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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Coming up to bat and being out of the league.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 1
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Luckily, as we get older, we tend to lose those cliques and status symbols we once thrived upon.
The preppy kids wore their Izods and did not realize how ridiculous they looked with their collars turned upwards, pairing pink Levis cords with a Kelly green Izod was supposed to be a fashion statement. Our parents always trying to keep up with the Joness.... you get the picture.

So... putting those ideals aside, as we have all matured, or many of us would like to think we have... here it goes-

Do you still feel some are not reachable just because they are out of your "League"? Define League anyway. Do measure someones integrity and character by their assets, material goods, profession? Are you still toying with the idea that you are not good enough for certain people because you are not in that same bracket?

Share your thoughts...
 TempusFujis
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 2
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:28:13 AM
I think to some extent, "leagues" exist, but it's not a question of how high you are on the league as what separate little league you're in, and where you are there,Different people value different attributes, Some men don't care for intellectual prowess in women, some women don't care much for physical looks in men.

We all weigh these things, Intelligence, Personality, Financial/Social Background and Attractiveness differently. If you're an intellectual, you might like partners who can hold a decent conversation you might overlook certain physical features you generally dont find appealing.

It's all based on perception, and physical attractiveness is always a part of the equation, IMO In the modern day, leagues are more related to self-confidence than anything else, not sure if that makes any sense?
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 3
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:30:09 AM
My tude... everyone is going to be dead and buried soon enough.

Mix and mingle. If he/she is too uppity.... move along... there are plenty of fish... ooooolala pun intended.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 4
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:41:54 AM
The way I look at it , a league doesn't mean someone is "better" than another but rather " doesn't fit the bill ".

Just as a baseball player wouldn't play in the NFL , for example.

So, if a super rich person wants nothing to do with me either because they'll feel I'm only with them for their money, or they have a snooty patooty attitude toward people who have less moola, or both well....they can think they're better than me all they want and I won't lose a wink of sleep over it. The way I see it is all that matters to ME.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 5
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:54:23 AM
I don t think anyone is out of my League--now that might not be what they think :P

Leagues are invisible boundaries some erect to keep themselves in--ie they see someone they like but dont message cause the person they feel is *better than them--could be better looking, more education, more money etc.

or something that someone builds around them to protect them from *undesirables having access--normally people use the term RED FLAGS--times married, occupation, education, looks etc.

No one person is better than another but some we might not find attractive but my discard could be someone else's prince--and my prince could be someone else's discard.

I never tried to keep up with the Joness I just tried to survive.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 6
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:55:23 AM
I have an account on Match. and people can show their income. Anybody who makes over 100K is out of my league. I just move right past them :)
I live a very comfortable life but I don't make that kind of money and never will. I have never dated anyone who has made that kind of money so I think it's just too much out of my comfort zone, not because I'm not good enough, but more of a difference in lifestyles.
As far as looks, if they are way too good looking, I move right past them too. I know from experience they are not looking for me and that's ok :)
Rich and way too good looking...Ya right. It's not that I don't think I'm not good enough I just know that I wouldn't be comfortable with someone like that. I'm too laid back for a high maintance man.
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 7
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:59:58 AM
thanks.... glad someone pointed out that men can be high maintenance.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 8
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History
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 9:04:48 AM
Every time I have dinner with Brad and Angie, I always ask the same question.......and you know what, they do not care, because it is all about me caring for myself and being the best I can be for me.....the rest just happens.

cd
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 9
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 9:31:19 AM

Coming up to bat and being out of the league.

I don't even worry over coming up to bat any more... I've gone out of the game and on to other things.

I've been rejected right off the bat (pun intended) just by having a photo including a wheelchair...

when I could probably go around those bases (lol.. yep 'those' bases too) better than any of the out of shape men who reject me.

Meh. I'm just not interested in the ball game any more.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 10
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 9:37:42 AM
It's not PC to call it leagues, but everyone has standards. What else are standards but leagues by a different name?

