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 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 1
SociopathsPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
When out in the dating world, how often do you think you come across sociopaths? People willing to use you, lie, steal, etc.. with little regard for what you want or need? I feel like they are everywhere and just wondered if others were having the same experience?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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Sociopaths
Posted: 5/2/2012 10:19:37 PM
I can usually weed them out quickly, partly because I don't go in for fake flattery so I leave them hanging with their lines swinging in the wind. You'd be surprised how many that gets rid of, simply not feeling special by their attention. Sociopaths piss me off, they are so phony, so obvious. But to each their own. I think there are more of them than we think, but the good ones are usually seeking better prey than someone like me, so that helps to weed them out too. What's the point of being cunning and good at using people, on unattractive people with no money or fame to steal from them? LOL
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 3
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/2/2012 10:31:08 PM
Sociopaths are pretty exotic. You're not likely to be dating one. I think it's something less than 2% of the population. So if you date 50 guys you'll get one probably.

edit: sociopaths aren't easy to spot. They're really, really hard to spot. I think someone is weeding out guys for other reasons than sociopathy.
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 4
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:15:35 PM
Maybe I am paranoid, and maybe sociopathy is clinically a bit more than I define it, but there are lots of them.

We worship money in this country ... its a national pastime.....how healthy can that be?
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 5
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:34:54 PM
Last stats I read were 1 in 25. But what's confusing is narcissists and sociopaths have many symptoms in common. We live in a pretty narcissistic society and their numbers seem to be growing.

My experience with sociopaths is that they are charmers. Charismatic personality types that were an absolute pleasure to be around until you notice they don't really have feelings. They can fake it well for a long time by imitating others emotional responses but eventually you'll see that it's not real. And hopefully that won't happen the hard way.

One good way to spot them in the dating arena is they don't get nervous. A normal person will be a little shy or nervous if they really like you on the first meet.

It would be nice to have a personality disorder detector that fits in your pocket.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 6
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Sociopaths
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:38:36 PM
a quick 30-second check of the internet reveals a consensus that 3% to 5% of men are within the realm of "sociopaths" ... whereas only 1% of women are ...

regardless ... I personally feel I have met more than my share of sociopaths ... OR ... the internet sources I found are remiss in their diagnoses, probably going by some sort of "clinical sociopath diagnosis criteria" versus people I've met who act like they are sociopaths!

I've known people whose only criteria needed to know that they're lying would be that their mouths are flapping and you can hear words coming out ... I consider that degree of lying to fall under the umbrella of "sociopath" ...

then there are the people who consider a "correct" or "honest" comment to be one that keeps them out of trouble with no regard for truth at all ... people who have ZERO morals ...

my definition of "sociopath" must be wider than the definition those websites that claim 3% to 5% are using ... I think we routinely meet a lot of sociopaths!
 scifichicky
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 7
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:55:35 PM
I have definitely met a couple... they seem to make a beeline right for me (sigh)
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 8
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/2/2012 11:56:16 PM
David Hare here in Vancouver is kind of the guy who has studied sociopaths and done the best studies. He says 1-2% of the population qualifies. There's no point in having a classification of sociopath if we're just going to broaden it to mean people we don't like.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 9
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/3/2012 12:16:52 AM
If you feel like they are everywhere, you are probably have something about you to attract them.
In my experience, there is a good number of weirdos out there, but I do not qualify to diagnose anyone as sociopath, so I just stay out of their path.
I'm old enough to know when to exit swiftly.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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Posted: 5/3/2012 5:32:34 AM
I think there is actually a difference between true sociopaths, and "People willing to use you, lie, steal, etc.. with little regard for what you want or need". The former are pretty unique, but you will run into the latter throughout your life.

The difference, is that the true sociopath, is universally unable to empathize with anyone or anything. The "people willing to use you, lie, steal, etc.. with little regard for what you want or need," are most commonly folks who have chosen to be that way about certain sectors of society, including occasionally the people they are also telling themselves that they are trying to build real relationships with. It's usually a sign that they feel they have been ripped off in life, and that they want to do a little ripping off in turn, to gain a sense of fairness in an unfair world.

In short, it's a sign of general immaturity, but not sociopathy.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 11
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/3/2012 5:34:28 AM
They tend to congregate where they can find victims to prey upon...so a disproportionately large # could be found here, I am sure of it. Newbies in particular may be more naive & trusting & experience the sting of these soul-less monsters...once u get savvy, they realize it & will leave u alone!



