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 AUTHOR
 fall-blossom
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 2
Where am I going wrong..?Page 1 of 1    
This happens to me a lot. I have met guys where there was a mutual connection and even a nice goodbye kiss. Afterward, I wouldn't hear back. Just the other day I was having a phone conversation and the guy invited himself over and I declined and for some reason while I was talking he hung up on me and never wrote to apologize.

I have no clue what is going on here. Imo the men who appeared to be attracted to me wanted a better deal or already had it and were going on mini-adventures. When I am on dates I don't talk about my exes or anything that would make a person run.

I have been stood up once and the guy still wanted to meet me. As if that was going to happen...! I have had cancellations of dates by men as well at the last minute and two men did this twice. The third time I told them it wasn't working and that would be it.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 4
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/25/2012 3:53:01 PM
"Do you guys just like collecting yeses?"

I guess there might be a group of guys like that, would be about the same for women who seem to interested then go "poof"!

"Just honestly curious as to what's happening here."

Well I consulted my POF crystal ball and decoder ring, and came up with a number of possibilities!

Some are married and just flirting with the idea of an affair.
Some are kids pranking the adults.
Some are living with a GF, and when their plans get changed, they kill the meet.
Some are communicating with mulitple women, and maybe one they liked more, finally said yes.
Some heard some inoccuous thing you said, as a red flag and bailed.
Some lost interest, for some unknown reason.

Ahhhh...do I need to go on? The sad truth is we never know why people flake or poof, they just do. I've had probably 20 women since the first of the year, start a convo, or send me an email..we start the back and forth, then it just stops cold.

Now unlike you, 80% of time, I know the reason. Doesn't change a thing that I do. All it shows is an intolerance for one thing, that didn't mean I wasn't fun, the exchanges great or that I would turn out to be something else. It just relates quite a bit to this medium of communication. I always respond to all emails, even some pretty ugly ones I get.

Now most on here don't. They believe "no response" equals a no, and therefore is acceptable. If that is so, is that much of a stretch to think when they break things off abruptly, that you should understand they are not interested anymore or you are dismissed?
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 5
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/25/2012 3:54:42 PM
The first thing you are doing wrong is talking to these other guys instead of me. But that's OK because you are in the UK and I am in the US.

Guy 1: Just wanted a phone # to post on the men's room wall at Heathrow.

Guy 2: Married, and his wife caught him in the middle of the chat.

Guy 3: Was run over by a lorry after the last email.


I'm not a loon.


No, but it looks like you ran into a string of them.
 Not just a member
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 8
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/25/2012 5:53:33 PM
You are not wrong; they are. Accept that ... then move on.
 pureblisscatch4u
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 13
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/25/2012 7:16:37 PM
This happens to me all the time. I thought it was just me. I even talked to one guy about how guys disappear as soon as I give them my number. He promised he wouldn't and, guess what he did? Eharmony is THE WORST for this that I've found. I often wonder if these guys are just nutless pu$sies, but then what's the point of them joining a dating site? I guess this explains why they're still single, but it still sucks and is an annoying waste of time.
 thewhowhobrokethepot
Joined: 12/16/2011
Msg: 15
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/25/2012 7:26:04 PM
You are probably right in thinking they had other offers, but not necessarily "better" and hardly "last minute". I don't think they were e-mailing you only.
Maybe they abruptly realized you are not looking for games, and that was what they wanted. Who knows?
Just keep looking, you'll find your own.
Consider the douchebags just momentary side effects.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 16
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:57:39 PM
"I don't think they were e-mailing you only."

Yeah...well emailing only one gal works out so well for us guys! lol

Just a thought for you "selective" ladies. You maybe getting 4 or 6 emails a day...many guys go weeks without one, further they email you, and get either the read/delete or unread/delete about 9 out of 10 times. So if a guy wants a simple dinner date with a woman for some friday night, he has to write 50 women, even then, he is not guaranteed a date.

Now I don't subscribe to this..I do pretty well, almost a 33% response rate. I only write 6 or 8 women a month at most. Though I am willing to sift through a few women, to find one right for me.

Many guys however...would just like to see this place work and produce a date for friday night, with someone they are attracted to. So yeah...that means they will contact more than one woman. Now how is that different than women getting multiple emails from 5 guys...per day? So 5 days in she may have responded to your intial email, but now she has 20 more to choose from...maybe one of them interests her more.

No different than guys thinking this is a dating ATM, are women who think "I will select the best one and dain to grace him with my presence!" Just a fact of life in the online meeting world...
 thewhowhobrokethepot
Joined: 12/16/2011
Msg: 18
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/25/2012 9:51:29 PM
@OyVay, message 17

The OP wants to "produce" a date for each Friday night since now on to the end of times, with the same man each time. Capisce?
Producing a date for Friday night with whoever fits the bill for the moment might work for you and the three musketeers she just mentioned, but not for everyone. But thanks for the theory of numbers, it sheds light onto yet another solution OP should consider for her problem.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 19
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/25/2012 10:36:15 PM
I "capisce" quite well!

"Producing a date for Friday night with whoever fits the bill for the moment might work for you and the three musketeers she just mentioned, but not for everyone."

Well aren't you just full of pithy comments!

Perhaps you and the OP, should just truddle off to a marriage agency and avoid dating altogether and get to the end product right away? I realize there is a segment of the population on here, who's first and ONLY option is a full time committed LTR. Sorry...we don't sell those here...you gotta go through the steps of meeting first, then dating and finally if all works right..yes you get a LTR.

I'm sorry you find my giving her input from a man's POV on what happens, to be somehow...unhelpful..perhaps she will see that differently, only time and a return post from her will tell.

