shine a light on who we are. I suspect this is showing you that you have needs that are not being met and you don't know how to deal with it DIRECTLY. Regardless of how this situation pans out, you might benefit from a few therapy sessions to work out why it's so challenging for you to express your needs to a partner.

and here is the rub: "He thinks everything is great and it isn't." How could you possibly know what he thinks? Your failure to communicate is here...you jump to a conclusion without checking it out...therefore there is no room for working it out. Slow down...and say what you need to say for yourself....LISTEN to what he has to say...and allow the process of true communication to unfold.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 16
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Not sure what to make of this.....
Posted: 4/25/2012 9:43:13 AM
Why not tell him what you just told us? Why not let him date others, as you are, and just enjoy each other when together, or is it that you want and justify what your needs are, but expect him to not have any?

Long distance can and does become a tough way to have a relationship, unless you both set the ground rules for what will or will not be acceptable. If you want just this one man, then spend your time making sure that you are with him enough and he you, that being apart is just not a viable option. If you can not do that, then let him go and open yourself up to meeting others and knowing that he will be meeting others too.

Life is to short for all of this crap that you are handing yourself and this man. He seems very pragmatic, realistic, and like someone that cares for you but is not in love with you yet. Can you handle that or not? Is it a real relationship that you want or companionship and someone that you can be with day in and day out? What are you missing in your life, that you seem to need someone else to complete you? You need to expand your universe for living, loving, and enjoying life and what it has to offer in many ways...........And OP......treat this man the way you want to be treated, and do for him what you want him to do for you.......become a woman that will show your man the best of what he will have by the way you behave.

cd
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 20
Not sure what to make of this.....
Posted: 4/28/2012 5:43:20 AM
I personally agree with the posters. You are not being honest and the communication is poor.

Tell him what is going on; can't believe you would communicate with other men with no problem but then the guy you are dating you say little or nothing too.

You should be saying these things to him, not on a forum. Hope this works out.
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