Last stats I read were 1 in 25. But what's confusing is narcissists and sociopaths have many symptoms in common. We live in a pretty narcissistic society and their numbers seem to be growing.

My experience with sociopaths is that they are charmers. Charismatic personality types that were an absolute pleasure to be around until you notice they don't really have feelings. They can fake it well for a long time by imitating others emotional responses but eventually you'll see that it's not real. And hopefully that won't happen the hard way.

One good way to spot them in the dating arena is they don't get nervous. A normal person will be a little shy or nervous if they really like you on the first meet.
YES! I generally feel better w/ folks who are a little nervous, tend to be more sincere. Charmers turn me off- like u know it is a manipulative act!


I can usually weed them out quickly, partly because I don't go in for fake flattery so I leave them hanging with their lines swinging in the wind. You'd be surprised how many that gets rid of, simply not feeling special by their attention. Sociopaths piss me off, they are so phony, so obvious.

My last boss was like that, she was soooo narcissistic, she had such a reputation, & then I found out she also had a criminal past!
 Full_of_Grace67
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 12
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Posted: 5/3/2012 6:16:03 AM
Well I must be the 1 out of 25 because I met one; scary....He ALMOST ruined my life, but in hindsight, he actually helped me fix myself in the end. And oddly, I am not jaded about love/relationships; IMO that was a wake up call and thankfully an isolated incident.

I'm a better, stronger person now so I will never go down that road again....

He wasn't necessarily hard to spot, but when you love someone (or think you do) you can be blinded to things other ppl tell you were very obvious, and at times, dangerous. I'm better at taking ppl's advice now. I won't let my pride or stubbornness get in the way of reality any more.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 13
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Posted: 5/3/2012 6:51:15 AM

When out in the dating world, how often do you think you come across sociopaths? People willing to use you, lie, steal, etc.. with little regard for what you want or need? I feel like they are everywhere and just wondered if others were having the same experience?


yes very much so. Also a great deal of physical misrepresentation as well as this as users, losers and abusers love to use the internet to prey upon new victims.

All I can tell you is to keep meeting in person and do not form any type of emotional bond with anyone
until after you meet.
If you meet and seem to have chemistry and like each other I suggest you join one of the online sites where you pay a small fee to do background checks and check on that persons criminal record, who they live with, if they are married, how many kids they have, all of which you can find out for a very small fee of less than 30 dollars.
This is still no garentee
that person will not have mental problems even if there is not criminal record or misrepresentation of lifestyle/ job/ maritial status, etc.......

Once you do all that and if someone checks out, proceed slowly as you also can get no medical history and do not want to end up with STD's.
It's a very scary thing to meet people from online but you can be smart about it. There are users, losers and abusers amoung them, so you have to weed through a lot of muck to find the legit, sane and decent ones.

In my personal experience I met a few I considered "sociopaths"...
but many, many many that were more out of touch with reality and no real concept of themselves on a realisitc level. They would not directly answer questions and try to be cute and charming instead.
The more you meet people in real life the better you get at sorting them out.
best to you, hang in there.
Just be careful :)
 Drestin.Red
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 14
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Posted: 5/3/2012 7:51:01 AM
My neighbor is a sociopath, a true sociopath, not just a pain in the azz liar bad person but a smiling snake. He does things that are absolutely horrifying.
He lives part time at my neighbor‘s home, has a home of his own where he keeps a mentally challenged 28 year old gay lover & also lives part time with his ex wife. All of them know about each other, all of them support him financially.

He is cruel, beyond anything you can even imagine. He spit on his mother in her coffin, because she had the nerve to die while he was on holiday, thus cutting his vacation time short.

He fed broken glass to his partner’s puppy because it pooped on the kitchen floor. The puppy laid in a puddle of blood dieing & the creep shook his head & with a grin on his face said, “hmmmmm looks like he ate broken glass”, then took the puppy, who was whimpering in pain & threw it in the trash can.

Just about everyone in the neighborhood thinks he is such a nice, helpful, wonderful man, except the elderly lady, that used to live across the street from him. She knew what he was & he terrorized her for it. At 92, she would go for a short walk every morning. On one of her walks he followed behind her in his truck, pretending like he was going to run her over. He scared her & in her panic she fell breaking her hip. He left her laying in the street, went home, ate breakfast & watched t.v. She told people what he did, but no one believed her, he was just too sweet, kind & charming to do something like that, she must be senial & just confused. I made the mistake of believing her & said so.