I dated (I guess you call it dating for want of a better word) a construction worker once, she slung mud for high rises, mud being insulation in a bucket, very unskilled labor. She and her sister had a big bar fight one night, her sister told my date that she thought her sister was better than her because she had teeth. My date had false teeth, her sister had no teeth, they were fighting over a car, a big crowd of onlookers were around them. Wish someone had invented cams at the time, it was all surreal. I did learn about life on the wrond side of the tracks. Example of someone below my league.

I used to flirt with a commodites traders, her father was the PM of Peru, out of my league on the upside. I dated for 3-4 months a very pretty slim young women that owned 10 dry cleaning stores, IMO she was in my league but at the high end. Likely high maintenance, but not extreme. She eventually married a WashDC lobbyist, when I met her she had broken up with some lawyer.

Call it standards, or call it what you want, different people move in different circles, and it isn't easy nor even comfortable to cross large class boundries.
 tuloa942
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 11
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:15:58 AM
Out of my league? Meh. One time I was going to have a coffee date with someone. I showed his photo to a coworker. Because he was quite handsome she commented that he was out of my league. Turns out we were together for a couple of years. Saying "out of my/your league" is just another way to judge others (and ourselves) and put them down. Everyone has preferences which is fine and dandy but judging people, again, meh.
 loveoutside
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 12
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:18:59 AM

I have an account on Match. and people can show their income. Anybody who makes over 100K is out of my league. I just move right past them :)


That's silly. I live in area where 100k really isn't that much. Some of our property tax is about half of average American income. Even though I do have an MBA, last thing I look at is education/income level and I make way more than 100k. In fact, my ex only finished high school but she was lot smarter. I value beauty/compatibility over degree/income. Some just got lucky due to life circumstance in that regard (for example, my brother who have same background makes 7 figures - don't mean nothing).
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 13
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History
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:37:12 AM
This came up this weekend for me. I met someone from another site for dinner. After we said hi, he said that he was curious about what the 5% difference was between us (this other dating site, asks many questions and we rated as 95% compatible). AND, he had researched our answers and was baffled by one of my answers. I thought, initially, oh, how cute. So his question was " is it true that you spend more money on clothes than food?" So, without missing a beat - I knew the answer to this one - I said absolutely. Then I see this worried look on his face - he then says - "you spend $10,000 a year on clothes?" Now I'm confused - I have no idea about the $10,000. So I said, "well I don't think I spend $10,000 on clothes but I'm certain that I spend more on clothes than on food." He will not let this go...he explains that as a single person, I should be spending about $10,000 on food so.... By this point I'm feeling very uneasy, I'm making a mental tally of the clothes I'm wearing on the date (boots, jeans, belt, undergarments, camosile, shirt, scarf, jacket, bag) $1500 easy. So I'm trying to figure a way out of this so I explain that I travel 100 days a year and all of my meals are paid for by someone else. He's happy with this answer and we move along in the conversation. Phew. Two hours later were strolling around and he tells me he that he just bought a used bamboo bike on e-bay for $2,500 and that some special bike GPS gizmo for $300 (even though he has another version). I just smiled. Sigh!
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 14
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:48:24 AM
^^^ I forgot, met a guy on match who made well over 150K and I went out with him...once.
He said he was never married, no kids, 40 years old. Turns out he did make over 150K but he was still married, lives at home with the wife, has 3 kids and is 43 , no intention of leaving the wife because she'd get his money. Of course, that's for another thread.

I am just not comfortable with people who make a lot of money, it's just how I am. My dad was an electrician, my ex is an electrician and I am trying to get out of my comfort zone by meeting men who are not in the trades, that's my first step.
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 15
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 11:04:24 AM
I had it all.... the 3 story house with a panoramic view of two mountain ranges, the 8 person jacuzzi... etc etc etc...
But along with that, I had to tolerate a narcissistic husband that controlled me to the point where I felt like a prisoner in my own home.

