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 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 2
Date sites and self esteem Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Walk up to say 25 women on the street and ask them out.
You might get one "yes" out of the deal.Dating sites are no less
a crap shoot for either sex.We don't "hold all the cards" and get rejected
no less than men do.

If your self esteem is only as confident as your approval rating,you are in BIG TROUBLE here.

Remember...........nothing anyone says or does "to you" is supposed to be taken personally.

Hard to remember when you are lonely and desparate for love or sex.I know.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 4
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 4:15:15 AM
But am finding as a man these sites are not helping my self esteem one bit


Why are looking towards others(these women here and dates) to lend a hand to help out your SELF esteem???? The rejection that I deal with here helps me actually. It confirms my thinking and beliefs,just not daily anymore. I've limited my initial emails to once in a blue moon,just because I don't need much more confirmation. And I'm okay with that.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 6
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 4:40:59 AM
Desperate for sex ? No man should be.. Prostitutes and call girls are every where LOL ..And its much much less trouble trust me ..And many help build ones confidence !


If that's the case,go rent one.



Maybe they feel this is desperation ? Well in a sense it is.
.

You said it first.And if sex wasn't at least one of the goals of dating,why bother to set yourself up for this 'ego blowing' if you don't want something else blown?


Now one out of 25 ? Lemme try that. So far have only sent out around 15 messages LOL ..


Point being,this is no different than trying to find a date/relationship than it is IRL.

Rejection is par for the course.And again,if you put your self esteem in someone else's hands,they will drop the ball.

Just because you want to meet someone,doesn't mean the feeling is mutual and you can take that anyway you choose to.


Theres plenty of reason to take it personally. After all, all it communicates is "You are too insignificant/unimportant/deficient/boring for me to reply to you." That seems pretty personal to me.


http://neal.wrytestuff.com/swa348351.htm

No matter how attractive or charming you may be – there will be people not interested in talking with, dating or getting into a relationship with you. This is a simple fact of life.Some women like George Clooney but not Brad Pitt, some men like Cameron Diaz but not Angelina Jolie. Certain people like certain things - and if you don't appear to have those things - they're simply not interested. They key is to not let this rattle your self-confidence.

In the dating world you're going to face rejection. Unless you married the very first person you asked out, odds are you've had to face it. This is natural… not something to get too worried about. Some singles are filled with anger, embarrassment, anxiety, fear and shame when they're faced with any form of rejection, but this simply doesn't have to be - and shouldn't be - the case.

Remember, it's not a matter of if you'll face rejection in your dating life, but rather when and how will you deal with it. So, whether it's a first approach, first date or early into a relationship, whether you saw it coming or it hit you like an unexpected bombshell, there are some key ways of handling rejection and quickly overcoming it.

Don't take it personally
In many cases, the ‘so-called' rejection has nothing to do with you. They may be having a bad day and don't feel like having a conversation with someone new. They may cut it off after a second date because they just got fired and they're life is suddenly in crisis. They may break the relationship off because their unable to overcome their commitment issues. All you can do is give it your best shot and let the chips fall where they may. If you gave it your best shot – congratulate yourself on the effort – and move on.

Don't act out
People who are single the longest can't handle rejection. After a person rejects their attempt at conversation, they say, "That's okay you don't look that interesting anyway," and storm off. They end up looking petty, silly and foolish.

After a person rejects their attempt at conversation, a smart single says, "That's okay. But if you change your mind and want to have some engaging conversations – I'll be over there," and walks off with a smile on their face. This classy exit increases the likelihood of them being approach by not only the person, but all those around them.

Cancel any pity parties
A trap singles fall into is getting caught up in a pity party. They ask themselves, "Why did this happen to me?" They begin to question their self-worth. They start to second-guess themselves? They begin to develop a fear of the opposite sex. And they waste weeks, months, even years, dwelling on a rejection.


