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 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 2
Why is this so offensivePage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I do not know the answer for you, but from my experience I have had men not willing to meet like that as there is obviously not going to be sex at that first meeting.

As a test run, if they refuse to meet up for a daylight coffee, suggest 2 am in a dark alley?

Or invite them to your house... ( false address of course--- give the police station or something like that) at night.

I have had men refuse to meet me unless it is at my place or theirs.
Not going to happen.


Ahh well. The joys of internet dating.
 lobo65
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 3
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 4:57:48 AM
Maybe because we find it ridiculous that some women can't think for themselves, and rely on what some dating "expert" has to tell them about how to date. If I think a woman is using "the rules" on me, I'm gone like the wind.
 lobo65
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 7
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:11:27 AM
Typical man huh? What part of "when its actually suggested from top dating advice gurus" did I not understand? You obviously only want advice when it matches your point of view. You've had two guys already who disagree with you. Having a time limit is fine, but like the other guy said, don't broadcast it to your potential dates.

Big turnoff.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:40:20 AM
I should mention that in my case, this is what I actually believe is better. I've read about it, but that didn't sway my opinion.

I would suggest it like it was best for both of us. Instead of putting it in a way that would make them feel like I didn't want to take the time, I would put it in a way that neither of us should put too much time or money into it until we got face to face quickly and determined actual interest - and I would tell them that they shouldn't sit for more than a half hour with someone they aren't interested in - and I mean it, I wouldn't want someone to do that. I'd also make plans before something else or between two things - it's less offensive to the other person being fit into your schedule then it is when you're saying you have a day free but you're still not spending more than 30 minutes getting to know them.

If I liked him and it was mutual, we could always then plan an actual "date" that would be longer and more involved.

Mind you they shouldn't be offended as you're a total stranger and you're offering time management to them as well as yourself - but everyone seems to take everything personally these days. Doing it this way I got what I wanted and they didn't feel less "important" or whatever it is they felt they should be.

Sell it as the advantage to them that it is. It's all in the delivery.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 12
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 6:05:53 AM
Men and women run like the wind in the other direction if you strictly follow rules from dating gurus.

With that said, I agree that first meets need to be short and sweet. It doesn't have to be 30 minutes as it can be 20 minutes, 35, or 40. Just don't over do it IMO.



 mrjon32
Joined: 3/26/2011
Msg: 13
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 6:56:20 AM
You mean I shouldn't plan a Lord of the Rings Extended cut trilogy viewing for a first meet?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 14
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 7:03:36 AM
So why is it that when i say this to a guy, 9 times out of 10 its like ive pissed on there children?
Why is it so offensive to most people (mostly UK guys) when its actually suggested from top dating advice gurus that this is the practice to be done to avoid bad dates and to keep dating fun and positive Whats your opinions?


Typical man. Completely miss the point of the thread.


My opinion is it must be the offensive way/vocal tone that is being used to communicate that bias..
"Alright buddy you just have 30min to impress me, or get the h_ll out of my face!"

Next time sweetly tell the guy that out of the last 100 men this year that have bought your drinks, you have only gone home with 2.
That should clarify to them what the situation is, and just how many more near insurmountable obstacles/hoops will be placed in their way restricting their chances at a goal...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 15
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 7:04:46 AM

So why is it that when i say this to a guy, 9 times out of 10 its like ive pissed on there children?

Maybe it's the guys you pick. I always offered to take a woman to dinner or lunch, but if a woman had something else in mind, that was ok with me. Pick better guys.

Whats your opinions?

I got dates by ignoring the advice of so-called ``dating gurus.''
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 21
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 8:08:48 AM
So what kind of things are they asking to do on a first date?!?!?

