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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How many people actually go on a second date ?      Home login  
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 Luckyshamrocks
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 2
How many people actually go on a second date ? Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I've jokingly nicknamed myself the one date wonder...glad it isn't just me. sigh
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 3
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 4:40:07 AM
You are getting dates. Wah wah, where is my second date? Go stand in line behind all the sad sacks on here saying they can't even get a woman to answer their emails.


The only reason I can come up with is that for every 1 girl out there, there are 15 men just like me so if I'm not Brad Pitt (on our date) I'm basically yesterdays news.

What are you saying? 15 men like you chasing 1 girl who looks like Angelina?? Why wouldn't she move on??

You are 25. Be happy you're getting out there and meeting people. What 20-something gal is in a big hurry to settle down? Date #2?? That's almost like a commitment! Their attention span is just long enough to read 140 characters of text, but you want them to hang around with you? Probably ain't gonna happen quickly enough for you. Just keep doing what you're doing. One day, after you've met a bunch of gals, you'll meet someone who wants to stick around for date #2, #3.... #1,025.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 4
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 5:07:16 AM
one idea - maybe turn it around and only go out with women who contact you first.
sometimes when a woman picks, it seems to turn out better.

also, meet them quickly and casually for coffee first....a pre-date, so to speak. and don't stay online too long getting to know them as that often builds up false expectations.

another idea - perhaps your picker is off. it's so hard on dating sites to get a real insight into anyone until you meet. they might just be being very polite the first date, but when they get home they realize you're not 'the one' for them.

don't take it personally. if they don't want to see you again after one date, then that's good as it means you won't put energy into someone who's not that into you. and sometimes it might take more than one date to figure out it's not what either of you are looking for.

honestly, i found it is the way of things online. you do have to meet a lot of people to find one who really really clicks with you.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 5
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 5:41:26 AM
Ok, I've thought about this just for you, OP.

Between August 2008 and January 2011, I went on about 70 first dates. About ten of them turned into second dates. Only four went beyond that. One of the four dropped the ball, one was the one with the famous body butter fiasco (some of you may remember that thread), one I saw for about six months, and one I'm still with today.

So, I definitely feel as if I did my foot work.
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 7
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:32:06 AM
Hi OP,

Prior to giving up on internet dating, I did go out on several meets with men I didn't find any chemistry with, often within seconds of them walking through the door. I gave it another 5 or so minutes and once I understood we were not a match I would let them know. This way they would not wonder.

I can say I have been on one or two dates where the men grew on me because of their personality and I have remained friends with them, introduced them to my friends because I felt they were a better fit and am attending a wedding of one of the men I met here a few years ago.

My purpose here was not to make friends but to find a partner. It is not easy to do here on the internet but I have seen where it works for some. The world is broad and you have many places to meet people. I have been given excellent advice from many people here as to where to go and what to do to meet someone. Just don't put all your eggs in one basket (ID)
and eventually you will find your match.

I wish you well, you come across as a good man.
 SilverLight
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 8
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:48:02 AM
I rarely get second dates. Usually it's for the typical reasons..there isn't any chemistry between us and we both know it, or I've decided I'm not interested, or sometimes he's the one that isn't interested. Some guys who are not interested say they want to be friends and hang out...which is something I no longer do. (I'm not trying to make new friends)

Someone else here actually mentioned this..you really need to consider that first "date" a meeting. That's all it is. No expectations..you just go to meet. Keep it simple, ease the pressure. That way if it doesn't work out you won't be spending so much time sweating "what went wrong."

Nothing went wrong. The fact of the matter is most people are not suitable. You have to do alot of looking.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:10:10 AM
Look at the positive side. You are getting dates.

What is happening to you is actually rather normal. In part it has to do with you, and in part it has to do with her. Deep inside we may like the girl, but not as much and it shows in our vibe. Same thing with the girl. And it doesn't matter if you ended up kissing or had some small making out.

One thing that has helped getting that second date is "projection." This is something I leaned back in the days when I did a lot of one night stands, which I do not do anymore, since it's not my cup of tea. Projecting is a process in which you introduce into the conversation, things that you could do in the future. You do not ask her to do them, just mention them. For instance you can talk about these type of wines that you have and how this one or the other are just out of this world. Or you can talk about this one place that the music is awesome and they have some local bands that are incredible. Or you can talk about this one dish that you cook that is incredible and even girls like it because it's very low in calories. The point is that you project the idea of doing things. So when you ask her, or suggest, the idea is already there. Usually, I do not ask for the second date until maybe a day or two afterwards. But at that time I can then suggest one of the places or activities we talked about and she showed interest, so she is already half way sold.

