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 jleeannexo
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 1
Dating while pregnantPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So I know this is freaking weird... Im 16 weeks pregnant my boyfriend passed away due to a car accident 2 months ago. Should I be dating or should I just wait until the baby is born before I try to move on and find somebody?
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 2
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:20:04 AM
I cannot believe you are even THINKING about dating!
You lost your b/f 2 months ago girl.
Your pregnant and suffering this loss BUT thinking about dating???
It's time to mourn and think about your unborn child.
*Shakes head in disbelief*
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 3
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Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:24:47 AM
That's definitely a tough break. My condolences.

Usually when this question is asked around these parts, the woman is told she needs to deal with her life-changing event and not worry about dating. My personal feeling is if you stumble across a great guy in real life willing to deal with your circumstances, then I wouldn't argue too much with it, BUT *actively seeking* dates, especially on a dating website like POF probably isn't good for you. Trying to get good dates is pretty stressful. Just don't see how it could help with the pregnancy. And your profile is pretty hostile, suggesting you've got a lot of stress going on!

You probably should ask yourself why you feel the need to date while 4 months pregnant and just two months after you lost the love of your life in a tragedy. There are better ways to deal with the pain and loneliness, I would imagine. But I'm not in your shoes and can never be.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 4
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:26:12 AM
Wow...............just wow.

Aren't you mourning the loss of your boyfriend?
Plus i would think you've enough on your plate with a second child on the way.
I really dont understand how or why you'd even be thinking about trying to meet anyone at the moment?
*Edit* Op,i just did a Thread Search and came up with this Thread from acouple of months ago - it has NINE pages of answers...
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14568867.aspx
 barky bark
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 5
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:26:16 AM
Date!
who cares what others think?
You want someone in your life, just as pretty much eveyone else does. Why wait?
 scifichicky
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 6
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:31:48 AM
See, I actually see things differently. It isn't like she was a Jerry Springer "Ho" sleeping about and got pregnant who's my baby-daddy drama... (at least she didn't SAY this was the case)

It has been two months since her boyfriend passed (not husband, we do not know if this was the love of her life or if she just really liked him and ended up pregnant)

Different people take different lengths of time to grieve, I could never date so soon, but if she can and is able to find a nice guy then why not? I see threads all the time of guys that are looking to have kids and moaning about not finding women to have them with, well here she is! She is actively having a child, you know she is fertile. There is no baby daddy drama as he is no longer with us... etc etc etc.

If you are willing to date guys in their mid-30's then there ya go.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 9
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Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:41:26 AM
jleeannexo

Take care of yourself and children. If you want to date while pregnant you can, but it will not be easy. Most men will not want to date you while pregnant. I agree with the others that some people grieve at different rates and intensity. We all are wired differently.

 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 10
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Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:42:59 AM
I think the better question is WHY are you considering dating?

Is there someone in particular that is interested and available? Is there a history?
Is it more that you are feeling alone?
Is the prospect of facing impending motherhood without a support network the concern?
Is it the fear of the baby not having a father driving this?
Is there a monetary component in terms of the ability to support the child?

Answer those sorts of questions to yourself, then you'll have a better idea of the place you are now in.

Single and pregnant women have been facing these sorts of questions from time immemorial. Without knowing the context, I don't think any of us are in a position to judge.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 11
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:49:45 AM
I would wait. This wasn't a drunken oops I'm pregnant. This was your boyfriend whom you just lost.
 Sillyandserious
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 12
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Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 9:25:49 AM
People are so damn mean!
No one knows the state of that relationship when he died! And quite honestly it is not any of our business unless you offer up the info.

You are the only one who will know when you are ready to date. I guess being pregnant...maybe you should try to find some guy friends....maybe wait for any kind of relationship until the baby is born.
 Interception
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 13
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 9:34:14 AM
Personally I think you really ought to consider having the baby before you think about dating. While nobody knows the circumstances of your boyfriend's death there are a lot of people out there that do not want to date a woman with children unborn or otherwise. Many women make up lies about the whereabouts of their children's father and a great deal more don't want to deal with the Drama that can possibly come with it.