Be sure to cancel any pity parties no matter how bad you feel. They're simply not going to help you. Instead, have a party where you invite all your friends and some attractive singles and have a great time.
Remember why you're awesome
In times where you're facing rejection, it's important to remember what makes you awesome. Why your loved ones cherish your presence. Why anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. Instead of dwelling on why something didn't work out, take a moment to write out a list of your positive traits instead. Keep your focus on the positive as much as you can because a positive outlook always earns positive results.

Keep positive
Handling rejection and overcoming it always involves keeping a positive attitude. A positive attitude helps prevent you from feeling sorry for yourself, prevents you from getting scared off, prevents you from taking it personally and keeps you looking at things from a proper perspective.

A person wasn't interested in talking with you - well go talk to another one. No second date - well go get another first date. Positive people don't let something as simple as a simple rejection ruin their day or slow their path to finding their special someone.

Reflect
If you face continual rejection it's important you step back and take a look at why that might be happening. Are you coming on too strong? Are you struggling to make conversation? Is it obvious you're nervous? A key part of improving your social skills is the ability to reflect… and evolve.

If you can find what you're doing wrong and quickly correct it you're not going to have to face as much rejection. So don't be afraid to step away from a situation, visualize what you were doing, find out what you did wrong, understand how to correct, they go out there and correct it..

Think of it as a favor
The worst thing that can happen in dating is not rejection, but to get strung along, thinking the person really likes you when they don't. If a first or second date doesn't turn into anything more, be thankful.

This may seem strange, but having one of you acknowledge an incompatibility early on - rather than later on - is a huge time-saver. The brush-off allows you to chalk it up to experience and move on to someone who is more appreciative of your time and energy.

Lastly…
Learning how to handling rejection without damaging your self-confidence – whether it's in the dating or business world – is an exceptionally valuable skill. You're not going to win at everything you do, but that doesn't mean you have to look bad doing it. Those who can handle rejection and not lose a skip in their step, find themselves not losing very often, because they have learned to hold their heads high no matter what. It's important everyone learn this skill.


Nothing is going to change the fact you're awesome – unless you stop believing it's true. No one can make you feel bad – but yourself. So don't let any sort of rejection – big or small – rattle your confidence level. Remember, you can't be everyone's idea of a perfect match. That wouldn't be fair to everyone else. But be sure of this, the man or woman of your dreams is out there. And the less time you spend worrying about or dwelling on rejection, the less time you'll have to find them.



And its not that I necessarily need my self esteem built up .But who needs it torn down ?


It's all how you see it and if you value someone else's opinion of you more than you value your own,you are setting yourself up for feeling "torn down".
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 8
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:24:04 AM
Does constant rejection help or hurt ones self esteem ? Does it make one tougher or more jaded ?

My self esteem isn't dependent on the opinions of strangers so the "rejection" could be 100% and it wouldn't matter. Therefore I don't have to adopt a "tougher" or "more jaded" persona as a defense mechanism against the perceived wrongs of people on the internet I don't know and will never meet.


You always pay for it one way or another !

What are you saying, that you think you're entitled to what you think is the best a woman has to offer for free?


Yes its a shark pond and us angel fish are the bait LOL..

Welcome to the pity party. Who brought the extra-large box of Kleenex??
 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 9
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:36:13 AM
Because I see anger in you to as well sorry my opinion .
How long have you been alone by choice of course LOL..


That's your assumption and it's wrong again.All that is to me
is your own projections talking because I never take other people's
opinions of me personally.Especially one's who don't know me from Adam.

FYI...I met a man here 3 years ago and have been in love,living with him
happily ever since.Sorry,but you and others seemed to need some help
in how you see rejection.Sorry I wasted my efforts in offering you
that link on how to react to it.

The only thing we have control of is our own reaction to any given situation or person.
I choose not to take rejection personally.You can choose to let it effect your self esteem and
see where that get's ya'.


Now let me hear from guys who say they dont EVER pay for sex or have ? You always pay for it one way or another ! And yes my guess is also the longer alone and single the more jaded .


By the sound of your attitude,that deduction is right on the money.

