Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Less to choose the older we get      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Plenty_of_FreeTime
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 3
Less to choose the older we getPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I live in a fairly small locale too,and sometimes you have to add a few extra miles to the old search engine parameter.
And you're correct,the older we get the fewer the fish to choose from!
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 4
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/26/2012 7:13:03 PM
Try a positive attitude...and faith in God/a Higher Power...

I've seen people in their 50's 60's 70's & even 80's hook up!

There's always plenty of fish in the sea!
 charlieusn
Joined: 10/27/2010
Msg: 7
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/26/2012 9:47:27 PM
Like some others have posted, look around for some different activities. I live in a rual area and one of the small clubs has a oldies music night on sunday nights and that attracts alot of retired/mature people. And yes it seems the older we get the less there is to choose from.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 8
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/26/2012 10:41:33 PM
Op, I think that you are looking at things wrong--sure there are less and less available individuals out there--are you offering as much as you used to? What I mean is at times Ill meet someone and find myself maybe being a bit unkind and then Ill think am I being fair to that person, how am I viewing myself at this point in my life--I think we all tend to view ourselves in more favorable light than we do others especially at this age.

My ex husband was talking to me after his mom died and he had gone to Florida and saw some people he went to high school with--I was sitting looking at him thinking how rough his mom's death had been on him cause he was really looking very old (he was 12 years older than me). So he starts talking about how OLD everyone else looked; how they had grey hair (so did he); how they werent in shape (neither was he); how their eyes and smiles werent as bright (neither was his). He then said how proud he was of how well he still looked!

So do a reality check and be honest with yourself--then see if what is out there is really as far from what you want in your life as what you are offering.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/26/2012 11:53:30 PM
When I was young, the thought of my grandparents still bumping bellies was a sickening thought.....unfortunately for me, it still is! LOL
 onehappyfellow
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/27/2012 4:30:57 AM
Might be a good idea to look for why not give it a go instead of the negative.

I am an older gent still gainfully employed so not yet in nursing home. I don't want a chick - I want someone within reasonable distance of my own age. "Belly bumping" may not be in the cards but loving can still be there. Eastern Ontario here and looking.

If you're "still breathing" breath my way. LOL


Late Love

He dies.
She dies.
And after great loneliness those who are left behind
Find each other.
From neighbor or old friend
To companion,
Intimate,
And most amazingly,
Lover.

Their middle-aged children
Sulk
Saying, without saying it
This is unseemly
Devote yourselves
To good works,
Educational cruises,
Your grandchildren,
And do not abandon
Your lost mate,
Your past life ,
Or us.

Those who are left behind
Turn to each other,
Their soft ,used flesh
Renewed in a forgiving embrace.
And in their hearts
Such gratitude
Such gratitude.

Judith Viorst
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 14
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/27/2012 7:17:25 AM
Simple deductive reasoning would tell us that because of attrition, there are fewer people our age to choose from. It's especially true for women because men have a higher mortality rate. It's only a matter of time before there will be nobody left from our generation.

I prefer to just live my life and not dwell on the inevitable. Every day is a gift. Many things bring me happiness that do not involve pairing up with the opposite sex.
 meether23
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/27/2012 8:53:59 AM
You are correct when you say 60's are almost impossible time to meet anyone.I am a 67 yo. guy who feels like 87 when trying to meet a woman.Messages are almost useless and game players who like to contact several men at a time are a waste to try to chat with!!You as a woman must have the same problems with males and i do not bother trying to send a nice message when its no use what so ever.Years back i could have a meeting every weekend if i wanted to ,but things have changed thats for sure.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/27/2012 2:25:00 PM
A few comments.

I got divorced at 45 and found how much easier it is for a guy to find dates at that age than it was when we were in our twenties, especially if we date women our own age or older. But after reading some of the posts on this thread I shouldn't expect that to last for the rest of my life unless I somehow become wealthy. My theory is that women in their twenties are in the catbird seat with lots of men hitting on them. It probably evens out by the time we all reach the age of thirty-five. But after forty? Far more available women than men. It is further complicated by the fact that many men between the ages of 4o and 55 are looking to date 30 year olds. (Not me; the buy in for a thirty year old trophy wife is more kids.) I tell the women on here to consider this payback for high school. But if we are fortunate to live long enough it will even out in the end. I am reminded of the episode of The Sopranos where Uncle Junior was under house arrest. He tried to get his old girlfriend back -- the one he hit in the face with a pie during the "Boca" episode -- but she wasn't having it. He ended up spending time with a woman his own age -- a policeman's widow -- but neither one was attracted to the other so it was simply companionship.

