Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the QuestionPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Right from the get go, lest someone perceive this question as a pity post, I am a very lucky woman. I am one of the 3% of women who catches breast cancer quickly enough to eliminate the threat to my life without chemo or radiation. I have had an avalanche of support from friends and family, many of whom called me brave. Having almost checked out on my kids five years ago I saw only one choice, lose the girls and become the bionic woman :)

The bad news: Back in the day doctors fought hard to save the nipples if someone reconstructed to enhance the natural look but today they know that the area most likely to develop cancer is the areola and nipple so off they go and off mine went. Not happy about that I had some damned fine perky nipples but the situation I find myself in today poses a question that I likely will not get an honest answer from friends and family because they'll be worried about hurting my feelings, possibly contributing to emotional fallout from this whole fun journey.

So I pose it to you people here in the relationship forum because that is what it boils down to, how this will potentially affect my relationships. Currently I can wear whatever I want without a bra and obviously not having to worry about my nipples showing in clothing is kind of a cool thing. Me personally I don't give a rat's butt, I'm not big on looking at nude packagedealx3 in the mirror and consequently don't care whether there is a nipple waving hello or not.

I suspect that even for the best intentioned man, the nipples absent look might be something difficult to get past. So the question is dual, could you get beyond the whole no nipples thing and also at what point would I spring this on a guy? Um, I'm not going to die of breast cancer ever but as a consequence I have no nipples isn't probably 1st or 2nd date material. I'm not a really private person so I have no problem opening my big pie hole but geez, that's a lot to put out there on the recipient side. I certainly don't want to make someone feel horrible for a natural reaction to such news.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 2
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:54:24 AM
I think you pretty much nailed it with this part...

I don't give a rat's butt...


I don't think you'll have much trouble finding a man who can love you, scars and all. I bet there's guys out there who really like the idea of being with a woman with no nipples. A good man would never let something so superficial affect his feelings for you.

An insecure guy could freak out or worry that he wouldn't know what to do or that his "best moves" would be rendered obsolete maybe? Some open and honest conversations about such things could set the stage for the "unwrapping" portion of the festivities but that should come prior to the commencement of heavy petting, I think.

I was once chatting to a woman who told me her breasts were differently sized. That just made me want to see them all the more! She also told me about her preoccupation with nineteen year old boys, so I never did get to find out how different they were.

This is all just academic of course. If you find yourself in Vancouver and still wondering about this question, I'd be happy to explore it more fully with you and give you my expert opinion:)
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:02:00 AM
Thank you both, at least I know I can get a date in Canada, lmao
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 4
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:10:49 AM
This may sound crass, but...if you get leg men or a$$ men, they won't care about ur boobs! Do what makes YOU happy, YOU deserve that! Congrats on beating an illness & being so happy & positive...YOU are an inspiration!
...AND HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 5
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:19:41 AM
There is another regular forum contributor who is currently in the later stages of reconstruction following breast cancer where she lost her entire breasts. She is recently married and I know when she was looking for a relationship, she had no shortage of suitors.

I think based on conversations I've had with her, that most men can and do view this as part of life which has been overcome. I think you attitude towards it will have a lot of bearing on the attitude of men who you date and choose to be intimate with.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:59:38 AM
Congratulations on beating the cancer.

While most men enjoy suckling their loves..if they thought about it..what would be better..suckling, or having the person person there for as long as possible? I'd opt for having my love there..there are other ways to show affection.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 7
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:09:47 AM

I suspect that even for the best intentioned man, the nipples absent look might be something difficult to get past.

Not difficult at all. Probably the biggest attracted to them is that they are an erogenous zone for the ladies. It's a good thing they are not the only one's.


So the question is dual, could you get beyond the whole no nipples thing and also at what point would I spring this on a guy?


At any point prior to him searching for them.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 8
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:52:19 AM
You're pretty amazing kiddo. It's normal to worry about how a man would feel since so much of who we are is associated with our breasts. The good news is that most men can get passed it and love you for who you are. Sure there will be things they can't do, but I think most men are creative enough that you don't need to worry. Just look at what the men are saying here when you are feeling as though you are damaged goods and need a pep talk.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 9:57:51 AM
Im pretty sure that if someone likes you they wont care that much that your missing your nips... or your even your breasts. Anyone this affects was not that into you or is rather immature.

