Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 1
How Much ME Time Needed in RelationshipPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
In the hunt for Mr./Miss Perfect, a lot of people say they are looking for someone to grow old with, a lifetime partner and all the rest of it. Bur for people who have been on their own for a while who can come and go as they please without explanation, people don’t want to feel smothered when they find a close-enough-to-perfection partner. After the honeymoon phase, how much Me or Alone time, a girl’s night out/a boys night out time do you need? What part of single life do you want to maintain?

When you have your alone time or a night out with the girls/guys without the partner, are text messages from the partner off limits during your Me time?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 2
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/3/2012 6:48:57 PM
The aspects that make up an individual relationship are negotiated. You mow the lawn, I wash the dishes. You go fishing I go visit my friends.

There is no book on a how to, each relationship will be different depending on the needs and wants of the two individuals.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 3
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/3/2012 7:03:34 PM
Oh.....it also helps to actually KNOW the person pretty well before getting into a relationship. Then you're usually somewhat familiar with their regular activities, hobbies, etc. If you don't know the person that well, there's going to be extended negotiations.......haha.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 4
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/3/2012 7:10:23 PM
I need a lot of ME time... so I picked a very successful man who worked a lot.

In a word: perfect

least it is for me ! Those who want or need constant togetherness this will not work for !

text each other when out? are you kidding me?
lol
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 5
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/3/2012 7:59:46 PM
I enjoy my own company.
I also enjoy time with others.

When I need time for me, work or when I am out with my friends
there better be a darn good reason for text messages being sent.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/3/2012 8:58:46 PM
I'm not into girls/boys night out, I wouldn't want to date anyone who goes out drinking and whatever they do, no strip club guys for me, etc. I've never been to a male strip club and I won't ever be going, I would want a man to feel the same way, just a ridiculous thing to me, if you aren't looking for trouble then you just don't go where trouble is, is how I feel. My idea of needing space is more having my run of the house, TV, etc., when I want to be with myself, and I expect him to have his space, a house with 2 TVs would be needed. lol It's not that I mind a man being there, it's that I do not want to be joined at the hip, maybe he has a shop or a man cave, and maybe I have TV room where I can watch what I want without him pissing & moaning about my taste in TV shows. I like to feel relaxed in my own space and not have to explain or be interrupted, unless of course he likes the same show I'm watching, I'm not against cuddling and watching.

So I guess that's it, I don't like to have to explain why it takes me 2 hours to shop or why I like a show or a computer site and I like to relax & enjoy. And then there's the fact that I like to sleep alone...that tends to cause problems in a relationship.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 7
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/4/2012 10:36:00 AM
I'm in a blended family right now so during the week we either have one or two kids with us and then on the weekend we either have both kids or no kids at all. There isn't much time for "Me Time" there and I think my partner is in the same frame of mind that when we don't have the kids that's "Us Time" that we both look forward to. When it's just us we don't feel the constant need for idle chatter. We are perfectly content in doing our own thing. I also work from home so I have a little too much "Me Time". If he wants to go out and do his own thing he's welcome to it without the guilt trip or resentment, me personally I like having him around and miss him when he's not.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 8
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/4/2012 10:40:59 AM
Even during the honeymoon stage I think it's important to not be consumed fully by the relationship. If you're craving Me Time, then perhaps the relationship is also progressing more quickly than is comfortable.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/4/2012 4:58:57 PM
This is why guys like having a man cave. I guess that makes the rest of the house the woman's cave.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/4/2012 5:12:58 PM

After the honeymoon phase, how much Me or Alone time, a girl’s night out/a boys night out time do you need? What part of single life do you want to maintain?


Personally this subject quickly comes to a head during this so called "honeymoon phase". It's also one of the reasons many "potential" relationships never get very far. I'm a simple man, and my "needs" are few and far between, including how much time I "have" to spend with my significant other. Many fems consider my actions as not "caring" or not "caring enough" which is far from the truth.

I do NEED my alone time which is basically outside. Because I have to deal with people all day,everyday,problem solving, babysitting,organizing, etc thru my work, there are many days when the phone gets shut OFF, and I have to hide out with the critters outside. Outside in my garden(though I'm willing to let others come help me weed). Outside on my rivers or lakes(able to share this with a WILLING parnter). Or just outside,hiking(walking) away from this ratrace I deal with Monday to Friday.

