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 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 1
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good EnoughPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Read an interesting comment yesterday made by Billy Bob Thorton on how he believes he sabotaged his relationship to Angelina Jolie because he didn't feel he was "good enough" for her, and it had me thinking.

How many people out there have had potentially good relationships end because of feelings of self inadequacy?
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 2
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 9:48:35 AM
Many.
It is amazing what the mind can make you do.
Because ... what you THINK is reality.
 Rosiehere
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 3
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:05:37 AM
I belong to a weight loss site as I lost 30 pounds. It is filled with hundreds of people who blog how they gained back all their weight. How they didn't think they deserved to be normal weight. Some have lost and gained 100 pounds more than once in their life. People sabotage themselves in all different areas in their life. The luck ones are the ones that know they did it and WHY so they can be conscious of it and start to heal themselves. The unfortunate one are the ones that say, why did I do that and have no clue.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 4
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:13:40 AM
Well in Billy Bob Thorton's case,
he probably wasn't the right guy for Ms Jolie.
So WOULD feel inadequate.

I have felt that way too with women I dated.
It was more about compatibility, then self worth.
(We should ALWAYS avoid basing our self esteem on dating.)

If someone feels that way with some women...
it is probably just compatibility.
Let it go.

If someone feels that way with all women,
then yes...it is an issue that needs to be looked into,
and maybe seek out help.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 5
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:14:16 AM
because he didn't feel he was "good enough" for her, and it had me thinking.

When you study human nature, eventually some may realize that is a basic default mindset, that "feeling not good enough" even in many wealthy and outwardly successful people..
Sometimes many of those *successful* people may suffer the "imposter syndrome", where they truly believe they don't deserve their success and so may unconsciously sabotage themselves in relationships and work.

One possible solution is to understand that so many people feel that way occasionally, that sometimes having that feeling yourself is NOT so abnormal, and that even most of those other imperfect human beings that you may *think* are above that really aren't..
So that being human yourself and also imperfect IS "good enough" for most any other human being to relate to..
There is no need to use over-compensation to try to prove just how much "better" you are than them, just be able to relax and know that you are ok and they are ok as yourselves...


"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 6
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Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:19:07 AM
I have done this to myself many times. :(
 onehappyfellow
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 7
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Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:27:46 AM
You will not feel inadequate when the right one comes along

I know I am not what every woman would want but when and if I find the right one greeeat.

I know I can't be all rotten because so many people are so kind to me.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 8
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:29:11 AM
I suspect my last boyfriend did this.... He had very definate insecurity issues, and so when I read that story about Billy Bob Thornton, it got me thinking, as well. I guess alot of people do it... and more than we realize because most people won't admit to having sabotaged a relationship out of insecurity.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 9
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:34:46 AM
I think a few people may do this to themselves...(self sabotage)
I do wonder if it's more of a scenario of people just not being themselves and finally having to expose their true thoughts....feelings or actions??? Hard not to be yourself....sooner or later!
As Tall said..."the imposter" syndrome...
Guess, you could call this "self sabotage"...lol.

IMO... Billy Bob and Angelina as a couple...seemed rather suited for each other at the time.
With the vials of blood hanging around their necks....sexually explicit comments...tatoos etc....
It may have been for publicity...she became more famous than him....I heard this was a problem for him too!
Then she decided she wanted to become a mother....and adopted her first child....wham!!! Next we hear...he's gone!
She grew up....he wasn't ready for this type of committment..maybe??

Who knows with them....so many variables in any relationship...then put the celebrity factor in...gotta be hard!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 10
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Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:47:18 AM
Some just can not stand success, and others just need to step back and complain about it and others.

You either know what you want and enjoy it when you have it, or you do not. The key word in your thread OP, is SELF! One either is confident in themselves, or they try to fill that void in some fashion. You can not love another, if you do not love yourself, and if you are not happy with you, there is no chance of being happy with her.

cd
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 11:29:19 AM
I've had plenty of them never begin, but never reached the point where I was doing like Billy Bob, wearing capsules of blood around my neck, and having regular wild sex, only to suddenly conclude that I had snuck in somewhere that I didn't belong.

