Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > personality vs. character      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 1
personality vs. characterPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I've noticed that a lot of people do not seem to think about the difference between personality and character, and it seems to be the root of a lot of trouble for people. Do you agree?

Personality is "surface" person: friendly vs. reserved, easy going vs. intense, introvert vs. extrovert, etc. Personality is what attracts us, but isn't the basis for love (well, often it is, but it should not be, b/c it is superficial).

Character is the depth--integrity (best defined as how you behave when no one is looking) as the root of true honesty and trustworthiness. People fall in love w/ personality w/o giving it time to discover the other's true character, and then are shocked to discover the flaws in their loved one--lack of honest, lack of character being the most common.

Thoughts?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 2
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:20:50 AM
Yes...I absolutely..agree!
I don't know...how many times I see the same thing with people/myself/friends.....after a few months the true "character" starts emerging and then things fall apart!
Then they are blaming each other for changing...when it was the true character coming through!
People need to take their time....
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:28:06 AM
Oh, I couldn't agree more.

I always, always focused on personality and let myself be dazzled by it. And it always backfired.

In my present relationship, I worked on accepting small personality related issues because I wanted to see how things developed. And as it turns out, the man's character is pure gold. I love him for that and even for his quirks.

Oh, and moonbeam, you're describing my man, and I'm doing my best to treat him the same.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 4
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:31:36 AM
Yup. You hit the nail on the head. Only time will tell. Men my age get this & why we take longer to get emotionally attached. Sex is irrelevant whether we've had it or not. Although a nice perk it doesn't make us feel obligated if put off over what we perceive to be flaws in someone's character.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 5
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:36:17 AM
Character is the depth--integrity (best defined as how you behave when no one is looking) as the root of true honesty and trustworthiness. People fall in love w/ personality w/o giving it time to discover the other's true character, and then are shocked to discover the flaws in their loved one--lack of honest, lack of character being the most common.

Maybe we can implement an email filter like "Must be of true character" instead of mostly defaulting to "Must act like an alpha with exciting dynamic personality".



'This isn't the person I fell in live with'...yes it is, we just chose not see them for what they are. She really is just a ditsy blonde with no depth, or he really is just as nasty guy with no nice guy beneath the surface.

After about 3-6 months of "involvement" most people usually relax enough to evince their true character, unless their partner set unrealistically high pie-in-the-sky "requirements" to begin with..
Those few actors/players trying to maintain their "image" of near perfection may struggle with it for a whole year or two before finally giving up all that effort and then breaking up.

VVV
With the definitions you gave, I don't think there is much character around lately.

It may not SEEM evident on TV or on the internet where the loudest crudest most juvenile lowest common denominator APPEARS to prevail,
but many more mature experienced people still have that quiet good character and evince it to those worthy when the situation warrants...

 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 6
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:43:05 AM
Well I wasn't even aware that there was a difference between personality and character. Seeing something you see everyday in a new way is pretty cool, thanks for that OP.

With the definitions you gave, I don't think there is much character around lately.
 safebetinvegas
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:11:10 AM
Yes, one would THINK most people are "decent".

Have you read the news lately ? Corruption everywhere, from government down to couples cheating on each other. This is where the Bible is right on the money. Society has continuously shown since the beginning of civilization that we really just can't get along...constant skirmishes, wars, broken relations, etc...

Like Capn_America said, I wouldn't trust most people with anything of mine of true value much less my bank account for that matter. It's the way the the world is today and will be till the second coming.

So, at the micro level, the OP's statement is correct. Just look around you. Even after being caught we see people pointing the finger, giving excuses as if they were four year olds being caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

Be positive but be AWARE of the moral decline around you.

Many can't maintain upstanding "charachter" when the chips are down. They grab the what they can and run regardless detriment suffered by others or regard for the future (long term benefit).

We are certainly living in the "gimme, thats MINE" culture.

Solution my fellow fishermen/women ?

Don't join a "fish" in the pond until you've watched how they "swim" in troubled waters.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 8
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:22:58 AM

Personality is "surface" person: friendly vs. reserved, easy going vs. intense, introvert vs. extrovert, etc.