One factor in all of this is that we see celebrities in their sixties or seventies who still look attractive. But those people really don't look like that in real life. What you are seeing is tons of make up and air brushing. Last week I went to see a country singer who I always considered attractive. She is pushing sixty. I was backstage -- no, I am not a celebrity stalker, just friends with the opening act and was on the guest list. I saw her without make up or stage costumes. Reality is that she looks like any other woman of her age pushing grandkids in a stroller. Yes, she is attractive but the pictures on her album cover make her look ten years younger. I think the media warps our expectations of what an attractive 60 year old should look like and this is one reason why we don't find people our own age attractive.
 originalNw
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/27/2012 8:23:30 PM
Normally I would agree with your " Statement " ! Age is not a factor here ! Unless your ego's so important ! I have many friends that are near the 70's mark..and as active being with the ladies as they were in the fifties. Many are widowers..and found out traveling a little far ..is a good thing. The haunt the casinos around here. Many don't play the slots/tables...but they are nice to others who dine out there. Since this is " Plenty Of Fish Site " you need to think were to go if you were young than you are. I " m a retired mechanic..and have many other home-repairs certs, so I get called upon to repair simple ..to OMG ! I have seen and conversed with one lady that is over 70 and she is active in church socials,food drives, going out to the casino, seniors gathers..ect. She told me with the right bait and tackle you can land anything you want. But she's having to much fun to be locked down to one. Many places have weekly socials for seniors in their area, you might want to expand your search? Good Luck..not that you really need it !
 fairblonde60
Joined: 11/27/2010
Msg: 20
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/27/2012 8:31:53 PM
Please, never ever settle!
I did that with my first two marriages.
Now, at our ages, we are wiser.
We know what we want.
We ARE picky because we know what we do not want!
Granted, there might not be as many eligible males out there for us to choose from because they are married or whatever but never give up! I haven't!
I believe good things come to those who wait!

"If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities" ~ Maya Angelou
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 21
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:15:17 PM
There are LOADS of men "out there," but the number who are suitable (for me, at least) is about 1%. As for age, I have attracted more men at 59 than I did at 19.

Until I met my current boyfriend about four months ago (he is five years younger than I am), I said that I was looking forward to hitting 65 so I could cruise the senior citizens' center for men.


One factor in all of this is that we see celebrities in their sixties or seventies who still look attractive. But those people really don't look like that in real life.


Really? I will be 60 this year and ya know something, I still look damned good--of course, I am not a celebrity.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 24
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/27/2012 11:35:47 PM
Yes, there are indeed fewer eligible good guys to choose from the older we get, but it is because they got snatched up in their 20's and are still married to their sweetheart. But there is hope...my older gal pals are now finding good, decent marriage-minded men in their 50's and 60's whose wives have died and who feel lost without a mate...two have married widowers that were neighbors and one married someone she met at an antique car show. (which reminds me, if you want to find men, go to where men hang out.) Now finding one that is healthy is another issue...but if you can, you are a good looking woman with a lot going for you. Good luck in your search.
 Trevork52
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/28/2012 4:53:03 AM
Come over to the UK for a "fact finding" holiday???
 Linda136
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 26
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/28/2012 3:56:06 PM
*I think there are less people our age on the computer looking like we are.
*I think we all get pickier the older we get - we're more set in our ways, the person we lost knew everything about us, do we really want to go through that again?
*We aren't the young, hot, toned bodies we once were, but along with our maturing bodies our emotional selves have matured making our thought process in choosing a new mate more mature. We (should be) looking at each other with eyes that go beyond the cover of the book.
*As in everything it's a give and take - do I give up the independence I've come to know and enjoy to compromise my time and space with someone who will be giving me emotional and physical comfort?
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 27
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/28/2012 4:35:48 PM
Befriend friends at your local church, get involved with Bingo or do some volunteering. Dating sites can't be your only venue for meeting someone & if so it's very limited regardless of age.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 28
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/28/2012 8:02:19 PM

The downside of women living longer than men is the ratio of women to men gets higher and higher. Also guys tend to lose interest so fewer register at online dating sites. It's a good reason for women to work harder at maintaining an active mind and attractive figure as you age. Guys can coast.


