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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.      Home login  
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 freespirit57
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 1
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Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I was in a 3 yr relationship with a man I loved very much. I always knew he was very self centered, but since no one is perfect I decided to overlook that. I found him chatting to ex girlfriends online a couple of times and he stopped each time, and in a few months he did it again. we broke up 5 mts ago. He constantly text and called and wanted to meet me. I relented and met him. We got back together. He said he was giving it 100%this time. Things were good. He cut off his Internet at his home, just checked his emails at the office or my house. Overall things seemed very good and we both seemed very happy. He went to Canada to a wedding last week. He accidently sent me an email meant for a girl he was trying to see while there, in fact there was 9 messages attached to this one email. I emailed him and asked why. His answer is he wanted to meet her, when he left her he felt alive and he is addicted to feedom, excitement etc.. In the course of emails we broke up. I now realize he is Narcassistic, and has an addiction to women. He needs them to stoke his ego.He tried to make it work with me and he always told me I was the nicest woman he was ever with. I sent him an email and said goodbye, I never wanted to see him or hear from him again. I also attached a long article on Narcassism and he replied "I am that guy". he went on to say he would read it often and would change. I am totally devestated and feel my world is shattered. I feel our whole realtionship was based on a lie. I know he will try getting back with me and he did say that he cannot imagine being without me, but I also know he would be back to the same bad habits in no time. The reason I am writing this tread is: did any of you ever have a relationship with a person like this? Does men like this ever break the habit and finally settle for one woman or are they always chasing someone new, the perfect woman.? Just trying to get answers to see if anything will ease this pain. I am going to live with the pain and eventually move on and I know that in time I will know I am better off without him.
 naturestuff
Joined: 5/14/2012
Msg: 2
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Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 6/16/2012 7:14:48 PM
I'm a male and I was in an 8 year relationship with a woman who was the same way. Every 6 months or so she had to run back to her ex. After about 3 or 4 month she would be calling again to tell me what a mistake she made, again. Next month it will be 1 year . I'm glad It's finally over. Sucks when the one your unconditionally in love with has no respect for you at all. It was very hard to deal with for awhile but glad I don't have to be her nothing anymore. Takes time but you will be better off in time. Believe me.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 3
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 6/17/2012 12:26:46 PM
http://www.lisaescott.com/blog

Very good blog. Go here and read.

http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/
awesome site on pathological relationships.

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/
this is also part of my arsenal.

These helped me. I hope they help you too.
Educate yourself on pathologicals.

Also, he may just be an as shat. just read and heal.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 4
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 6/17/2012 4:03:01 PM
"I always knew he was very self centered"

Congrats!
Now you know what to look for in the future.
to avoid the same.

Many women confuse that with confidence
when it is really not giving a sh_t.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 5
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 6/17/2012 4:18:23 PM

It was very hard to deal with for awhile but glad I don't have to be her nothing anymore.

Nice turn of a phrase. Hits the nail on the head. Think I'll repeat this one to myself - I don't have to be his nothing anymore.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 6
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 6/17/2012 7:01:39 PM
THEY DO NOT CHANGE!!
..wont bore you with my details, but I went through it in 2008 ..thought I met the best thing since sliced bread! WRONG!!!

Try your hardest to get through the hurt and confusion - they just dont make sense... you will NEVER figure it out!

He is still trying to get to me even though Ive ignored him for over a year ..they dont stop! and Im still messed up over it.
 freespirit57
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 7
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Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 6/18/2012 5:21:19 AM
Thank you all for all your kind words and advise. Thanks for the suggestions of books and websites. I find the more I read on this subject the more I understand it and it helps me heal. I dont have low self esteem as one person pointed out. I was sucked into this relationship over a period and he was very charming and carasmatic. When the problems arose it was too late, I was hooked. I made lots of excuses for him. The important part now is that I see him for what he is and despite loving him very much and feeling like part of me is missing every day, I will NOT go back with him. We spent all our weekends together, now I have to retrain my thinking and learn to enjoy my life again. I am a positive person and I know I will be fine. Thanks again, your comments have definately helped..
 TRESemme1
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 8
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 9/2/2012 2:19:50 PM
i have had a relationship with someone like that. he never changed. i left. took me couple of months to get over him. people kept telling me that time heals all wounds. i didn't believe them then. now i do. time does heal all wounds. you will heal, too. that guy still tries to call or text me. i just don't answer. don't want the drama anymore.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 9/3/2012 6:39:28 AM

i have had a relationship with someone like that. he never changed


Just like most men and women,correct???? People are usually exactly the people they show you. So, if you "start" dating a guy that acts like what people have defined as a "Narcassist", would'nt it be easy to conclude, he will always be one????? No matter what girls, you ain't changing most of us,no matter what superhuman powers you think you have.

