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 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 2
single mothers, an easy target???Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
People who are insecure and feel unloved can be an easy target. People who feel desperate can be an easy target. People who jump at any chance they see which could rescue them from a given situation can be an easy target. It depends on the intent of the person seeing them as a target and on the emotional state of the potential target.

Being a single Mom does not equate to being an easy target - being a single mom with the above, does. The mom part is not in the equation - the mentality is.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/9/2012 4:30:46 PM
I agree with import but I also know it is very hard dating when a single mother
IF
your looking for a quality man. In my experience most men will not date a woman
with kids, or not date her seriously. They just don't want all that comes with it, namely
the responsibility of the kids or being the daddy.
Lots of men will say that's not true but you don't see them seeking relationships with women with kids.

If they do.. I'd be careful of that too.. that he isn't a pedifile.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 4
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:57:17 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
People who are insecure and feel unloved can be an easy target. People who feel desperate can be an easy target. People who jump at any chance they see which could rescue them from a given situation can be an easy target. It depends on the intent of the person seeing them as a target and on the emotional state of the potential target.

Being a single Mom does not equate to being an easy target - being a single mom with the above, does. The mom part is not in the equation - the mentality is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Could not have said it better myself.
 mtluggage
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 5
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/9/2012 6:58:41 PM

I have 6, i am self-employed and don't get much time to look out for the "ideal man"

You're decsribing an FWB relationship, for lack of a better term. A guy wants a woman who is available.... you're claiming you haven't the time to even find a man, yet you're complaining.

Overall, single mothers are not easy targets. Easy women are easy targets.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 6
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:31:23 PM
I think you are also forgetting a very significant detail. When looking for a potential partner, each person assesses what they can bring to that relationship. What they have to contribute. They also look at what the other person is able to contribute and they then compare it to their list of requirements.

What is on that list of requirements will vary person to person. Some will be looking for certain core values. Some will be looking for financial independence. Some will be looking for a partner who is able to travel with them, short notice. Although we each have our ideals, we are also willing to adjust the priority of them depending on the other skills being brought to the table. They will be prepared to overlook certain negatives if there are more positives.

I can assure you, without being mean, that no one has on their list of requirements, 'must have 6 dependent children'. They just don't. People might be willing to date single parents but you can bet that will depend on a number of factors - the age of the children, how much time the parent has available to date, how many dependent children are in the house, how the parenting relationship is with the ex, how respectful the children are, and so on. Like it or not, there will also be a financial consideration. Dating is expensive and no one wants to be the only one financially contributing to the activities and dates with someone new. People are going to wonder if you have the disposable income to date or if they will be required to pay for you each time.

What you will need to do, is consider the strengths you have and ensure they are reflected in your profile and by you in person. It's too easy for someone to walk away and opt for another who does not have this level of responsibility, especially if they do that early before they have anything invested in you.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 7
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single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:38:46 PM
You have a reality that most single mothers do not, six kids is a lot for someone to take on and anyone seeking a long-term relationship is going to be a parent of sorts at some point.

My three wear me out and one isn't even living at home anymore. The Brady Bunch looked good on television but if you meet a man with kids you are looking at more than six kids and the difficulties in blending families. If you find a man without kids, insta-family with six kids is a lot as well.

It often takes quite a while for anyone to find a suitable partner.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 8
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:33:47 PM
An easy target for what?
Sex?
That happens with all the women on this site.
Men will try.

Unfortunately, you are in a tight spot.
A man who is willing to step into a premade family of 7 will be hard to find.
 ben1734
Joined: 5/25/2012
Msg: 9
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/9/2012 10:50:05 PM
wow thats really makes your dating pool even smaller alot of guys wont want to take a risk of having a realtionship with a woman with 6 kids already good luck your going to need it ?
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 10
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/10/2012 12:02:42 PM
I agree with you OP. I feel like guys who contact me think I am an easy score because I have kids. I just tell them they can get in line and the line is long and many are younger and hotter then you. I really am hoping there is some awesome man out there somewhere. At least I know if i want fun it is out there.
 Deleted1a2b3c4d5e
Joined: 10/24/2011
Msg: 11
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/10/2012 2:46:20 PM
I have never done a thread like this before but i thought i would ask, does it make us an easier target for men when we have children? Can i ask what other think on this?



