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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How much time on POF is too long?      Home login  
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 lookingforourfuture
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 1
How much time on POF is too long?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I am on my third year here at POF and have met several women nice women, had the start of a couple perspective relationships which fell apart for a myriad of reasons (I take full responsibility for the failure of some of them - dating too soon after my divorce, dating someone who was great but not great for me - and sticking with it too long, and having career economic issues that kept me from being a good partner). I have also been strong along for almost a year by one women who I really like but is extremely difficult to communicate with - no phone text only (yeah I know she's married or something - ok, I give up on her). I have been on dates with women who forgot to tell me that they were still married - and in one case her husband arrived at the restaurant during our date, I caught one women using crack during our date, and another showed up drunk and puked on me. Also, I write women only to later learn that they charge for dates - POF is very good about following up on this sort of thing, but it still sucks. Lastly, many of us have arrived for a date only to find that the person we thought we were talking to did not arrive because they look NOTHING like their profile photo and in no way match their description.

My topic for discussion is how long is too long on this site. I find that my time here takes more energy out of me than it puts in and that some of the communications I receive are extremely unkind and uncalled for. When is it time to throw in the towel and give up on online dating?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 2
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/27/2012 4:50:04 PM

My topic for discussion is how long is too long on this site.


Honestly, probably 6 months. Unless you live in areas where there are "newbies" popping in constantly. The only things that seem to change are the names. Same peeps. Same pics. Same tudes.
 MacInOC
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 3
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/27/2012 5:02:39 PM

I am on my third year here at POF and have met several women nice women, I have also been strong along for almost a year by one women who I really like but is extremely difficult to communicate with - no phone text only (yeah I know she's married or something - ok, I give up on her). I have been on dates with women who forgot to tell me that they were still married - and in one case her husband arrived at the restaurant during our date, I caught one women using crack during our date, and another showed up drunk and puked on me. Also, I write women only to later learn that they charge for dates. Lastly, many of us have arrived for a date only to find that the person we thought we were talking to did not arrive because they look NOTHING like their profile photo and in no way match their description.


How is it possible that we have dated the same exact women!! Spooky.....
 lookingforourfuture
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 4
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/27/2012 5:06:18 PM
I tend to find winners lol. The best are the women who are looking for something different only to prove that they are the problem.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 5
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/27/2012 5:24:46 PM
OP we all have horror stories. I think it's best to set some type of uhhh...let's just say a general "rule" (I know rules...UGH). I won't continue talking (I can't text I don't OWN a cell) emailing...with someone for more than a week or two without meeting face to face. I like to email/talk on the PHONE a time or two before making plans to meet. It's hard to say how to do it, but if you can develop a "feel" for whether someone's trying to help plan a time to meet or whether they seem to be throwing out reasons not to.......that would be extremely useful IMO.

I have never stood anyone up, I've been on here 7 years (had a relationship for a few, stayed for the forums). I show up on time (it's one of my peeves) and most of the time I arrive first. If I say I'm going to call or email, I do I also call if the rare occasion happens where I think I'll be late or won't be able to make it. In other words, I treat the guys how I hope they'll treat me, respectfully. Now, when they show up, have lied about their height (this is real common) age or body type (this is becoming TOO common!) then they will get a piece of my mind about what I think about them being deceitful. I think they have it coming....anyway, I don't try to make it difficult for any man to meet me. I haven't had anyone tell me (even if I didn't want to meet them again) that they were disappointed as far as appearance.

I don't know why people behave the way they do, people spend oodles of money and years in careers trying to understand that. I just don't let it concern me, and move on to the next.

Let me apologize for the behavior of some members of my gender......that crap is just unacceptable.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/27/2012 8:36:31 PM
It doesn't make sense to me, to draw a line anywhere, for any mode of trying to find a portion of one's life. Not a time-duration related line, anyway.