Like I said, my lifestyle and what I "do" is part of me, and is not hidden from anyone willing to try and get close to me. They either like it, or leave(like the majority). No arguments from me.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/5/2012 12:21:13 AM
Well, I need a whole lot more "me" time than any woman has ever felt comfortable with, so I don't see myself as good relationship material. If you are anything like me, It's best to be honest with yourself and others and just stay single.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:34:16 AM

If you are anything like me, It's best to be honest with yourself and others and just stay single.
Yup, I agree! Growing up as an "only child", I learned to entertain myself, and was always really confused by others' need for what I consider "constant" attention. It's easy for people who aren't accustomed to that sort of autonomy to interpret this as "selfishness", when in reality it's what we learned as "responsible" behavior...to entertain ourselves without getting into "trouble" or becoming whinny.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 13
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:35:42 AM
we all need me time no matter how much we want to be with another, me time means you are with your best friend for a little bit... you yourself. You define yourself by ther things YOU like to do , things that give you pleasure a little few minutes or hours or days of vacation.
me time is often very good for someone, more me time than yousing you time may be a problem then they really do not want to be with you as much for a reason.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/6/2012 7:05:27 AM
In the last year or so of my marriage, my ex wanted more and more Me time. We used to do most things together, but then she wanted to spend more time apart to be with her co-workers and friends, going out for dinners and drinks with them. And then, one day, she moved out without warning. I found out afterwards, the reason she moved out is because she moved in with another guy and the outings she claimed to have with girlfriends and co-workers was a smoke screen to cover up the dates she had with a new boyfriend.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 15
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/6/2012 5:43:00 PM

I think the thing to be more careful for is one or both having an ideal of what they want when they enter the relationship but than realizing that in fact, all that time being single has changed them


Some of us have pointed out in this thread already that we've been like this for awhile, just not when we "became" single again. I think, honestly, that is just part of the process of what people need(not want) in their own individual lives. Some people need to be around people ALLLLLL the time, when others,like me, can't get away from humans fast enough when the time fits.

And my "alone" time is NEVER out and about running around town. Running FROM town,,,yeah, that's me.
 joe_226
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 16
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/7/2012 10:34:09 AM
EVERYONE needs occasional "me time". However, when in a relationship (at any level), the "me time" SHOULD be different, in my opinion, from single life "me time". What I mean is this: When single, one's "me time" may consist of going to a "titty bar" or something along those lines. But, if you're in a relationship, you're "me time" shouldn't be, as in the example I used, going to no "titty bar" or anything like that...because, when you take on a relationship, there are some things that you give up.
I hope this makes sense...lol
 karykids5
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 17
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/7/2012 3:05:49 PM
well it depends for me, i have 3 disabled young children and yesterday was a stressful day so at the last second i decided to go see a movie and apperantly made some people mad but i am always doing for everyone else and excuse me for doing something for my self for once
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 18
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/7/2012 6:51:16 PM
OP: Personally, when I read words like "smother" and "'me' time" in a woman's profile... that's it. Next. If I were courting someone who started using such words with regard to our time together... I assure you, she'd get all the "'me' time" she wanted, to spend with "'da girls" or being alone or whatever she wanted -- because I'd be done with her, no muss, no fuss. I never understood "rationing" in a relationship.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 19
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:03:14 PM
everyone is different. these questions always crack me up. Well 72.5 hours I think is good along time per week. lol

there is no set rules. everyone is different and has to find their own way. Also you can't be going out with the boys to clubs or places where they are picking up on women or whatever; and vice versa for the girls. Things have changed and so should your free time and activities.

If someone needs that much alone time and is that independent then marriage should not be an option. Thats the problem with a lot of independent people. They forget relationships are a sacrifice, hard work and compromise.

many want to keep their lives the same and then have this magical romance on the side whenever they choose to have it. That's not a relationship.
 ncipienssuper
Joined: 6/3/2012
Msg: 21
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/8/2012 4:49:03 AM
it ia not a question of how much time i need or they need. it becomes a question of how much (me) time we both need. if i/she needs one day and she/i need three. then one has time to over think, to feel unloved.
if i need to have monday, wednesday, friday... and she needs tuesday,thursday,saturday. it still does not give us time to know each other.
as to your question of communication with your partner during "me" time the answer is one of respect, and esteem one has for themselves and their partner. the more they have the less they call, the less they have the more they call
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 22
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/8/2012 5:04:55 AM
I lived without a partner for 14 years. I raised my kid in that time, got an education and learned to like my time alone. Now, I have a partner who works overseas 2 out of 5 weeks and it suits me. I am alone for 2 weeks at a time. I miss him but... it works. For both of us. I like the down time.... just me myself and I. Plus, I love our reunions.
 Nacts930
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 23
view profile
History
How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship
Posted: 6/8/2012 9:10:57 AM
Best answer to that question, hands down.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How Much ME Time Needed in Relationship