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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or      Home login  
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 becknboys
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 1
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lolPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I started the online dating thing a year ago..started out optimistic, lot's of fun meeting new people, etc. Now it almost seems a chore and I don't like that feeling. Anyone else feel the same or is it just ME? Is this a normal process or does it mean dating burnout? I really do want to meet someone but not sure how to get past the... oh no here we go again attitude. Want to get rid of that "tude" but still date, lol.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 2
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:46:55 AM
Sweetheart if you are having dating issues, I may as well hang up my dating shingle!

I totally understand what you mean and I have been online a whole lot longer than you have. At times, when I feel that the prep time, driving, etc, for a "meet" is too much, I just pull back and take a break. Sometimes you just have to do that
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 3
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:49:06 AM
Want to get rid of that "tude" but still date, lol.

Maybe your attitude wouldn't suck if you stopped dating men who made it a chore to go out on a date, lol.


started out optimistic

So after a year of going through the motions, you went from optimist to pessimist. I can see where that could happen if your epectations were consistently out of line with what reality has delivered. Were you optimistic for the wrong reasons? For example, the idea that "It should only take me ____ months to find my soulmate here" is a self-delusion on at least 2 fronts. Or, "This is the next first date with Nice Guy #12; phew I sure hope it's my last one, I'm getting bored/tired/frustrated/cranky" is just another way that people can kid themselves into being disheartened to the point of having a bad attitude because somebody else didn't come over there and live up to their preconceived ideals quickly enough.

Of course there are the other people here who say they've been here ____ without even an answer to their emails much less a date; I think a few of them are about ready to shoot up a Wal Mart.

Bottom line, bad attitudes like the one you've got at the moment come from all the self-talk that goes on inside your head all day long. Change what you keep saying to yourself, and your attitude will automatically improve.

So on the richter scale of bad attitudes, be happy that you're just a 1.5 while some folks are inching closer to 10.0 by the day. Then you can say, "meh, even a 1.5 isn't worthwhile or useful and it certainly isn't any fun". And then you can just go out and enjoy your next date, or take a break from it all (as the spirit moves you) without burdening yourself with the idea that things should turn out a certain way.... "Or else".

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

It's perhaps as you said..my expectations in how long, how many dates will it take until I meet someone for at minimal an ongoing relationship

That's called objectifying, and yes, on dating sites it's more common than Herpes. It's a really bad strategy because in following it you set yourself up for all kinds of frustration. The first wave of frustration comes when you don't find what you're looking for quickly enough... the second wave of frustration comes when you find someone who initially seems like "the one", but two weeks later you're posting in Broken Hearts because they stopped answering your emails or whatever.

Never objectify relationships, or getting into them.
How long will it take? As long as it takes!
 becknboys
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 4
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:15:54 PM
Mowtown,
Hmmm...interesting thoughts. My dates have not made it a chore to go out. It's more of a frustration with myself I think!

I suppose being married for 20 years, and only being in the online scene for a year gives me a somewhat different view than those who have been at this for awhile. I can see it can be viewed as a learning process. My frustration isn't in the people I'm meeting. It's perhaps as you said..my expectations in how long, how many dates will it take until I meet someone for at minimal an ongoing relationship. I don't think I am the ONLY one who thinks that? lol I'm not disheartened at all...simply wondering if it's common to think/feel after some time has passed. Believe me, I love men, lol...maybe that's why I'm so anxious to find one! :)
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 5
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:21:56 PM
No.....the "dating process" is rather like getting a colonoscopy......a necessary evil.
 becknboys
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 6
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:23:29 PM
blacklady!! lol great analogy!! Gotta love it...
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 7
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:28:24 PM
OK, OP.......you are far to involved with one thing here and not with the total concept. Dating is just a part of life, and does not have to be your whole life. This site and others are just a tool for socializing, just like your neighborhood bar, activities center, dance club, etc., and one should not be going to those each and every day and making it their whole life.

If you are comfortable being single, working on yourself and what works for you, and not looking for someone to somehow complete you, or be there day in and day out, you would see how good life can be with taking care of yourself, being yourself, and enjoying yourself. It makes it much easier to enjoy others and their company, if you enjoy your own. Life is to short to plan your date book for each day and think that the only way you will be happy and satisfied, is when you are with another, and sad when you are not.

I say enjoy your health, happiness, wealth of knowledge, maturity, and all that you have to offer to yourself, and if someone then enters your life that will enhance it even more, and you theirs, it is by accident and not a planned ordeal!

cd
 laughingatliberals
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 8
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:31:35 PM

I started the online dating thing a year ago..started out optimistic, lot's of fun meeting new people, etc. Now it almost seems a chore and I don't like that feeling. Anyone else feel the same or is it just ME? Is this a normal process or does it mean dating burnout? I really do want to meet someone but not sure how to get past the... oh no here we go again attitude. Want to get rid of that "tude" but still date, lol.


