Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 rc3k
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 1
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I often thought about this question and I want to get some opinions to it.. A lot of people who believe in natural, timing, fate bound, spontaneous selection of partner/love feel that online dating is slightly artificial and forceful. You are basically putting your self out there to be found you arent waiting for that right magical moment you meet spontaneously on the street or at a party..

See when you are online your intentions are clear, yet when you meet someone else where you still dont know anything about them or if they are single etc, that still needs to be discovered. Online you make the effort to truly make others notice you and want to date, creating a sort of "desire" that is a step towards "need/desperation" for attention of the opposite sex.. Now while it may not always be so, the fact that taboo of online dating existed, and still exists must say something..

What are your thoughts?
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 3
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:07:25 PM
It is like using the old push mowers vs a self powered one--online is a tool to use--nothing desperate about it--atleast not as desperate as clinging to a barstool every weekend night hoping to meet someone.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 4
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:37:43 PM
Before on line dating, some people advertised themselves by putting an ad in the Personals section of the classifieds in newspapers. And there were dating, match-making companies that claimed to match you up with you perfect mate, because they claimed to have a super-duper computer program that will find your soul mate-of course, at a ridiculous rate. Their super-duper program was probably a bowl, with the names of paying members written on a piece of paper and an employee picks names out of the bowl and matches them up. Then they use the old tactic that on-line dating sites use-"Your perfect mate is so close. We just need you to extend your membership (for a fee) and we will find your perfect life partner."

I remember reading the personal ads for a joke. Most ads would say "When responding, include a picture". So someone responding is suppose to snail mail a picture without knowing what the other person looks like, as well as including a written letter. Some ads even said "Include a handwritten letter". No wonder this wasn't a popular way to meet someone.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 1:25:14 PM
OP, I think you're desperate!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 6
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 1:42:41 PM

waiting for that right magical moment you meet spontaneously on the street or at a party..



I dont believe in magic. I believe people only can get what they want, if they ask for it.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 7
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 1:49:31 PM

See when you are online your intentions are clear


They are?


Online you make the effort to truly make others notice you and want to date


I do?

You could be right with some people but totally off base with others. Some people are probably just here so others will think or they can trick themself into thinking that they are LOOKING.

The person that is really looking is out there meeting the people and doing every thing in their power to meet someone. Letting all of their friends know they are actively seeking so they might recommend someone. Those are the people that are desperate. Online folks? Some are just lazy. Others just want another tool. They might as well throw a line in the river. Never know. They just might catch the big one.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 8
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 2:09:27 PM
OP,

You've seen too many movies where people meet cute in some random accident. In real life, back before the internet people paired off with others that they lived near, went to school with, worked with,or were introduced to by friends family or co-workers. The 'natural' chance meets were much fewer and farther between than in the movies. That's why they made good stories.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 9
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:51:33 PM
Online dating is SMART.
You are in here single.
looking to mingle.
The opposite sex is in here single.
looking to mingle.
win/win

Desperate is hanging out in bars or grocery stores
trying to pick someone up....who may or may not be single,
or may not even be interested in dating.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 10
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:54:06 PM

A lot of people who believe in natural, timing, fate bound, spontaneous selection of partner/love feel that online dating is slightly artificial and forceful.

A lot of people think phrases like “natural, timing, fate bound, spontaneous selection of partner/love” are gormless, wooly-headed nonsense. Honest. I took a poll.
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:18:44 PM
For me, meeting people online is simply another possible way to meet people in my fairly typical life. At least, I think I have a fairly typical life. I don't see any type of taboo attached to meeting people whether it is online or not online.