I have to ask, cause I wonder, do these guys "hide" these narcassistic traits soooooooo well that you didn't see it coming, or what????? Just asking. Cause when I see something I don't like, I deal with it,one way or the other.We all accept what we will.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 10
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 9/3/2012 7:39:06 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^ To answer your question simply YES, THEY DO HIDE WHO THEY ARE!!

When we first start to date them, they show us who we would like them to be...they show us the "Dr Jekyll" side of them..until they have us hooked (that feeling is the best feeling in the world!) THEN THEIR "FUN" begins!!!
They show us their Mr "Hyde" side but its done s-l-o-w-l-y ..you dont even know that you are being duped by them.

Once you are fully under their spell ..(I can only explain it like being drugged) from euphoria to being kicked to the curb then euphoria and back to the curb...

Its insanity which takes a long time to overcome once you've been bittem by the vampire.!

^^ this is the best way that I can describe it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 11
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 9/5/2012 7:05:55 PM
He's not going to change enough -- surely not within a year or two. He needs to see a therapist.

Narcissistic people live in their own bubble -- the world's about them, and they are king. They don't see it as a bad thing. Logistically, they think it does them good -- and it does many times, which is why they don't break.... but it's only valuable in the short run, and is not beneficial for any relationships (platonic or non-platonic) -- just strangers & some business arenas (sales reps, lawyers, etc).

Until they realize it's not LOGISTICALLY valuable -- they won't really change. They'll temporarily be not so narcissistic in an isolated incident, but it will wear off -- that's just how they roll.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 12
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 9/5/2012 11:03:52 PM
Op~ I know you won't like this , but he isn't a narcissist but boy are you stupid.You knew he was a flake and a liar and you accepted it. Stop blaming others you taught him how to treat you and he did. Change yourself , its irrelevant what he does. Time heals nothing but what you do with it does.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 13
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 9/10/2012 12:16:54 AM
eh? what makes you think I want to be friends with you jodanna? thats bizzare. I know it was rude, which is the point. She needs to snap out of it and not be some guys doormatt. Because there are PLENTY waiting to take atvantage of her if she doesn't change her mindset. now myob ~
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 14
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 9/10/2012 3:58:27 AM
Yea some men seem to have these trouser troubles/there pants just FLY off there bodies and intimate parts land in others.Strange~~~
 FineArtsGirl
Joined: 3/10/2012
Msg: 15
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 9/21/2012 10:49:07 PM
Well, for me, i didn't really have a 'relationship' with this man... we started to fling 1.5 yrs ago, but I tried like the****ns to have a relationship with him... Started off him persuing me like crazy, and then i started to like him, then he ran... however, we did keep flinging. Then 2 Aprils ago I had enough of 'trying' and I told him off etc..... I said then, that he was selfish and so on, he NEVER took me out, never let me meet his friends, etc. But like a fool, because i was lonely I accepted the fling thing. But so I left that.... Fast forward to this October.. he started to contact me again surprisingly but at that time i was with someone else, but when this someone else went to Thailand for one month and fooled around there, I finally responded to the previous man... the sad part, is because i was lonely, him and I fell back into the fling mode... I told him i didn't want anything to do with a relationship with him, and i really didn't at the time... however that changed once again as i started to have feeling for him... it ended bitterly again and I told him off again.. Seems that he had other women friends that he hung out with however did not fling with, but he lead me to beleive he was lonely and it was nice to see me etc and that is why he contacted me. This is not a man you would call a Player.... he is a man who is quite shy, and who would rather be a flirty friend and avoid sleeping with you, as that is what he did with me in the beginning. Because to him sleeping with someone means a relationship might be wanted, so he is very careful... And obviously very messed up...

But I realized once again, this man is a Serial dater, the worst kind of dater who never eventually finds 'the one'..... and the selfishness of that is astounding.... Serial daters will never focus on one person as that means they will actually have to 'relate' to you...

This man who i saw, NOT ONCE ASKED ME ABOUT MY LIFE, OR HOW I WAS, OR TOOK ANY INTEREST IN ME... I didn't realise he never asked me anything, until this time around. IT WAS ALL ABOUT HIM.....I started to feel it was very onesided, and it was so.

I guess i forgot the second time around how he really was, it had all faded away, and I thought, HE HAD CHANGED... but they won't change. I hope i don't meet up with someone like this again, because it is very hurtful... this man has great insecurity but also has a Big Ego.... that constantly needs stroking. And the worst thing is, they give you mixed messages and because you are lonely, you beleive what you think you are hearing.