I have heard many times, that there is a sort of psychological plague that many actors and other artists can catch, wherein they feel like "posers" of one sort or another. With all the people in the world who get off on publicly putting down any and all successful people as being secretly defective swine, it's not all that surprising that emotionally sensitive types might take such to heart in error.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 12
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 1:34:00 PM
People sabotage all kinds of things when they are in a place of self doubt.
 SpringsDiver
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 13
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 1:41:40 PM
OP-How many people out there have had potentially good relationships end because of feelings of self inadequacy?This allows you to quote a previous post.


I have zero interest in and little knowledge of celebrity marriages/relationships, so I won't address that.

I believe many people sabotage what could be a good relationship not because they feel they are inadequate, but because they have difficulty in trusting their instincts. They may have made a number of bad choices in the past, and fear they will do it again. IF they have children, that compounds the fear. they don't want the children to be hurt again.

Then, there is the matter of trusting the other person. So many of us have been burnt in some way by a spouse or loved one, and find it difficult to believe in someone as we once were able to. One other factor that could come into play is how comfortable we are prior to meeting someone new. If we are for the most part very happy with our current lifestyle, we may hesitate to risk becoming involved in a new relationship, and the uncertaintly it would involve.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 14
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 1:56:22 PM
I self sabotaged in high school when this great guy asked me to the prom and I said no because his exgf was so cute and popular and I didn’t feel worthy. Such idiocy. I can’t even think about it. Yeah. Never do that.
 scifichicky
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 15
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 3:48:46 PM
Sounds a bit familiar, my worst enemy stares at me from the mirror every day.
 bwena
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 16
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 4:29:59 PM
People also self sabotage because they are afraid of losing what they have. They feel that they aren't good enough and that you will eventually realize this and leave them, therefore, they will ruin things before they face their worst fears of being abandonded. Its safer than being surprised one day and suddenly being left behind.
 VienneSeule
Joined: 5/10/2012
Msg: 17
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:08:18 PM
I have done this to myself many times. :(

clearly.

I have never ever once felt that anyone I was with was "too good" for me no matter how low I am feeling about myself.

I always feel quite the opposite actually. I feel that they dont see my worth and dont appreciate me enough.
 TallGlass30
Joined: 8/17/2011
Msg: 18
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Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:14:58 PM
Just a quiet moment to think about the one that got away.

It's a part of wanting to sow wild oats. Getting married too early, then trying something out like swinging, then trying to figure it out..
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 19
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/19/2012 2:06:48 AM
Billy Bob is full of crap. He was extremely into partying and their relationship was just plain weird.

Sick of celebs fishing for support. For an insecure guy he sure gets around.

Many people do sabotage their relationships.
 Interestinglass
Joined: 3/2/2012
Msg: 20
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Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/19/2012 2:35:10 AM
Thats Hollywood. They have alot of crazy sh*t going on.
Life is life. Soul Mates are to be (and anyone before that Irrelevant)
DOG EAT DOG
 Munkeechi
Joined: 11/25/2008
Msg: 21
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Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/19/2012 8:09:27 AM

Sounds a bit familiar, my worst enemy stares at me from the mirror every day.


I completely understand that feeling. day in and out...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 22
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/19/2012 8:21:21 AM
I usually have the opposite problem. As in, I KNOW that MY shiat DOESN'T stink!!!!! Tis true. So,no the relationships that I've been in never ended because I felt I wasn't "good enough",but because I am just tooooooooo good for the majority. Yep,that's it!!!!
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 23
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Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/19/2012 11:01:00 AM
I don't think I self-sabotage. I'm very happy and I feel really good about myself. I daresay I might even consider myself a 'catch.'
Although, there have been a couple women I've met that intimidated me by how beautiful they were. Although they seemed interested, I just couldn't shake the idea that they could have any guy they wanted. It was really flattering but I never could get over being intimidated by it. So in that sense I suppose I self-sabotage myself a little.
 purple_mnm
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 24
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/22/2012 7:15:05 PM
I have self-sabotaged out of fear that opening myself up and becoming vulnerable would push the guy away or that he'd get too close to me. It's a strange feeling, especially when you feel like you can't control it.
 TD625
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 25
Self Sabotage and Feeling Not Good Enough
Posted: 5/22/2012 7:28:22 PM
[/Some just can not stand success, and others just need to step back and complain about it and others.

You either know what you want and enjoy it when you have it, or you do not. The key word in your thread OP, is SELF! One either is confident in themselves, or they try to fill that void in some fashion. You can not love another, if you do not love yourself, and if you are not happy with you, there is no chance of being happy with her.

cd

*********VERY WELL SAID! :)**************************************************************************
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