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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Learning to take a hint      Home login  
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 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 3
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Learning to take a hintPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So ive been talking to this guy for a bit and I asked if he wanted to meet. But he said he doesnt think he has time this term as he's on a busy placement, but maybe in the Summer, he's a student.

I'm guessing maybe he said about the summer to be nice? What do you think? I just want to be sure I don't end up being too negative or anything.

I've no idea why he said it, and likely nobody else here does either. But what I'd recommend you do is not worry about it. Keep in touch via email or whatever you prefer, sometimes you initiate, and let him initiate, and you continue to talk to and/or see other people. If he lets his side of the "conversation" drop, then you have your answer. If he doesn't and his schedule clears up, he can let you know.

Don't try to figure out what other people are thinking; you'll drive yourself nuts and might make a decision based on fear or hope, rather than reality. Just remember - people's motivation and intention becomes pretty clear given enough time, but don't put your life on hold waiting to find out.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 5
Learning to take a hint
Posted: 5/26/2012 5:00:56 PM
Everyone has time to meet. There's never ever any justification for not meeting. I don't care how busy a person claims to be, they eat & drink like the rest of the civilized world & have 5 or 10 minutes to say hi in person. Move on if a guy tells you & for whatever reason, he can't meet. He'll string you along for as long as you allow him to.
 kmac6
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 9
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Learning to take a hint
Posted: 5/26/2012 5:30:50 PM
I have had an account here for a long time but at the moment my time is taken up with a friend who is in pallitive care and my family.

I tell people I am happy to chat when I can at the moment, I explain why, and let them know I don't want to waste their time when they could be pursuing someone else.

Some I never hear from again and some lovely guys have kept in touch. When I have the time and if they want to meet up I am happy to do so.
 urgal2416
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 15
Learning to take a hint
Posted: 5/26/2012 7:38:12 PM
I think this is another "he is just not that into you" . If a person, especially a man, really likes you, he will make the time to meet you. Even if it is only a for a quick coffee. He seemed very vague.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 21
Learning to take a hint
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:29:53 AM
Op, some individuals are just bored--some might be to scared to meet face to face, some love attention and some get off on leading others on--don't allow someone else to sideline you from your own life while you wait on them --they are doing what they want to do --having fun--while you sit and wait to be noticed. When the right person comes along they will want to be apart of your life.

Remember you can't loose what you dont have--in this case it's the guys attention.
 urgal2416
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 22
Learning to take a hint
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:30:06 AM
That's ok Victoriah, there are many that you won't be interested in either. That does not mean he didn't think you were cute or a nice person, just not a match for him. Like many have said on here....... it's a numbers game. Keep on fishing.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 23
Learning to take a hint
Posted: 5/27/2012 12:45:39 PM
~OP~ I think you're wise to just forget it with this person. Truth is? When we're interested? We find the time. Yes finals are rough and time consuming, but the lad has to eat/drink at some point during his day and if he was truly interested, he'd have likely mentioned getting together for a quick coffee or lunch or something. And your right ~ he knows how to contact you if he wants to do so. (On a side note? I know we read in here ALL the time about women being more assertive and suggesting getting together rather than waiting for the man to do so, but I don't agree with that. If a man is interested, he'll suggest getting together. I have many men friends and many of them are here on POF and most agree that they'd really rather do the asking than being asked out. Do it how you are comfortable, but don't be surprised if your forwardness is construed by some as "desperate" or even off-putting. We live in a double standardized world I'm afraid.) JMO
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 25
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Learning to take a hint
Posted: 5/27/2012 4:00:38 PM
Op, this is a situation where I think something fairly simple will help you deal with it the easiest.

This is all but identical to when we were kids, and we would go to the parents asking for a special treat, or to run off to see a movie, or any number of things....and the parents response was "maybe later."

In both cases, the basic functional response we got, was "NO."

That is what "maybe later" always functionally boils down to.

