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 AUTHOR
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Trying to Make a Relationship WorkPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
She's fantastic. Beautiful, smart, great income, responsible...everything I thought I ever wanted in a woman. We have been together for a year and a half. Only issue I have is that I'm finding I'm not particularly attracted to her.


Ok guy, so you SAY she is nearly perfect and beautiful like Mary Poppins but you don't feel attracted?? ( Send her to me please )


Maybe tell her to start acting like a biotch towards you instead of Shirley Temple, and THEN you might respond the same as you say you do repeatedly towards your Ex..


Do I try harder and hope those feelings come around later? Does that ever happen? I have no idea whats wrong with me...I just know it has nothing to do with any other women. Anybody else ever have thia issue? Does that special feeling come with time? I have a doubt.


Since you asked: Appears that your Ex hooks into those co-dependent deep-seated dramatic constant conflict issues you may have grown up with and think are "normal" to have in relationships... ( if not present you may try to cause the drama )...

I'm sure at some point they will be created in your current relationship for your ephemeral enjoyment unless you work through therapy to resolve your need for melodrama to have those "feelings of attraction" remembered from childhood observations of stressful/melodramatic role models around you...


 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 3
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Trying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/25/2012 1:32:09 PM
" Got devorced about 4 years ago. Since then i have had a wonderful string of amazing women in my life. About 3 really good ones that would have made any man happy to have. Every one of them ended the same way. I was not over my ex wife and always ended up dumping them whenever my ex saunter back into town. I relised how awful I was to do this and after my last break up with my ex decided to make a go at life without her for real. I think after all this time I am actually over her and I'm extremely happy for that.

Part of what helped me get past her is my current girlfriend. She's fantastic. Beautiful, smart, great income, responsible...everything I thought I ever wanted in a woman. We have been together for a year and a half. Only issue I have is that I'm finding I'm not particularly attracted to her. I want to be...I try to be, but it just doesnt seem to work. Any man would die to have this woman and thats why Im trying so hard to feel the way she does but its not working. And I think shes starting to see it. She does nothing wrong...ever. so unlike any woman I have ever known. And shes so in love with me. I dont know what to do. Do I try harder and hope those feelings come around later? Does that ever happen? I have no idea whats wrong with me...I just know it has nothing to do with any other women. Anybody else ever have thia issue? Does that special feeling come with time? I have a doubt."

Amuse me. Tell me why you have a Dating Profile, which clearly states that you are seeking a Long Term Relationship. We can start there.
 skarabians1
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 4
ying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/25/2012 1:35:38 PM
Maybe you are afraid to feel in case it ends badly. Maybe you are stuffing your feelings for the ex and aren't really over her.....Maybe you're bored and miss the drama?
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 6
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Trying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/25/2012 1:51:50 PM
I don't think my fellow is all that attracted to me, he claims to "think I'm cute" but my style and his past preferences are nothing alike. Oh well, I'll settle for cute.

I wasn't all that attracted to him at first. He looks like a... lol never mind. He's definitely got a style.

There are more important things in life. We understand this as we age. Don't look back for what you think is important...
You were wrong! lol

and Yes attraction can grow on you. I think he's sexy, adorable and cool looking now.
 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 12
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Trying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/25/2012 2:11:01 PM
" Amuse you? I have a dating profile because I'm a member here. And it states I'd like to be in a long term relationship because I would. I am actually trying to hang in there...its been a year and a half. I met her here on POF and imediately hid my profile. I still read the forums occationally. How else may I amuse you ma'am "

" Part of what helped me get past her is my current girlfriend.
She's fantastic. Beautiful, smart, great income, responsible...everything I thought I ever wanted in a woman.
We have been together for a year and a half."

Re read your statement above which I quoted. To help you out here... you state... MY CURRENT GIRL FRIEND, ...just in case you forgot. You have a Dating profile which seeks women for a long term relationship. In case you forgot.

Maybe you aren't paying as much attention as your year and a half long Girl Friend would, if SHE read YOUR DATING PROFILE, WHICH STATES THAT YOU SEEK A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. Another reference states ...THE GIRL I AM LOOKING FOR....