It certainly makes sense to spend the most time in a given day, doing what is likely to be most rewarding, so if you find that dating sites are using up your hours without delivering positive results, then it doesn't make sense to pour more time into them, but there's no reason to discard them entirely. After all, it's not like someone is looking on, and will penalize you for having "too many irons in the fire," so to speak (at least as long as you pull the extras out when you meet your match!).
 Sasyecats
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 7
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/27/2012 8:46:33 PM
Thinking about it, I've been off and on here almost 10 years, yikes! It's been way too long. At times I've gone months without even logging on. Closest major cities being near 2 hours away the faces rarely change. I have met a couple guys over the last 10 years from other sites but not anyone on this site. Yes I'm picky and by your stories I'm starting to think I'm not missing anything and I'm better to remain picky.
 GarnerGirl71
Joined: 2/10/2012
Msg: 8
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/27/2012 8:57:28 PM
I don't think I would give up on meeting someone. I would probably just walk away for a few weeks/months and take a break from it, and then come back and try again. Being new to the forums, I tend to notice on the old threads just how many of the posters from 3-4 years ago are gone. I like to think maybe they have found someone either on here or IRL, and no longer need to be here. (I know... forever optimistic. No one burst my happy bubble please!) :)
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 9
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/27/2012 9:39:54 PM
~OP~ I've here for over 6 years. The majority of that time has been with a hidden profile for a number of reasons, but I don't think the length of time we're here matters. Sometimes on-line finds us someone special, just like off-line. I don't believe there is "too much time" here, I think how you use your time here matters most. I like forums, I don't particularly care for the dating side of this or any other site. Some people think we're all here to meet someone and that just isn't the case for me personally. If I truly wanted to meet someone, I'm more apt to look off-line. But that's just me. If you're feeling frustrated? Take a break. I once didn't log in for nearly a year. Came back and it was the same old stuff, but the break was nice. JMO
 GurugiGets
Joined: 6/1/2012
Msg: 10
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/27/2012 10:18:19 PM
Crack? Is that the same thing as busting my date for texting on Facebook under the table?

This site is best used 6 weeks at a time then kill the account. Repeat after 6 months.

Don't blame the bad dates on POF, the fundamental problem appears to be in how you make your impression on women.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 11
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/28/2012 1:12:42 PM
I actually ran across a woman's profile a couple days ago in which one of her disqualifiers was: "You've been on this site forever." I sent her an email asking her why she thought that was a negative thing, and shockingly, she wrote me back, saying, "I didn't mean guys that can't find dates on here, I just meant guys that are trying to sleep with every woman on here." Not sure why she would infer that I can't get a date on here (yeah, right).

I've been on POF for 5 years, which is really nothing -- there a few other dating sites I've racked up 10+ years (on and off, especially for the pay ones). I wish I knew how to quit them. But apparently, I'm not the only one -- some women (some EXTREMELY attractive) have been in my matches since I started on this site, and they are NOT here for the forums. I've written pretty much all of them and never gotten a response, but I would be curious to hear why THEY have been here so long. The first woman I met from this site took a year to meet me after the first email and I did ask her why she stuck around for so long, and she said she just found the site "entertaining" (and we are talking about the dating side, not the forums side).

I suppose you could look at it from her point of view. So long as it's more "entertaining" than "frustrating" or "stressful," why leave? The love of your life could always be just one click away. Of course, you live in a fairly small market, so I'm sure the well must dry up often. After you've gone through them all, just start logging in once a day without bothering to search and presumably the new ones will find you. Although your examples (which remind me a lot of my examples on other sites) are more a sign that POF tends to attract a larger percentage of people with "problems" than most other sites (undoubtedly, because it's free).
 urgal2416
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 12
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/28/2012 5:07:04 PM
Hey there fellow Wisconsinite. :)

Don't give up. People have found love after being on here for a few years. You seem like a nice guy. Just keep at it. Keep an open mind and try to keep it light-hearted and fun. Ok, so one of your dates smoked crack. Now she gave you a funny story to tell people. It made me laugh. :)

Liz
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 13
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/28/2012 5:20:58 PM
I guess it would depend on why you are here and what you use POF for in your life......

There are many of us that use this site much differently from those that are on here for one thing and one thing only, to find another and develop a relationship. Many have left that behind and found others, or not actively looking for anything other then the social side of what this site can and does offer.

I have been on here for a very long time, met quite a few from POF, did more meet and greets then I can remember, dated quite a few, and had a couple of longer relationships, but overall, this site is not about dating for me, and much more about being a part of the community that we all entered long ago and will continue to be a part of.

cd
 BIitzcrank
Joined: 6/23/2012
Msg: 14
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/28/2012 7:21:40 PM
I'd say that if you've been here over a year, it might be time to try a new dating site.
 TheLongSpring
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 15
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/28/2012 7:51:25 PM
There's no time limit here. People are not gift cards, you don't expire, you don't get used up.

