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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?      Home login  
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 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 2
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
There's hope for friendship but the chances of anything more are extremely remote.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 3
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:11:35 PM
You didn't wow her on your first date.
Which is OK, as often it is simply enuff to survive it.

Now if it was me....I'd just be her friend and date others.
And maybe...in time...I could wow her down the road.

Overall, I think she is just being cautious with you.
So relax and be cautious with her.
But don't get hung up on her.
The smoother move would be to get her hung up on you.
:-)

good luck.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 4
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She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:14:38 PM
She SAID she'd be interesting in going out again AS FRIENDS. What further explanation do you need? Friends is all she wants, if you're not satisfied with that, don't see her again. The chances that she'll want more later is so extremely small it's not worth mentioning. I think you should just quit seeing her, because it's SOOO obvious you want more, it would interfere with you being a decent friend.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 5
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:19:27 PM
This isn't necessarily the stereotypical friend zone scenario. I have a different take on this for reasons which I'm about to explain.

I think the fact that she said "most of my dates are terrible" is quite telling. That means she's probably gotten to the point that she doesn't trust her own judgment and therefore (based on past experience) she also expects YOU to be terrible in some way that she hasn't had a chance to discover yet. Once burned, twice shy and all that.

Go ahead and ask her out again, but let her set the pace. Be interested but accommodating. You will need to be a lil' more patient. EVEN IF she is interested in you (and I think she is), she just isn't going to want to rush into things. Smart of her to at least recognize her own limitations.


I would like to meet up again cos I had a laugh but as friends?

She wants to see if you'll respect the initial limits she's setting so that she has a lil' time & space to discern whether or not you're just like all the others. That's my interpretation. Poor gal has probably been groped by a few assholes or something.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 6
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She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:29:46 PM
I get totally what motown is saying. Been there, done that more times than I'd care to admit. How that has typically played out for me is the guy is pushing it as far as what he wants, IE is not really being a male "friend".

I think if he does see her again, he should ACT like he is her friend, BE her friend. In my experience, when a guy wants something else, that's not just difficult but also nearly impossible. That's how I responded the way I did, and when that happens, the "girl" feels pressured for "more" and it...well not a happy ending.

So, OP, if you can handle that, then go ahead. If you don't feel you can be genuine and be her friend, you'd be better off finding someone else.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 7
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:40:29 PM
I agree with Mementomori.

She may have others on the string and has not made up her mind about you. However she just may not be into you for whatever reason. I also would not be paying for any outings if she has friendzoned you and it seems she has.
That hardly ever changes no matter what amount of time goes by but we cant really say as we are not you.
So if you hang out with her hoping she changes her mind, then do so but let her pay her way.
 smarternudumbernmost
Joined: 5/25/2012
Msg: 9
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:44:18 PM

When a girl says this does it generally mean she has concluded that she only wants you as a friend but can't be blunt about it?

No.
It means she has already set limitations on your behavior that she wants you to live up to.


Also, when she said "its hard to tell after a couple of hours so I dont want to give a definate yes" I'm not sure what she is referring to.

You didn't sweep her away.
You didn't blow her skirt up.
You didn't give her butterflies.


If she's not sure how she feels about me, thats what second dates are for - so why not simply agree to one?

Because she doesn't want to do the whole progression things.
First date awkward kiss or hug.
Second date kiss.
Third date makeout and/or possibly sex.
She just wants to go out and have a laugh with you. She wants you on the other side of the table and just want to laugh, have fun, and not think about dating, or progressing.


So I was wondering if anyone has any ideas from their own experiences or instincts about whether this might go somewhere if I play my card right or has she already 'friended' me?