When she was in the hospital he broke into her house & stole her money, jewelry, all of her family photos, then burned the photos. This happened several years ago & to this day he still wears her husband’s wedding ring, which he claims she gave him & he always says it with a huge smile on his face.

When he found out that I had believed what my neighbor had said about how she fell, he began terrorizing me to the point that I put a restraining order out on him. To him it almost means nothing, he is smart, he knows the legal line he cannot cross, but he comes close. I have security cameras that caught him pouring drain cleaner on my flower beds, he insisted it was fertilizer & was just being a helpful friendly neighbor. He stood in his yard & shot golf balls into the windshield of my Mercedes, ten of them! He paid for the damage, smiling, because he got even & in his mind he had power over me & showed me who the man is.

This has been going on for 12 years & every few months he does something to harass me, he steals my mail, he’s gotten into my Face book page & sent filthy sexual pics to my friends list, he sends me disgusting cards in the mail, he has peed in my running shoes that I left on the porch, he put a bag of poop on the hood of my car, he has AIDS & says if I come close to him he will spit in my mouth & give me AIDS, it goes on & on. The police are wise to him now & are just waiting for him to do something illegal so they can arrest him, but he won’t, he knows what he can get away with.

He owns a home, which he acquired through questionable means & has a mentally challenged gay lover living there (he has the mental capacity of a 10 year old). The creep is horrible to this kid. He makes him do disgusting sexual acts while he holds a gun to his head. If the kid doesn’t obey him, he locks him in the bathroom for days on end. Then brags about it laughing while he tells how scared the kid was & how stupid he is for thinking the gun was loaded & how he got so hungry while locked in the bathroom that he ate the bar of soap.

He creates chaos constantly within the neighborhood & within his family unit!

He is smarter than everyone else, everyone is stupid but him, everyone’s opinion is stupid but his & he will let you know, very loudly how really stupid you are. He is self absorbed, way beyond the norm, everything is about HIM, absolutely everything! His dog is the smartest, his grass is the greenest, his trees are the tallest, his truck is the nicest, yada yada yada. If he is challenged he will get even & always finds a way to slither out of it & blame someone else.

He turns on the charm & gets away with the most disgusting things. Most of the neighbors are just shocked to think he would ever do anything wrong & always side with him. A few keep their distance, because they are unsure about him, but they will not verbally challange him.

I could go on & on about some of the horrible disgusting things this man has done. What some of you are calling sociopaths are not even close to what a real one is. More than likely none of you would even be able to figure it out, even if you lived with one.
 OopstooLate
Joined: 2/1/2012
Msg: 15
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Posted: 5/3/2012 8:04:54 AM
Technically there are a number of personality disorders that may fit a layman's notion of what a sociopath is.

Halftime is right Hare is considered the foremost authority on them...

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is very common as well and has many of the same traits on the sociopath checklist used by psychologists (designed by Hare).

There are actually many high functioning non-criminal sociopaths out there, but the violent ones are the ones we pay more attention to. I've met my share of both sociopaths and people with NPD.

A narcissist is easy to spot and I would assume that if you think you've met a sociopath it is probably more likely a narcissist. High Functioning Sociopaths by definition know how to fool you into thinking they are sensitive caring people. The are very often eloquent, well organized and successful.

Violent sociopaths are the ones who cannot exercise impulse control and often give themselves away, they are often the ones that display blatant disregard for authority and order.

Edit >>Drestin,
Sounds like a violent sociopath to me...though I would also think psychopath (as they are slightly different).
 Drestin.Red
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 16
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Posted: 5/3/2012 8:40:04 AM
^^^ He's "almost" violent, not quite, he has the ability to stop just at the verge when he is about to hurt someone physically. It's like their terror is satisfaction enough to satisfy whatever crazy need he has.

When my elderly neighbor told me she thought he was a sociopath/psychopath I did some research. There are several really great books on the subject, Lovefraud Blog has some truely amazing & disgusting stories about people who have encountered one.
Unfortunately, I didn't take the research I found seriously & warned the creeps partner about him. He told the creep, who then approached me & said I was just like his phuckin ho c*nt mother, who also said he was a psycho & made him go to doctors, then he added, but thanks to her now that he has been declared legally insane he can do whatever he wants & get away with it. He cackled like a bangee & walked away laughing so hard he could hardly walk. In his narcistic mind he thinks it is like an honor to him, something to be proud of. Now sometimes he'll shout at me that he is crazy & can kill me & only spend a few years in the crazy bin. He is creepy & very scary.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 17
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Posted: 5/3/2012 8:48:53 AM


There are actually many high functioning non-criminal sociopaths out there, but the violent ones are the ones we pay more attention to.


maybe its just me, but I wanted nothing to do with a sociopath, even if they were non violent criminal types.

