|Bad sexPage 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4)|
|If you cannot communicate your needs to your partner.......you shouldn't be having sex with them.|
Posted: 6/16/2012 1:51:36 PM
|stop being puss and tell her what you want. If you cant do that then tell your mutual friend that she needs to stop doing her dead girl impression and up her game.|
Posted: 6/16/2012 1:52:42 PM
|Ms Micki beat me to it.... you have no business getting naked with someone you can't talk to.... |
tell her or show her what you like.... no one is a mind reader.....
Posted: 6/16/2012 1:54:25 PM
|She might have limited experience and simply not know what to do. She might also have a lot more experience but has been burned when a guy asked her where she learned how to do something. Remember women have a lot of guilt placed on them when it comes to sex and them expressing themselves sexually. Just talk to her about what you want and she might just surprise you.|
Posted: 6/16/2012 1:57:03 PM
|Communication is key! If your relationship is that good hopefully you guys can have a decent convo she may not even realize what shes doing (or not)|
Posted: 6/16/2012 2:09:57 PM
|Some women need guidance, so don't be afraid to show her what you like, and I agree with the others. Communicate, and let her know!|
Posted: 6/16/2012 4:54:22 PM
Maybe she is not aware of how to do things???? Some people especially shy ones can sometimes be timid about touching etc.. maybe she's just very submissive and needs you to direct her until she gets a feel of what you permit or like?
Maybe you could write her a letter with a scenario you would like to explore? Write down things starting with how excited you get by watching her shower and you come in and begin touching her. Then you feel her tracing her hands up and down your body as the water caresses you both. Something simple like that can really help. Then add on from there with telling how you fantasize about her doing oral on you and how she should do it to really turn you on in the shower together.
Move on to her drying you with a towel and she laying you down on the bed...kissing your lips and nipples then moving down towards your tummy lingering there all the while stroking you. Tell her how much she turns you on to watch her touch you because you get to focus on just looking at her doing things. Tell her shes beautiful to watch and you lie back soaking in her admiration of you. There is nothing wrong with that.
Shy people can sometimes not express things. Doesnt mean she sucks, not really.. she just needs coaxing.
I could not have said it better myself except I am to shy to be graphic like you worded it even though it really is not graphic. A person that is not shy would not understand what it is like to want to move closer. It would seem though that after a short while she would lose control and just go with the flow, I know that is what would happen with me. It might take a short time but that is what would happen.
Posted: 6/16/2012 5:07:12 PM
|There is no such thing as bad sex unless the person just doesn't care if you get yours or not |
Most women like a man in control from what i have seen and been told sex is much better if you do it your way but be gentle
At the same time talk to her while doing it tell her to do things that turn you on
Sex is as good as you can make it if your not telling her you dirty thoughts don't get mad if she doesn't ask
she will assume she is doing her job
No shame on telling her how to move spread or ride just don't crush her feeling when letting her know im sure after a few lessons she will be making you wish you didn't provoke her dirty side lol
Posted: 6/16/2012 8:47:35 PM
|Shes had her fun now you can have yours. It sounds like your being just as passive by not getting what you need in the sack be a little more assertive. Thats just my opinion!|
Posted: 6/16/2012 11:18:05 PM
|Maybe she just isn't that into you|
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:45:07 AM
|sex is like everything else now a days|
people are just getting. bland, grey, tired and stupid
I never knew that bad sex did exist, but yup it does
sadly,the people that still love sex, adventure, have an imagination, and are creative, stay married
you should have communicated with her...
she should not have been so selfish!
Posted: 6/17/2012 3:47:34 PM
|Regardless of what many people say here, sex, is indeed something that you learn. You are not born knowing what to do or how to do it. In fact, this is what many sex therapist say about it. People that have a higher libido try and go out of their way to learn soon enough, but other people do not. Women have a tremendous amount of taboos as they grow up and their sexuality, consequently many do not discover what they like, what they want, what gives them an orgasm until their 40s. Yeap. |
Also because in their twenties they had gone to bed with other inexperienced twenty something guys, they never teach each other anything. Interestingly enough the worst two women I have been in bed with, were also some of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen.
So my advice is this. And this can be a lot of fun. Tell her that you two are going to play a little game. She is going to tell you 5 things that she enjoys that you DO to her. You are going to repeat them to her. Kind of like "I like it when you do this..." and you respond "It's cool that you like it when I do this.." She tells you one thing. YOu tell her one thing. It is important that whatever you say, has no sense of punishment, or guilt, or implies what they do not do (nagging kills the libido, so that is why this is so important.) Then she is going to tell you 5 things that she wishes that you would do to her. And you are going to tell her 5 things that you wish she did to you. Now for each its not an implication that YOU or HER are going to do it or not. Since you could be asking her to lick your toes and she is really not interested into that. The point is not for her to say, I don't like that, but to simply say "I see that you would like me to lick your toes.."
The objective of the game is to bring positive imagery into the relationship and understand what you may like. It is very important that you speak without fear and also without feelings of rejection.
Also, when you are talking about this subject it is imperative that you speak in a way that does not refer to previous relationships or things that you may have learned from someone else. The truth is that most of what we know, we learned, but we do not want to have that association, that is another libido killer.
So instead of saying "I used to like it when my girl would suck my****for like what seem for ever, until she was so hot and wet that she would ask me to go inside of her, or blow my load on her."