Seeking external validation from people who's opinions we value is one thing,but to expect
a complete stranger to care about your feelings enough to coddle your self esteem,is another.

How about this...what do YOU do when someone contacts you that you have ZERO INTEREST IN?

Should they take your rejection of them personally? Or should they just keep trying and not let your personal preferences in women effect their self worth?

Try this for a change.


Cancel any pity parties
A trap singles fall into is getting caught up in a pity party. They ask themselves, "Why did this happen to me?" They begin to question their self-worth. They start to second-guess themselves? They begin to develop a fear of the opposite sex. And they waste weeks, months, even years, dwelling on a rejection.

 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 12
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:49:15 AM

The only thing we have control of is our own reaction to any given situation or person.
I choose not to take rejection personally.You can choose to let it effect your self esteem and
see where that get's ya'.




I agree with this Hearton64. I also did not see anger in her recommendations or delivery. In the other hand, I find that the OP has a preconceive notion, anger and frustration and is here just to vent that anger, and simply find empathy, instead of finding a way out of his predicament.

I dated a lot on line. I have gotten rejected a million times and I will get rejected again another million times. But what you need to do is approach it as people in sales, who hear No all the time. First of all you learn from every No, and what it means. Sometimes It is something that you said. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you AT all. Also, expect the OBJECTION ALL the time, and be prepare to come up with the alternative plan, which in talking to women may simply mean talking about something else.

Also understand the dynamics of the Online. Actually if you get your ego and self esteem bruised from an impersonal medium as is Online, what is going to happen when it's the real word, are you going to then shrivel and crawl under a rock? So take advantage of the impersonal to learn to accept rejection, embrace rejection.

What you need to do in my opinion is first, stop being so jaded. Your jaded communications comes through and women do not like that. Second, be willing to stick your foot on your mouth. You know she will reject you. So first objective should be to see if you can make her respond. So be witty, be funny, and remember, it's not about you. It's about her. So if you start by saying, "hey good looking, I like archery, and fried monkeys, what about you?" You are going to get a rejection. But if you ask her "I notice in your photo that you were sitting at some street cafe. Is that in Palermo, or Nice?"

Now, you want to know why Facebook is so popular, because human nature dictates that we desperately want to be noticed, so we post pictures of our friends and family and become addicted to those bits of communications. When your exchange ends with a questions that addresses nothing else but her own life experience she will be more interested in communicating.

So instead of treading every rejection as a blow to your ego. Use every rejection as the thing that makes you tougher and helps you hone your skills as a communicator.
 nottyelle
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 14
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:49:22 AM
Men hold the trump cards...we wait for them to seek us. When they do we can only respond.

When some men get in a relationship they are still unhappy and sabotage their new "best thing" to search for a new "best thing"
To start all over again instead of making this work. I know that I am worthwhile and have seen two men regret that they didn't cherish what they had. We can try to make you happy, you have to be satisfied for it to work.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:31:36 AM

noyytelle
Men hold the trump cards...we wait for them to seek us.



abelian
I'd much rather risk getting shot down than wait for a message that never comes. Most women are in the latter position, while most guys are in the former position.


Of course, there is no good reason why a woman can’t take the initiative, and send that initial message. But until more women start taking that chance, start risking rejection, men are in the better position IMHO.

And to the OP: If you have only sent 15 initial messages, you haven't even begun yet.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 17
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 9:06:21 AM

Of course, there is no good reason why a woman can’t take the initiative, and send that initial message. But until more women start taking that chance, start risking rejection, men are in the better position IMHO.


Interestingly enough, the more advance the technology, the more we have gone back to basics. Men are testosterone driven, that means the go out and hunt, they go in adventures, the venture. Women in the other hand are driven by estrogen, they are nest builder. The keepers of the home.

So men by nature are more aggressive, so we are the ones that send the emails, contact the women. In the old days, the one that asked the girl to dance. Women in the other hand tend to veto, that is that they hint, so the man takes the initiative, and then she vetos, the suitors that do not fit her emotional needs.

