Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Always dumped, is it me?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Always dumped, is it me?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
To answer both of your questions:

1. It is not always you, because it can be a variety of factors. With that said, to reduce the chance that you are the problem you need to communicate early, effectively what your goals are for any type of relationship you engage in. Let me point out that a ONS is simply that, so you may need to embrace it for what it is. In other words, don't engage in ONS activity if you are hoping it can turn into a long lasting relationship.

2. To toughen up requires courage, and it is hard to do, but this is something you must find from within. You will always be hurt when someone tells you they are not interested in you anymore. You can reduce that pain by focusing on moving forward and continue being you.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 5/31/2012 4:22:29 PM


Any advice on how to toughen up and not get my feelings hurt when someone says they don't like me anymore?
{/quote]

stop assuming anything..
learn to ask better questions and stop putting out too earoy in the relationship.
Don't overshare your thughts or feelings... let things devlop slowly or end.

main thing is to not assume anything, things can change quickly in new relationships.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 12
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 6/4/2012 5:22:45 PM
There are two ways to ace this.

The first, is to develop something you can do/be
that makes you smile just doing it.
Whether it is helping orphans in Africa
or being able to shoot free throws one handed.
If we become the cool people we can be,
we are not concerned about the opinions of others.
We are great and happy in the world
no matter what.


The other method....is the guy method.
and that is to become totally delusional
that we are all that.
despite any and all evidence to the contrary.
And if others can't share that neurosis with us,
well...can't help em.
They just be missing out.
:-P
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 14
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:51:53 AM
OP, from my POV, once you realize that there can be many people you enjoy spending time with, and even if you are looking for a soulmate there are way more than 1 in a world of billions of people, you won't be so depressed when your current relationship turns out to be disappointing.

There is another newer relationship waiting around the next corner. Try and have fun in the moment with each new relationship, and realize that the end is just the beginning of something new.
 DJR999
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 15
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 6/6/2012 7:29:23 PM
you sound like a little punk, just so you know joshua
 Sillyandserious
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:03:41 AM
bsunrise28,
First thank you for putting yourself out there and posting this question. I SO needed to read this....I feel all the same things you do. I feel like both of us got some good advice here :)

Dating SUCKS! I read the books (dating advice) and it seems to promote so much manipulation. I just hate being played...why would I somehow feel better about the entire thing because I AM the player. huh???

I think there are those of us out there who are just sensitive souls. It doesn't mean we are desperate...it just means we feel things a bit deeper then other people.
Just keep your chin up and try to fill your life with lots of people and activities.
 Wild_man_in_the_woods
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 19
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 6/16/2012 8:01:51 PM
Raise your sights and the results will follow.

Life in general and relationships in particular have taught me this.

Focus on doing the things that you enjoy, and exploring and cultivating the best things about yourself without looking for another to bring happiness.

Work to develop a clear sense of what you want and need in and from a connection with someone.

Most of us start with an assumption that others want and need the same things that we do, and that others can also offer to us what we hope to offer to them. Unfortunately, it is far from that simple. There's millions of different flavors of crazy, and no such thing as "normal," so none of this is a matter of better or worse, or more or less morally worthy (about you or about anyone else).

You just want to seek and find another flavor of crazy that harmonizes with your own (and truly I am not suggesting you are crazy), rather than clashing with your flavor.

It's about getting a clear sense of what you have to offer, and what you need in return, making sure that you are not squandering your pearls before someone who can't appreciate them, and making sure the person you begin to invest time and emotion with is capable of and competent at offering what you need.
 **Iz**
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 21
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 6/17/2012 4:31:11 PM
Listen darling log term relationships have to develop. Start by respecting yourself enough so that you're not settling. Work on your self esteem. You are a hottie. Change your hair style, go to the gym and work out to those songs you love but can't remember the artists. Don't do this because you are um attractive. Do it because you need to get intouch with yourself. Explore who you are. Take inventory of all your surroundings. Where you live, how you live, how you dresss, the friends you keep and how people percieve you.
I know you understand my answer to your question is you are working against yourself. You seem like a nice person. I hope what I wrote helped. Good luck to you darling.
Izzy.
 Rheostatic
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 22
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:34:49 PM

You know how you're optimistic and non-confrontational? Those are really great qualities, and if you keep getting stomped on, they'll be buried behind walls a mile thick, which isn't fair to you or to the guy you're meant to be with.


Sorry, but non-confrontational isn't exactly a great quality, especially when combined with optimism. It basically means you assume every person you meet in ANY context is good, special and unselfish, and this is far from the truth. It's the very definition of a pushover.
 Wild_man_in_the_woods
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 23
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:07:23 PM
People who are nonconfrontational not infrequently have some form of anger issues, in ways that they may not understand or recognize, and that can inflict some pretty unexpected and unwelcome stuff both on/ within the person carrying the anger and others that they interact with.

Rent and watch the movie "Anger Management." A lot of the specifics of the plot are immature humor and implausible in the extreme. But there are elements of truth in it that are worth checking out and reflecting upon if you're a "nice guy" or "nice girl"
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 24
Always dumped, is it me?
Posted: 6/20/2012 3:59:52 AM
You need to seek professional counseling and avoid reading the posts of amateur counselors on this forum.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Always dumped, is it me?