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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?      Home login  
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 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 1
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
There seems to be a lot of fishing going on, but more of the catch and release variety.

Meaning men seem to be very aggressive about getting that first meet set up.

Maybe the first date.

But then nothing, disappear.

After the ago of 40 a man's sex drive starts to decline, while a woman's sex drive is really at it's peak.

So if we men do have to get down to business in bed, that is when we are expected to perform. Perhaps a lot of men would rather play the game but not put their manhood to a real test. Take it far enough to know they could have scored, but not have to have any performance anxiety.

Could this explain what is going on with a lot of no shows and disappearing acts by men?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 2
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:08:19 AM

There seems to be a lot of fishing going on, but more of the catch and release variety.

Meaning men seem to be very aggressive about getting that first meet set up.

Maybe the first date.

But then nothing, disappear.

After the ago of 40 a man's sex drive starts to decline, while a woman's sex drive is really at it's peak.

So if we men do have to get down to business in bed, that is when we are expected to perform. Perhaps a lot of men would rather play the game but not put their manhood to a real test. Take it far enough to know they could have scored, but not have to have any performance anxiety.

Could this explain what is going on with a lot of no shows and disappearing acts by men?


It means one of the two wasnt 'feeling' it.

To say the reason for 'all of the disapearances' is because men over 40 cannot really get it up, is a tad insulting to men.

If the two involved are keen on seeing the other, no one disappears.

You cannot base reality on what you see in the forums. Hardly anyone ever starts a thread to broadcast 'good news'...and only a small percentage of pof users even know the forums exist. That would be like basing how the entire population likes/dislikes cars, on a forum about cars. The forum would be full of issues being reported and someone COULD deduce that the population as a whole, doesnt like cars. That is just not so.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 3
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:10:52 AM
After the ago of 40 a man's sex drive starts to decline, while a woman's sex drive is really at it's peak.


This is a myth.

The only factual evidence is that men's hormone levels tend to peak between the ages of 17 and 22, whereas for women it is between 30 and 35. What this data does not tell you is how the relative peaks affect the individual's sex drive, or the rate at which they decline. Also, the variation from individual to individual is very large.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 4
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:16:53 AM
So the talk about so many men over 45 being coach potatoes is also a myth?

Decreases in hormone levels always cause a decrease in general energy levels, and around 45 men become much more selective about who they date. I am not saything they cannot get an errection, but it is no longer on demand.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 5
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:20:39 AM
I don't know where you get your information, but I doubt it supports the conclusions you are drawing.

There are male couch potatoes, but there are also female couch potatoes. There is no empirical evidence that I've seen to support the theory that one gender is more prone to being sedentary than the other.

The fact that hormone levels reach their peak at different ages between the genders says nothing about the height of those peaks. For example, the highest peak in California is significantly higher than the highest peak in Florida. When a hiker is 75% of the way down from the highest peak in CA, he is still at a much higher altitude than the hiker in FL still standing on the highest peak.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 6
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:27:48 AM
femaleconnection, it's tricky basing anything on forums. Mostly becuase the group doesn't represent the general population.

Things like sales of viagra do track age I am sure.

Partly I am basing this on how I felt after 50 and how I felt after I got hormone treatments at 58. It was like night and day, after talking the hormone it was almost like I was 25 sexually. At one point it got annoying.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 7
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:30:05 AM
Paderic. actually the evidence is that men are more likely to exercise than women. The data on married men is that they have a lot larger decline in exercise time Vs women. Like it was men exercise 3 hours less after being married while women exercise 1 hour less after being married.

But men still spent more time in the gym.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 8
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:53:51 AM
Kayla58 I am not looking for a relationship, but how else could I relate my personal experience? I am sure this doens't make me a more desireable "date". If a women was only interested in sex, there are plenty of younger, stronger men that are quite willing to fill that need.

I am pretty sure it ties into men not chasing women as hard as they used to, couch potato, ect.

In my mind it isn't the question of does a decline in ability happen, that would seem to be without question. At what age does it happen and how does it affect relationships? And I believe there is always a mental desire for sex.

I think it is a valid quesition and explains a lot of what goes on.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 9
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:54:09 AM

Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?