I know this is different but I lost a ball to cancer... and this seems to only make women more interested in playing with that area once they have been informed ;)

F^ck cancer!
 onehappyfellow
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 10:14:41 AM
No problem for me but for the fact that our age differences would probably preclude a relationship.

Met one lady with a mastectomy and she left our relationship for a man closer to her home..

I don't think it would be a problem for any man worth your consideration
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 11:29:51 AM
Well, if I truly cared about you, no... it wouldn't matter at all. I would think it might be something to bring up before getting nekkid together, rather than just hitting them with the 'shock factor' of finding out 'in the moment', but certainly not 1st or 2nd date material (unless you're into moving quick ).

And Happy Mother's day to you and the other Mom's out there.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 1:00:58 PM
You people are better than candy :)

In the event that anyone else is looking at this situation. A friend from high school chose not to undergo reconstructive surgery. She is happily married and her husband's a great guy and was happy to keep his wife and my mother really wanted me to go that route but I'm not nor have I ever been big on bras. I can't imagine cruising around with nothing there and I felt like I would probably only feel like a girl if I had on a prosthetic bra. The upside was that I could do the mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time. This was my 7th surgery and the prospect of recovering from a mastectomy and then getting whacked again later was unappealing as all get out.

The downside is that I was on the table for 8 hours rather than like 2. Scared the piss outta me but I figured God has already gone to pretty extraordinary measures keeping me here and would hopefully continue to do so. I also have a medical history, MRSA pneumonia, collapsed lung, coma, whoohoo, that precluded implants. Much too high a risk of rejection or developing MRSA so I opted for B-flap which in a nut shell takes your stomach muscles and tissues to reconstruct with. I will never have to do another stomach curl and I'm still all me. The plastic surgeon put it this way, implants degenerate over time yours will get better :)

People do need to think about the reconstruction because it is a long surgery and can be a long recovery process. I am five months out and because of complications and a plastic surgeon that post-operative sucks, if anyone is contemplating really dig around on the Internet and make sure you really investigate your surgeon. If I had it to do over again I would still do it I'd just jack up the PS much sooner in the process or would have changed doctors.

Not crass BlondeAngel and since mom gave me a pretty good set of gams, whoohoo. Wondering if what Frank's on is any good? Carolann your SIL should check out that tattoo, very kewl.

Happy Mother's Day!!!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 5:15:54 PM
Sorry teacher I expect it's been a difficult day for you. The pink ribbons have lulled us into complacency. This disease still takes 40,000 women a year and more than 200,000 are diagnosed each year, the majority of the latter with no family history so the notion that no family history has somehow insulated people is a myth as well.

Thank you all again :)

Easier to suck up the potential winnowing of the dating pool when people are encouraging your heart to get where your brain is
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 5:25:44 PM
there's something to be said for this other poster's statement:

This may sound crass, but...if you get leg men or a$$ men, they won't care about ur boobs!


i can only speak from my experience. i briefly dated a woman who'd had a double mastectomy. she did have some nipple tissue. i knew about her surgery before we ever got naked (it came up in other contexts.) she was about 50 and a rigorous exerciser. her body was excellent, and her chest did not lack an erotic presence simply because of her surgery. it was just unconventional. getting turned on was not a problem.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:26:00 PM
Zermatt I definitely concur with everything you said :)

Teacher I really don't know at this point because what was surgically removed that previously had sexual sensation was replaced with the skin from my tummy, so most of the skin is what's always been there but the tissue under the skin is minus nerves, etc. I think I may wind up with the same kind of phantom sensations one has with an amputation and given that some of our erogenous zones seem very tied to what your brain is doing, who knows? The reason I it seems phantom is that the only thing I can compare "sensations" I have felt sense the surgery is similar to I think the let down of breast milk which is just whacked because all of that is very gone :)

Who knows what the brain is capable of doing to make up for what the body isn't. So many different places can make us very happy so I don't see this change in my life changing things all that much for me, color me adaptable, lol
 BensalemDoug
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 16
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:41:22 PM
You said it clearly, the surgery might be too risky for you, and 'you' are comfortable with it. You will find a man who is. I suspect any man who's heart you steal will be. Just be warned, there are still butt heads out there that may be the exception to that, but any man who is a man, won't be.
Hell, if you're really comfortable with it, mess with people. One of my favorite pass times. Show up to a church picnic shirtless. Just throw your arms up in the air and say "what, what?"
 Sensitive_Writer
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 17
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:13:45 PM
OP: Being a breast cancer survivor, myself, I can understand how you feel about this situation.

