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Joined: 3/5/2010
Msg: 1
Perfect. Almost.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
How long it to long to keep a relationship going?

You think you are going to fall in love but it hasn't happened yet. There is chemistry every where but in your heart for them. The connection is perfect on every level, not a lot of drama on either side, comfortable in life and in their own skin.
Maybe it is an age difference one 44 the other is 51. The older one has no children but is great with them. The younger has two younger kids.

Opinions, on something that is right....but not quite. How long is to long?
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 2
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 10:48:40 AM
Maybe until you start wondering how long is too long? I don't know, but 44 and 51 isn't a big age difference, so I wouldn't think that's the problem.
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 3
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 10:52:57 AM
No one but you can answer the question, I think the age thing is playing in the back of your mind , look ....... can you imagine yourself with her when you're 70 and she is 77? if you cant , its probably time to move on .
Joined: 4/29/2012
Msg: 4
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Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 10:56:48 AM

" How long is to long? "

Saddly, this is only something you two can answer. Have you talked about this very question or inquired how the ohter one truely feels? Asking simple questions would be the obvious place to start to look for an answer to your question. Good luck on this one :)
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 5
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 10:56:57 AM
Crap. Just by looking at the title of the thread, I thought the conversation was about me.

Alas no, it's another one of those "I dunno if I can make it work" thread.

You know, might be faster and easier yo just break it up and find another girl. Think about it for a second, a new naked body to explore. How cool is that!!!!!

Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 6
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:00:30 AM
I dunno. How long is too long to post in the third person?

So ... You are 44 yo man with 2 kids dating 51 year old man (or maybe woman) with no kids.

You have "chemistry" on every level, but can't fall in love. Maybe you AREN'T attracted to men, OP. Try women!
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 7
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:02:00 AM
There is chemistry every where but in your heart for them. The connection is perfect on every level, not a lot of drama on either side, comfortable in life and in their own skin.

That someone REQUIRES everything to BE perfect outer and inner and full mutual heartfelt as no other,
IS the issue..
Reality is NEVER 100% as we may like it to be, especially concerning another imperfect person and our imperfect selves..

If Caterpillar only hired perfect people, they would never be able to build all those bulldozers. There are mechanical tolerances but never perfection in engineering either..
Joined: 3/5/2010
Msg: 8
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:06:16 AM

Reality is NEVER 100% as we may like it to be,

So very true!
Joined: 3/5/2010
Msg: 9
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:07:44 AM
Thanks for the laugh, Kayla58!
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 10
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Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:13:18 AM
Sometimes the devil we know is easier to deal with. It's not easy starting over only to find out the grass is not greener. I just got out of an "almost perfect" relationship. Now I'm dating a man whose imperfections I can deal with.

Ask yourself, would life be better with or without her?
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 11
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Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:13:30 AM
Your self description on your profiles does not match a person who would question as you have in this instant.

I have the advantage of age where no one is too old for me, although many would be too young

Read your profile again and subject yourself to a little reevaluation.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 12
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:14:57 AM
First, ask yourself if you have ever experienced what you think is missing. Perhaps you have unrealistic expectations of what being in love w/someone compatible really feels like?
Joined: 3/5/2010
Msg: 13
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:16:20 AM

Asking simple questions would be the obvious place to start to look for an answer to your question.