Men out there, on or offline, or who are just looking for sex, are really just looking for sex. If they found tribal women in the jungle hot, they'd send smoke signals to them from a mountain top telling those women that they love their huge tits. You weren't a target because you were a single mom, most likely, you were contacted because X number of men only interested in sex found you attractive.

If you like eating eggs, there are going to be eggshells. Having a chance to meet someone you like in a public situation like this comes with the negative of running into people you don't want to talk to. I'm not sure what else you can do besides leave the site or choose to suck it up.

Something to consider, and I don't think many single mothers consider this, is if alot of men are targeting single moms, its only because it's worked in the past. So blame the single guys for being jerks ( no need for anyone to be rude ) but also blame some single moms for perpetuating the "stereotype" with their behavior. When I see a post about gold digging women, I blame those women, for being that kind of person, but I also blame some men out there, who show that gold diggers can find gold with their behavior.

Being attractive made you a target. I suppose its not the best thing in the world, but at least the consolation, in a backwards way, is it means many men find you attractive. Doesn't make it right, but being attractive is always going to be better than being ugly IMHO. If being a single mom made you a target, surely blame the men, but also save some for the turncoats in your sisterhood too. Just saying.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 12
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single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/11/2012 12:06:47 PM
Being a mother is not your downfall. Having 6 kids and expecting to casually date probably is. a man would have to be "ideal" in order to fit into your situation.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 13
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/11/2012 12:16:33 PM
holycow??
What? your crazy, yes they do, who said anything about men having to have the responsibilities of her kids? Or they being the daddy? Im sure most kids already have their own dad and most single mom have been taking care of their kids way before Joeblow came along so believe me they dont need him to take on any responsibilities of their own children.
I have kids and never had a man tell me I cant date you because of your kids, Yes men do date women with kids.
 Angel_in_disguise4u
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 14
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/11/2012 6:31:25 PM
Thank you for being a voice..I get so frustrated..If men want a piece of meat...go to the damn store and buy some..I have the same thing going on with me and I am just disgusted by. I feel disgraced. If this was their mother would they want some guy doing this to their mother? Get real guys..woman are not sex objects.. Thank you Marie..Best of luck to you.. :)
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 15
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/11/2012 7:32:32 PM
I'm pretty sure a man who is looking for an "easy target" isn't singling out single moms purposely. He's just looking for someone with the right attitude, who's drunk enough or who seems to be giving off the "i'll agree to a one night stand" vibe. If this is the only kind of man you seem to be attracting i suggest reevaluating what you are doing to attract them.
 Newport_Beach_Boy
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 17
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/15/2012 10:45:45 PM
So if I were to have interest in a single mom, it is only because I am either seeking sex or a pedophile? What a bunch of ****! Couldn't possibly be because the lady is wonderful now, could it?
 mtluggage
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 19
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/16/2012 4:53:40 AM
In my opinion, many cities have bars/clubs where it is known to be frequented by single moms who are not looking for a boyfriend but are looking to be "taken care of" for the night. It's because of these type women (who'd probably behave the same way even if they weren't a mom), men extend the perception (or hope) that all single moms are that way.

Don't take them seriously.
 Lks2bhappy
Joined: 5/16/2012
Msg: 20
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:06:12 PM
No single mothers are not more of a target than anyone else. A desperate person who is overly neady is a target. Either to be used or rejected. I have only dated single mothers and they are tough people not a target at all.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 21
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:21:28 AM
From a man's point of view yes & especially if they're young kids. Last generation devoted themselves to being a parent, under similar circumstances & ventured out on occasion only for fun, so that may have something to do with a man's perception.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 22
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:11:05 AM

i have 6 children


6!!!!
Holy Jumping JACK-RABBIT, Batman!
lol. You sure have been productive.
Anyways, I dunno. For me, having 2 kids, hooking up with someone who has six....that`s a pretty full house lol. Its kind of scary. I dont think it makes you gals an easier "target" whatever that means, but the opposite; makes you less prone to be picked up by someone with long term intentions. The thought of someone with that many kids is intimidating.
 nitemonger
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 24
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/20/2012 5:25:58 PM
if the only type of men you're attracting is the "dtf" type, then you're probably doing something or giving off that "i'll agree to a one night stand" vibe that another poster stated on this thread. when you first start talking to a man, does the conversation eventually turn sexual within the first night of talking on the phone? do YOU somehow instigate the topic of sex?