Why are their first date suggestions so offensive to you???
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 22
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 8:33:54 AM
My own 2 cents...men are trying to gauge how much a woman is truly interested in us. If you place an end time on the date or meeting, I feel like you've already decided I'm not worth spending more time with. I don't need sex on the first date, but I do need a 1% chance at least. 0% chance? No thanks. What happened to spontaneous? What if we 'click'? I don't like watching the clock and knowing the date, meet n greet, or whatever you want to call it is going to end soon. Another thing I've experienced is a woman stating that she has plans immediately following our 'meeting'. Kind of feels like she's saying this date will end by this time. Total turn off.
 blissness108
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 23
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 9:01:36 AM
As Braniac previously stated so well, I think it can be interpreted as offensive to go into a meeting with a set alloted time to get to know someone. I think that kind of pressure would absolutely cave me. (thinking in my mind...I have 20 mins or less not to eff this up) I don't ever want to become a professional directed dater. I want to relax and be me. Yes, it is possible that I could walk into a date and we, after 20 mins realize we have nothing to talk about but the weather and maybe we acknowledge time to head home, thanks for the meet. That's different, that is allowing what needs to evolve. It might be true that you walk into a job interview and within 30 seconds they know if they see potential...but we are talking human beings with hearts and feelings and it's not a job to date, it's a gift for someone to allow you in. It's a kind of magic...
 GarnerGirl71
Joined: 2/10/2012
Msg: 24
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 9:03:01 AM
Have some real conversation on the phone before arranging the initial meet. You'll have a better read on the guy, and can also judge his reaction to your first meet suggestions. And be more relaxed about what you are willing to do. My last first date was going to be later in the evening, so we decided to meet at Waffle House because its 24 hour and busy, but we could still talk. Best first date ever... lasted 7 hours! Just relax on the rules and go with the flow.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 25
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 9:39:17 AM

Typical man. Completely miss the point of the thread.


whether he did or not is not important here.. he explained how most men feel about women who follow rules and dont think for themselves. In reality he answered your question.. so if answering your question wasnt the point, what was your point?
 brian0417
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 26
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 9:40:04 AM
I've had one girl do this. She set a 30min time limit before our first meeting. I had no issue with it. The first meeting turned into a date and lasted like 8 hours and we dated for a couple of months.

If you are who you represent yourself to be and can make them smile then at the 30min mark there is no way they are going to want to leave.

I would actually prefer this. If a girl isn't into me after the 30min mark, another hour with me probably isn't going to change her mind. The same goes for me and my feelings for the girl.

It's a first meet and people should treat it like that. It's not a date, yet.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 28
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 11:04:08 AM

if they refuse to meet up for a daylight coffee, suggest 2 am in a dark alley?


Works for me. Cream and sugar?
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 31
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 11:55:11 AM

So why is it that when i say this to a guy, 9 times out of 10 its like ive pissed on there children?
Why is it so offensive to most people (mostly UK guys) when its actually suggested from top dating advice gurus that this is the practice to be done to avoid bad dates and to keep dating fun and positive Whats your opinions?

Typical man. Completely miss the point of the thread.


I'm gonna side with Tall's answer. If 9 out of 10 react negatively to what she said, then she said something to set them off. I don't know what she said, but I doubt that it was "people friendly" in nature. That tenth guy is probably the guy she shouldn't pick, since he'd probably would agree to any stipulation that she put out.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 34
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 12:41:55 PM
I would say those 9 out 10 men were not for you.
Because you didn't meet em, that number sticks in your head.
As in 9 possibilities missed.

but if you had met em....
you'd be wondering why 9 out of 10 guys were such dweebs.
so consider it bad possibilities avoided.

It's always nice when people eliminate themselves
and saves you the trouble and aggravation of having to.
:-P
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 37
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 3:29:59 PM
So why is it that when i say this to a guy, 9 times out of 10 its like ive pissed on there children?


LMFAO!!

That's not offencive in the least!

MArry me

;P

Whats your opinions?


Go with the flow,and flow as you go

Restrictions and rules on dating and possible romance sucks
 Extollere
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 38
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 4:03:11 PM
The last place I would turn to for dating advice is Google - unless you want to put all of your dating eggs into the flimsy Ehow basket. Nobody needs to be running "how to date" searches anyway. The process isn't really that hard.

My first dates (sorry, I don't do the meet & greet thing) typically last 8+ hours. I like to talk a lot. I date men who like to talk a lot. It'd suck if we had to play beat the clock when we're having a perfectly safe and fun time talking our faces off.

I also like to do things on dates, and some activities can last a pretty long time. On one first date, I was invited to see Blue Man Group in Manhattan. I think it would've been kinda rude to get up after 30 minutes and run out. I would've probably gotten chewed up Frosted Flakes spit at me, to boot. No thank you. Running with that same example, we had so much fun hiding under the plastic at the show, we extended the date to include dinner and a movie as well.

Another example - I spent an entire day lounging around my college campus during a first date. He brought picnic food, music, and cherries. I don't care which dating guru blows a gasket about it - I'm not walking away from some perfectly tasty freakin' cherries.

There's no need to limit yourself with unnecessary rules.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 39
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 4:41:01 PM
because many guys want to have sex and 30 minutes isn't long enough to talk to you and then get you in bed.