Op,i can only relay to you what *my* experiences were when i was actively dating and that was that ALL the men i met (aged 39-54)were very interested in sex.
ALL OF THEM
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 10
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:00:43 AM
If it were all to do with could's, then guys would stick around long enough to get our rocks off, regardless if she's satisfied with his performance or not & then disappear.

Not a very realistic theory, especially coming from a man, unless of coarse he speaks from personal experience.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 11
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:02:06 AM
Pinky, there is interested in sex, and then there is ability. Do you believe that when a women is sexually aggressive or demanding, it helps or hurts a man's ability in bed?

It would only take a few failures to launch to discourage further attempts.

But a negative answer to a question is also a valid reason to ask, maybe something else is going on. Forum men complain a lot about the women's movement, maybe that is it.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 12
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:06:54 AM
I see no proof of this, given the amount of women who complain men are only after sex. In fact, by your logic, women would be initiating more dates in that age range and, again, I've seen no proof of this.

I have to agree with Kayla, the reasoning does not hold up.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 13
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:09:19 AM
Kayla58, the fact that I don't make dates with men means I can only ask a question on a forum. So your experience is men are about the same sexually after 50 as before 30?

This type of question won't make me pesonally any more of a attractive date. Women can always find sex with a younger man if that is what she wants.

But I see many women think a man's disappearing act on the second date or failure to show up at all is her fault. Maybe it isn't?

Most of the evidence is anecdotal. Surely viagra sales should be considered objective?
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 14
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:23:37 AM
Pinky, there is interested in sex, and then there is ability. Do you believe that when a women is sexually aggressive or demanding, it helps or hurts a man's ability in bed?


Dragon,id assume that if a man wasn't turned on by an aggressive,sexually demanding woman,then that would very likely cause him anxiety problems :(
'Twas interesting to read you'd had hormonal treatment (something im quite ignorant about in relation to men?)and that it made you feel "good".

Horny
LOL
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 15
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:58:34 AM
Pinky127, it's true I initially got those treatments in 2009 because I was sleeping with a women who was 34, and it was just easy to get treatment in Bangkok. Just a couple of tests like PSA, EKG and levels of hormones in the blood, next day get a shot. In the USA a doctor would likely draw all that out for 6 weeks and charge 5 times more.

But regardless of the affects on libido, it helps create a lot more energy. So I would continue them even if I never dated again. It was the energy boost that really pleased me.

At first it was weird and too much, I cut back on levels of hormone and now I feel like I am on the lower side of libido. For a period of time it was annoying because after I left bangkok and wasn't dating anyone.

Think what you will, just telling my experience and how it seems to relate to other men. I know from experience most men won't do anything about it.

People did ask what was the question based on, personal experience or statistical data. A little of both.

ciao, got to get back to what I do to attempt to make money.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 16
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:12:53 AM

People did ask what was the question based on, personal experience or statistical data. A little of both.


Extrapolating the personal experience of an individual to 50 million men is about as statistically unsound as it gets. The scant data cited thus far has absolutely no connection to the hypothesis.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 17
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:52:21 AM
Yes, just with the right woman.

Well, us older guys might just as well ALL come on here and billboard like the OP..
Except some of us DON'T need any chemical enhancement injections, pills or any kind, just good old-fashioned regular cardio-vascular exercise, healthy diet and vitamins...
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 12:11:14 PM
Like many women who use sex to get someone, many men act like they want and can perform sex on a daily basis even multiple times. Often it's just the bait. Some men do want sex, a lot, some men do at first, many men taper off...just like many women.

What to look for is not so much how often but how good is the sex. Multiple times a day at 1 min. intervals is not what most people are looking for...but then again, some are.

I'm sure a lot of men (and women) disappear because they can't live up to their bragging.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 19
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 12:18:31 PM

There seems to be a lot of fishing going on, but more of the catch and release variety.

Meaning men seem to be very aggressive about getting that first meet set up.

Maybe the first date.

But then nothing, disappear.

My take is...many men have been emotionally drained by previous relationships & ONLY want a new relationship & all the work that it entails if "she is hot"...


