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 boatbum101
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 1
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Numerous women on here have either " wants to date but nothing serious " or " doesn't want a commitment or relationship " . WTF does this mean ? Does this mean they want a man to take them out , pick up the tab & go the hell away ? Or are they keeping their options open ? Dating at our age is complicated enough without all this cryptic crap . Seriously this is confusing for me . Any help would be appreciated .
 lovelikewinter
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 2
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Posted: 5/10/2012 10:44:00 PM
It happens a ton too in my age group. It means a woman is jaded and needs a good friend. They just got treated piss poor by a guy and needs support. You need to be patient and ease into a relationship. Many women want one, but are being cautious. I think if you talk to someone and you are both interested, agree to just hang out and you pay one time, she pays the next and so on until you are in a relationship.
 boatbum101
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 3
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Posted: 5/10/2012 11:01:15 PM
Well I guess that's possible . I also understand being cautious . It just kinda struck me as " Hey I want to go out & have someone else pick up the tab & Oh BTW I have no interest in you period irregardless of how well we get along " . I'm not looking to jump into anything new especially if I'm going there alone ( if you get my drift ) . All I ask is to be taken on my own merits aka an honest shot . If I invite I always pay period .
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 4
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Posted: 5/10/2012 11:04:02 PM
i take it to mean they dont want to rush into things. They dont want to seem clingy or desperate for marriage.

If you are worried about them using you for free food then go dutch.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 5
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Posted: 5/10/2012 11:57:10 PM
I am happy being single so I am just here for friends...not friends with benefits either, just friendship. I have lots of girlfriends but I also like male friends...it is a whole different dynamic and basis of conversasion. The girls won't hang out with me at a gun show or car show or take me for road trips on their motorcyle. And a lot of my male friends like to have a nice looking woman to go to a movie with or out to dinner with but they are not necessarily wanting to get involved either. We have a fun time then retire to our respective homes without sex or messy relationship complications.

P.S. I pick up my own tab....sometimes I even treat.
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 6
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Posted: 5/11/2012 1:58:05 AM
OP: It means they want free sex without the emotional and financial entanglements a relation brings.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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Posted: 5/11/2012 4:46:04 AM
I disagree.

Think of it from the other side, OP. Lots of folks put in at first, that they wanted long term. Then they were plagued by people demanding all sorts of instant commitments.

You yourself, in your frustrated post, make it clear that you have preconceived ideas a plenty about what every canned term in the POF lexicon means, and you are already expecting that because they chose this or that category, that it means a host of things in addition to what the words themselves say.

Frankly, with all the fussing people do about labels, I'm surprised I haven't seen someone coming here to post a rant to the effect that "she selected that she was a WOMAN, looking for a MAN, but she refuses to dress like I think a woman should dress, and doesn't curtsy EVER!!!!!" There are already plenty of posts, where people talk about what makes a guy a "real man." It's clutterbug nonsense, in my opinion.

I myself changed my original choices, in small part, because so many people like you and some of the posters above, DO have so many preconceived ideas about what the headings mean.

Find out what the heading means to the person who chose it, by communicating with them. They are just vague starting points, for crying out loud. Not fricken legal agreements!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 8
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Posted: 5/11/2012 5:41:18 AM
It means you should ignore these mandatory questions with pull down answers.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 9
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Posted: 5/11/2012 5:57:56 AM

Does this mean they want a man to take them out , pick up the tab & go the hell away ?

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Bwahahahahahahaa!
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 10
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Posted: 5/11/2012 6:23:24 AM
msg 1
you should not assume and ask what it means if you meet and there is a connection and future dates planned.................. because to 100 people it can mean 100 different things
 Strider19607
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 11
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Posted: 5/11/2012 6:47:19 AM
I'd say more of an options open type of thing , strictly an opinion based on experience . The men out number the women on most dating sites probably a 100 to 1 or more , they have more choices and can pick an choose at will or on a whim . The film the " Ugly Truth " describes it very well ... women say they want true love , but more often than not ,what they want is either unknown to them , or a carefully selected set of venal choices .
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 12
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Posted: 5/11/2012 7:19:31 AM
I don't see where the assumption of you picking up the tab comes from. It would mean the opposite to me. If you are courting someone I can see where it might be expected for the man to pick up the tab using old fashioned dating ettiquettes.

If there were no expectations of anything other than friendship than it's what ever two adults agree to. If you're feeling it and you want to treat, so be it. Otherwise she's probably expecting to pay her share. If she really enjoys the company, she might even treat you.
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 13
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Posted: 5/11/2012 7:26:26 AM
just your typical woman wanting everything free...they want free date, free food, free drinks....(not all women just the ones who say, nothing serious-no relationship or commitment)

tell them since they want no commitment, you will go on a date with them but they have to pay their half of the bill!!! See how that works out for yah!! BWWWWAHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 14
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Posted: 5/11/2012 8:07:34 AM
^^^ I don't expect anything for free and if that's what men think who are reading my profile that's their problem. Shows me they jump to conclusions, are bitter and can't communicate. If you really want to know what dating means to me, then ask.