So this is our nature. There are going to be some women that initiate, but they are never going to be in the majority.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 10:09:41 AM

Yes its a shark pond and us angel fish are the bait LOL..
Careful... nice guy threads are fodder for the sharks in this pond.

I only consider it a personal rejection if the person truly knows me. I don't mean having read a few emails I've composed or having sent me a few form emails he's composed, I mean having met me and spent enough time with me to form an educated opinion on the person I am inside. As far as someone rejecting me on here, doesn't bother me in the least since it's only superficial.

Buck up and keep on keeping on... don't sweat the small stuff and a plethora of other catch phrases that are going around these days.
 turnitupman
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 19
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 10:12:30 AM
15 messages? Drop in the bucket, my friend. That's my total for just the last 3 days - I actually can't count the number of rejections I get, because they did the reset and my stats go back far enough, but rest assured it's in the hundreds. So far, it's ALL rejections. Try a little longer before you say this just isn't working.

Look, it's not that either side has a monopoly on rejection, it's just that the culture dictates that the men be the ones who take the initiative, so it seems like we're the only ones who get rejected because we're usually the ones who have failed passes at people, so we're the ones whose ego it actually hits negatively. We actually do our accepting or rejecting before we even talk to the person, before they even know we're considering our level of interest. Aside from the 10% who get messages all day long, women actually get more rejections than men, they just don't know about it. Might not be fair, but you're a man, buck up, this is how we do.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 20
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 11:42:10 AM

I read through that advice blog, unfortunately, it is all advice that I've heard before, and have found myself utterly incapable of following.


That, in part, I would venture to guess,is due to your own insecurities and self doubt.

Do you take everything others say and do personally in your life?
Because most of it is about them projecting thier own issues onto you.
It really has nothing to do with you.You need to learn to detach from the outcome
or someone else's choices,
and own your own reaction to any given percieved slight.

The more secure you are in yourself,the less personally taken rejection will feel.

Let's say you contact someone.
They see you in that Kilt and think....Umm..I don't think so.
For whatever reason they are not attracted to men in skirts.
Or men with Beards.Or men that are tall.....whatever it is...it's thier right to not be interested for whatever reason
Just like it's your right to have your own preferences.Doesn't mean they don't like you personally,they don't even know you.
Should you take thier preference personally?
Or should you continue to BE YOU and wait for someone who DOES love men in skirts?
Or should you change to suit other people's preferences and stop being you?

Sometimes,all it takes for someone to reject someone
else is thier own differing preferences combined with something they see that they may not like.

Would you happily allow someone into your life to save them from feeling rejected even if you didn't find them attractive or compatible with you in one way or another? NO!

So don't expect women to do that either to spare your fragile ego.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 22
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 12:59:51 PM
I have sent out messages that have garnered no response, I just assume that they aren't interested and go on about my day. I suppose it would get to me if I multiplied that number quite a bit. I think it's normal to feel that you may be doing something wrong if you consistently aren't getting a good return on your efforts. That doesn't mean it should effect your self esteem though..
 fairblonde60
Joined: 11/27/2010
Msg: 24
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 1:38:26 PM
Wow!
There's a ton of valuable and excellent information on this thread that both sexes should read!

I'm saying this because after reading every single post, what I'm seeing is nothing new.
Dating is the same as it was when I was in my 20's, before the internet and cell phones.

I do wonder how those with "insecurities" of getting rejected on here feel when they go out to bars.
Do you encounter rejection at the bars as well? If so, well, it's basically the same thing here on dating sites.

Never give up and never ASSUME!
Dating is tough for both sexes, not just for the males!
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 25
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 2:29:45 PM
I was feeling the same way for a while, but in seeing how so many people operate on here, and just in life in general, they are such flakes I couldn't care less about what they deem "important" or "attractive." Doesn't make for any less loneliness, but I still know I am a good person, and have dated some very beautiful women in the past, so I know I'm not a leper. My views on SOCIETY and people in general are not helped by this site. I think that fuels my frustration moreso than any perceived rejection. Anyone who reads a profile and looks at a pic and thinks they "know" a person is sorrily mistaken.