After the ago of 40 a man's sex drive starts to decline, while a woman's sex drive is really at it's peak.
Word has it there are plenty of horndogs in their 40's & 50's that can out perform a 20 something year old. Can't reveal my source though ;0P


So if we men do have to get down to business in bed, that is when we are expected to perform. Perhaps a lot of men would rather play the game but not put their manhood to a real test. Take it far enough to know they could have scored, but not have to have any performance anxiety.

Could this explain what is going on with a lot of no shows and disappearing acts by men?
There are plenty of men & women who enjoy sex as an extension of their emotions towards eachother, not as a Ron Jeremy(hurl) /Jenna Jameson encounter! Don't perpetuate the myth of all this humpin' & bumpin'...the average couple is more about companionship. Perhaps if men focussed more on the entire package in a woman, rather than "hot", they could have a mature, satisfying relationship.
Quite a few years ago when I was on a dating streak in pay sites, if the date went well & the guy was "nice" I naively would invite them in for coffee. They all accepted, & when I'd walk into the kitchen & get the coffee pot, they looked shocked. I was so dumb, I had no idea what they were REALLY thinking. So, I'd make coffee & we'd talk...many of the men would get emotional about their ex-wife or late wife & CRIED. Usually, they'd end up petting my cats, or looking @ my old HS yearbook, etc. Everytime, I got this response: when you 1st invited me in, I thought it was for sex. But this was BETTER than sex. I needed to talk to someone & now I feel better. You made me feel at home. Thank you...the majority of them went out w/ someone else for sex after that & got into a relationship & would email me to tell me & thank me. I was like a free freaking therapist! After 3 years of this, I was like wait- I WANT A RELATIONSHIP FOR ME, not to help the guy for the next chick...
So some men think the other half is having all this hot nasty sex, not really. granted there are plenty who are capable, but I think those are the ones who go thru many partners in a short time, while everyone else plays it slow & steady.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 20
Men over 40 REALLY want a Soulmate! Too late?
Posted: 5/1/2012 12:22:37 PM
The reason I mentioned hormones and my own personal experience is because I never quite realize how different it would be, and it was relevant. Mostly difference in energy, but also libido.

Declines in hormone levels are very gradual, and it becomes part of normal life. Now if I were to stop TRT I would notice the difference immediately.

Tuxqueot
To me, sex is the bonus of a long term relationship, not the point of it .... I no longer "need" to procreate … sex is a way to be intimate and connect with a woman .… So every day, if she wants, once or twice a week if she wants


Sex is just a lot of fun, but I would never agree to a LTR if sex were the point of it. Not sure about every day for how long, like every day for 6 months, I have my doubt about that? In a relationship I would normally have other things that also need to get done, but have to get back to you on that. At first 4-5 times in one day happens after an absence, , but surely not for every day.


Paddy_o_Lantern

LTR of 10 yrs went through my ex's peak years sexually. Yes there were numerous times when she was raring to go and I was disinterested but there were also many times I was rigged and ready I have to say it was somewhat refreshing to be the one saying thanks but no thanks to sex for a change. I think most men go through thier younger years usually being the ones to initiate sex and it can be a bit of a surprise when they are with a woman who wants it more than they do. I guess I can count myself lucky that being ready for sex at the appropriate time without help from meds has seldom been a problem for me


A man can't be on call all the time on demand, but as we all know, there is more than one way to skin a cat, or satisfy a women. If you have a good relationship, that is never really a concern.

TALL-IQ2
Yes, just with the right woman. Well, us older guys might just as well ALL come on here and billboard like the OP.. Except some of us DON'T need any chemical enhancement injections, pills or any kind, just good old-fashioned regular cardio-vascular exercise, healthy diet and vitamins...


I do cardio average 40 minutes a day, healthy diet and vitamins.

Try and google the benefits of testosterone replacement for men.

“testosterone-replacement therapy in men, reports indicate that TRT may produce a wide range of benefits for men with hypothyroidism that include improvement in libido and sexual function, bone density, muscle mass, body composition, mood, erythropoiesis, cognition, quality of life and cardiovascular disease. in lean muscle mass, energy, mood, skin elasticity, blood pressure, libido and stamina.

