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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Trying to get my ex back.      Home login  
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 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 3
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Trying to get my ex back.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Get rid of the jealousy because it is emotionally abusive and smothering. I had left a relationship of 9 years due to jealously and emotional abuse. Accusations that are not true and constant badgering is abusive.
Your method of winning her back is romantic and cute but make sure you are not trying to control her with your jealousy. You both need to have an honest, non confrontational conversation.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 5
Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:05:58 AM
You either trust someone, or you dont.

If she had to jump through that many hoops to get you to see she is trustworthy?

In her shoes, Id have dumped you and never looked back. Dating a jealous person is just no fun at all.

I refuse to be made to feel I cannot make eye contact with anyone of the opposite sex. It is NOT my problem if men look at me, or try to talk to me. And no man I date will try to make me feel bad for being who I am.

I dont think you are all better...it is just that you know this 1 guy isnt going to be an issue. You will revert to your older ways if a new fella shows interest...and if she is attractive, men are going to always show an interest.

You either trust her to behave as a 'spoken for woman', even when she is alone, or you dont. You shouldnt need to dig deep and suss out the other persons secrets and desires in order to trust HER.

Do what you will, make cards, show her you are remorseful...but it wont change the longterm outcome if you are just pretending or only feel relief because you know ths 1 guy is not after her. If you dont actually do some work on figuring out why:
1-you would want to date a woman you dont trust.
2-you feel jealous instead of proud that your lady catches the eye of others.

Until you know why you do those 2 things, you will stay on this rollercoaster ride for many years.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 8
Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 7:45:58 AM
When you are with an attractive woman expect that other men are going to hit on her. Also is rather normal that they are a "little" flirty. With that said, one thing is to be a little flirty and another one to be a lot. So if you want to get back together, you both need to understand that both will have friends of the opposite sex, but also that there's a boundary that should be respected.

So let me ask you, is she jealous or not? What does she think about you talking to some other girls? In the end it should be equal in both parts. There are women that want to flirt with other men, but when their man does it they get extremely jealous and go ballistic.


My advice is that before you go doing drawings and stuff like that, do the most important thing. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Even ask her. We are at a bar with friends and you are talking and laughing and it seems that you are flirting with another guy. Ask her what should YOU INTERPRET the situation to be. Talk about it, not in a defensive way, and be open. She may reassure you that it's you that she wants, or she may tell you that she needs more space.
 joe_226
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 11
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Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:15:00 AM
Rooskie88,
If I may, say this...Sounds to me like your x gf is not "mature" enough to handle a "serious" relationship...and what happened may hurt, but is actually a blessing in disguise. The reason I say this, is because...you just don't "flirt" with another person when you're with someone...the ONLY person you should be "flirting" with, is your significant other. And you SURE AS HECK don't do that crap to "test" your significant other...that's RIDICULOUS & IMMATURE.
I can say this because...I've been there MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT.
Bro, you have to do what you feel needs to be done & to make you happy...but, I'm just here simply offering up some advice...not trying to tell ya' what to do. I hope things work out for you in however you pursue this bro & God bless ;)
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 13
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Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 9:52:47 AM
My initial opinion was that yes, trying to restart this relationship wasn't a bad idea ... then I read this:

I know find out that she has been flirty with him in front of me and in pictures to gauge how I would react because she was thinking about getting back together with me but only if she was sure I could handle her being friends with another guy. I failed because I didnt know it was a test.

It seems like you both are into playing mind games rather than actually communicating. "Testing" a partner isn't fair, and failing only because you didn't know it was a test says that you never actually realized the error of your ways at all, but you'd be capable of faking it for a while.

I'd suggest you both have some maturing to do, and until that happens the relationship is unlikely to survive no matter how many grand make-up gestures you make, or how many "tests" she runs.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 17
Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 12:49:22 PM
In light of the other posts the OP has here...

I suggest you just consider this a lesson learned and move on. Seems the lady likes to play games and combined with a man who has potential to feel jealous this is a bad combination. Add alcohol and you have a domestic incident on your horizon. A smart man would just walk away. Feeling for someone should never override the fact that they are not a good fit for you.
 safebetinvegas
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 22
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Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 3:13:48 PM
Smart move...move on.