I would say that would be the genre of their personality. I think you're trying to limit personality. Personality has a surface and also runs deep, too. I think the 'surface' of their personality is important when it comes to feelings for someone, and also the depth where character influences it, is also important for a relationship.

I think character of someone, what they do in tougher situations, how rational they are, how understanding they are, how giving they are, etc., is very important, where yes, someone can have the same personality pretty much, but be lacking in a particular thing such as rationality. Sometimes one's character goods & flaws can be seen on the surface, but one shouldn't bank on it.

That's the whole part of getting to know someone.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 9
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:53:21 AM
Great Topic and post OP bravo!

I couldn't agree more with your post my friend. I do have reservations about post commentary on decency. I too believe most people are decent human beings. Unfortunately some fail to notice where being happy with oneself blurs the line with being selfish or self-centered.

We make our own happiness, no one is responsible for it. IMHO failed marriages are partially attributed to people putting our happiness on the back burner while trying to make our partner happy. Never going to happen because as humans we will resent that person and possibly lose ourselves in the process. Sure there are many other factors too.

Food for thought - how many life friends do you have? Why are they your life friends? Is it because they're cool to hang out with (personality) or because they've been there for you when you've needed them most?

G
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 10
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:01:17 AM
When I was with my ex, it was his character that I fell inlove with him, deep down inside he is a good person. It seemed no one cared about his character, they only used him for their selfish reasons. He had a sweet personality.
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 11
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:06:33 AM
Great post and one that I have learned NOT to ignore. I do need someone who has a personality and can make me laugh...but also has character. Yes, peeling those onion layers takes a while...and one cannot get all caught up in the personality only. Gotta see what's underneath that surface.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 12
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 1:44:55 PM
I totally disagree.

Dictionary.com defines personality as:


per·son·al·i·ty
   [pur-suh-nal-i-tee] Show IPA
noun, plural per·son·al·i·ties.
1.the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others: He has a pleasing personality.
2.a person as an embodiment of a collection of qualities: He is a curious personality.
3.Psychology .
a.
the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual.
b.
the organized pattern of behavioral characteristics of the individual.
4. the quality of being a person; existence as a self-conscious human being; personal identity.
5.the essential character of a person.


Character (the definition that best suits the context):

char·ac·ter
   [kar-ik-ter] Show IPA
noun
1.the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing.


If a person's personality does not match her/his character, then the "personality" is a persona and not a true reflection of the person's physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics. It is an assumed air or act.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 13
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:30:36 PM

I've noticed that a lot of people do not seem to think about the difference between personality and character, and it seems to be the root of a lot of trouble for people. Do you agree?

Personality is "surface" person: friendly vs. reserved, easy going vs. intense, introvert vs. extrovert, etc. Personality is what attracts us, but isn't the basis for love (well, often it is, but it should not be, b/c it is superficial).

Character is the depth--integrity (best defined as how you behave when no one is looking) as the root of true honesty and trustworthiness. People fall in love w/ personality w/o giving it time to discover the other's true character, and then are shocked to discover the flaws in their loved one--lack of honest, lack of character being the most common.

Thoughts?


Lol, your right on that one, some of the america's most heinous serials killer had great "personalities", H.H Holmes, Ted Bundy.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 14
view profile
History
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:30:55 PM
msg 1
I'm very aware of the difference and also the fact you can find smeone who has both.
Might take some looking but it can be done.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 15
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 5:23:22 PM

Most people are decent.


Yeah,,,not really. Ya see, most people "look" like they are decent. But, give them the opportunity, and they will show ya they aren't that decent. It's something that the OP is trying to point out. The everyday "personality" is just that,everyday. But, watch a person and their actions when the shiat hits the fan, or when no one is "looking" and the character of the person is quickly exposed.

