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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Long List of Requirements met in order to message      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ShadyCanady
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 1
Long List of Requirements met in order to messagePage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I'm pretty new to POF and am still learning. However one or two things I can't understand. Like why do people have long lists of conditions that must be met in order to contact them. I do understand the whole sex issue and not wanting contact from a person that only wants sex if your not interested in that. The age stuff I don't get. its like 25 to 37 only. So if a 38 year old guy has what your looking for he's too old?? I don't get it.
 Dolphina
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 2
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 1:28:37 AM
Well look at the age thing from my perspective. I am 59 years old and I really don't want to date really old geezers, so I have a limit on my dating requirements of 67. I'm not into decrepit flesh.

As for other people's list of conditions, only they can respond to those.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 3
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:11:52 AM
Your logic is flawed... people have to draw the line somewhere...

Following your logic... if 38 is ok then why not 39... if 39 is ok then why not 40... if 40 is ok then why not 41... repeat 100 times... if 141 is ok then why not 142... you can go from being a dater to being a bioarchaeologist that way.

Pretty soon you'll scheduling first meets at the nearby cemetery or worse, under a 2200 year old pyramid someplace.
 GurugiGets
Joined: 6/1/2012
Msg: 4
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:25:23 AM
It's a numbers game. You are selling something and so are they. Whatever their conditions are the system is designed to inspire us to be our best. If someone wants fit and I known I'm not exactly fit, that's pretty much my problem.

As a gent, I get to be a bit more exact in what I want because I'm pretty much paying for it all. I like it that way.
 Sunny_coaster84
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 5
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:31:54 AM
The age thing I get perfectly well particularly at my age when a woman's biological clock is ticking... I can deal with someone my age because I know in 4 or 5 years they can still have kids, granted I'd like to meet someone younger, but when you get to my age and it starts being a 7 to 5 year age gap, there's not as many women out there that want to meet a guy in his late 20's if they're in their mid/early 20's. Short and the long of it is that I can have kids whenever and she can't and you might have forgotten what that does to a woman's head.

I do keep my options open but another reason is that just tonight I've had my profile looked at by a 45 year old and a 48 year old woman and there's plenty more women out there like that if I just left it for a free for all. If I don't set an age limit I get messages, from a relative perspective, that I think are from creepy old ladies who only want to use me for my younger body. What's more, I already have a mother and unlike some guys I'm not looking for another one.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 6
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:00:39 AM

any warm vagina will do


I see either a great username or profile headline in this.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 5:07:17 AM
Other possibilities:

* they built their list of caveats gradually, adding another each time they were hit by a barrage of undesirable emails;

* they added them all in a rush, as they created their profile, getting caught up in the whole idea that they HAD to make such choices, as a part of the common "filling-out-a-form-correctly-panic" syndrome;

* they really are THAT certain about their requirements.

Whatever. One thing I do know, is that people periodically show up here in the forums, fussing about this or that, and one of the responders points out that their own profile says right in it, that they want what they are complaining that they are getting. Obviously, a lot of us, probably most of us, don't reread our own profiles all that often, and check them for needed updates. We just add things in every now and then. We don't take things out that no longer apply, because we are blind to them.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 8
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 5:16:22 AM
It is kind of obvious, as it is the personality of the person that sets the conditions...People have all walks of life...
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 9
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:04:54 AM
OP,

I have to agree with Igor's first bullet, it's like accrued after being bombarded with messages from the frothy side of the pond.

Personally when I see a laundry list of "must haves" I move on to the next profile.

I also respect those that state the obvious, done raising kids, age preference, race, whatever.

My advise to you is to thicken up your skin brother, POF is generally not for the sensitive or faint of heart.

Don't have expectations, just go with the flow.

Good luck.
 browneyes4431
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 10
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:38:14 AM
We all have preferences and we need to respect others wishes.
 bluesaphirenpearls
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 11
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:38:34 AM

I'm pretty new to POF and am still learning. However one or two things I can't understand. Like why do people have long lists of conditions that must be met in order to contact them. I do understand the whole sex issue and not wanting contact from a person that only wants sex if your not interested in that. The age stuff I don't get. its like 25 to 37 only. So if a 38 year old guy has what your looking for he's too old?? I don't get it.

I can't speak for others, but I'll answer for myself: I started with a very simple profile. Then, I started receiving messages from all kinds of crap (sorry, but I do not have another word for them!). Yes, I am Hispanic, and more, I am Cuban. But that doesn't mean that I have no studies, no culture and that I want to relate to the first Latino or Cuban who writes to me just because. As to the age, I coincide with the lady who bluntly said that I do not want decrepit flesh, but I am no cougar or Sugar Mammy either. In other words, I don't need a pimp. So, I had to start adding requisites to my profile to turn it into what it is right now. It may scare some with good potential, but I better run the risk. Better alone than in bad company...
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 12
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:45:15 AM

Surely it saves time and effort to state what you want and dont want. One of my deal breakers is smoking so i state non smokers. Surely its common sense?

Common sense is not all that common online, so many illusions and dreamers thinking they can find their apocryphal "soulmate"..
And don't call me Shirley...
 afitnessmodela
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 13
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:54:33 AM
I have a long list>cuz I don't want to date just anyone. Why do I want a man who is overweight when I'm a gymrat?!? I'm involved in sports. So why do I want a man who isn't?!? I like wearing heels>so why would I want to date a short man?!? I have allergies>so why would I date a man who smokes?!? I want a man who lives close by. So why would I want a man who lives out of State?!? My Children are grown. So why would I want to date someone who has lots of Children?!? I work and have my own money. So why do I want a man who don't work or who is retired?!? I have a full life. So why do I want a man who has nothing but time on his hands to stalk me?!? Do you understand why there are a Long List of Requirements/Preference that Men & Women have?!?
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 14
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Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:55:04 AM

I don't get it.