Hope it helps.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 10
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:52:53 AM
I am very choosy about who I'll meet, maybe because of that.. second dates aren't all that rare.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 11
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:02:49 AM

sometimes even end up making out but the next day its like it never happened.


An epidemic of amnesia?

Try offering to take them shopping for a new pair of shoes on the 2nd date and it should be a lock. (wink)
 Extollere
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 12
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 12:11:19 PM
Pfft. Brad Pitt.

It's really very difficult finding that special click with somebody. If you're dating a lot, yes, it will seem like a lot of near misses. That's just the nature of the process (unless you settle). If you were limited solely to dating within a small town of 500 people, yes you'd be willing to settle more readily. But since there's more flexibility and more options, it's easier to be more picky. Being more picky means more filtering. More filtering means taking that great date and brushing it off in hopes for a better one. And so the process goes.

Long story short, you'll be at this a very long time. Enjoy the ride.

Love,

The Bad News Fairy
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 14
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 12:53:07 PM
If you get as far as making out, then a better question is what are you doing wrong?

If you ended the relationship on good terms, it might be a good idea to ask them for some input/suggestions.

You would be surprised at how quickly you can move from the prospect to non-prospect column, and it can be something you aren't even aware of... like communicating too much, not enough, tipping insufficiently, mentioning personal information too soon, etc, etc, etc.

You just won't know until either you can ask them, or you have some female friends that can provide some clarity.
 GreatGamingGirl
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 15
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:13:02 PM
I was talking with a guy friend about this exact same thing the other day. He said he thinks girl are just trying to be nice and polite to you, when they really know that they're not into you. Very few girls would be so blunt as to say to your face that they don't think there's chemistry.

I actually did that to one guy. I had a lovely date with him and we laughed and talked and all that, but he made some comments and had some mannerisms that made me think he had very low self-esteem and wasn't really over his ex. So at the end I said to him, "This has been fun, but I don't think there's enough of a connection here to go on another date. Thank you for the wonderful time."
He started crying. Yes, crying! I sat in his car with him until he calmed down. He said that all the texting and flirting we had done beforehand made him think I was going to be "the One". Wow. I told him he was great, just not great for me.

And this has been done to me twice as well. One guy said matter-of-factly, "I don't see you as a romantic partner but we can be FWB." The other guy was polite enough to actually call me on the phone and say that our dates and chats had been fun, but he didn't feel the connection he was looking for. He was a gentleman and I appreciate his honesty, even though it hurt.

So you are not the only one getting ignored or written off! It happens to all of us. Just be the person you want to be, do things that make you proud of yourself, and keep looking. The right girl won't let you go. :)
 caltra417
Joined: 5/1/2012
Msg: 16
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:21:07 PM
It happens to me all the time....AM I UGLY or what? But who knows amybe I'll find Mr Right some day.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 17
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:23:08 PM
9 dates out of 10 that I have here (if I've had 10...I haven't been counting) result in follow up dates. I can only remember one that didn't. She told me after the first date that she was just looking to date and nothing serious (as I was setting up the second date). I took that to mean: I like when you treat me to a free meal and engage me with your vast intellect, but don't expect me to reciprocate with any sort of physical stimulous or even so much as go dutch.

For me, it was a waste of time, so I cancelled the date. ANY kind of relationship is a two way street, otherwise it is parasitic. I consider myself to be a needle in the haystack. If a woman misses me while she's digging through the hay than I don't sweat it too much these days.

The first date is the MONEY MAKER for the guy. The second date is as such for a woman. The VAST majority of women I've dated here seldom see a third date with me.
 movielover512
Joined: 11/21/2010
Msg: 19
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/22/2012 12:04:57 PM
Since my divorce, dating for me hasn't been successful never getting past the second date as well, it is exhausting but I understand the necessity of it. It is like a company hiring for a position you don't just take in the first person who turns in a resume you weed through them to find the best qualifications and the best fit.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 20
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:21:31 PM
OP, I'm a lot older than you and I have learned my lesson.
Dating should be a long, but not necessarily, arduous process. My entire attitude about dating has changed compared to when I was your age. I wish my parents would have told me to go slow, don't rush into anything, wait, wait, wait but there's a lot of pressure to move fast, and that pressure comes from inside ourselves.