Good post OP!!!!!
 tensail
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 16
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 5:49:11 PM
its v dame thing 1 reflects v other, its just a diff term.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 17
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:02:48 PM
I think personality is what you display to others and it's more reactive. IT Friendly, warm....those are sometimes referred to as character traits and I do think there is some overlap between personality and character. I think character has more to do with how you make choices and decisions, the standards you hold yourself to when dealing with others. As has been said character is who you are when noon'es watching.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 18
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:27:08 PM

Colt8301;

Kudos to you...very few have ever learned the monster that was HH Holmes. Impressive.


Lol, they are going to give him and the "House of Horrors" a big screen treatment starring Leonardo Dicaprio sometime in the future. Although they already made a film based loosely on him (Dr. X).
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:32:37 PM
Yes. I thought I was the only one who thought of these words like this. Personality, and character. I've always thought of character as your particular degree or form or flavor of what you value, your self discipline, ethic, honesty, etc. And personality is just if you're outgoing or more reserved, your humor or laugh or temperment (but temperment might be an example of something that can overlap into both of these areas), if you can get along with some people or not...while writing this, I see that it can get harder to perfectly clarify each, or at least to put them into words without writing a big essay. But I'm thinking lots of you know what I mean, from glancing through the thread.
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:36:07 PM
Oh! Now I remember what else I wanted to say - People focus too much on personality for deciding compatibility or chemistry. And it's the personality that we're trying too much to show someone, and see of them too. And that's what gets people in trouble and matched with the wrong person.
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 21
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:28:11 PM
This is an interesting topic. I make myself take a good look at who is potential relationship material because I want to delve a little deeper into their psyche.

I've been burned a few times in letting someone's personality sweep me off my feet without taking the time to determine whether their character measured up to my standards.
Thank goodness I'm wiser now. Unfortunately it also means I am more likely to remain alone for a longer time period.

Many, many men want to rush me to decide whether I am going to commit to them. Sometimes even on the first or second date! And many pressure me for sex almost immediately too. They sometimes seem unwilling to just take it easy, find out a little more about each other, and build up feelings that would naturally lead to sex and commitment.
I put off sex because I don't want to commit to someone until I know them better. If, by the third date, no sex is forthcoming, they usually bail. It is what it is.

Strength of Character:
Someone willing and able to do the right thing. Make the right choices, even if they are not the easy ones sometimes.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 22
view profile
History
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:00:35 PM
I think it was Ann Landers who said eons ago...
"You fall in love with their personality and then live with their character"
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 23
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:18:09 PM

Except me, why THANK you, Add ;-)


I think you're an exception to quite a few rules Cap'n.

Personalities can and do mask character traits but it isn't only the negative ones that get obscured.

I don't think my society knows much about character at all. Look at who we "worship" in the media, look at who we elect...character is either completely misunderstood or it's simply irrelevant to Canadians. When faced with a choice between having a strong character and putting another loonie in one's pocket, the loonie wins every time.

For the fella who brought up God - are you really sure you want to drag your church into this discussion?
 poohkwang
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 24
view profile
History
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:46:05 PM
I agree with you. A friend member had encountered a bad experience. Meeting a member, he was attracted to this person because of her nice personality. After meeting 4 times before dating just to know each other the other party pressured my friend to have sex and be committed because she is getting older and will start work pretty soon and will not have time to be with him. Barely not even give enough time to know each other. Where is the character of this person? She thinks 2 months is enough to know each other. There is also subject of religion. He is catholic and she is not....only she believe there is God. Because she did not get what she wants from him......and very pushy.....and very impatient.....she gave up on him. Where is the "character" in this person who my friend was attracted to her personality......two months is enough for her not even knowing his dislikes/likes, favorite color, favorite dish, birthdate....etc....Does only personality works or it has to be both?
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 25
personality vs. character
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:16:26 PM
T0tally agree. Personality is not character and some people who are quiet and reserved are the most sincere and loving. I judge by what they do, not what they say. It is awful to be in love with someone you discover is not honest, has no integrity or whatever. Very conflicting. We say that people change but in actual fact they just reveal who they really are, over time and many a relationship founders because the surface appeal is all that there is.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > personality vs. character