If you want to date and you're prepared for the consequences that come with it all the more power to you. However, consider the implications your actions will have on you and your child in the future.
 jleeannexo
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 14
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 9:42:03 AM
UM Im not looking for sex! I said nothing about wanting someone for sex!
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 15
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Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 9:44:24 AM
I feel everyone is going overboard about the guy dying. We dont know their situation.
As for dating.. if you find a nice guy who is willing to deal with that, then go ahead... but you have a baby now so you need to be extra careful with the men you have around it.
I see more pregnant girls or girls with new borns on here than most ppl would expect.. so OP, you are not alone. Best of luck with your child. :)
 jleeannexo
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 16
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 9:52:39 AM
I don't understand why some of you people are so mean about this whole thing. It was just a question. I don't think that I'm doing anything wrong. I love my daughter and I know how it is to raise a child. Not everyone wants kids so to those people saying 'use condoms' well that's FINE if you never want kids but I LOVE my child and my unborn child. So your comments about stuff like that are unnecessary. I have a great job, a car, a house stuff I all got on my own. So who are you to judge if I should or shouldn't have children! Its just plain rude! My boyfriend and I didn't date entirely long. It sucks that he passed and yes I cry almost every night but me wanting someone to help me through the whole situation shouldn't be seen as some kind of sin like I'm a terrible person. And thank you for the kind responses. I appreciate them more then you know. Thanks again.



Unfortunately there are some users in the forums that get pleasure out of trolling the forums and insulting users. When we see this, there are consequences to those users. (note some posts have already been deleted and users banned over this thread) The best thing to do is to just ignore their flame baiting comments and report them if necessary.

 jleeannexo
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 17
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 10:14:09 AM
In a way I do believe I am ready to date. I don't see why not. I have a great family and friends so I am not completely alone in this. I'm not looking for someone to be my child's father. Just someone I can confide in and talk to and eventually have a relationship with. I'm not trying to marry someone next week and introduce my child to him tomorrow. Just trying to build something, talk to someone.
 jleeannexo
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 18
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 10:21:48 AM
Well yes and no. I want a friend that will be more.. I hope that's not too confusing. I want a companion whether its now or after my child is born. Basically people telling me not to date is the same thing as saying ' well you have kids, you can't date' This is a child yes.. So isn't it kind of the same thing even though him/her isn't born yet..
 jleeannexo
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 21
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 10:39:37 AM
Oh I agree my children will always come first! I even stated that in my profile on this site. I can financially provide for them fine. I am truly blessed. It just gets kinda lonely ya know.. My daughter is wonderful company! Don't get me wrong but sometimes you need the company of an adult. I have no problem waiting to date if that is in fact better for me to do. If I can find someone that I feel that I am, in fact, compatible with I believe I will date. But always no matter what my children come first! Absolutely. Don't want people to think the opposite!
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 23
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Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 11:50:24 AM
LEEANN
(OP)
Some people are mean some people have no contructive opinions, some people assume, most people
do not know how you feel, you feel you are in an ackward situation and want a little guidance.

People will always judge according to their experiences and beleifs.

I could only tell you about my thoughts, opinions and maybe recommendations.

Sorry about the loss, i know how a loss feels, I lost a wife that I adored.

It is not wrong, nothing is written in stone on what we are supposed to do and how we are supposed to feel.
You are the kind of women I sometimes look for, no more daddy drama, ready made family stable life....It would be good if we lived close byhehehe ....anyhow...

When my wife died, I was told the same thing , people are mean. in less than 6 months I brought A woman who was a catalog model home, the only people that did not judge me were my siblings and parents, they adored my wife and wanted me to feel better, not to have tears in my eyes 24/7 was a relief to them, to be able to talk to a new woman who was a friend and possible next relationship gave me and my family releif. She lived on my property free of rent in a little house behind mine, she was a bit of aplatonic GF, we never had sex, did not need to. I dated her, became my "girl" , she neded help, I gave it to her, she really helped me feel better, not be alone, someone to confide intimately about my feelings fears and sadness, she made it go away. It did not work out but I really appreciarted her love, support and understanding, if it would have worked out, we would probably be married to eachother.