I date, very, very slowly now and I am in no rush. Sometimes I get tired of first dates, 2nd dates, then no dates so I take a break from it for a bit, then get back out there. I really believe that when there isn't a 2nd date or if a relationship ends, it's a good thing in the end, it's not easy but there was a reason for it to end, I just didn't know what the reason was and I try not to dwell on it.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 21
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:23:02 AM
I think most of the time there isn't a second date. Even when the first date goes well. Some personal examples. A woman agrees to go out on a second date. Then cancels at the last minute. Another woman texts me after the first date saying "I had a great time". Yet when I called her the next day she didn't return my calls.

Sometimes the reason why there isn't a second date has very little or nothing to do with you. The other person may decide that they are not be ready for or available for a relationship. They were never seriously that interested in dating to begin with. They are married / in a relationship. They went out with someone else that they considered to be a little bit more attractive etc. Also some people are impatient and/or have very high expectations. If there isn't instant "major fireworks" or you don't exactly match a "virtual checklist", they will quickly lose interest.
 TheLongSpring
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 22
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/23/2012 10:13:06 AM
It seems like either you meet somebody right away, or you just keep going on a bunch of so-so first dates

Like the OP, I just keep trucking along
 DallasSBF
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 23
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/23/2012 11:13:54 AM
DANG Cowboy.
I sorry but if we are vibing WHY cant I call it a date? AND if we arent why dont YOU TRY letting me know it aint going to happen?
 daphne1968
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 24
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:55:58 PM
do guys want us to call or text the next day? or is it if we dont hear from you than they are not interested? Its all a game and I dont know how to play??? help.
 bay_shore
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 25
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 6/24/2012 4:30:57 PM
I think it's natural that most of the time there isn't a second date. This is a hypothetical example. Suppose a man has 10 first dates over a period of time. He was interested in having a second date with 5 of these women. But among these 5 women, only 2 of them wanted a 2nd date with him. Therefore he only had a 2nd date with 20% of these women.

I also think some people on dating sites form an unrealistic fantasy image of a person based on their photos, profile, email / phone conversations etc. When the real image doesn't completely match the fantasy image, they are no longer interested.
 lovestud74
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 26
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/18/2017 5:46:23 PM
Best thing to do is send text right after first date saying thanks blow them off for few days make them wonder why you ain't calling Fuchs with their head ones use to guys chasing them will get intrigued you are not chasing them you will get them texting you.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 27
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How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/18/2017 7:42:25 PM
Gotta admit, interesting.

- Loverboy, you've been here almost a year and a half, have never posted, and you've chosen as your very first post, a thread that was buried five years ago. How did you find it?

- *Cowboy*, very recently a subject of discussion among a few old timers, posted in this thread. Innocuously. (Note, though, a later response, with just a hint of "I'm taking this personally".)

Anyhow Mr. Stud Dude, your suggested approach never quite suited me. I'd say that, of the woman I met, half went at least to second dates. The woman I'm dating now is actually my fiance. We've been on several hundred dates. We'll be married before the end of the year (being ever mindful of the tax implications of waiting until 2018), in which event every day will be a date, I guess. So, there will be thousands of dates. Ten thousand would be awesome, but I'm not terribly confidant I'll live that long.

In any event, I didn't follow your strategy. The second date was set in stone even before the first date was over.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 28
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/18/2017 8:12:03 PM

I think most of the time there isn't a second date. Even when the first date goes well. Some personal examples. A woman agrees to go out on a second date. Then cancels at the last minute. Another woman texts me after the first date saying "I had a great time". Yet when I called her the next day she didn't return my calls.


I agree. Many people expect instant chemistry on a first date / meeting or they quickly lose interest. Most of the time, there won't be instant chemistry. Often because 2 people are virtual strangers. Or 1 person might be somewhat nervous or shy at first. As you said, when there is a good first date, it is simply that and doesn't guarantee another date. People can change their mind at any time for any reason.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 29
How many people actually go on a second date ?
Posted: 7/18/2017 8:25:20 PM
"Great first date, we laugh, we joke, there's chemesitry most of the time and we can sometimes even end up making out but the next day its like it never happened"




That's odd that you would actually make out and have it fizzle out.....do you get them drunk ?
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