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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What does i need space actually mean      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 4
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What does i need space actually meanPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Glitzy, you're right...it's over. He's not being truthful and wants to avoid confrontation/having to explain himself. If he says that he "needs space" he can ease his way out of the relationship, hoping it will just fizzle from lack of future communication.

MrsF
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 5
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:55:34 AM

We dont see each other often just every other week .
How could he possibly need MORE space?

Good on you for leaving him alone. Just get on with your life now. Either he will call you and want to continue/restart and you can decide then if you want to, or he won't call you.

Personally, "I need space" is right up there with "let's take a break". It's just the cowardly way out of a relationship.

Don't join him in his game. Just get on with you life and leave him wondering why you never begged him to keep seeing you.
 WD1094
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 7
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What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:58:56 AM
He never was sincerely interested. I know this because if he was.. this wouldn't be happening now and secondly he would have wanted to see you much more often than you were seeing him. People who are sincerely interested want to see each other multiple times a week, not once a week or every two weeks (that was my first clue).

He played you and told you what you wanted to hear. If here sincerely interested he would be begging to keep you not saying "I need space".. "I need space" is just a BS line that means i'm interested in someone else and if that does not work I'll come back to you.

Move on .. NO contact so you can get over him quicker.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 10
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:07:43 AM
It is usually the last stop before a breakup...however, depending on how you react to this-things can change.

If you drop him totally, he may miss you and try to see you again. If you send him messages, he will 'know he made the right choice' and officially end things.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 11
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:07:51 AM
Women are terrible at hiding their emotions & I suspect your gut feelings were known to him already. Quizzing him in such a manner over the cancelled arrangements was icing on the cake in his mind. Since there's no other it can only mean he sensed & then saw a side of you that totally turned him off. I need space is man speak for backing away. I think he had much more to say during the break up conversation & for some reason your not giving us all the info.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 12
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:14:28 AM
It means, "Leave me the F--- alone."
 WD1094
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 14
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What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:24:36 AM
"I came along not his type at all but i "made him so happy" i dont understand how you can change your mind so quickly "

He didn't change his mind. He was never interested to begin with. He was using you for sex and he told you things you wanted to here. IF he wanted more than sex he would have seen you more than every two weeks.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 16
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:27:12 AM
You joined this site mid March to try it out for a week or so, then say you have been
seeing a guy for a while now
...Here we are only 6 weeks later and you say
We dont see each other often just every other week

So how many times have you been together? Three/four times maybe?
He's either married or in a relationship with someone else (Probably has his children on the weekends that he doesn't see you).

Then this week the rug was pulled right from feet
.....You are the rug or more so the door mat.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 11:59:36 AM
As a person who needs their space, I could easily go a whole week without talking or seeing someone I was dating and not be thinking of breaking up or losing interest. I like my alone time, if that is a problem for someone they shouldn't date me, because we would not be compatible.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 29
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 3:14:53 PM
Definitely over. As a woman who needs a lot of space and a guy tells me that one, I tell them that they have it with me, they just need a better line.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 30
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 3:15:22 PM
Darned double post. Excuse me.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 31
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What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 7:44:45 PM
When a man says he "needs space" it usually means you are intruding into some sort of emotional safety zone. Perhaps you seem to be getting more emotionally involved than he wants, or just getting there faster than he is comfortable with. It could mean you seem to be wanting something he can't give you, or doesn't want to give -- perhaps now, possibly ever. With most men the "intrusion" involves emotional involvement and commitment, but with a few (probably very few) it could be that the physical side of the relationship is moving too quickly.

And it isn't unheard of for a man to use the "needs space" line in order to break off a relationship because he has lost interest in his current lady and wants to end the relationship without hurting her more than necessary -- or even to give him an opportunity to pursue a different woman without "stringing you along". (This sort of guy is at least somewhat ethical; a full-blown jerk would go after both of you at the same time!)
 RD2112
Joined: 8/7/2010
Msg: 32
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 8:04:07 PM
I have another twist on this and this is from personal experience...it was me saying it. I was in a relationship and things were going good. Too good too fast. I was falling for someone too quick and had to put the brakes on. We only saw each other when we could and agreed to take things slow. We got physical and it was an awesome experience since we complimneted each other. I had to ask for a little space and time to think. I needed to make sure why I wanted to be with her... for the sex, her personality, so I wouldn't be lonely, am I moving too fast, is she the one, and u get the picture.

I learned that I really liked her but didn't love her. I was about to commit to a relationship that didn't have much more basis than getting our freak on. I was and to this day am very busy and it wouldnt have been fair to her anyways. We split up and she is now married.

The difference is, I told her exactly why I needed the space and she was a reasonable person and accepted it. I didn't even date for a few months after she moved on. Not bc I was distraught but bc I had to still figure out what Im going to do and how to do it better.

Im now a gigolo/pool boy/ aquarium cleaner...lol
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 34
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/1/2012 11:15:13 PM

We dont see each other often just every other week which we both agreed was great.


Curious how that relates to:


Ive not spoken now in a week and dont know what im exactly meant to be doing!!


Just out of curiosity, how often did you *talk* every week? Every day/night? Multiple times a day? Were you doing that silly texting stuff with him multiple times a day?