There are choices, and dating options when people list their profile intentions on this site. ONE of them is to make a profile statement that you are here for the forums only.

" Amuse you? I have a dating profile because I'm a member here. And it states I'd like to be in a long term relationship because I would."

With how many women at once ?

You must have me confused with someone else; I am a male.
 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 15
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Trying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/25/2012 3:02:28 PM
" By the way- your dad and I didn't stay married for the past 40 years because I still find him "attractive" - he's a slob and unappreciative of anything I do but I love him with all my heart and can't imagine a day without him in it."

I'm not a slob, and I am verbally, and in every other way, appreciative for what people do for me.

And I wish that more women were like you.

OP, I'm also old enough to be your Father. If you are trying to make your relationship work, you don't advertise for another...

You should take more PICTURES of yourself, and post them on your Profile.. so your G/F and all of her friends will better recognize you.

Why not show your proud POF Masterpiece to your G/F ? She's in the need to know.

And after you do that, learn, and practice The Golden Rule.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 25
Trying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/26/2012 1:58:50 AM
If the feelings aren't there then be honest and sensitive about it. If the feelings aren't there because you are still a puppy dog to your ex then there is huge issues.

Looks are not the key to attraction; it's everything. what worries me is that you have a history of doing this due to your ex.

The warm and fuzzy feelings are overrated. that's in the movies. You should be telling this person how you feel and talk it out. I hope things work out for you.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 26
Trying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/26/2012 1:59:55 AM

If you're bored, take the responsibility for creating some positive drama, rather than relying on negative drama to keep your interest.

I agree with jac; bored people are boring people in my book. I'm rarely if ever bored. It's not her job or everyone elses to entertain you. Make things happen
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 31
Trying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/26/2012 8:25:24 AM
Ask yourself these questions. Do you enjoy making love to this woman? Yes. No. Do you enjoy spending time with this woman? Talking, dining together, sleeping together? Do you think of her as having your children? Or growing old with this person?

There are three types of attraction. One is sexual, the other one is emotional, and the third one is spiritual.
The first one makes your body secrete the type of hormones that makes you feel happy and satisfied. The second one makes you feel like you need and cannot live without this person. Then the third one comes in and it gives you a feeling on interdependence.

The problem we have as humans is that we can feel all the three of them, but for different people, not the same one. So if you feel sexually attracted to her, but not in-love, then all you need is more time. If you do not feel that much sexual attraction towards her, but you do it because you like her, that is going to be a big problem because at one point you are both are going to desire a big sexual connection.

So, like other's said. You need to put your ex out of your mind. To do that start by not comparing, by not thinking about what you did with your ex, or how things would be. Put her out of your mind. Then look at the virtues that this new woman has. Also, realize that those emotions of closeness may take time to come by. You may have that internal mechanism that most guys have and that is to shield our emotions, particularly after we have been hurt very bad. Take your time, but realize that at some point you are going to have to open up.

But first you need to ask yourself a big question. Is it worth it to stay with this woman? It is okay to have doubts. But it's not okay to be in that relationship, when you don't think it is, if that is the case, you will not only make her very unhappy, but you will not be happy as well.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 34
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Trying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/26/2012 8:33:11 PM
I'm thinking this may have nothing to do with her (you are allowing your boundaries to be stretched beyond your comfort level, this is YOUR issue) so much as you are doing things you don't want to do. Now you are resenting it and yourself (for not speaking up) and this is causing you to feel less manly which is manifesting sexually.

Another way to put it..

You're attracted to her, that's not it, you are just not feeling attractive around her because you feel like you are giving up one of your balls to her. LOL.

Tell her that even though you would like to accommodate her wishes, it's time to stick to your plans as it is having a detrimental effect on the relationship.
Learn to say no!
 WD1094
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 41
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Trying to Make a Relationship Work
Posted: 4/30/2012 6:46:21 PM
Firstly you are here "actively seeking a relationship" so I guess you've already decided what to do. If your profile is hidden you can still change your status to "not single"

As men we need physical equals (or similar) in our lives or we are not content. So you are normal. We also need similarity in intellect and ethics or it won't last.

Let her go (but it seems you already did) for her own good, so she can find a guy who finds her attractive.
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