As for me, I'm completely missing a breast and use a prosthetic, and I find it is always best to let the men know about my situation as soon as I feel comfortable enough to bring up the subject. There is no real need to tell someone right away, say on the first meet, or even the first date. However, if you feel it could develop into something more, I'd suggest telling him as soon as you are comfortable telling him...I don't think most will have any problem with the fact that there are no nipples "waving hello."

And may I say......Congrats to you for beating that nasty "C" bug! YOU GO GIRL!!!
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 18
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:22:57 PM
My first husband and my last boyfriend never knew I have breast--so I don't think it will be an issue but here to beating cancer--Im now 10 years out!!!!!!!

Find a person who views your heart as the part of you he wants and nothing else will matter!
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 19
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/13/2012 9:15:02 PM
I was thinking about this thread...ok, I was thinking about boobs.

My point is, I remembered being with a woman back in my days as a student who didn't have fully developed breasts, or so it appeared. It was quite an exciting time for me and although I was completely stopped in my tracks, the moment passed so quickly, I don't think she even noticed. Now to be clear, I'm talking about an adult woman but her chest was honestly as flat as a young boy's would be. Definitely not the norm. Unique and interesting even.

I did a little reading and saw something about nerve centers in the breast and how there are basically a set number of them regardless of size. So a large breast has these nerve centers spread out further while a smaller breast would have a tighter grouping, so to speak. I have no idea whether this is true or not but I like the idea of being more efficient. This woman was very much "non-standard" in this particular regard yet it didn't make her any less attractive to me at all.

The quote above about winning the lottery says it a lot better.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 20
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/14/2012 10:07:59 PM
Hey OP! I'm not a man, but I am so anti-nip it's almost creepy. I hate when they show or are show-cased and when the mannequins in stores were suddenly all nipped out? I felt my teeth grind. Being that I'm quite anti-nipple, if I were "on the other team" so to speak ~ you'd be the ideal woman for me. Since that's not the case, however? I can only guess that at the end of the day, a man who'd not give a ratz would be a man worth keeping.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 21
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/15/2012 9:34:31 AM

Being anti-nip is a little creepy if you ask me. If you feel that way about mannequins I can't imagine how you would feel at the beach with all those men with thier nipples showing : - the horror!

I know, right? I've learned a fine skill however. I look at someone's face rather than their ta-tas. This eliminates my disinterest and keeps all things nipply out of my mind. Creative huh?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 22
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/15/2012 11:00:43 AM

If you really wanted to distract a man you could wear a sparkly bra or perhaps just some glittery stick ons... just enough to cover the nips or in the case of the OP she could use stick on's for decoration in place of nips if she felt so inclined.

I had to google. I think I can get rid of those little round band-aids I buy in bulk. This stuff is just too fun:
http://www.yandy.com/pasties.php?P=all
And OP? What a great idea that came from a little humor. I think you could have some fun with your new reality. I know you're self-secure enough not to "need" to camo what's no longer where it once was, but should you wish to? There's some cute stuff on that site. Much love to you ~ always nice to see ya. Glad you're still here to see.
 Technoartisan
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 23
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/15/2012 7:25:50 PM

This may sound crass, but...if you get leg men or a$$ men, they won't care about ur boobs!


Boobs? What are those? Now turn around so I can admire the good bits! :)
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/16/2012 9:04:10 AM
Me too very green, me too :)
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 25
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:06:13 PM
^^^I'm sorry but that is pretty terrible advice. The last thing you need is some guy throwing a hissy-fit and a tantrum in your bed!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question