I just want to date and nothing serious because that's what I am looking for. I was married for years and I don't want a serious relationship with the first guy I meet. I was told I should change my intention to looking for a serious relationship becuase more guys would ask me out and I said no, because that's not what I'm looking for. AND I don't hop into bed with any of the guys I date. I don't care if other's do, that's their decision. If anybody thinks that by me saying I want to date means I want to have sex with any man who sends an email, just send me an email and ask. Of course, I'll just delete the email.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 15
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Posted: 5/11/2012 8:16:21 AM

I don't see where the assumption of you picking up the tab comes from. It would mean the opposite to me.


Me too! That's a huge assumption on OP's part.
Sounds like the all too common assumption "I'm going to get ripped off and mistreated."
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 16
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Posted: 5/11/2012 8:22:35 AM
They are shopping the meat market. Errr meet market... you get my point.

After probably investing most of their prime years with someone who let them down, they are not ready to commit again.

To each their own.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 17
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Posted: 5/11/2012 8:49:32 AM

I pretty much ignore that line of the profile because most of us (especially at my age) really are looking for long term.


I have to disagree--I have seen many men with that on their profile and when I asked them they **** that the ex got everything and so now they will never marry and they just want someone *FUN to hang out with and enjoy life with no strings--if you mention relationship (even without marriage) they are GONEEEEE.

To me it is a sign that the person hasnt healed from their last relationship--and the funny thing is--some people wont heal they like the pain too much.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 18
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Posted: 5/11/2012 9:46:12 AM
honestly, we all have to choose SOMETHING from those click down areas or we wouldn't be able to be in here chatting ... I'm not even sure what I've chosen for that category this week ... I've read a lot of posts about the awful people who put they're looking for a long term relationship ... too many people think "long term relationship" means MARRIAGE ... on and on ... confusion abounds ...

I am certain NOT looking for a man to pay my way anywhere ... in fact, I'd much prefer to pay my own way so there's no feeling of entitlement on anyone's part ... I've had men tell me words to the effect that I'd gotten a freebee THIS time ... but, for a 2nd date, they expect sex ... one told me that before we'd ordered so I explained I'd pay my own way because I don't trade sex for cheap meals ...

(old joke: we've already established you're a prostitute ... now we're just setting the price!)

the "cryptic crap" was designed into the Plenty of Fish system ...

if you don't know but want to know what they meant ... for God's sake ... ASK!
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 19
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Posted: 5/11/2012 9:51:37 AM
the "cryptic crap" was designed into the Plenty of Fish system ...

if you don't know but want to know what they meant ... for God's sake ... ASK!

I'm with you. Too many options and you have to pick one and it leaves too much room for ASSumptions. I HATE being pigeon holed!
 loveoutside
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 20
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Posted: 5/11/2012 9:57:19 AM
I don't pay attention to drop down menu options. If they like you, no matter what they put on their profile, they'll quickly adjust to what you are looking for or think you're looking for.

I always pay even if I'm not interested, just way I was brought up. No string for sex later on - not all men think that way. Sex only happens because you want it to (woman). We'll push to a degree but we don't hold the key.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 21
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Posted: 5/11/2012 10:00:18 AM
I think it is to keep those away that want just a relationship, marriage, control, and all that goes with those that have their minds set on one thing and one thing only.

Why set someone up that wants one thing and you want another, and then you get branded a player, user, gold digger, on and on, with men like you OP that think that you must have something if you so call "pick up the tab". Many women and men want equals in their quest for enjoying life, and the adventures vary as much as those that enter their lives, and there need not be just one "super highway" for all to travel leading all to the same place.

Just ask them and decide for yourself if they are worth knowing or not.

cd
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 22
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Posted: 5/11/2012 10:15:15 AM
Could be she might be relocating so does not wish to really get emotionally involved.. Sounds like other commitments in her life at the present time which could also be young children etc..

On the other hand it could be someone recently out of a relationship that wishes to date around for awhile..
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 23
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Posted: 5/12/2012 8:24:44 AM
I agree with the many other posters who have stated that you should not pay too much attention to what people have chosen from a "drop down selection menu". Those are not her words, they are words chosen by the people who developed this website. And no matter which of the multiple options you choose, there are people out there who are going to take it the wrong way.
 saddestangel7
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 24
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Posted: 5/12/2012 10:54:09 AM
I'm confused why I get emails from men with profiles who state they are here for "dating" so to me not looking for a relationship. "Dating" translates to "I'm looking for sex". Yet, my profile is as clear as day that I'm marriage minded and seek the same?

I do think there are just lonely people who come on free dating site seeking people to chat with only. They aren't here to actually meet anyone.
 Sunshinelady555
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 25
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Posted: 5/12/2012 12:30:15 PM
Maybe it means everything you have mentioned. lol
I do not like men who contact me and have that on their
Profile. I had told a few I am seeking LTR not random dates. LOL
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