It will always go somewhere.
Where do you want it to go?
How long are you willing to wait?
Will you see it as waiting or just enjoying each others company?
Are you willing to give up complete control over everything based on her wanting you to be her friend, according to her whims that may or may not change?
How do you think you will feel in 3 months if she says "we've just become too good of friends, I don't want to ruin what we have. Oh by the way, I have this date tomorrow with this really hot guy. Let me get your advice on him."
 SmartSarcasticSweet
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 10
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:00:29 PM
Women/people in general tend to know fairly quickley (by that I mean within the first 10 or so minutes) if there is a possibility of pursuing something with someone. That being said, there is always the exception, so give it a go. But if she is still friend zoning you after the second date, cut your losses. IMO anyways...
 Abbbey12345
Joined: 5/22/2012
Msg: 11
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:01:16 PM
Move on. You are in the friend zone and that is where you will stay. Devote your energy to someone that sees you as boyfriend material as you deserve to be treated like a desirable man not a girlfriend.
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 12
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:06:25 PM
You can take that "friend zone" out with a very smart and strong move. Self confidence, a little bit of bad boy and strong character. Work on your appearance and clothes. Go for it, talk to her and for God's sake grab her chin and KISS HER!
 metsjets7732
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 13
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:14:25 PM
I've told a lot of girls I only wanted to be friends, cause I wasn't attracted to them physically. Many have told me the same. At best, tell her "sure we can be friends". Don't call her or text, let her do the work/effort. Maybe 1 day she gets dumped/horny/lonely.....and calls u....bINGO!!!P
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 14
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She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:23:05 PM
"You can take that "friend zone" out with a very smart and strong move. Self confidence, a little bit of bad boy and strong character. Work on your appearance and clothes. Go for it, talk to her and for God's sake grab her chin and KISS HER!" This is the BEST advice for guaranteeing she'll never have any contact with you again. You don't GRAB a woman's chin? That's an idiot move, at best and totally inappropriate. Just proof you have little experience with women...ugh.
 Tristle
Joined: 9/11/2010
Msg: 15
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/16/2012 5:19:55 AM
there are alot of possibilities why she "behaved" this way. but it sounds like she likes you definitely. some chicks can turn out to be great friends indeed, so I'd be inclined if I were in your situation, to take her up on this. she may be able to introduce you to some of her female friends and things like that. You look to be a pretty young fellow. try not to focus too much on her or try to control the situation to develop into a gf one. so, if you can do that, I'd suggest continuing on as a friend for the moment with this young lady.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 17
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/16/2012 5:39:12 AM
It's not hard to tell after spending time with someone for a couple of hours. You either feel an attraction or you don't & clearly she don't. You have no cards to play if sent to the friend zone after a single date. No sense chasing your tail if romance is what you seek. Move on.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 19
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She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/16/2012 11:31:32 AM
There might be some hope, but I wouldn't waste a lot of time, either. If there's no lip action by the end of the third date...there's a signpost up ahead...you've crossed over into...the Friend Zone.
 andris24
Joined: 5/13/2012
Msg: 20
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/16/2012 1:34:32 PM
Sorry to burst your bubble dude but this is not going to end well for you if you have hope of anything more than friendship. A girl who is interested in you will take the lets go on a few dates and see how things work out approach. She has already told you that she just wants to be friends, so consider yourself in the "Friend Zone". If you think she is a cool girl and you won't mind being friends with her then you should be honest with yourself and stop pressuring her for a relationship.
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 21
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/16/2012 3:41:44 PM
bucsgirl

My advice was for a fellow man, not for you. Men and women think different. I used a little sarcasm in my advice, I'm writing to a grown up guy who can see what I'm talking about.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 24
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/17/2012 7:50:25 AM
No. You are in the friend zone. She's not interested in a relationship on any other level. You're a nice good looking young man, keep dating you'll find the right girl for you.
 Rheostatic
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 25
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/17/2012 1:17:43 PM
You can take that "friend zone" out with a very smart and strong move. Self confidence, a little bit of bad boy and strong character. Work on your appearance and clothes. Go for it, talk to her and for God's sake grab her chin and KISS HER!


That's great advice on paper, but in reality it's quite another story. Not every guy can pull this off. Those who can, all the power to you. But if you can't, you'll end up looking like quite the boob.