I ask because "space" doesn't necessarily mean "physical space" - lots of couples have their own "space", she might have her hobbies and him his, she has a room set aside for "her space" and he has the garage/workshop or something for "his space"... and neither probably wants their partner "in their space" all the time while they're trying to "do their thing" with their personal interest (not that you shouldn't/can't have interest in each others interests). But its more a bit of "emotional space" - which is why I ask, if you're talking every day, multiple times a day, texting all the time and expecting their immediate reply, etc - you can be 'distant' physically (in different homes even) and still not have "space".


So I tried to put him out of his misery


Which, if the above is maybe true, you were being part of his "misery" perhaps... not giving him some emotional space...


and said clearly its over ill make arrangements to collect my things.


... and then *you* ended it with an attitude...


"no i didnt say we were finished i just need time to myself to think something not quite clicking"


While the last part of that "something not quite clicking" could be taken as his own doubts about it working, the flip side of that is that you made that decision for him obviously - and if it were me thinking that I'd say "well, guess I was right, something wasn't clicking if she ended it".

Just an alternative viewpoint - the only way to really know would be for you to talk to each other, and I'll be honest, if someone ends it with me, then (in my mind) I'll generally leave it up to them to open the communication back up.
 Black_adonis71
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 36
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What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/2/2012 8:05:09 AM
Why are we sugarcoating the obvious. It simply means i want to see other people and do not want monkey wrench thrown into my wheels when i ride my bike..lol. It is the female version of saying i want to find myself..lol
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 39
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/2/2012 3:25:23 PM
What was that MoFo doing on the alternate weekends?

When I was naive & new to this, many years ago, I was scammed the same way...he was engaged to an older fugly but WEALTHY woman- I found out years later-while seeing me...sugar mama!

So I found their pix on FB & both looked old, aged, bloated & gross...I was tempted to email him & say how nice u have a pic of u & ur Mom up...but then thought it was not worth it...he got what he deserved, & I was spared!

So I realize now, when u get dumped, u r not losing, u r winning, cuz they were not worth it....

keep it moving u deserve to be more than someone who cleans out a guys pipes every other weekend...a man who is into you will want to be w/ u more often...more space when they see u only 2x a month? most people see their nail tech more often!
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 40
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What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/2/2012 4:43:02 PM
Op, if I had to wager a guess, I would say that he likes you, but that he shouldn't be dating you. Because I'm guessing he's still missing an ex. That kind of behavior is very consistent with someone who's not emotionally healed from a past relationship.
 tensail
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 42
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/3/2012 12:05:52 AM
it means ver reavaluating if vey want vis rel or ver sufferin mental health problems n arnt coping wit life- analysis n act acordingly, gl.
 WD1094
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 46
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MR. "I need space"
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:45:45 AM
To Msg 47.

I'm afraid your post is as dire as the OP. "I need space" has nothing at all to do with "I've not dated in a long time", "I'm confused", "I have to figure things out". Who walks around in such confusion when they are interested in someone? None of that makes any sense. He is flat out lying.

"I need space" is a lie that means: I'm interested in someone else and if that works out then you are history. When we are attracted to someone we want to believe they simple need space to sort things out but sort what out? Sort out that I'm not actually interested in you? Really it means sort out this other person I'm more interested in.

The fact that he decided to see you 3 out of 4 days lately just proves my points.. He didn't need space at all. Things didn't work out with the other person so he's back to you. He'll disappear again for a week or so when another person on here catches his eye. You are pretty and smart don't with waste your time with MR. "I need space"
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 51
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What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/4/2012 2:53:46 PM
This guy is the scum of the earth, if you love someone you dont want space, its nolonger his/her space and my space its "OUR" space when someone say they want their space they simply want to test the waters.........
 mrjon32
Joined: 3/26/2011
Msg: 55
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What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/5/2012 12:40:20 AM
It basically means GTFO.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 60
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:27:18 PM
when a man's words do not equal his actions, you look at his actions ONLY. His words are used to cover up his actions and how he really feels.

Of course he's moved on. When someone says they need space it's not to get closer to someone.

Why are you waiting like a puppet? I'd move on. Send him an email that you hope he's ok and that everything is great with you and that you hope things work out in his life and you will talk sometime.

I GUARANTEE you that he will communicate with you immediately. He isn't into you and it doesn't matter what he says, it matters what he does. Dont' be disrespected or taken advantage of. Even if he says he wants to be together he doesn't. Time to move on. It happens.

I still dont get why women are so fooled by mens' words. If he cancels, wont meet with you, and is distant; and you even feel that; then all he has to say is "but I love spending time with you" and it erases all his actions?

Reminds me of guys that cheat on women but then say they love them and the woman is so "confused". It's not confusing in the least.

He's got you played. Now it's time to play him and let him know you are not a stray dog waiting in the wings whenever he chooses to pet you. Empower yourself and build yourself up by blowing this guy off. You deserve better; now go get it. good luck.
 SlaveDriver8
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 62
What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/5/2012 6:42:43 PM
It means that the other person was too gutless to put there other four words in the sentence...."without you in it"

It's over and done with...count your blessings, lick your wounds and move on.
 scully555
Joined: 4/21/2006
Msg: 64
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What does i need space actually mean
Posted: 5/6/2012 6:48:59 PM
If he says he needs space then it means exactly that, he needs some space. Nothing more, nothing less. People in marriages need space. if you're only seeing him once every two weeks, then cut it back to once every three weeks or so and see what happens. Give him his space like he politely asked for. if you asked for space from your partner just because you felt crowded or not quite ready to make a full commitment but didn't want to end the relationship necessarily, would you want that other person to break it off because you asked for more space, or would you simply want the more space and work things out from there?
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