They don't know YOU, they know a superficial online likeness of you. YOU have not been rejected unless you meet face to face with a woman. Remember that. Only their interpretation of a meaningless profile has been "rejected." Too bad for them.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 2:39:33 PM
I have no idea where people get this perception that self-esteem comes from within, like it’s something you’re born with (nature). Self-esteem ultimately comes from other people’s behavior toward you (nurture).

If you were conditioned your entire life to believe you are worthless, then you will almost certainly believe you are worthless. If you were conditioned your entire life to believing you are God’s gift to this earth, then you will almost certainly believe you are God’s gift to this earth. Those of you who were conditioned to believe the latter will almost certainly shrug off every rejection that comes your way, as you believe anyone who doesn’t like you has to be beneath you (“his/her loss!”). Contrary to popular belief, a person’s not going to gain any self-esteem without any positive reinforcement.

That said, there are few people born into an absolute situation (at least in the modern Western world). Even if you’ve lived the “Precious” life, most likely you’ll come across someone eventually that will give you the positive reinforcement you need to overcome weak self-esteem. Most likely you’ll read something or see something that will help you realize that there might be good inside you. And most likely even if you’ve been conditioned to believe you’re God’s gift to this earth, you will eventually come across someone or read something or see something that will knock you down a few levels, maybe even to the point of feeling worthless.

Obviously, the idea behind having strong self-esteem is such that negative reinforcement doesn’t have much of an effect on you. But the problem with that concept is, there are truths in this world, and too much self-esteem can simply lead to being delusional when all evidence points to you being “bad” in some way.

And quite frankly, if you’re piling up rejections on a dating website, there IS something wrong with you, no matter what your “self-esteem” is telling you. I’m not necessarily saying you’re unattractive -- heck, what may be wrong with you is just your location (I went to college in Gainesville – if you’re not college-aged, then there’s not much else going on in that area -- VERY small market). It may be your approach. Or, you just may be unattractive! But most likely, if you’ve had a fair amount of dating success in the “real world” and are failing on a dating website, that’s not it.

But I definitely wouldn’t put much stock in a sample of 15. Come back to me after 5 years and thousands of emails (which means I’ll be up to 10 years and many more thousands of emails), then we can talk. Dating-wise, my self-esteem’s rarely been very high because in real life situations (dating all the way back to elementary school), girls/women were always pretty consistent about rejecting me with comments detailing how worthless or undateable I was (in rural Alabama, little girls are mean as snakes), but I joined POF on a hot streak after dating women I actually found attractive (including a model) for several years in row. Thanks to that puff of positive reinforcement, it took about 3 years of few responses, once-in-a-blue-moon first contacts from women (almost always repulsive) and no meetings before POF did to me what it’s doing to you. I would say you probably are a little thin-skinned if you’re down to my level after only a couple of weeks.

That does not mean, unlike the other vampires in this thread, that I don’t have any sympathy for your cause. But I’ve known for many years I’m in the bottom 1% of men statistically and that 99%+ of women will reject me, and my whole adult life getting dates has pretty much been my third or fourth job (depending on how many “real” jobs I was holding at the time), because I have always had to work much harder than most other men to get dates (despite the fact that my one true girlfriend just fell out of the sky and I put no effort into getting her to date me whatsoever – life is weird like that). I could for a while send out 200 first contact emails in a week and get maybe 10 disinterested replies that went nowhere and not think much about it, because I knew how strongly the odds were against me, but after a few years, it just starts to wear on you, realizing there’s nothing more you can do to improve your lot, because you’ve already done everything you or anyone else could think of doing outside of outright lie, and life is just slipping away on you...

I just don’t feel like you’ve let this gone on long enough yet for it to have a serious impact on your self-esteem unless there’s something I’m missing here. Seems like you’re just tossing around the concept of the effect dating websites have on people’s self-esteem and not taking it seriously.