As with dealing with parents, it isn't necessary to come to any conclusion about what the future may or may not hold. The best and most rational and productive way to deal with "no" is, to find something else to do with your time and attention.

No need to make either nasty, or hopeful judgements about the person who said no, those will just clutter up your mind, and make absolutely certain that any future dealings you have with them will be more strained and confusing than before, since they will unknowingly have to deal both with the immediate version of you, and with your unverbalized fantasy Court Proceedings.

So I recommend you not over-think this. He said "no" for right now. Drop it, and find someone else or something else to focus your attention on. Since he also did not say "DEFINITELY LATER," do not preserve a time slot, or put any thinking into some imaginary future time when you will be able to be together, since that does not exist, and will again constitute the sort of mind-clutter I mentioned.

By keeping things simple like this, you will both free yourself up as much as is possible, AND you will have the comfort of knowing that you have not PREVENTED any possible futures from happening. Finally, and most important I think, you can move more directly to having fun yourself, right now, elsewhere and with else-whom.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 28
Learning to take a hint
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:14:06 AM
I dont deal with hints, assumptions, mind reading, morris code, signals, or signs and wonders. I deal with communication. All adults should.

If he says he's on a busy placement then, I'd message him and tell him I hope all goes great with that and move on. If he was a real man he'd just say it's not in the cards and he wishes you the best.

I'd move on. If a guy is interested HE WILL MAKE THE TIME. Again, stop making the effort to communicate and make it short and sweet if he communicates with you. Time to move on.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 31
Learning to take a hint
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:24:28 AM
It is possible that someone is busy with school, work, family, or other commitments. However I would either tell the other person when I would definitely be available. Such as "I'm busy this week. But I am free next weekend". Or if I was busy for an extended period of time, I would stop dating until I had more free time.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 32
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Learning to take a hint
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:39:51 AM
I agree with everybody else in that he's not interested. It's not even finals time in England.

And I would like to STRONGLY second the advice verygreeneyes gave you. I have followed your posting history, OP, because you remind me so much of myself when I was younger. And I think, like myself, you would be SO much better off letting men do the approaching.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with women asking men out per se, but I see that it is not working for you.

I think you would learn valuable lessons if you just worked on yourself and observe how a man acts, if he's truly into you. There will be NO doubt in your mind about his interest then. But, you cannot learn this, if you continue to be the pursuer.

Some women are cut out for that, I'm thinking of a specific poster on here, and more power to them, but most, including myself, are not.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 33
Learning to take a hint
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:43:04 AM
Everyone is saying, no he is not interested, while others are saying yes he is interested, but yes he takes school seriously. Then others are saying, if you are in school you shouldn't be dating seriously.

I am going to take another approach. Do not take a hint. Do not assume. Do not make anything that is not. Do not get your mind wrap up into something that may never happen or it may will. You are wasting mental process, projecting this illusive future.

Why. First of all, is the guy crazy about you. Of course not. He barely knows you. Also, if she shows that he is crazy about you in this early stages, a lot of times all that means is a front to get you in the sack, put that notch on his bed and move on to the next conquest.

Instead, communicate. But remember this. Communication is like playing tennis, the ball has to move back and forth. So here for you is a key word. Who initiates contact? You? Him? If about 70 percent of the contact is initiated by you. He is not interested in you and it's just testing the waters. If it's the other way around, more than likely he IS interested.

Now, there are no rules about who should contact whom. But after a few exchanges, there should be about an equal set of exchanges. Or if I send a message or a call and I do not get anything in return, that right there speaks volumes.
 joe_226
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 38
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Learning to take a hint
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:42:16 AM
Victoriah,
This boils down to...what you're looking for. If you're looking for a "summer time fling", then this student you're talking to is the right one...because he's not going to have time, or maybe even the "want", for a serious relationship because he's concerned about his education more than a relationship (but summer time booty is always good).
However, if you're looking for a more fulfilling & long-term relationship, then this guy is NOT the one you need to wasting your time with.
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