as another poster stated,

Men aren't the only ones that want to have sex. If that were true, none of you ladies would ever have sex with us. Why get angry if a guy wants to have sex with you?
in my experience and observations, the woman gets angry that a man wants to have sex with her right away, unless..... in her eyes, he is somehow "hot". then it's only "just" playful banter. like if "jim" from "the office" was being sexually flirty with you, you'd be FAR more receptive to him, than if "kevin" from "the office" was being sexually flirty with you. ladies, don't deny. LMAO!! but that's another thread topic altogether.....

back on topic.
being JUST a single mother does not make you look easy or an "easy target". it's the other "stuff" that you do on top of being a single mother that makes you look easy. do you like to get drunk alot? go out on weekends (while pawning your kids off to someone else)? and are your kids from multiple dads (or worse yet, does each kid have a different dad)? are you "clingy" or "needy"?? does the topic of sex come up really quick when you first start talking to someone?? if the answer is YES to a combination of these questions, then you're giving off an "easy" vibe.

OP, you stated you don't have time to date. if your kids take up a majority of your time, BUT you've answered "YES" to some of the above questions, then the men that contact you aren't going to invest in getting to know the real you, as a person. if you give off that "easy" vibe, and if you don't have time to date, what's the point of chasing after something meaningful that won't chase you back??? as another poster stated, these men won't have long-term intentions... it won't be something meaningful.

but hey, there's alot of threads about men being jerks, and dogs, etc, and whatnot. i'm just giving you an honest opinion, from a man's point of view.
it is what it is. a man treats a woman up until the point of which she allows him to.
 David78640
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 25
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/20/2012 6:14:31 PM
Ok here goes. I take offense to the comment about how men wont date women with children. That is total BS and the comment about IF they do be weary.

I am a single dad. I prefer to date women with children because it is much easier for a mother to understand the importance of children and the responsibility it takes to raise a child. Plus the fact that as parents, we cant always get away and do the things that people without kids can do. I am not saying I wouldnt date a women because she didnt have kids nor am I saying I only date women with kids. It is just something that I prefer. I have dated both.

Because I prefer to date women with kids doesnt make me a danger to those around me. Their might be guys out there like that but dont put "MEN" in that boat. There are also women out there that could do the same thing.

I find it difficult as a single parent to actually get women without kids to want to go out with me.
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 26
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/20/2012 8:08:03 PM
This was years ago for me.
I felt like an impossible target. I was camouflaged.
In fact, I'd say I was so stealthy, they didn't even know I was there....:-)
They still don't!! Damn it! Maybe I should take the leaves off my helmet now?
 jwtbs1980
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 28
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/21/2012 2:57:27 PM
Men might think you are looking for a one night stand or fwb just because you dont have the time to date. I used to get propositioned for sex all the time. Since I have some self respect and know I deserve better, I am able to talk to and get to know a man , with out his thinking Im an easy target. I am still attractive, and have a good sense of humor, and can be fun to go out with. Its their loss if they dont want to take the time to get to know me
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 29
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/27/2012 11:18:46 AM
Easy, no, but more vulnerable. Some men will feign affection for your children so as to get what they want from you.
 coolguyyy1111
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 30
single mothers, an easy target???
Posted: 6/27/2012 2:28:40 PM
in my heart mothers are aploded with respect b ecause it takes alot to do what you guys have to do to rise your children and woman that are single parents shouldnt have to be an easy target because i knw deep down inside nobody would want to get hurt .......
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