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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > For the guys: Do girls message you first?      Home login  
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 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 3
For the guys: Do girls message you first?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Quickly before they delete the thread. I don't know why there's such an obsession with policing everything on this forum. I guess the regulars get tired of seeing the same stuff again and again. Evidently, you have to be very original to start a thread that doesn't get deleted. However, search is your friend.

Two days and 4 e-mails!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From girls first? And what like 10 more from you writing to them first?

WTF?? You're getting mobbed by the standards of this site. Stop complaining. That's an overwhelming response--enough to brag about and make the other guys feel bad.

I get between one and two a week. I rarely write to them first because I got tired of being ignored all the time. So, yes, they message me first.
 fall-blossom
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 4
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:36:05 AM
Do a Profile Review. You need more photos which include a full length photo. Get rid of the overhead blurry photos.

For the majority, when someone first joins they will get more messages then they do months later as they tend to taper off. Photos are what grab most people's attention. So change yours!
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 5
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:36:58 AM
You say you have only used this site for 2 days and you joined on 4/29/2012 that would be 2 months OP was that a typo?? Your response rate for two months is not very good OP even old guys who are not looking can do better than that.

At 18 yrs of age why bother with online dating what's preventing you from meeting girls in the real world the UK is not exactly a place of low population density if you don't mind driving a half hour or so.

I was born not too far from where you live and when I went back to visit when I was 15 and again at 22 both times I found the British women quite friendly. Have British Women really become that unfriendly in the past 40 yrs or are you looking for a 10.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 10:48:34 AM
Its uncommon for women to make the first move.. but a nice surprise when it happens.
your 4 messages in 2 days is AMAZING. You should give seminars on how you made that happen.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 10
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 10:48:41 AM

The nice way to put it is that if you like the bigger girls then yes you'll get messages from them 'first'. If you are not into bigger girls then you'll have to work at it to get responses.


Not really. I get some of those, but by no means all the messages I get are from them. I find there is less flakiness if I just wait for them to contact me. If I wrote to her first, there's no guarantee she's actually interested. Sometimes, they write to me first and then disappear, but nowhere near as often as when I used to try to write to them first. Of course, I wouldn't recommend this strategy to someone who is serious. If I had more time and was less jaded, I would be writing to them first because all it does is increase your odds. It's just that I find it doesn't increase my odds enough to justify the effort to do it at this point in time, anyway.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 13
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 11:10:24 AM
I get on average about 4-6 a day. It's a mix of people here locally and people from the forums. The most I've gotten in one day is 17, which happened about two weeks ago.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I think in a lot of cases, it's all about location. If you live in a major city, expect a lot. If you live in a one horse town no one has heard of, expect nothing.

However, that's not to say there aren't people who just aren't "selling" themselves well. I see a lot of profiles that are simply bland overall, and chock full of negativity.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 15
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 2:02:38 PM

And Pig, I can't believe you have gotten 17 messages in one day!


I was astounded, as well. Right before the weekend, it usually picks up (I'm guessing more women come out of the woodwork hoping to make weekend plans) but that was a bit more than usual.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 16
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 2:09:11 PM
Well Justin Beiber,
glad to see you on POF.
and hope your good luck continues.

to answer your question,
women often do write to me first.

but still single.

don't know what's up with that.

My goofy carefree attitude I suppose.
:-P
 SlaveDriver8
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 17
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 4:19:49 PM
Not unless there is something in their profile that suggests they might be into the same kink that I am. Otherwise, I usually just get blocked.
 Mr_Nonchalance
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 22
view profile
History
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 6:43:16 PM
ill just say this you have two type of women who message first the ones who just loves your profile and you stand out compared to other guys and women who most guys are not attracted to so they are forced to put more effort than the average women.a women would click you on the meet me feature or add you as a favorite then leave you to do the rest of the work of messaging them.then you have women wo dont even use the search feature and only thing they use or the view me section or go strait to inbox and just replay to messages most the time
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 23
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:26:24 PM
I've gotten some over the course of the months. I can't remember how many off-hand. I've also gotten first contacts on OKC as well. I do see what people mean with bigger girls trying their luck across the site but I have also had girls of other builds message me as well and lead to meets.

I used to message girls back when this was all new to me but online dating for me has lost its newness factor so I just leave the profile up. Plus a lot of meets I have gone on keep me from wanting to message girls these days.

Oh and it is impossible to be 10/10. When someone has a negative mindset they'll find something wrong with you no matter what it takes. Plus a lot of people on this site have completely unrealistic expectations.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 24
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:56:44 AM

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I think in a lot of cases, it's all about location. If you live in a major city, expect a lot. If you live in a one horse town no one has heard of, expect nothing.


I've been thinking about that lately. I'm actually contemplating a temporary move to LA or NYC for that reason (plus, I need a change of scenery and there are presumably lots of jobs there as well). There are more people online and in real life.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 32
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:56:10 AM

Actually, being in a big city doesn't help as much as you think. When you have more people to choose from, it's harder to focus on one person. A bigger city means more opportunities, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll be single for any less longer.


I think that's probably not so true in my case because I have such a small niche in the dating market, so I really need bigger numbers to increase my odds of finding that peculiar woman who likes me. Where I live, there might be only 10 of them, total, let's say. In NYC, the population is almost a thousand times what it is here, so there could 10, 000 instead of 10. If you're more of a normal guy who is compatible with a greater variety of women, it probably doesn't make so much of a difference.