I also did not want anything to do with someone with mental problems of any sort. What i sought was a mentally/ emotionally adjusted man... who was emotionally mature. Rare as a june bug in winter but I found him.
These sites draw all kinds of users, losers and abusers. People who in real life repel dating interests by there mere presence because they have high "creep factor" personas.

It is a good idea for anyone using online dating to meet someone to not form any opinions
until after meeting in person and a deep check into that persons background and life. Often that person is nothing like they describe themselves to be, they are delusional and often closed minded as to the realitys of others. I cannot tell you how many I met who I passed on because of "creep factor' in meeting in person.

I did not care to meet a violent or non violent sociopath, both unappealing to me
 OopstooLate
Joined: 2/1/2012
Msg: 18
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Posted: 5/3/2012 8:53:36 AM
thanks to her now that he has been declared legally insane he can do whatever he wants & get away with it.


Actually I don't think that's true, they would have to prove that he was incapable of understanding what he was doing and just by declaring that to you he shows intent and he knows the outcome/consequences of said action so he would be charged.

There's a big difference between having a reality altering mental illness and being a psychopath or sociopath.
Those that cannot truly understand reality are the only ones that get a "pass" via hospitalization.

Edit for above>>>

They should be unappealing. My point was actually that it would be more difficult for you to recognize a high functioning one in comparison to a violent type. Often they adopt morals and values that appear to be virtuous so that they can go unnoticed. They are attracted to high paying jobs and positions of power...so there is always the chance that you would misread them as being ambitious or driven...

No one should have to live with being manipulated and lied to...
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 19
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Posted: 5/3/2012 9:18:10 AM


They are attracted to high paying jobs and positions of power...so there is always the chance that you would misread them as being ambitious or driven...


They are sometimes too people who have high paying jobs or in positions of power, attracted to beautiful women and go online seeking them out as toys and flavors. There is a lot of that online.
You have to take things really slow
when meeting someone online. I find it helpful to meet their kids, pets, neighbors and friends.

Without that and a deep dig on them through background sites...... I would pass. I have no desire or energy/ time to waste years sorting through the prospects.
You want to win at online dating you have to be very very watchful.

I think I'm pretty good at seeing the crazies because I worked with the public for many years.

I met a guy one time and I knew something was wrong when I saw his pet. His pet was drugged and insane looking ( and I am a pet lover). in checking on his bgackground i found he had lots of bad secrets.
I met someone one time who offered me 150K to marry him. He was crazy too, rich but crazy.

You can meet anyone on these sites from any walk of life. pretending to be anything or anyone. keeping that in mind makes things easier to sort through.
 Drestin.Red
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 20
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Posted: 5/3/2012 9:29:11 AM
Sociopaths are rarely creepy, except when they have used you up & they no longer need you. But usually instead of displaying their flaws they just disapear. A good example is the sociopath/psychopath serial killer Ted Bundy. He was intelligent, articulate, charming, witty & well liked by all of his friends & co-workers. Even to this day some of his friends refuse to believe he actually murdered numerous women. Also, sociopaths rarely have a record, rarely will you be able to find out dirt on them. One of their traits is to be cunning enough to fly under the radar & never be detected. Ted Bundy until he was caught had a clean record, paid all of his bills on time, had an excellent work record, did voluntary work & was never in trouble with the law, he appeared to be an outstanding citizens.

As for my neighbor saying he could get away with murder using the legally insane defense. To him it does not matter if he could or not, what is important is that statement gives him power & the honor that he is unique & special as compared to the majority. In his narcistic mind he thinks saying that makes him "the man", the all mighty pubah that is so fantastic & wonderful he is untouchable.

Statistics show that a staggering number of people in high powered positions are sociopaths. Their narcistic personalities seek out positions that feed their ego & need for power. Here's an excerpt from Lovefraud that discusses James McGreevey,governor of New Jersey, who for quite some time was referred to as a sociopath.

"Perhaps the most egregious example of this is the case of James McGreevey, the former governor of New Jersey. McGreevey, you may recall, resigned from office after proclaiming in a news conference that he was a “gay American.”