Too many variables floating around:

She seems to be playing the crowd (flirty with one guy friend, "hanging" with the old BF, etc...)
"Testing"...game playing
Jealousy is one of the strongest human emotions...handle with care
You were about to go down the "obsession" road by trying to "win" her back with a material peace offering
You "broke-up" but could not stay away from her for any serious length of time to regroup
Seems she likes all the attention and craves more...drama queen or high maintenance
Your prior "should-I-shouldn't I" see-saw behavior is just what she created in you and wants...to drive you crazy

So, take a break, enjoy your free time and talk to as many other gals as you can in a relaxed, confident manner.

Beware of her attempting to woo you back over time...especially if she claims to have made a "mistake". Personally, I wouldn't take that bait.

Best of luck !
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 23
Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 4:15:55 PM
"And then a short simple note explaining what I want"

I love the icon idea, good one. But I'd leave that last part off, and just apologize.
 AllAboutSports
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 24
Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 4:23:17 PM
WHY is it OK for women to get jealous,an say your flirting w the cashier or waitress when your just making casual convo,but when a man gets jealous of a woman he is smothering???the double standard rises again!
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 26
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Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:03:23 PM
Op, the single most important reason she has gone from "never leave me" to, "I just don't know", is because YOU went from acting attractive to acting unattractive. Simple as that. She seriously can't help the way she feels right now.

If you attempt to crawl through the mud and attach yourself to her ankle, your attempts at winning her back will fail miserably.

My advice: Attempt to re establish yourself as a confident, funny, attractive dude who would still enjoy her company, or the company of another, possibly better girl who sees you for that guy.

And WHEN she does things that hurt your feelings, don't get jealous. But rather have a little internal talk with yourself and reaffirm to your inner self why your gut instinct tells you this girl can't be trusted, and doesn't deserve to hold your heart. And don't tell her how you feel. Let her wonder. That's much more powerful. Silence is golden. Don't let women take you on emotional roller coaster rides.

Keep the right frame of mind by reminding yourself every time you look at her, "No matter how good she looks, someone, somewhere, is sick of her shit."
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 27
Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:16:12 PM
You hit the nail on the head when you said she doesn't respect you. When women go from one "abusive" relationship to another, they are "abuse prone". Respect is everything. Find another woman and don't look back.

Edit: Just read your profile, where you say you are tired of being treated like crap. Women and people in general will treat you with the respect that you demand from them. If you don't respect yourself, people will walk all over you. If a woman says something disrespectful to you, put a stop to it right then.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 28
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Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:39:31 PM


Thanks, I understand that. And I have honestly never gotten jealous about any other guy. The only reason I got jealous about this one is that she lied about going out with a group of her friends and him when it turned out to be just him her and two of his friends who are a couple, after that point my jealousy kicked in. It was wrong and childish I know, I should have trusted her completely but like anyone I make mistakes. Other guys have flirted with her when we would go out and buy her drinks and I didnt care because I knew that she was with me. Her other guy friends would ask her out for drinks and stuff and I had no problem with her going and having fun (even when amongst those groups was her ex boyfriend, so obviously i dont distrust her because I didnt care she was hanging out around her ex boyfriend. Ive only ever questioned her about this one guy which was a mistake, one that I will never make again about any guy) Is there honestly any way to salvage my momentary lapse in trust in order for us to get back together?


No Rooskie, you shouldn't have trusted her. She lied to you, and you found out about it. She did something that would hurt the feelings of anyone with genuine feelings for their partner. Including her had it been done to her. But here is the key to all this. Nothing you do, say, or confront her with is going to make her think any higher of you. And nothing she tells you will truly relieve the doubt and distrust that she created. Your best course of action, is to keep these occurrences to yourself and use your new found gut instinct distrust as a reminder of why you should close off to her, take your heart back from her and starting considering giving it to someone else who will take better care of it.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 29
Trying to get my ex back.
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:23:19 PM
I disagree with many of the posters. In this day and age where people think sex is a toy, I would also question people flirting with one another. I know many couples; married and not; that have "friends" like this and they have casual sex. 50% of people in relationships are cheating according to most statistics so obviously someone is doing it.

I would never flirt a lot in front of someone I was dating. it's disrespectful. I think you need to move on.

Dont' send anything. I'm very flirty when I'm single but when I'm dating someone I stop it because it doesnt' make the person I'm dating feel very good, and it just lacks class.

Chivalry is dead, and women killed it (Dave Chappelle).

I think you acted immature but so did she. she was inappropriate. I'd move on and get someone that respects you more and you need to lighten up on the next girl. I dont have good vibes and think something is going on more than a lot of flirting.
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