Money can't buy love, and the love of money, often, can't buy happiness.
 TempusFujis
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 16
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 11:14:18 AM
tgrlily2day, I can show you men that earns over half a million dollars a year, net worth just coming up to 10 million dollars and I bet if you spend the day with him you wouldn't know he has money and you would think he is the most down to earth person alive, a lot of multi millionaires are like that, its the pretentious ones that gives them a bad name.

Any one that has to show off their net worth, assets etc are generally men of questionable character or insecure about something if you know what I mean.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 17
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 11:14:48 AM
So are people willing to date the poor Hispanic gardener with a grade school education that immigrated from Mexico that is working in the neighborhood?

Because what I have read so far is that everyone is willing to date someone with a better education and more money. Not a really tough decision from my POV.

But I think the real question is, are you willing to date lower than society would think you should?
 loveoutside
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 18
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 11:29:12 AM
I would (actually there's a cleaning lady at my gym I would without a doubt).

Its not about what abbreviation that is behind a person's name - its ability to learn. If someone who knows nothing about your interest but gladly learn and later excel, that is sign of intellect and compatibility. Granted, I met some women who simply don't want to learn anything new but that's learned behavior - it could be changed (not controlled).
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 19
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:47:14 PM
Leagues are not determined by wealth or position, they clearly exist, but they are determined by class . . as in a class act . . and intelligence. I would never date a woman who was not highly intelligent or of high class. Its simple as that. As an older, successful, middle aged guy, there is no woman alive who I believe to be out of my "league", but when I was younger, yea, I was somewhat intimadated by very good looking, intelligent women. But I got over it.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 20
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:48:39 PM
that's intimidated.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 21
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:50:07 PM

I am just not comfortable with people who make a lot of money, it's just how I am.

I am just not comfortable with people who DON'T make a lot of money, it's just how I am.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 22
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 1:19:02 PM
I apolgize If I am highjacking this tread.
But Landra, you're right. You usually say it better than anybody else. I have been out with men who have money a few times, and I didn't like it. And money is relative, an IT guy can make a whole lot more money in NYC or San Fran compared to Minneapolis.

Why didn't I like it? Because their money is all they talked about and they were so self absorbed. Married man thought that because he made money I should be enamored with him and look past his flawed character. What a dork.

The other guy who I went out on quite a few dates talked constantly about how much money he made, how much he paid for this, that and the other thing. Bla, bla, bla. I asked him once if he ever wanted to meet someone who liked him for who he was and not his money and he said no.

I don't feel bad for the rich guys, there are plenty of women who are only interested in them for their money. If I meet someone who treats me well, is respectful to everyone, doesn't have major character flaws and I later find out that he happens to be rich...I certainly won't turn him away :)
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 23
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 2:13:07 PM

Good, 'classy' people come from all walks of life. There's no mold, no template.

Isn't that the truth? It cannot be bought.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 24
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History
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:09:33 PM

So... putting those ideals aside, as we have all matured, or many of us would like to think we have... here it goes-

Do you still feel some are not reachable just because they are out of your "League"? Define League anyway. Do measure someones integrity and character by their assets, material goods, profession? Are you still toying with the idea that you are not good enough for certain people because you are not in that same bracket?

Share your thoughts


Your wrong in thinking ALL people have matured as that is certainly not the case. You'll find out if yu don;t already know that.

Also to note with maturity comes the wisdom it takes more than love to pay the bills so yes assets matter in the way of providing someone with a stable lifestyle, medical and car insurance, spending money for things you want to do in life.

Not everyone is compatible based on lifestyle, situational situations and more. You have to find someone you can connect with on most all levels ( not just liking them and wanting to see where it goes) or the relationship will flop...
because you may be dating out of your area, or out of your leauge. Do you connect on most levels ? emotional, etc?
if not, probably won't work out
'
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 25
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History
Coming up to bat and being out of the league.
Posted: 5/11/2012 6:26:12 PM
While I feel "leagues" still exist at our age they aren't as far apart as, say, 40 years ago in high school. While attractiveness still effects us character has risen in prominence as well as aging has mellowed our "league" walls. We are reminded every morning when we look in the bathroom mirror so we make realistic adjustments to our strict preferences.
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