If you are a Jehovah's Witness I can understand your desire to avoid medical science and want to go all natural.

PlentyofThrowbacks
Men over 40 REALLY want a Soulmate! Too late? Of course men over 40 want sex but it is only an option after getting to know the partner for a future relationship. I doubt that catch and release is just based on 'impotence'. Despite how one can click with someone on the internet, meeting in person is the real deal and your gut feeling may just say no. IMO, most mens' sex drive decreases a little. Just enough to allow his brain to finally make all the decisions. If you are indirectly projecting your fear of 'impotence' based solely on the "butterflies" that can affect most people when engaging in sex with a new partner, then I would suggest that you 'brake' and/or 'detour' any progression to the bedroom until you feel totally comfortable. Also, inform your partner of your willingness to have a serious relationship and that sex gives you the butterflies. An understanding partner, looking for love, would have no problem building a relationship on that. Other than that, there could be too many factors going on to explain "no shows" and "disappearing acts". A lot could be happening in the mans' life that concerns him . . . . There's more to life that keeps people unattached
than the fear of sexual performance... <-- But ouch, if that is the problem....
doubt it is that widespread though....


All true, I wonder if there are any stats on no shows that include age? Are younger men more or less likely to be a no show.

First time sex is always good, but once that happens it depends on how well we match up, chemistry if you will.

Soulmates make a huge difference in one's sex life, so I 100% agree with that. No hormone in the world would improve my sex with a women if we didn't click already. I have already experimented with that. I believe I am more sensitive to having a good emotional connection (chemistry) to my partner than most men, and is the reason I don't peruse casual sex Vs a LTR.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 21
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 12:27:07 PM
Well OP, I still cannot figure out where your hypothesis came from, but all I can tell you is that I only date older men, always have. Ive only had 1 man do the 'no show-dissappearing' act in all the years Ive been using online dating and Ive never dated a man who couldnt get it up. In fact, they were/are like horny teenagers who could not get enough. (thankfully!!)
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 22
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 12:39:37 PM

Could this explain what is going on with a lot of no shows and disappearing acts by men?

This:

Ive only had 1 man do the 'no show-dissappearing' act in all the years Ive been using online dating and Ive never dated a man who couldnt get it up. In fact, they were/are like horny teenagers who could not get enough. (thankfully!!)

I date men who are over 40 but under 50. In the past 8 years (since I started dating men 40+) I've known only one man who needed little blue pills and he and I weren't intimate, so I don't know how serious of an issue he truly did have. I've never had a poofer post-sex. I've had plenty of one-n-dones. But no no-shows. JMO
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 23
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 12:41:38 PM

OP:I think it is a valid quesition and explains a lot of what goes on.

Questions don't explain things. Questions seek information.

Information could be used to formulate a theory. And a theory could 'explain a lot of what goes on'. You've just streamlined the process a bit.
 okfinewhateva
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 24
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 3:59:03 PM
In a word , yes we do!
 WD1094
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much?
Posted: 5/1/2012 4:12:16 PM
Seems the people on here begging for logic have none of their own. They misinterpret everything said and answer questions never asked or reiterate points never mentioned. Like when the OP say "a lot of men" and it's interpreted as "all men" .. that stuff is just stupid.

BUT back to the OP.. I really doubt men are not showing up because they are afraid they cannot perform. Firstly we rarely perform on the first date, so why would anyone fear that. In fact the first few dates are usually pretty tame if you are sincerely interested. Although date number 3 usually makes things happen that we didn't plan on if the chemistry is there. I'm happy to say I don't have ED.. maybe men who have that know they cannot perform on a given day and that embarrasses them. Having this discussion once with a group of people a girl said.." it's ok if a guy has a performance issue but not on the first try, it's a real turn off if he cannot do it the first time"... That was her opinion anyway

To keep yourself in the game.. eat honey , niacin, raw turnip and turmeric daily. and just before hopping into bed.. eat something sweet... it gets things going real good.

I think if people googled your theory on males sex drive dwindling and female drive increasing.. they would find that you are correct.

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