I don't spend all my time sitting at home on the computer, and I generally talk to people when I meet them as I go about my day to day stuff when I'm not at home. Meeting someone I don't know out in the real world doesn't mean that they will be any more honest with than if I meet them online.
 jellerbet
Joined: 5/3/2012
Msg: 12
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:21:51 PM
i dont like this online **** its my back up
 jellerbet
Joined: 5/3/2012
Msg: 13
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:37:11 PM
Meeting someone on the street , bar, coffee shop or online .. you still dont know anything about the person. That takes time. Damn OP, so many flakes on sites like these, u really take it all seriously? Anyone can write any crap on here. You sound like ur 19. This site is my entertainment and backup. I treat a bird on here no different than any other place I meet her until she has proven herself to me which takes about over a month or so
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 7:06:55 PM
Let's hear from the people who keep saying "You will find the love of your life when you least expect it." They make it sound like a perfect partner is going to drop from the sky and land on my lap when I least expect it.
How much longer do I have to least expect it? I'm tired of waiting around and not expecting it.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 7:07:42 PM
Every generation thinks they invented love/sex/dating, etc., online dating is just a way to meet people, technology changes, people stay the same. If you think online dating is desperate, thinking about the 10 cent-a-dance days.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 16
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 7:21:59 PM
I think dating went down hill once they started the pony express and desperate men would send for mail order brides .



Personal ads for companionship or whatever have a rich tradition in America. During the last third of the 19th century, for instance, the San Francisco–based Matrimonial News promoted "honorable matrimonial engagements and true conjugal facilities" for men and women. Mail-order requests for brides were the natural result of the fact that out West, men could prospect for gold but rarely for respectable females. The gals were mostly in the East, so the guys promised matches made in heaven, or at least in the Sierras.

Sometimes things worked out for the parties involved, as with widow Elinore Pruitt of Arkansas, who answered an ad in the Matrimonial News and found 20 years of matrimonial bliss with honest Clyde Steward. On the other hand, as author Chris Enss writes in the introduction to this delightful 108-page work, teacher Eleanor Berry was not so lucky: "Her mail-order husband misrepresented himself in his letters and the marriage lasted less than an hour."

Eleanor Berry answered a San Francisco Magazine ad on April 12, 1873, that read: "Lonesome miner wants wife to share stake and prospects. Please respond to Louis Dreibelbis in Grass Valley, California." Louis, without revealing too many details, turned out to be a bandit, and Eleanor had to confess that her intended husband was "not as well-fixed as I expected to find him." Enss calls them"the Schoolmarm and the Scoundrel."

FROM historynet


Whatever happened to the good ole days?
 Technoartisan
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 17
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 9:53:43 PM
Personally, I find online dating to be quite demeaning and mostly fruitless. You check off a bunch of items in a list, compare your list to the list of someone else and hope for some "commonality". If that isn't demeaning and desperate, I don't know what is.

However, finding someone compatible is a numbers game... The more people you meet, the higher your chances of finding someone that fulfills your needs/wants. Using myself as an example, I figure that only about 2-3% of the women I meet in my lifetime are potential partners (I'll leave "partners" vague since its definition would change for each person). Add to that the fact that I seldom meet new people so it is pretty difficult to find someone. Ergo, online dating. It's impersonal, artificial, cold and a bit desperate. But, it is better than no chance at all.

Heck, I'm an introvert and I prefer meeting someone in the flesh over online any day. I learn more information in a few seconds of meeting them, by way of non-verbal cues, than a month of emails would ever be able to offer. Yet, here I am.

It's just a tool. Nothing more, nothing less.
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 19
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:19:40 PM
Hardly... desperation would be flagging down cars and picking men up in bars.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 10:06:53 AM
You've got to ask yourself, unless you work in a field where you frequently meet tons of new people (like a greeter at an amusement park), just how many new people do you meet with your typical routine? (And in the case of having a job where you do meet tons of new people all the time, are you okay with dating people you work with or is it even within company policy?)

My life is extremely atypical for a lot of reasons, but I checked with my best friend, who is an extremely popular outgoing person with a ton of family and social connections and a sales person job that gets her out of the office fairly frequently, and even she said she only meets a handful of new people every week unless she's on vacation or something (and if you meet someone on vacation, is the long distance relationship worth it?).

I mean, if you're willing to date within a 25 mile radius of where you live and there are a million people in that 25 mile radius, what are the chances that you're EVER going to run into all those million people, no matter what your life is like? And what if nestled in that million people is that "perfect" person but neither of you ever go to the same grocery stores, the same PTA meetings, the same gym, the same park, the same beach and you just happen to never show up at your common favorite restaurant or favorite bar or favorite club at the same time?