I am having the time of my life.

While I didn't want to be single when it happened to me in 07. I now have found it the ideal relationship status for me.

So my answer is no I am much happier with dating than I was with marriage. Lean to enjoy where you are in life instead of where you thing you want to be.

You may just find as I did this is much better than being married or in a LTR.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 9
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:34:52 PM

I am much happier with dating than I was with marriage


^^^Well sheesh Capn! Now that you put it that way, I am having an absolute RIOT dating! lol..thanks for the comparison...I actually never viewed it that way! See? you can teach an old doggy new tricks!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 10
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 12:36:04 PM

BlackLady1953
No.....the "dating process" is rather like getting a colonoscopy......a necessary evil.


My first reaction to the above was to laugh. But this is really not a good attitude. For most people, finding someone with whom you wish to share a long term relationship is going to take a good deal of time. And I intend to enjoy that time, that effort, that process.

Your response makes me think of an old country and western song, wherein the lady singer laments, “I shaved my legs for this?”
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 11
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:39:23 PM
Msg 1

Maybe what has happened as the illusion of online dating is now a reality and
not so exciting as you have seen so much of the misrepresentation common to dating sites.

The so called business man who sells defectiive or used laptops in the walmart parking lot, the
man who says he is 45 but who shows up is a man who is more like 60.
The man who says he is average and is 100 pounds or more overweight, and built like an egg wide side down...........

etc and so on...........
we have all met them ! lol

This is a good time now that the illusion has worn off and you can read the profiles and pics better, know what to ask and can more easily avoid any games that will cause you to make foolish choices about who to meet.
Now you will meet less people, and you will be more selective and pickier. That is a good thing, not a bad one.

not burnout, its called experience and hopefully you learned to work the sites a little better to your advanatage
which is screening far better then a newbie on the site.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 12
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:52:36 PM

The so called business man who sells defectiive or used laptops in the walmart parking lot, the
man who says he is 45 but who shows up is a man who is more like 60.
The man who says he is average and is 100 pounds or more overweight, and built like an egg wide side down


Not just online dating. Giving what is available out there, any dating must be really difficult these days.
I was in a large city in the North East for a few days last week and I was appalled at how fat the women and men . . young and old. . . And then when I was at a restaurant having my typical fish and veggies meal, I noted the "fat" peoplewere gorging on potato skins, fried onions, large steaks and all of that other really healthy stuff. A good number of people are way out of control. What is available in the dating pool probably is not very pretty for any who are looking. Heck I would be upset too if I were looking to date in my age bracket.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 13
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:56:22 PM

.the "dating process" is rather like getting a colonoscopy


Oh no!

At least with the c-scope you get some drugs to help forget the experience.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 14
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:59:01 PM
IF I listed all of the oddities I met years ago, my post would be 2 pages long...so many I cannot remember. I found the best way for me was to work on myself & meet men from the real world. Of course if u do that, ditch ur c*ckblocking female friends...when u do things on ur own w/ the right attitude, u will be a magnet for quality men!!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 15
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:59:29 PM
^^^^^^^^^^
Haha, why do you think most people drink on dates?

Seriously, though, OP.

If you feel that way, take a break and come back when you're feeling better. Nobody has ever found anything worthile here or anywhere else with that kind of an attitude.

Also, as long as you think that finding a relationship, ANY relationship is the end game here, you'll be a easy prey for the players and manipulators.

You have to find a place where you're happy with your life and take things as they come with respect to dating. People are what they are, and most will not be a match, here or IRL.
 becknboys
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 16
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 3:26:01 PM
Thanks everyone for your thoughts/experiences/opinions! I think it's great we can all share our good and not so good experiences and opinions. I'm curious though, being a newbie here to the forums, why there seem to be so many people that "police" the posts? lol
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 17
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 5:07:34 PM
You've only been at it for ONE year. Me????? Been on the lookout for over 51 years. Still hasn't happened,but I haven't shut my eyes or closed my mind. Of course, I'm a little bit mentally unbalanced,so that could be a reason I walk around still with a smile on my face.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 18
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:00:12 PM
I had a few meetings and they were all liars or just not interesting. The anxiety and nerves that I always felt before meeting up was horrendous and I just dont feel like doing that anymore. Having to reject or be rejected or worrying about who they really are, and am I safe? No, I am over it!!!!. Just enjoy the forums. My life is fine but I would have liked a congenial companion but if someone comes along in real life, then good.

If it is a chore give it away for a while because that attitude will show. What are the chances of finding who you want in cyberspace? Very slim. I will be howled down for this, but men with it all going on, are not on dating sites, generally. Unless they like to play the numbers game.

Do you belong to a bikers group or other that you have interest in? I think it is healthier to meet in real life and see if the chemistry is there or the connection upfront. To know their friends or family and something of their background is infinitely preferable. But up to you.