I don't get questions like this.

It means she's not interested in dating anyone over age 37. He doesn't have everything she's looking for. The right age. It's a preference, and people are entitled to them.

There are many, many threads on the forums from people complaining about people who fall outside someone else's stated preferences, but somehow feel that they should still be able to date that person.

I for one am glad that the mail settings exist. I wish there were more filters. It saves me from wasting my time reading e-mails from people I would not be interested in dating. It also saves the would-be sender from the potential disappointment of not receiving a reply.

I don't get the incredible sense of entitlement that these people seem to have.
 TheLongSpring
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 15
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:02:20 AM
Longer list of requirements....The longer you will be single

and then some have the nerve to say, "Why can't I find a good man??"


ugh
 afitnessmodela
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 16
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:14:46 AM
I love being single>so I'm in no hurry> I don't have to be single. I get ask out all the time. I don't have to be on a dating site>I just don't talk date or meet or just let anyone in my life. I am very picky. So tell me what is wrong having a list what one wants?!? Nothing. Finding a good man is being very picky and not to settle for anything less. I am enjoying my life> Why do I want the wrong man to come along and mess up everything that is good in my life?!? Longer list of requirements > don't mean that one will be single longer....I have a 30 yr old who wants to date me. Date me not sex. My kids won't let me date just anyone. So understand bringing someone in your life means your bringing someone in your kids life. If the kids don't like who you I might date. Why would I date that man who my kids don't like. My kids come first. Always! Love being single & I love making my own choice who I want in my life. Thank you!
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 17
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:20:22 AM
I don't use any filters at all and it has nothing to do with my dating preferences.

My logic is once I start getting so much mail that I can't handle it, then I will think about using filters. Otherwise if someone 20 or 90 wants to contact me about the forums or ask me a question about a POF social they can do so.
So far I haven't had any problems and I've been here for 3 years.

On a side note. I have seen some negative results from some filters that people use. Someone can just look too picky, seem all about them or rule out a group that might not have understood what a category meant such as the "looking for" category.
 TheLongSpring
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 18
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:46:05 AM
People are human beings. I'm not going out with a list of requirements, I'm going out with a woman who inevitability has some flaws. That doesn't mean I'm settling.

I think some women are more in love in the idea of being in a relationship and the ideal man (who fits the list) than having to do the hard work of compromising and being accepting of what real romance is.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 19
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:58:04 AM
^^^ I agree too, but I know men who do the same thing, looking for their "perfect princess". It's not limited to one gender.



I do keep my options open but another reason is that just tonight I've had my profile looked at by a 45 year old and a 48 year old woman and there's plenty more women out there like that if I just left it for a free for all.

Newsflash: not everyone who looks at your profile is there to cruise you. They may have wanted to see what you're about based on something you posted in the forums. They may have stumbled across your profile by accident, meaning to click on someone else's. Don't flatter yourself that everyone who looks at your profile did so out of some specific interest.

I have no mail filters because I like to be able to receive mail from the forum folks. My profile is its own filter, and if someone doesn't choose to read it, I will refer them to it to clarify their intent (and mine).
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 20
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Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:09:30 AM

^^^ I agree too, but I know men who do the same thing, looking for their "perfect princess". It's not limited to one gender.

By and large, men's lists of requirements are far shorter than women's. There is a lot of truth to the saying, "a woman wants everything from a man, while a man only wants one thing from a woman."
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 21
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:20:29 AM
I agree. I have been contacted by men who will only date up to 40. If I were to have seen their profiel and wanted to message them I could not have. Having said that, I don't reply back. They have made it clear they only want a younger woman. I am not an acception to their rule..... I am over it.
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 22
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:29:45 AM
I can tell you I had the age thing chosen because I'm wasn't interested in meeting someone under 45-ish.
When I opened it up to "whatever" age, I got messages from 25 year olds...I'm 50. Not my thing.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 23
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:39:38 AM
I like to look at profiles individually and make my decision off of that. I can see some people needing the age requirements though especially in the lower 20's because I have seen many profiles from girls saying not to message them if they are old enough to be their father. A lot of older people are trying to pursue girls in their 20's.

I don't recall having any other mail settings Plus if someone from the forums wants to message me I wouldn't want to have them filtered out by the distance filter and such. So many profiles lie so if someone did drugs they could just say they didn't do drugs and contact me anyway.

I've seen profiles go way worse than just having a lot of message restrictions. I've seen profiles make shopping lists of stuff they require in a partner like must have their own place, must have a Bachelor's degree, etc. at the bottom of their profiles. To me those types of people should be avoided at all costs.
 billymonroe
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 24
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Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:49:34 AM
Too true, why go on a dating site and then have a load of preconditions. Some of the womens profiles I have read is all about I want this, I want this and I don't want that, me me me. It surprises me if any of them are ever dated.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 25
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/24/2012 9:57:13 AM
People can have any type of requirements they list. But I would tend to avoid women with a long list of requirements even when I meet or exceed these requirements. I think people with a long list of requirements can often be demanding and hard to please in general.



9 times out of 10, if I send a message to a guy we end up meeting.


If this is true, then you have fortunate in this regard. I think most people ( including the ones who carefully read the profiles ) don't get anywhere close to a 90% positive reply rate on their first emails. Even when people get a positive reply to the first email, many times it doesn't lead to a date / meeting due to a variety of reasons.
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