I think many guys are looking for hook ups. Some even get them. I think you shouldnt' time a date. Just play it by ear. There should be no rules. You have to read the room.
 LucyT02
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 40
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:20:32 PM
I've never tried to keep a date short (although the fact that I'm still on here probably means I need the advice of these gurus!)....I need at least a couple of hours for a date; it takes me around 15 minutes to settle in and get comfortable and if I'm trying to keep the date to 30 minutes then half of it would be spent easing up!

To be honest, even if I meet the guy and don't fancy him, I've usually judged the guy fairly well to the extent where we get on regardless of chemistry and whilst I'll be up front and explain how I feel, there's no harm in enjoying a night out (in my opinion) so I've done this a few times and only not continued a friendship with one of them.

I need a few hours to get to know someone!
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 42
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Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:36:42 PM
A881e

As you are discovering both men and women have different opinions when it comes to first meets. I personally prefer this approach while others prefer to go straight into a date. Yes, it could be argued it is simply semantics and there isn't really a difference between a date and a meet. But a meet is simple, short, and casual IMO. Most often dates don't match that criteria, which is why I believe there is a difference.

Now, if you are asking guys out for a quick drink, they are making the assumption that it is a date. If I am inviting a woman to dinner, or for drinks (alcohol), that is what I consider a date.

If you want to continue to do first meets, employ the strategy that many of us guys do for them. Simple ask to meet up for coffee or tea at a public venue. This way you are not obligated to stick around, and the guys don't have the wrong idea that it is a date. Food and alcholol is an escalation of interest when you share with another strange, which is why these guys are reacting this way, and they feel they were mislead.

 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 43
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:46:19 PM

My own 2 cents...men are trying to gauge how much a woman is truly interested in us.

Until you meet that gauge cannot be measured - only what you "hope" the interest will be once you are there.

If you place an end time on the date or meeting, I feel like you've already decided I'm not worth spending more time with.

Why on earth would you feel this way when you don't yet know if you are interested in this woman? She's nearly a total stranger. How about realizing that you might not want to be there more than 10 minutes when you finally meet?

I don't need sex on the first date, but I do need a 1% chance at least. 0% chance? No thanks. What happened to spontaneous? What if we 'click'?

If you click, you make future plans and date. If you don't - you didn't plan 4 hours you now can't get out of.

I don't like watching the clock and knowing the date, meet n greet, or whatever you want to call it is going to end soon.

Then don't watch the clock. Find out if you have interest, and if you do - make future plans.

Another thing I've experienced is a woman stating that she has plans immediately following our 'meeting'. Kind of feels like she's saying this date will end by this time. Total turn off.

Some women can't drop everything and plan a long drawn out first meet - not if they want to do it soon. If you both want to see each other again, just get together another time. Part of the fun of dating is anticipation...enjoy it.

I guess it depends, to me, on the level of contact you've had. If you've been skyping and texting and chatting all night then why would you only want a brief encounter? I'd want to go on an actual date, see if we mesh offline as well as online.

Because you cannot determine attraction until you get there, and it's rare that you both will be attracted in person. So planning a long date might bite you in the ass when you get there and realize that you're just not interested, or that you are but they aren't. It's better to keep the first meet shorter until a mutual attraction is actually confirmed.

I guess I can see where you're coming from if you've just chatted a bit or maybe texted a few times. But thirty minutes seems like a very short time to me. I'm not going to drive out somewhere just to drink a cup of coffee and then split and I would understand why some men would be like "no way." I wouldn't ask someone to drive out for coffee.

Well making it convenient for both people is better - stopping for coffee somewhere that's easy and in a good time frame for both helps. I'm not sure why anyone would take offense to this though, since you both have no idea if you'll even speak again after a meet takes place.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 44
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:54:01 PM
To be honest, even if I meet the guy and don't fancy him, I've usually judged the guy fairly well to the extent where we get on regardless of chemistry and whilst I'll be up front and explain how I feel, there's no harm in enjoying a night out (in my opinion) so I've done this a few times


EXACTLY!!

So many here feel that the need to wanna jump them has to be there; or the person is automatically an enemy and not to be near.

wtf's with that?

I understand the fraudulent behavior of many online daters, and not wanting to waste your time if they lied


THAT I understand, but how in Gods name do you set up a meet n greet and find out......you dont like them? Do you not screen them at all?


Don't sh*t their night. Let them know you have other stuff to do before the date. Like: "Yes, 6pm on Saturday works for me. Just to let you know I'm meeting friends at 8pm- is that ok with you"?


That would be class, and consideration. You dont see much of it around these days.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 45
Why is this so offensive
Posted: 5/24/2012 6:10:52 PM

A881e:
Typical man. Completely miss the point of the thread.


That says more about you, than you realize it does. 'NEXT'!
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