The relationship I sought from another after the death of my wife (a very slow and painful death, sudden in a way), was someone to accompany me, not only to have a shoulder to cry on but someone I feel is interested in me how I felt, my well being, someone to also concentrate my thoughts and feelings toward, just to have someone laying on the couch hugging, caressing and telling me everything is gonna be alright and saying she loves me is and was huge
help, to reciprocate that also and to know someone is there to receive my love and caring insead of a sad void of flowers on my wife's grave every Saturday did not cut it and was destroying me.

Other people and love is part of healing, we need it, we have to have it for our spiritual and mental well being, some people are made of stone and have rules, they suck it up, others look for love to heal and be better.

You are looking for love to heal, to be happy is your goal.

Yes, there are men who would love to have a ready made family , the issue is daddy issues, attention and time from the woman, I have dated pregnant women before, I let them know if the relationship becomes serious I would like to be the only dad the baby has and would like to share responsibilities and be the real dad, it iusually never works out because of daddy and ex in law drama.

There are guys out there that would date you and be serious.

You are not doing anything wrong, you are not a bad or cold person like others say, they do not know you from the inside , we are all different.

Go ahead and date other men, move on, be happy, be stable for you and your family.

Flick a booger at everyone who is mean.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 24
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 12:00:04 PM
OP...I believe that you're entitled to happiness, love, and companionship. I think seeking professional help to sort through these questions and concerns while dealing with your grief is the best option.

I wish you well.
 TRESemme1
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 25
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 12:09:22 PM
well, you have a daughter already. plus you are pregnant so that would make child number 2. your bf just died 2 months ago. and the cause is a horrible car accident.

you pretty much raised your own self. i guess you don't have parents to support you. i must admit you are a very pretty girl. but you carry a lot of stuffs right now.

i do want to say something but i don't want to sound bad.

i guess you looking for a guy to help you take care of your daughter and your soon to be born baby.

my bad, i guess you feel lonely and wants a man's arms to hold you and kiss you. well, you are the boss of your own self. you can do whatever you want to do.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 26
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Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 12:33:13 PM


OP: You are mature women. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing situation. You can try dating if it works it works, if it doesn't sit well with you can stop and pick it up later. I think the bigger issue is that there may be fewer men who will want to date a woman who is pregnant.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 27
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Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:46:58 PM
I don't think you should have sex with other men while pregnant. Forgetting about how cold hearted it sounds, and it does, I think while you are pregnant you need to be very careful about STDs. Right now the baby should come first, especially it's health. It would seem that you and the baby's bio dad weren't close, so if that's the case you might be lonely and wanting male contact but being pregnant is a big deal and that should be your priority. You should also watch out for men with pregnant-body fetish, unless you like that sort of thing, don't assume you will be building a relationship during this time, so be careful with your body and your emotions. Being pregnant is a roller coaster ride of emotions.

I am sorry about your loss.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 28
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Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 2:23:41 PM
She stated in one of her posts that she is not looking for sex.
Not all men, like you say, dates a pregnant woman to take advantage of them, it is usually the other way around I know, ...multiple times.
 jleeannexo
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 31
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 3:44:58 PM
Dreamer, Thank you for being honest and nice! All these other people are making me feel like trash. I don't know how many times I've stated I don't want sex! I guess some people pick and choose what they want to see! I don't even know how to respond to half the other stuff on here.. I guess it was a mistake for posting and I probably will never post on a forum again. But thank you for being kind!!!
 jleeannexo
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 32
Dating while pregnant
Posted: 6/22/2012 3:46:28 PM
Thanks to you as well! I cannot believe some of the name calling and just udder rudeness coming out of some peoples mouths.. Well fingertips.. Bet they wouldn't say it to my face : /
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