But if both of you end up on an online dating site, suddenly there is a much greater chance that you two will find each other than just randomly running into each other on the street (unless, maybe, it's POF, which is just as much of a shot-in-the-dark mess as real life thanks to its immense size and inefficiency, but that's another discussion). Furthermore, even if you DO randomly run into each other on the street, the circumstances may be bad or one person might be too freaked out to try to make something happen in such a short amount of time. At least if you find each other in online dating, you know that you are both looking to date -- the vast majority of women I meet in real life are married or in relationships. The older you get, the harder it is to even find other single people without the help of a tool like the internet -- why do you think people back in the "old days" were so freaked about not getting married by 30 (see other thread)? Are you really going to just marry the last single person left at church just because you're the only two single people left at church? You really going to take that scenario over online dating because THAT "reeks of desperation"?

Online dating's stigma is dying in a serious hurry (as someone already said, the last couple generations of kids won't think anything of it; my ex actually married a guy she met online when they were both 13, of all things [they obviously reconnected years later]). All that said, it's been a heck of double-edged sword for me personally. My physical characteristics are online poison and I do terribly on POF (where it's impossible for your personality to compensate for your looks), but I've fared much better than in real life on sites that either do a better job of matching you up or weren't really meant for dating so my physical stats aren't as important on those. Either way, it is indeed just another tool to meet people. But if it's the right tool, your dating pool will expand many times beyond what it is in regular life and vastly reduce the possibility that you will end up "settling." Though you can certainly filter yourself out of meeting someone by carrying that ideology to an extreme, unlike what you'd probably do in real life...
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 21
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 11:05:19 AM
I have always felt that way. However, I see it work for people. Online dating to me is like a lottery. You cannot win if you don't play.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 22
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 5:10:58 PM
Desperate?? I think not... Using a tool to meet more potential partners seems quite smart to me.. Much smarter than hitting bars or twiddling your thumbs waiting and hoping that the love of your love life would accidently run into you or something..

I personally know at least 10 people close to me (including me) who have met their partners online, and all but two of those people have passed the 5 year mark in their relationship... If that's what being "desperate" gets then i guess it's not so bad after all....
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 23
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 9:52:33 PM
A careful review of human history will reveal a preoccupation with sex, erotica and everything that goes with it. From cave paintings to the present day. I would list numerous cultural examples but each one could be debunked by those desperate to believe that sex is dirty and shameful...lol The fact of the matter is, however you choose to explain or categorize it, it is there, in just about every single culture, since the dawn of Homo sapiens sapiens (I always forget which parts to capitalize...sorry in advance to the OCD folks).

Internet dating isn't new. The generation before us had personal ads in the newspapers. Before that were pen pals. Before that were messages in bottles or Carrier pigeons. Before that...hell if I know, maybe a wooden club?

We adapt, we grow, we learn. It's just new tools for old jobs. If you think about it long enough, it makes a whole lot of good sense...why is it so crappy in practice then? I don't know that either.

Internet dating isn't the problem. The people using the internet are the problem...hey wait a minute!
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 24
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/12/2012 10:51:19 PM
^^^Amen to that! Killing my liver and throwing away hundreds of dollars every weekend only to find myself standing there when the lights come on wondering, Ok, who's left? That felt a whole lot more desperate than this. Of course, there was a lot more sex and I did get pretty awesome at shooting pool...

Nah.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 25
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:02:10 AM
Not at all, online is sooo mainstream these days...look at the gazillion & one sites...

I think it is good not to limit yourself to one venue only, & not just to seek dates per se, but to expand your horizons socially... overall...

If you focus only on finding a partner, you limit yourself. If you focus on new people, places & things that are of interest to you that is way more expansive, that can lead you to the RIGHT PERSON...

Desperation is more of an attitude, rather than online vs. offline. If a person is driven by desperation, it doesn't matter if they are online or offline, they will act the same way...DESPERATE!
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 26
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:08:36 AM
Hmmmmm.
I thought and thought.. and I can't remember the last time I was "desperate" for ANYthing!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 27
Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:10:11 AM
Desperation is living your life through Facebook, and people using the excuse "I'm on Facebook all of the time to meet people I went to nursery school with."
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Is the fact you are ONLINE show you are one step towards desperation?