How long is too long for anyone to be single? What difference does it make if you're online or not?

Come on, guys.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 16
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/29/2012 5:37:10 AM
I'm extremely selective of the men with whom I communicate and date, which is why it will take me longer than usual
to find somebody with whom I'm compatible. I don't expect that I'll meet him at this venue, however, so I take my time on here leisurely without too many expectations of permanency on short order.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 17
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/29/2012 10:18:36 AM

lookingforourfuture
Also, I write women only to later learn that they charge for dates

I haven’t encountered that problem (at least not here on POF). I only approach women over 50, and apparently all of the “escorts” are younger than that.


Sasyecats
Closest major cities being near 2 hours away the faces rarely change.

Like the realtors love to say, “Location. Location. Location.”


HawkingJr
I actually ran across a woman's profile a couple days ago in which one of her disqualifiers was: "You've been on this site forever." I sent her an email asking her why she thought that was a negative thing, and shockingly, she wrote me back, saying, "I didn't mean guys that can't find dates on here, I just meant guys that are trying to sleep with every woman on here."



Some very twisted logic there. That means she is okay with a guy who has been on POF forever, as long as he hasn’t been able to find any dates? I would tend to think that a man who has been on here forever with no dates was “undateable”, for whatever reason.
 NVMinerMan
Joined: 6/2/2012
Msg: 18
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:54:59 PM


When is it time to throw in the towel


after cleaning the wet spot
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 19
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/29/2012 2:17:33 PM
I find that my time here takes more energy out of me than it puts in

OP, if it's no longer an enjoyable experience then it's time to give up. Dating should be fun. If online isn't working for you try to get back out into the real world.
 InMyOwnTime25
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 20
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:24:43 PM
Your date puked on you? How horrible :(

I've been on this site for awhile but sometimes I don't actively use it, just go on the forums.. I was actively using it from about November to March.. but there seem to be less good guys on in the spring/summer, so I don't go on as much anymore, except for the forums. As long as these forums are open, I'll probably stay, I'm addicted lol.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/23/2012
Msg: 21
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:31:21 PM
I absolutely take into consideration how long "she' has been on the site. If she's reasonably attractive and she's been here for a year or more? Oh yeah.... we're talking major issues. A reasonably attractive woman really doesn't need the webbernets to find a man - she gets hit on enough in the "real world..." (for most cases). The fact that she has been single and using the web for a year or more. Hey, don't hate on me for calling a spade a spade or a nutjob a nutjob.

Think about it long and hard. Unless she is a forum junkie - there is really no legit reason to be on here for more than a year.
 RT_2
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 22
How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/29/2012 7:19:47 PM
Better to have a low user ID and an old join date than to delete and make new accounts.

There are various reasons a user could still be here a year. For example, a week after joining, the user meets a good match IRL and hides the profile. They break up a year later and the user unhides the profile.

A user could have specific, rare requirements. The odds of the match being on here are low, but it's good to have a line in the water just in case. In real life fishing, if a lake contains Muskie (extremely difficult to catch), I might make a dozen casts with a Muskie lure without expectation.

Of course don't get your hopes up when messaging someone who has been here a long time. As if I have something the hundreds of other guys over the years didn't? OTOH, the "fresh meat" new girls tend to get bombarded with messages so it's not easy pursuing them either.
 mysterioustallmn
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 23
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/30/2012 2:42:28 AM
Vesta, saying you're selective is like saying Tiger Woods is a pretty good golfer. I'm certain you could find fault with the Dali Lama.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 24
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:32:56 PM
I have been here 6 years... no plans on leaving. Most ppl who delete accounts just make new ones.. I always felt that was a waste of time. If you dont want to be here ignore this place till you are ready to come back. When you do come back realize that this is just another way to meet someone.. not the only way. Best of luck!
 AspenJack
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 25
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How much time on POF is too long?
Posted: 7/2/2012 10:31:33 AM

I find that my time here takes more energy out of me than it puts in and that some of the communications I receive are extremely unkind and uncalled for. When is it time to throw in the towel and give up on online dating?

Sounds like for you, maybe, the time is now.
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