But thanks for playing anyway!
 Mjs92882
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 20
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:33:29 AM
I totally agree with this post.... I read how girls are treated horrible buy men, very guarded... I'm a great guy, looking for a legit girl that im attracted to. I've had a few messages from women that I'm not a match for, but literally over 100 messages I've sent to girls that I think I match with, I can't get a reply.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 24
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/26/2012 10:40:22 AM

well i was offering two FREE , three seater sofas a while ago, everybody wanted them, but no one could be bothered to come and pick them up,{ SORRY THE'VE GONE NOW }but it did take a while, funny things human beings


Exactly.
I want , I want, I want.......now deliver it to me on a silver platter......
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 27
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:22:54 PM

Now most on here don't. They believe "no response" equals a no, and therefore is acceptable. If that is so, is that much of a stretch to think when they break things off abruptly, that you should understand they are not interested anymore or you are dismissed?


I had that happen recently. A guy I really thought got along well with me. But for any number of reasons decided I wasn't the "one" for him after a few dates, but forgot to tell ME. He just left me hangin, to make a chump over myself as I continued emailing him, unaware that his signalling busyness was the brush-off, not the busy easter weekend work duties he claimed.
Or maybe I was being dismissed! lol

Anyway, it sucked royally.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/26/2012 7:53:14 PM
I had an outstanding date once.
I thought she was outstanding. She was beautiful, fun, had tons in common with me, was visibly excited about meeting me, stayed longer than she said she would because she loved the time she spent with me and told me about the stuff she wanted to discuss on our second date which she said she couldn't wait for...
...and then she never talked to me again.

This left me with 2 options:
A) Ask myself why over and over and be miserable about it.
B) Move on. There's tons of other fish in the sea.

I went with B.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 30
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/27/2012 12:09:33 AM
You need to have your married man radar working. Ask to webcam and talk on the phone before you agree to even meet or chat further . They are just playing around and dont really want to meet you I would say. I think some guys think that having a contact list makes them desirable in some way. That abrupt ending you mentione was because the wife or partner walked in, I would say.
 okfinewhateva
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 33
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/27/2012 11:30:24 AM
You have to realize POF is nuts. About a week ago , a female sent me a message and I responded . She said she hated chatting on this site and what could we do ? I offered her my phone number and she gave me hers, all the time acting very interested in me. I tried calling her four times ( once when she was online) after asking when would be a good time to reach her. Got a couple of messages about how she had a new phone and it didn't work right,blah , blah, blah. I sent her a message back saying her complicated phone does have a keypad and perhaps she should call me as my phone works just fine. She proceeds to log into the site but I never heard from her again. Oh well , you run across people like that on both sides of the fence. Another female contacted me afterwards, we had some great conversations and will be meeting tonight. No big loss on the other one. If you take anything on here personally , you would probably need an extended stay in the local padded cell at a mental institution of your choice .
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 40
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/27/2012 10:14:24 PM
Most people here are free dting, because they hav eto.

They're cruel, angry, and broke. (IN some other order)

Take it as it is; human value out here is not so high.

Sad; but true.

It'snot you; it IS them.

Stay careful; but human :P)
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 41
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/28/2012 12:36:03 AM
People niherrently distrust off of the internet. Its base emotion; withno chemistry/humanity to make you someone who deserves humanity.

This is why there are non robot love stories; they dont exist.

Add chemistry, like real life proximity, even a human voice; and it all changes.

This is as fa away from dating; while still keeping contact with others as dating can be.

Literallly.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 42
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/28/2012 5:36:07 AM
Probably lying big time on their profiles so cant afford to make that physical meet.
 cooldude29006
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 43
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History
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/28/2012 6:38:42 AM
Hi. My name is Matt and I don't think you are going wrong anywhere. I think that it's rotten what those fools did to you. I know how you feel though because I'm in a similar situation myself. The only difference is I didn't get to meet any of mine face to face. I have had several women act all interested and then they just quit corresponding with me completely. Of course by then they have gotten my hopes up. The most recent one was corresponding with me vai e-mail. She asked me to text her, but I don't have texting capability and I e-mailed her saying so. I said how about we keep e-mailing each other, and I haven't heard from her since. It's weird because she gave me her phone number for texting, but I don't want to call it because I'm scarred of getting her angry. So once again I'm dropped like a hot rock. Well I hope things change for you and you meet a good guy. Good single men are out there it just seems like their are so many idiots which are both male and female.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 47
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:02:10 PM
I have no clue what is going on here. Imo the men who appeared to be attracted to me wanted a better deal or already had it and were going on mini-adventures. When I am on dates I don't talk about my exes or anything that would make a person run.


It seems like it may have all been worth it for you.

This guy you didnt infect sounds like a match.

And remember; hippies not just in the dress, it's in the heart and soul lady.

:)

Truly.

The only difference is I didn't get to meet any of mine face to face.


That sometimes hurts more friend.

USe many methods to date. Stay strong and good.


It's weird because she gave me her phone number for texting, but I don't want to call it because I'm scarred of getting her angry


*cough*

Use it
 trh1268
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 5/2/2012 8:02:36 AM
I don't believe in dating more than 1 woman in the same period, i like to date one lady, if it does not work out, i go to the next person. I am a firm believer in second dates - a second chance to make a first impression.
 Boulder County Gal
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 50
Where am I going wrong..?
Posted: 5/2/2012 3:17:35 PM
"Dain" having generally fallen out of use in the English language is mostly used today only in its negative form, "disdain". However, "dain" is making a comeback among teens and twenties.

great + dain (admiration, adoration, adulation, awe, esteem, respect, reverance).

VINCE VAUGHN: Jennifer, I look upon you with great dain! And Brad was a ****ing retard to dump a red hot angel like you for a red hot slut like Anjolina. They'll probably die of AIDS while we live happily ever after.
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