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 *rem*
Joined: 11/5/2008
Msg: 5
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Advice please ladies? Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Whilst I don't have two x chromosomes, my advice would be to let her go


I agree with that bit..

If she didn't intend to continue actively fishing she wouldn't have blocked you. I wouldn't fancy being used as a crutch for an emotional cripple (edit: again) anyway
Just move on.
 badge73
Joined: 1/17/2009
Msg: 13
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Advice please ladies?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:17:35 AM

We had the most perfect first date I've ever experienced. She was 47 but stunning, at least to my eyes. We got on like old friends, had loads in common, and she made a point of telling me all about the previous 5 years, which she said she's never told anyone so soon.

Shhe'd obviously been through the emotional mill, to say the least, had been through major surgery several years ago, which had left her with a few body image issues, and had been badly hurt and let down in the process. She made it very clear that she really liked me, and there was a chemistry between us that I haven't experienced for years...she said the same.


all after one evening? my warning bells would of been going crazy .... and got out a.s.a.p after a grope of the tits of cause.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 14
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Advice please ladies?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:24:16 AM
In my opinion, she went away and spoke to her friends about this guy she met on a dating website.... They then convinced her that all people on dating sites are perverts/nutters/psychos/pedos and she subsequently changed her mind in order to appease her friends.

I've been there myself......

Even if she gets back in touch, there's a chance that your fighting a losing battle, you can't hear or stop or defend yourself against the fictitious gossip about you and it is (imo) truly the single most damaging thing in any relationship.

Nowt you can do, but move on.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 15
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Advice please ladies?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:29:03 AM
Sounds like shes still in rebound territory to me, you dont have many options to be honest except hope she figures it all out and chooses to come back to you. I suspect by the time she she does this she may be looking for something entirely different. I wouldnt hold a candle for her if were you, just move on and find another fish, there is clearly nothing wrong with your bait.

Give her space and time and send her a 'how are you'? textn but have no expectations of a response.

Alternatively she might be an attention seeker which i am sure most of the guys here have come across before, The blocking tells me this is the case as if she was serious about getting her head straight she would have hidden or deleted her account. Either way consider it a near miss as she clearly isnt ready for you and it would most likely have ended in tears anyway.
 soverncomfort
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 18
Advice please ladies?
Posted: 5/10/2012 3:38:39 PM
wow .....a lot of harsh replies here. But to be honest I agree with pandora0207. Ive been in a similar position with my last relationship though in some ways worse. We had been seeing each other for four months. She'd been treated very badly in the past and I was very understanding, had to tread carefully & did. I did manage to get her to talk about things a bit and over those four months we were very much in love. Then out of the blue, she ended it. It came down to the fact that she didnt realise how ****ed up she was until she met me and realised that men could be kind and decent. She had always thought that men cheating was par for the course and she was the one who had to accept it. We tried to stay close but she needed space and emotionally it was killing us so we have ceased contact. I will always be there as a friend when she's ready and can cope with that.

I could go into long details but basically, some people do have problems & life isnt as simple as others see it. People have to deal with different things and all you can do is try to be understanding.

Its quite feasible that talking about things shes not been able to talk about before, really made her think and in a way made her feel she wasnt ready. I think sending her a text and saying you hope she's ok, etc etc is a nice thing to do and then give her space. Then of course you dont know that she's going to contact you so I guess you do neeed to move on. If she contacts you and you're both in the right place (i.e. single) then meet up have a chat and see how she feels about things ....but yes, it does mean you may need to tread on egg shells a bit. It takes a certain sort of person to take it on ....understanding, etc.

Maybe im just too 'nice' or even gullible but unless you know someone you cant judge them. Simples.

good luck mate, Dan
 soverncomfort
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 19
Advice please ladies?
Posted: 5/10/2012 4:48:50 PM
Msg15 ......some people actually dont realise they have issues still unresolved until they get into talking about things. Its so simple to call her this and that without actually knowing her. As I've learnt from experience (and I knew the girl ....a really lovely girl), sometimes it doesnt hit you until something triggers it. In her case it was opening up to this guy.

She needs to sort herself out before moving on and if shes still here looking for dates, maybe you're right but I dont know her and neither do you. The only thing I do know is that life throws some real curveballs sometimes and is never straight forward.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 20
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Advice please ladies?
Posted: 5/11/2012 2:58:05 AM

Fixing broken women is a thankless task and ultimately a pointless one. As soon as she's fixed, she's out of there and invariably going back to the same kind of bloke who fcuked them up in the first place


This ^^ is well said and sadly truthful.
 soverncomfort
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 21
Advice please ladies?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:17:26 PM
thanks webst .....when you care about someone you go the extra mile thats what its all about. A relationship needs so many qualities and understanding on both sides is important. I never felt bitter. I used to feel quite angry not with her but with the situation because I know I could have helped her through and that not many would have been as supportive. But she needs to deal with things on her own.

No we wont get back together again. Forgetting me for a moment I dont think she'd come back cos she felt so bad about the way 'she treated me' even though I always told her she'd done nothing wrong. One day we'll be friends again but who knows when that is. As I say, life is very complicated and NEVER black and white. I learnt a lot from this experience I think and hopefully I'll take that into the next relationship whenever that might be. But I will never change the sort of person I am I hope.
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