And on that same note, I think Outmind is just tossing around numbers (I bet money my thousands are many more than his “millions” – want to see my contact history?).

“I suppose it would get to me if I multiplied that number quite a bit.”

Exactly.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 29
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 3:06:03 PM
The comments on this thread remind me of a scene from the movie "Staying Alive" with John Travolta, where the woman asks him to leave after they have sex, and he says, "No one has ever asked me to leave before", to which she replies, "don't take it personally", to which he counters, "how can I not take it personally? I'm a person!"


How much rejection should one expect as a male ?


A truckload, unless you have GQ models looks coupled with a fat wallet.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 31
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 3:27:40 PM
If any of us guys were to take a poll...
of the planet...of all women.....
no matter how attractive we are(or think we are)
most women...worldwide....would not think us so.

We could be muscular,
but some women prefer thin.
we could be smart,
but some women prefer not so smart.
ect.
...ect
....ECT!

The idea....that some guy....even some super guy....
could be attractive to most women....most of the time...is a myth.

within the other...ever more complicated sex....
is abunch of different niches..some very nuanced....
as to what they consider attractive in a guy.

So the nature of online smoozing is that most women
we try to contact will probably not be into us.
No matter who we are.

THE GOAL is NOT to keep sending random messages to random women
and hope for the best....
but to FIND what niche you resonate with and contact members of it
that are attractive to you.

You do that,
you will be aces.
:-P
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 3:42:24 PM
Dude do not allow your ego to be hurt it is normal , it is a rough crowd some women love to make a guy feel small hahahah. Accept it millions of guys in the same boat here , candy land for women especiallyu the young ones, the ones that say they get almos t nothing actually get some but are not interested. Its like never being asked on a date ever hahaha. In life find friends of female friends, that works.

Dude this is a tough crowed , especially the women be careful you will be eaten little guppy.
generally women do not really know what a man goes through, from their young life they
had boys chasing them in school to bars in college men to woman ratio was 10 to 1 and still is, as they get a little older and more mature as older guys die off and are married , they get less responses, so do not
be shocked by seemingly harsh remarks and personal attacks , it is normal around here.

Women in all ages and walks of life generally do not take the initiative, it's like abar or a dance club , you wanna dance you are the one who asks or pulls a girl to the dance floor, you get rejected , it can happen 30 times in a night, it happens to me often, I like going out, minimum 15 rejections and max around 30, I do ge to dance sometimes alone, there always several times more men than women and they are not actively asking any guy to dance or even initiating conversation, then you have the crowd of guys actively trying to contact the women , some turn their heads and ignore, others say hi and walk away others pretend no to hear o look at you, some say no and smile and if you try to talk to them they may brush you off. The guys who get game are the lucky hjandsome tall and successful 5 percent( it just seem so), women may settle because they are bored but do not seem interested.

It is exactly the same as in real life, I as other guys have sent many messages , I have at one time sent 200 messages a month with no responses, I have been here years, I have gotten like 3 responses a month at one time , they were only compliments or complaints from my comments in the forum hahahaha, I have my profile but am not active .

I had one pretty cousin place a profile here, she got 300 emails a day so it seems, her sister who is not as pretty got 20 a day , their heavy friend got 10-15 a week ,, an aunt of mine who is 55 gts 3 a day sometimes none, my male cousins get nothing , we are amazed if one gets one, I know we were comparing quantity when my cousin complained in getting 300 e-mails ,

Dude like in real life but worse here, you have to work hard have special writing skills , like they say you have to have game, women love the game they like the game played properly , you do not play it properly you get ignored.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 34
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 3:45:56 PM

If that is true, doesn't it tell you how ineffectual the advice is, given that it's intended to address those exact problems?


Ohhh the irony of the first sentence of your profile
It seems you do have the concept down pat,
you just can't seem to believe it.


If you don't want to believe that I'm fantastic, thats up to you



The reason doesn't matter. It remains a rejection of ME.[/quote

And no one owes you or me or anyone else anything but maybe a "Thanks, but no thanks."