Yes those that have set themselves up as some kind of censor or critic and attack others for their opinions etc, are a pain and I ignore them. No names, no packdrill.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 19
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:18:06 PM
Yeah, I enjoy it. I’ve taken long breaks from dating over the years here, but lately it’s been fun again. And I’ve met some wonderful women.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 20
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Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:22:09 PM
See the mixed bag of differing opinions OP? I think that when we feel overwhelmed with it all, we all just take a little break to regroup. And there isn't a darned thing wrong with that.

To answer your question about folks policing the threads/posts? We all need to stay on topic and do thread searches before we make new threads..not that I am a mod or ever could be but just answering your question.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 21
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:27:51 PM
I have a different take on your dilemma.
In that I think you are finally where you need to be...
to find a match.

You are now over any online girlish delusions.
You are now properly jaded as to how this really works.
Now you are ready to find your guy.

:-P
 kmxplore51
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 22
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:29:01 PM
The metaphor from Msg #5 is only partially true: Like colonoscopy, dating can feel exhausting and painful, but at least colonoscopy has a cleansing benefit to it !!

OP: dating when looked at as a process to "get" somewhere can become just that... a statistical process and one ends up counting all the failures. I wonder if it can be viewed simply as a journey. This has an interesting Zen irony to it: Just when you stop aiming for the end-result, you may end up bumping into someone fabulous. Enjoy!

(I did try to send you something via private email but your criteria blocked me from it)
 Jamie95622
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 23
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:56:22 PM
i dunno,,,i suppose another metaphor could be in order,,,,,,,,,like...ummmmm maybe it is frustrating because you are trying to find a needle in a haystack as opposed to finding a piece of hay......

maybe your expectations are unreal and almost impossible to fulfill as most men cannot and will not ever be your father incarnate...

that would be frustrating i imagine,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,think of it this way,,,say dating was like,,,an amusement park ,,and people were the rides........now,,,,,,,i am going to go ahead and assume you are one of those i see over there,,,,,waiting in that super long line,,,,,waiting to ride that one ride every one talks about,,,you know the one,,the ride that is perfect in every way and everyone who rides it comes back saying how they could spend the rest of their lives on that ride,,,course,,,,

the line goes on for miles and you may never even get to the front!!!!!! but it's worth the wait!!! right?

in the meantime,,,those of us with out such a long list of requirements for that "perfect ride' are over here,,,,,,,riding ride after ride,,,having a ball doing it! sure,,the rides are not as long and it is much easier to get a ticket,,,but who cares! i'm so busy having fun i don't know the difference,,,,,

hey! how's things over in that "perfect" ride line btw? you guys look irritated......


hahahahahahahaha or not,,,,i could be wrong and this is just my opinion,,,,happy waiting! and remember,,,your worth it! do not settle for just any ride!!!you deserve to ride only the best rides no matter how long the line is!

carry on
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 24
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:40:39 PM
.

the "dating process" is rather like getting a colonoscopy




Oh no!

At least with the c-scope you get some drugs to help forget the experience


Oh gosh....that's hilarious. Love it.

OP...just hang in there. Online dating can be very frustrating at times. I too have encountered some real characters in my "pursuit of happines'' but thankfully, I have discovered the forums. It's like my very own little support group. ~smiles~

Besides, if I give up now and close my account, I even have less of a chance of meeting someone..... especially at my age. Mostly everyone I encounter on a day to day basis is either married or in a relationship.

And PoF is not the only venue I use to meet people...I have found that one has to widen their social circles in order to meet new people. Therefore, I've also joined a few meet-up groups.

So, be patient...all good things happen to those who wait.

...mae
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 25
Does anyone this age actuall ENJOY the dating process after a year or more? lol
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:59:05 PM
I can only share my own experience. I've been divorced for 4+ years and didn't really date for a year after the divorce. I hung out with friends and family and enlarged my group of friends and 'dated' occasionally.

I started dating IRL and online after a year. YIKES. lol.
I had times where I had a date every night of the week to one a week or so. I gained experience in (post- 40) dating- that simple. You learn to better recognize people who clearly have issues, aren't a match, have timing issues, etc.
Dating isn't all about finding 'the one' IMO. It's about meeting friends and simply enjoying an evening or an afternoon together- enriching one another's lives, etc.

After a year of dating I was at the point that you are for the most part. I had taken a few breaks and was simply getting disinterested in dating. I made the decision to hide my profile and just participate in the forums for a year. It took care of itself. About 10 months into the year off I received a message from a guy on site that really held my interest. He sounded like fun- we went out and had a lot of fun and it got my feet wet again. I only communicated with men who truly held my interest and had been divorced for 2+ years, etc. The next guy I met is the one I'm still dating several months later. Ya never know, but you will have better results IMO if you date to enjoy the company and date quality men- which, for me, resulted in only dating occasionally after applying what I had learned.
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