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To answer a question...Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
To much spark to soon is a warning to run like someone lit a M 80 at a firework stand.

A cup of good character, a cup of humor, a cup of security/responsibility in finances, a cup of tolerance, then a heaping cup of sexy.

Ya dayum right I have at least 4 cups out of those 5 dreamfire..* snicker*

NOW which cup isn't quite full.............You guess.
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 5
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To answer a question...
Posted: 5/14/2012 3:34:09 PM
Well now, 'quickening' is an old-school term for those little flutters you feel when you're pregnant and you start to feel the baby move, just sayin'.......

But it's a good word for the "feeling", I agree. Or a tingle inside the head that moves down to your heart that happens when they say something you really like and relate to, or do something that you find endearing. And then you get a little bit short of breath for an instant when you wonder "could this be............?"
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 7
To answer a question...
Posted: 5/14/2012 5:08:20 PM

I am asking in reality isn't that all what we are searching for that spark? Or has it truly been reduced to whether this person or that gets a certain percentage right on out checklist of requirements?

For the first question, I believe that both genders are looking for that "feeling"/"spark" you describe as applicable to their gender.

For the second question, I don't believe for a second that a picture and a profile can provide that feeling or spark. At most it can make someone suspect that the author of the profile _may_ be able to provide the feeling we are looking for.

Because of the extreme limitations that online dating suffers from, a large number of profiles degrade into a list of "requirements" which are nothing but the best guesses of the author as to what s/he believes may trigger that feeling s/he is looking for. However, there are some profiles (I've seen a few, very few) where the author managed to stamp at least some of their personality while composing their list of requirements. Those I believe are the best profiles because only those can give an idea if the author could generate that feeling we're looking for.

To add to the problem of "personality deficient" profiles is the fact that an individual's look are a rather poor indicator of the person's innate ability to produce that "spark" in us. Yet, it is likely the most important factor in the decision to contact the person (for both genders). In turn, this results in meeting much fewer people than originally thought.

What I would suggest as one step in the right direction is for profiles to include more personality along with the requirements while making the list of requirements a bit shorter or more open to reasonable compromise. Try to make the process a little more like what happens IRL.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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To answer a question...
Posted: 5/14/2012 6:45:08 PM
I think it's that we want the feelings you are talking about. But when we try simply waiting for them to happen, we have a lot of disappointing and outright awful times. So we try to find some way to make those feelings show up on purpose. There are no end of people around us, telling us that there IS a magic formula that will "make" the gal of your dreams fall for you, and like all snake-oil victims, we hungrily "buy" the idea.

Anyway, I've been around long enough, that I know that in me, there are a bunch of variations on the "love" feeling.

There's the near instant crush feeling, so named, no doubt, because it feels as though a gentle phantom hand has reached into my chest and given my heart a warm squeeze, like the slightly painful but encouraging feeling of a good massage.

Then there is that feeling that is just a hint, that the woman has physical characteristics that excite my libido, and a shade past that as well. I came up with the term "munchability factor" to describe these more intense sensations, because I found that I literally felt a tingling sensation in my teeth, which clenching my jaw tightly can massage under control.

There is the mental excitement which I get, when I begin to suspect that she is aware of, and lives in the same version of the world that I do. That is more like the feeling I get when I stumble across a rich bit of something, like when I discover an author who's style makes my mind feel smooth and rapid, and who has written a lot of things, so that I can look forward to an extended period of mental pleasure. This is more difficult to describe, since it has an actual physical sensation to it for me, but takes place entirely inside my brain. Perhaps the creation of some kinds of new linkages of neurons actually generates good feeling chemicals (I wish that happened when I was studying to improve my income).

The turn of a phrase which both surprises and enlightens at the same time, is like that. Great song lyrics, movie dialogue, chord progressions, even the exact scratching of a master violinist or guitarist can bring on the sensation. When I get it from a potential mate, it is what I imagine the pinnacle of existence is all about. I can actually feel motion inside my brain, as though new folds are occurring within it. Listening to certain wonderful music using headphones, in a darkened room, is a little like it.
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 18
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To answer a question...
Posted: 5/15/2012 1:26:25 PM
[ I guess it would be that the person makes me feel more me when I am with them. I feel more comfortable in myself when I am with them and more the core of my truest self shines through]

wow, thats really good, i love how you put that. Its like they allow you to feel good about the strange, retarted way you are, and all of the sudden its not so retarded any more because someone thinks its cute and thats just how you are. I used to say the strangest things to people when i was around my gf..ahhh . good old days. seriously though good post
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