I have done so before. I will probably do so again.


That's just silly.Why would you date someone to spare thier feelings of rejection if you weren't attracted or compatible with them?

I think it might come down to the fact that being in a
place that has 1000's of possibilities,people tend to be more picky,judgemental and scrutinizing than IRL.

They don't call this place Plenty of Fish for nothing.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 39
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 5:18:32 PM
Well there are two things you should take from my post.

1) Encouragement.
In that it is a given most women you contact
will not be that interested in you.
Just the way it is for all guys online.
No reason to lower your esteem over it.

2) Often we hit on types that are not our own.
(we just think they are)
So you need to branch out and quit making
such a big deal about what is on their profiles.
(in fact, work on yours. It is paper thin and a guy with weapons...even a bow...
strikes most women as abit scary)

But getting back to the branch out thing.
Now wouldn't be great..for me....if I could find
the type of women who are all supermodel gorgeous
and will wash my truck for me once a week.

Assuming such a type did exist....
.......I seriously doubt
..........I would be their type.
LOL

Often our frustration
is just a mismatched search for the wrong type.

but if you want to keep hitting your head on that wall,
go ahead.
You'll either figure it out in time.
Or get a new hobby to pass the alone time.

till then....geez, profile review and loose the weapon pictures.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 42
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:54:27 PM
Unfortunately most women that don't respond probably did in the beginning, but with the nasty responses to polite rejection why send polite rejection?


Tough for women how ?


A lot more of us send out initial emails than you think. We get rejected a lot too. We also get men writing back assuming we plan to jump their bones on the first meet.


Really how many requests for dates a week do you get ?


Me? None - online or in "real life".


How many do you turn down because of superficial things like lack of hair or hieght ?


None. Never have, but I have turned men down for being rude.


Yeah same for women how ? You have to spend more time deciding why you wont date a guy ?


Now you're being childish.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 43
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:17:25 PM

Men hold the trump cards...


That may have been true 500 years ago, but not any more.


...we wait for them to seek us.


You don't have to anymore. In most Western societies, woman are free to initiate contact, to ask a man out on a date, plan a date, and pay for a date with her own hard-earned money from her own job. Only those who are too archaic in their thinking will have a problem with that.


When they do we can only respond.


Or ignore. As the case often is on here.



We can try to make you happy, you have to be satisfied for it to work.


It does indeed take 2 people making the effort to make a relationship happy and fulfilling for both sides.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 44
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:00:14 PM
I have no earthly idea what the hell it is most guys are doing wrong on this site, but it has to be something.

I'm guessing many of them just go after any attractive female they see, regardless of whether they have anything in common or not.

It's actually rare that I write anyone, but when I do, I read every word of the profile beforehand. I only write the ones I have a strong feeling will reply, and I have a lot in common with. I would say 75% of the time they do respond.

I think it's best to make sure you really do pick ones that you think you have a lot in common with. I have a feeling a lot of guys are picking one small thing and running with it.

"OMG! She likes football, too!! We're soulmates!!"
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 46
Date sites and self esteem
Posted: 6/5/2012 8:38:50 PM
You may be too thin skinned as it takes a tough hide to deal with dating site rejections and those that swim around in this big pond. I agree that you should meet as soon as, and if they wont do that, then move on. It is true that guys outnumber women greatly on dating sites. So you are at a disadvantage. I have met a few guys from here and I dont like the idea of having to front up to strangers and all the attendant anxieties. So I just prefer the forums nowadays.
You should be looking around in real life for a partner and you can see what you get upfront and whether there is any chemistry. Rejection hurts everyone on some level and it is not easy to deal with. However you should not allow cyberspace contacts to damage your self esteem. You dont know who you are dealing with after all. They could be anybody with all sorts of issues going on.

I like your profile but you need perhaps more pics and full length. It is the nature of dating sites not to do well so dont take it personally. You are attractive looking and seem intelligent.
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