No, they can't coast, but I now realize why so many scraggly, ugly, stupid, and obese men have contacted me: they think that I am desperate and they, being in the minority, can "coast."

Ugly is ugly, dumb is dumb, and fat is fat. Women might outnumber men in our declining years, but a self-respecting woman won't settle for a man who is undesirable.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 8:24:26 AM

Gwendolyn2010
I now realize why so many scraggly, ugly, stupid, and obese men have contacted me: they think that I am desperate and they, being in the minority, can "coast."

“Scraggly, ugly, stupid” are very harsh words.

Gwendolyn2010
Ugly is ugly, dumb is dumb, and fat is fat

Once again, very harsh words.

You might want to consider lightening up a bit.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 34
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 8:46:32 AM

The downside of women living longer than men is the ratio of women to men gets higher and higher. Also guys tend to lose interest so fewer register at online dating sites. It's a good reason for women to work harder at maintaining an active mind and attractive figure as you age. Guys can coast.


Talk about harsh.

Women have to work harder at maintaining an active mind an attractive figure as we
age so we can attract men who think they can just "coast"? Maybe that's why there are
so many single older people. The guys are "coasting" and the women aren't yet ready
to settle for second best.

 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 9:09:47 AM
Browneyes? Could not have said it better myself! So far, I have not run into much of the "coasting" attitude but should I ever? Pppffttt would rather stay single tyvm!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 10:18:39 AM
Well, it may be technically true that there are fewer and fewer men to choose from because we all just drop dead, but I think that its something that affects the 75+ crowd much more than the 45-60 crowd, the latter being what I observe to be the bulk of the population on the dating sites.

One of the realities of life is that you meet only a minuscule number of people from the cast of potential soul mates, and if you see them as all unacceptable, you will never be in a couple again. What I see is that past experiences, good and bad, cause older people to be more and more picky, and the longer they stay single, the more they realize that life in the single lane is downright pleasant in many ways. Its a self-amplifying pattern.

I have said many times that relationships are creative activities, and an evaluative approach is never a creative one. There has never been an art critic that produced a major work of art with lasting appreciation.

Be open, be optimistic, be creative. There are loads and loads of people out there that want to live happily ever after, even in the old folks homes....
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 37
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 10:36:11 AM
@maisie18--you can set your age requirements to eliminate those kids from bothering you--I just tell them I know their mom or that my kids recognize them to mess with them a bit :P

I think the men who coasted in high school, college, etc are the ones who coast now--just like there are women who have coasted --to some looks are secondary and maybe since so many coasters are still going strong--maybe it is vanity that kills!

I think it is hard to keep up with everything --whitening teeth, shaving, hairstyling etc--but I do that for me so I like who I see when I look in the mirror. If someone never liked what they saw then it makes sense these people aren't going to spend more time now--might even say they have evolved in a different way--doesnt mean Im going to date them but maybe a kinder way to look at things.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 40
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:45:28 AM
I agree with Paderic and I don't think I could say it any better than he did.
Cindy O
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 11:49:01 AM
I think the discussion is mis-directed to some degree. I try to take care of myself because of 2 main reasons, the first being that I like to be able to get out of bed in the morning and do whatever strikes my fancy without having to face physical limitations. The second reason is I like to feel that I offer my bed partner the experience of someone who is at least as pleasing as she it to me. If I want to attract a woman that makes me happy with my relationship, I have to offer up someone who makes her happy as well.

I really don't see the idea of coasting because of a statistical disparity between the sexes. There are just too many people in the world for the choice based on numbers to be much of an influence. To me, people who just coast lack self respect, and respect for their mates, so can't really have any marketability outside of extreme situations, like being the only man within a 100 miles, or something.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 43
Less to choose the older we get
Posted: 5/29/2012 5:12:01 PM
Well there are less singles over age 45
than at 25.
And normal mortality adds to the attrition rate.

However....If you take care of your health.
can look good at your age....
then you will get alot of attention online.

If you don't.
You won't.

Just how it is.
Sorry.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Less to choose the older we get