Say it more like, "I really like it when you go down on my and suck my****for a long time and it would be even more awesome that when you are so wet you tell me that you want me inside of you or blow my load on you."
Posted: 6/17/2012 4:47:51 PM
|I agree with evryone, buddy. I don't sleep with a chick unless she can match wits with me. Nine times out of ten she's gonna try to "put it down on me" as much as I'm gonna do her. Do you understand? Maybe this girl doesn't have experience. Its not unheard of. But the best advise I can give you is, stop talking through friends. If you ever married a woman do you think their best friends are gonna want to play this "why does she do that" game? Be realistic man, communication is the key to any relationship. Good luck!|
Posted: 6/17/2012 4:54:22 PM
If you cannot communicate your needs to your partner.......you shouldn't be having sex with them.
Posted: 6/17/2012 8:10:23 PM
|aboslutely.......but this isn't gender specific.....|
there are men that no different...they know the "mechanics" but completely lack the sensuality that is needed
to be a good lover.
Posted: 6/17/2012 9:53:44 PM
|Why would you have any type of sex with someone you can not talk about sex openly with. Doesnt the communication come first. You should have a sex talk and tell her what you like and let her tell you what she likes. YOu can do this !!|
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:47:16 AM
You can tell someone how to do the mechanical things in a certain way, but you can't tell someone how to be sensual. It's like the difference between an artist and someone who draws pictures. You can teach a person to draw pictures, but you can't teach a person to be an artist.
Not to get lost in semantics. I do agree to the above statement. It's like this guy was asking me the other day, can you learn to be a writer? And I told him, the skill, the grammar, the plot lines and all that you can learn, however, the desire to write and the passion to do it, you cannot. That comes from within.
So I do agree that if you are not able to be sensual or understand what that means, no amount of teaching will change that. But here is the thing. I have found out that many people that can be sensual, have not felt comfortable with their own sexuality and it wasn't until they understood that, that they were able to break free and do indeed learn. So there is where I disagree with you. Also people that are hypersensitive to sexual issues (one of the seven emotional types of personality) also tend to be many times damaged, so many times it takes them to unlearn stuff and get over some of their issues to then find that comfortable place in which they become more sexual and sensuous.
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:54:25 PM
@Above ..You probably have had sex with more women than me..LOL
Quite possibly --
I have had sex with a woman...
First pitch, one swing, and she knocks it out of the park.
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:28:03 PM
|Maybe she has difficulty multi-tasking (recieveing and giving), I know I do. I can do one or the other at a time. |
She might just be inexperienced therefore doesn't know what to do. She might feel that men simply like to touch and **** a woman and that be enough.
You could put it over as a fantasy you have rather than being serious about it and risking her feel silly or inadequet. Tell her you fantisize about her undressing you and touching you in whatever way you like it and that you want to live the fantasy.
You could suggest taking turns in pleasuring each other - first of all by instruction or even ordering like a game. Then maybe giving free reign to each other to do as you each want (using a safe word that mean STOP RIGHT NOW but is not 'no' or 'stop').
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:13:51 PM
She told me that wasn't the case. She said she was just holding back because she wanted to be careful because she didn't want to mess this up. So it sounds like it was a good reason why things went the way they did. Will have to see how it goes next time. Maybe the start of something great. :)
Whallah. And your biggest enemy turned out to be... Your own head.
Now suggest you have a date and go very slow. First try the talking part of things that you may like. Then start acting them on. Use a safe word, like mentioned above, it could be simply "I'm not ready for that." Talk about each one feels when someone is doing something.
Posted: 6/19/2012 2:15:55 PM
|Some women like men to be a little more aggressive in bed. My ex was like that, wanted me take control in the boudoir.|
Posted: 9/10/2012 4:43:43 PM
|Tell your mutual friend you need to talk to her about this. ;-) In fact, tell your mutual friend, in great detail, what it is that you'd like for her to do. Ask your mutual friend if there's anything in particular she'd like for you to do. |
Quite the three-way you got going there. I think you should invite the mutual friend to your dates and take them to bed with you. You two could avoid ever talking to each other directly about anything. It could be a very interesting way to conduct a relationship. I kind of like this idea. Very creative.
Op, abelian has a valid point about how some women do need instruction. That kind of blows me away, since whenever you watch porn it seems like they really know what their doing.
Like they'd put someone into a film that looks like they don't know what they're doing? That would be cute. In movies, everyone always knows exactly what to say, unlike in real life where we don't have script writers.
I'm glad you talked to her, even though I was kind of into the intermediary fantasy.
Posted: 9/19/2012 8:44:04 PM
|"""bad sex""" ???|
Is there such thing ???
this is good sex, great sex and...
nothing BAD bout sex...
Posted: 9/19/2012 9:20:33 PM
|i dont think any amount of communication is gonna help this girl. thats just been my experience. if shes bad, shes just going to be bad. feel free to try, but i wouldnt be surprised if she made no real improvements. in fact, im sure she feels like shes doing great right now lol. |
you have to ask yourself if you think that this girl is worth it, even if she is really bad in bed.
Posted: 9/20/2012 5:25:57 AM
|while just chatting on the couch ask her what turns her on and the slip in what turnes you on after all you are shareing naughty sec make a game of to put her at ease|