Anyways, to OP...it could go either way. But it'd probably be worth your while to not get your hopes up. Unless you're lacking in the friends department, in which case if she DOES want to be friends, let her put the effort in.
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 26
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She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:49:29 PM
No, there is no hope.

http://xkcd.com/513/
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 29
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She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:37:34 AM
I am an ex geek friendzone meister.

I hear women give a little hope and guys give no hope to get out of the friendzone.

YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE.

I know I have been friend zoned nearly a houndred times I have my little black Pocket computer database of friendzoned girls. It is a desperate short guy geek thing from my geek years.

women here may say there is hope and she is being catious, etc... a woman's point of view in not a man's reality. Though it is a valid point of veiw with a very tiny percentage of reality in the real world.

When a woman telLs you she wants to be friends, she means she wants to be friends and she made sure you knew that, otherwise she would not have said it. All my life I have had female friends by the car loads by the house loads usually I was the only guy in a house full of women I befriended, I was their super friend , their protector the guy who fixes all and is always there for them, each and every one of them I had a date and tried with considerable effort to interest them , I will not go into details, but just to say, if they did not have that mindset the date given would be dream dates for any other women, I know my job hahaha. I have alot of practice and effort, never a boring dull date.

Anyhow being friendzoned is not bad, you have a friend now and may collect more female friends, do not persue her, you may stress or scare her, be her friend like she instructed you, if you are not interested in being just friends, move on leave her alone never talk to her again , do not hurt yourself with hopes and dreams about her, been there done that , move on to the next woman.

I know what I am talking about, it is a waste of time if you persue her for another reason you will just be wasting your time. I have tried to change the status never worked no kissing attempt or other works, they get pissed or stressed.

If you have her as a casual friend good , in time she will know you well and will cherish being your friend and when she is down and lonely or other, she may ask for something more, never accept something more she may be settling finally for you one day, not fair, been there done that many times disasterous, usually goes back to bad ex.

Move on. I do this now and I have them call me all the time, they tell me "wow it was the funniest, interesting cool etc...date I had in my life, why do you not want to go out with me again ?" I tell them it was fun but we are friends and do not go out with friends that I have feeling for so they will understand, I will move on , they think I am a bit crazy but they still call, if I did that I would be setting myself up by going out with them while they may be hitting on other guys since we are just friends, been there done that lots of times, it hurts. They tell me to my face, "do not feel jealous I know how you feel about me but we are just friends...."

It may sound like I am a****but actually I do it out of caring for me. I have enough female friends to take up all my friend time, no room for more.

You can use these friends, even being good friends, by knowing more of their friends for actual dating. The more you know the more you can find one that may click .

As they get older and have more experineces they tend to look back and kick themselves in the head, two of my "friends" have let me know this weekend that they did not know what they were thinking, they were blind and stupid, the guy they wanted was their friend (me) they hinted if they had a chance, I hinted back, never no more.
That may happen to you one day or not.

DO NOT SUFFER THE FRIEND ZONE, PLEASE DUDE, LOVE YOURSELF A BIT MORE.

MAY GOD REWARD YOU ONE DAY WITH A SUPER MODEL WITH ALOT OF MONEY THAT WILL SUPPORT YOU AND BECOME YOUR LOVE SLAVE. HAHAHA
 BearFish11
Joined: 1/28/2010
Msg: 30
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:49:10 AM
Unfortunately its done.. i went through the same thing a while back (search ask a girl/romantic spark).. you may choose to be friends with this person but its solely up to you... sometimes the future of a relationship isnt really based on making the move on the first date, but if there is a second date you should at least go for it.. GL
 CaptainA.D
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 31
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:51:28 AM
Don't put your life on hold for someone. Once friendzoned, always. I would just have no contact with her and go out and meet others
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 32
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:00:37 PM
She isn't attracted to you, but is keeping you in the friend zone.
Check out the forum posting on friendzone for more insight.
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 33
She just wants to be friends for now. Is there hope?
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:03:48 PM
No...no...no...

Just the way it is~
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