Your guy won't change, he might make the effort for awhile, then it will slip back into the same thing. My advice is to get some counselling of why you stay with someone like that, or why you attract someone like that.... it has worked for me to see my own part in this.
 Iandwho
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 16
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 9/22/2012 7:37:38 AM
I think that all our experience shape us, mold us to who we are and since we all have narcissistic traits - who are we to evaluate a person to that extend only a professional could do after many hours of assessment.
If we reflect on how things happen - we do have to take responsibility .... that means we have to look how could we except all this behavior in the first place.
Everybody that walks in to our life comes with a message, gives us an opportunity to exchange and learn. If I am in a long term relationship with a narcissist that makes a statement about myself and I believe the statement is:
There is a severe underlying problem that needs to be addressed - it is a strong problem that needs a strong pointing finger to make me aware of my own struggles. I would take it as an advise and opportunity to become a more -whole- person.
As far as the narcissist concerns - there were experiences that lead to this condition and who I am to judge - he deserves my empathy as much as anybody else. Us calling them -emotional vampire- indicates that he knows and is aware of what he does and paints that picture of the evil person. They are not aware - meaning they are who they are but can not hold accountable for their behavior - but we have a choice to be in a relationship with them.
 IHBD2CBME
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 17
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 10/1/2012 1:45:25 PM
I feel your pain, had a few of those and got one I can't rid of. Is he a Gemini?
 sugarpie100
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 18
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Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 10/11/2012 6:53:53 AM
YES THAT IS SO TRUE , IT IS LIKE BE BITE BY VAMPIRE .
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 19
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 10/14/2012 7:40:41 PM
yep, i've known men like this, and no, they are not likely to change. this man could possibly be sex addict, but unless he is willing and able to be very honest with himself, he will never ever change. also, in our highly sex-obsessed society, many people fail to realize how damaging porn and such temptations as the internet can pose for someone who is predisposed to being a sex addict. sex addiction can and does destroy the lives of all parties involved. just know that this man will never emotionally fulfill you, and he will never be a stable person with whom you can build a life.
 oskiesmom
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 20
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Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 10/22/2012 3:36:39 AM
I was used by a narcissist and it is just as tough, especially when you find out that the main squeeze is in your group of old high school friends. So not only did I have to deal with being used, I also became an outcast in my circle of friends because now I am "the other woman" and if I have conversations with any of these women's husbands/boyfriends on Facebook, I am asked to explain myself. I had to sue him for fraud in order to show people that I am not home-wrecker and I am not coming after their men. And yes, suing him has helped me fix some of the damage done to my reputation.

When things went down, it was painful to talk to the other women used by him (there were 4 of us at the same time), especially hearing that tone in their voices that said "I will change him". You can't change a narcissist. Today, he still has the main squeeze (she keeps forgiving him) and one of the other ones, and has been flirting with some new ones.
 sunny0316
Joined: 9/5/2012
Msg: 21
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Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 10/22/2012 9:03:09 PM
I am getting a divorce from a Narcistic Man just like that. I have been with him 11 years total. Cut your losses, it is an untreatable personality disorder. There's a book called The Narcistic Lover. Read it and it will shed some light on all of this. It helped me a lot. They are pathological liars, they are never wrong and you cannot have a normal relationship with them. Take my word for it that it only gets worse. Best wishes to you!!!
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 22
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 11/3/2012 7:13:22 PM
Why do you want to be with this guy? He doesn't have 1 redeeming quailty. This man will NEVER change. He said he's addicted to the thrill. He will never settle for 1 woman, he will always be a cheater. Do you feel that you deserve better than this gy who will never be faithful & honest with you? I believe you do deserve better. He is a cheater, a liar, a womanizer & does he habitually & faithfully use condoms? I hope so.
Time will heal your broken heart. It may take a while, but you're going to look back on this one day & realize what a piece of crap this guy is. You are going to have nothing but heartache & misery of you do not move on.
Move on, forget about him & start dating others. Date a guy who is going to treat you nice & be nice to you!
 McMadison
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 23
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Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 11/7/2012 5:33:56 PM
I think mine was a Gemini. Injudicious.
 forallweare
Joined: 10/28/2012
Msg: 24
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 11/7/2012 7:37:58 PM
like many i was cheated on by a narcistic man...i couldn't help but comment on this..one replied you allowed it to happen...well i have news for her...these men are great manipulators and know their victims and what strings to pull..unfortunately love is blind and sometimes we cannot help who our hearts love...the sad part of it all is that people are on line to find a mate...and there are many on line that use on line dating to cheat playing games with ones emotions. girls time to get smart...if you feel something isn't right it probably isn't...get last name and telephone number address too if you have been seeing him for a while and if he is not available weekends using work as an excuse...move on...he is using you.
 forallweare
Joined: 10/28/2012
Msg: 25
Cheated on by Narcassistic Man.
Posted: 11/7/2012 7:38:27 PM
like many i was cheated on by a narcistic man...i couldn't help but comment on this..one replied you allowed it to happen...well i have news for her...these men are great manipulators and know their victims and what strings to pull..unfortunately love is blind and sometimes we cannot help who our hearts love...the sad part of it all is that people are on line to find a mate...and there are many on line that use on line dating to cheat playing games with ones emotions. girls time to get smart...if you feel something isn't right it probably isn't...get last name and telephone number address too if you have been seeing him for a while and if he is not available weekends using work as an excuse...move on...he is using you.
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