I know how she feels. It's me that does not know how I totally feel. I have to give her credit,she is very patient! But I cannot let her hold back forever. She knows that I need to take it slow and she knows most of the reasons why. I feel if I tell her that my heart is not in it totally yet she may say to hell with it. (Cannot blame her, either) It has been a very slow paced 6 mo., first on her part (She said she needed to take it slow, I agreed) but now it is on my part. We do communicate well but my thought is that I should be farther along in this than I actually am...I usually fall hard and fast... Maybe the chiseling of the years has exposed some hard spots in the stone.
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 14
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:42:41 AM
If you usually fall hard and fast and it doesn't work... maybe falling slowly will be different and better? Can't get different results by doing the same thing over and over.... as they say. :) Good luck!
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 11:47:55 AM
When it starts feeling too long for you. Sometimes even the best matches just don't work out. And you know, it doesn't matter what it is that is bothering you, it could be trivial to others but if it's bugging you, then you need to take a clear look at whether or not you want keep seeing this person.
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 16
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 12:39:56 PM
If you don't feel anything after 6 months, ask your self why.
Is it just cool that she likes your kids and all that so you wait for love because it's a plausible relationship?
You say there is chemistry, sounds like not in your lab.
If I spent 6 months and didn't fall that would tell me it is not gonna happen but that's me.
I always fell hard and fast but also find not so much this time round and I wonder if it's my age as well.
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 17
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 3:35:41 PM
You're exactly the same age as the 44 year old and seven years younger than the oldest one.

Why do you require input from a dating site?
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 18
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 3:43:44 PM

You failed to mention the 6 months you've been seeing each other. It usually takes longer than 6 months to fall in love. Sounds like you may be well on your way and over analyzing things. She's okay with the pace of the relationship, you're in the fairy tale zone of waiting for cupid to zip an arrow into your heart or an epiphany of some kind.

Chill out, if she's as you've described and all things are as you've described you're on your way. If you continue thinking in the manner you are you'll find a way to sabotage something that may be well as you say PERFECT.

Good luck man,

Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 19
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 4:07:05 PM
Strange question. Exactly what do you expect to feel that you're not feeling?
Joined: 4/15/2011
Msg: 20
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 4:22:39 PM
You think you are going to fall in love but it hasn't happened yet. There is chemistry every where but in your heart

IN YOUR OPINION WHAT IS LOVE SUPPOSE TO BE--all the bell and whistles going off all the time--or is it just being yourself with the one you want to be with--you say no drama--you forget what you said--you don`t have kids--she has two--she has a full time job with the two she has--ya you love them but you in fact aren`t really responsible for them--she is they belong to her--if she invites you to share in their lives isn`t that something- --you have a responsibility- when in their lives to be the right role model for them--may be i`m too old but life has taken me to the point that seeking someone to be with is just the peace of mind to be content with them and where i am in life--like the other posters have stated you are the only one that can decide what is right for you--we all seek something different but in the end we all seek the same thing--seeking the one that completes us as each of us see it
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 21
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Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 4:52:46 PM
I suggest you be honest and stop wasting her time so she can find someone who can love her as she deserves to be.

Perhaps you are keeping her on hold in case no one better comes along.

Just another angle on things.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 22
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Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 5:09:44 PM
6 months? You are in your mid 40's so don't expect to fall like a teenager every time you meet someone. But perhaps the age difference bothers you more than you let on. Maybe you would feel better with a younger woman with children the same age as yours.
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 23
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 6:45:07 PM
Maybe she is dearer to you than you think.

In such a quandary.....
I always picture her with single
and naked with another guy.
If that bothers me....then there is something there.
If not, I let her go to find someone that would be bothered by that.

Never date someone.....just to have someone....
if your heart isn't in it.
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 24
Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 7:01:42 PM
Yes it's possible to be in a good relationship with someone who is not "the one". But... it what you're feeling is more of the friendship variety than the romantic kind, it means you're settling.

If you're not feeling it you should tell her instead of saying well... this SHOULD work... or, it would be perfect IF I felt something.... what's the point of that? It's not fair to you, or to her.
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 25
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Perfect. Almost.
Posted: 5/8/2012 7:05:25 PM
Yeah; what he said. (Stray)

The test I use is to imagine one of the women I have found myself very attracted to over the years, contacting me to pursue a relationship. If my answer is that I would pursue that opportunity, then I am in the wrong place.

During my first marriage, I turned down advances from several attractive women. Near the end of that marriage, I found myself thinking about contacting some of them. I didn't actually do it. But, I did look up contact information for them, and wrote it down. Then called my therapist. Then my attorney.
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