The truth was that his political career was imploding under a series of scandals. As I wrote in a review of the book written by McGreevey’s wife, I believe the former governor played the gay card because it was the best way to spin his political collapse.

Sociopaths use people for sex, and use sex to get what they want. Anybody who suits their agenda will do.

If it suits their agenda to be married with children, then that’s what they’ll do. But if sociopaths indulge in same-sex relationships, in my opinion, it’s because they’re sociopaths, not gay."

 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 21
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/3/2012 9:50:37 AM
People willing to use you, lie, steal, etc.. with little regard for what you want or need? I feel like they are everywhere and just wondered if others were having the same experience?

Welcome to life in the big city, where you must learn to protect yourself from the users of the world.. IF you still feel naive, make some personal resolutions to stay safer.
Do NOT trust strangers bearing candy. Think before you trust any new person with any part of your life.
Take time to get to know someone new, maybe months before you actually "date" them


Now sometimes he'll shout at me that he is crazy & can kill me & only spend a few years in the crazy bin. He is creepy & very scary.


You say that you have a TRO out on your neighbor, and that sometimes he will shout that he can kill you.. From just where is he standing when he is shouting that at you?
How close is the house he is "living part-time in"?

Do you have a small tape recorder that you can carry with you at all times? Maybe a CCW license also?

Not sure how involved you got with the "partner" and why, but seems that you need to keep complete records of ALL the unwanted contacts that neighbor makes with you, and avoid him if possible.
When you feel your life is threatened by a clear verbal threat, always call the police. IF they have all that history on that person, they should at least come by and evaluate him for 5150 so they might take him for 72 hours observation.
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 22
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/3/2012 9:59:50 AM
Some estimates place sociopaths at ~ 4% of the population.

It is more of a personality disorder than a mental illness in the sense that illness may be able to be cured. There are no drugs for sociopaths and many of them feel their life is working fine, so do not see a need to change. It is those around them that suffer the consequences. Most sociopaths have very distinct objectives in mind. If you don't have something in which they are interested, they will pass right by and you won't even know it.

When out in the dating world, how often do you think you come across sociopaths? People willing to use you, lie, steal, etc.. with little regard for what you want or need? I feel like they are everywhere and just wondered if others were having the same experience?

I think there is a larger percentage of women in the general population who lack self-esteem and throw their resources at users in order to buy attention / affection than there are sociopaths.

Just because a person allows themself to be taken advantage of doesn't make the "user" a sociopath. If this is a chronic pattern for you, you need to examine your own role in this behavior, IMO.
 Drestin.Red
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 23
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Posted: 5/3/2012 10:17:17 AM
I have done all of that Tall, but like I said he is cunning. He lives three houses from me, just outside the TRO limit. Since I have gotten the TRO he no longer shouts at me, but when I am outside he will drive by real slow & make the hand motion like he is shooting me. I always carry my phone, which has video, audio capabilities. And yes I carry a gun. We have the "make my day" law here in Texas, but he knows that & he knows the line to cross. Fortunately, he's only in the neighborhood part time, maybe twice a month. His partner & I used to be great friends, but I no longer associate with him. Last year the police held him for 72 hours because he came onto my property & verbally abused me, got up in my face, nose to nose. The police said I needed to be very careful, shit I already know that. Until he actually does something against the law or against the TRO, their hands are tied.

Kayla your blaming the victim shows you have no idea whatsoever what a true sociopath is. OOPS, never mind, I think I misinterpreted what you said.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 24
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Posted: 5/3/2012 10:31:48 AM
I'm not a psychiatrist, and I don't claim to be able to diagnose someone as a sociopath. It seems to be mostly a fancy way of calling someone a jerk. Whatever you call them, you deal with them just the same. Avoid them if possible, and if they bother you, make the consequences unpleasant enough that they won't bother you any more.
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 25
Sociopaths
Posted: 5/3/2012 10:34:09 AM
Kayla your blaming the victim shows you have no idea whatsoever what a true sociopath is. OOPS, never mind, I think I misinterpreted what you said.


I'm glad you corrected yourself. I don't make a habit of "qualifying" myself to give an opinion on certain subjects. You can believe it or not, but, unfortunately, I DO know what a sociopath looks like and I was NOT blaming the "victim."

Too many people exhibit needy behavior and do ridiculous things to attract or "ensnare" people, then blame others for "using" them.


Suggesting that a person who has a pattern of apparently attracting so-called sociopaths should look at their own behavior is an attempt to empower them to take control of their situation - not blaming them.
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