And the real proof is that I do actually run out of girls here that I am interested in. Literally, I find a few, write to them, possibly go on an unsuccessful date with them if I'm lucky, and then pretty soon all that's left is anyone new who shows up. That's one of the reasons why I don't write to them first. But in a bigger city, the difference is, you don't run out that way.

As my friend put it, the great thing about NYC is that you can find a group of people who does anything you want. It has everything. More than half of them being women.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 33
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:06:32 AM
Men are expected to be the persuars. Men are the ones who women pick. We do not pick them. Figure it out. Stop being so clueless. We are the ones who must prove our worthiness to them to get noticed around here. We are the ones who must capture their attention. Women will always have men chasing them because they are women. Their appearance, personality, financial standing etc. do not matter whereas ours does. Yes, it's a double standard, but if you want to get a woman, then get with the program.


Well, we need to stop playing that game as much as we can and turn the tables on them. If we stop playing their game, they won't be able to play it, either. But you're right women will be women and men will be men. Actually women's appearance does matter. And personality does too if they want to not just find a man, but keep him--they just don't have to be as charming because women are naturally charming to men, but not vice-versa. The rest doesn't matter that much.

So, yeah, if you want to increase your odds, contact them first. Personally, there just aren't that many women I am interested in on this site, plus it saves time to just let them come to me. Occasionally, I'll browse the profiles quickly to make sure that some knock-out girl doesn't slip under my radar, but it only takes a few messages here and there to take care of that.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 34
view profile
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For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/2/2012 8:12:08 AM
The success rate is very much dependent on the guy.

I ran through various iterations of my online profile, testing out various approaches to see how much response and what types of responses I would recieve.

Those profiles ranged in length from a couple paragraphs to mini novels, and some had a lighter approach than others.

If a profile is well written, you will usually get some kind of response. And if it's exceptionally well written, the response can be surprising.

You definitely get more responses with a photo. However, I also found that an exceptionally well written profile without a publically posted photo can too.

Some of the most interesting Women I met was when I specifically chose to NOT post a photo, though the response rate is far lower since alot of people Only search profiles with photos.

And don't under-rate the forums. When I was single I would get approaches from Women just based on my forum posts... strange but true. Forums posts are nice in that you get to show parts of yourself without expectations or feeling like you're trying to cater to a particular audience.
 SirDorksAlot
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 35
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/3/2012 11:48:27 AM

I've only used this site for 2 days and gotten 4 emails from girls first..


Wow. you're a lucky guy.
I get maybe between 1-5 emails every 6-12 months at a time and never in one or two days. but i do get a lot of good replies so it all balances itself out haha


Men are expected to be the persuars. Men are the ones who women pick. We do not pick them. Figure it out. Stop being so clueless.

women are also sick of being pursued by self-absorbed douche bags


We are the ones who must prove our worthiness to them to get noticed around here. We are the ones who must capture their attention.

Actually its women who are suppose to catch our attention by dressing sexy, looking pretty.... not the other way around fruit cake.


Women will always have men chasing them because they are women. Their appearance, personality, financial standing etc. do not matter whereas ours does. Yes, it's a double standard, but if you want to get a woman, then get with the program.

Or don't use his program... just play it smooth and cool buddy. lol
 minervyx
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 36
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:19:18 AM

Basically what it says in the title, I read about girls emailing guys first. How common is this or do you have to be like 10/10?

I've only used this site for 2 days and gotten 4 emails from girls first.


People tend to get more e-mails if they are newer users, but then it goes down to earth.

I don't think it is as common for women to message men, especially since it is culturally accepted that men should usually do the initiating.

However, if a guy has an interesting profile, that leads to some avenue of conversation, then he should get a good amount of messages.

To me, I found that the cases where women messaged me were a lot more successful as in setting up a date than the ones I message.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 38
view profile
History
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/4/2012 2:22:33 PM

Ironically when they do message first it's most often "hi" or "hey"...

The number one complaint that I read in girls profiles is receiving that kind of simple message... But it's okay for them to do so....? Hah.


Has any of those girls actually said not to send "hi" or "hey" messages in their profile as well?
I recently had a girl like that recently.. she sent me a flirt and got all pissy when I gave her a one sentence response. LOL




Atm I live in a town of 10,000 people.. The nearest town to that is like half an hour away !


Oh pooor baby! I live in a smaller town and the only towns with in half an hour are smaller than mine! I would have to go an hour or more to get to a more populated area.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 45
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/5/2012 2:40:36 PM
I think it depends on a number of things:

Age range
Location
What they/you are looking for, etc.
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 46
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:23:24 PM
Yes I get messages from women but 99.9 % of the time they're from ones that aren't my type.
I think either this happens in reverse as well or I totally SUCK at writing msgs.

ComplekCity:
I cannot for the life of me think that YOU would suck at anything....and I cannot imagine ladies not responding to you....wink:) !!

But back to the OP: which is why we are all here...I think that it really doesn't matter who writes to whom....just keep throwing out the bait...cannot fish without it, my friend. :)
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 47
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:26:40 PM
I get 2 to 3 a week.


Doesn't surprise me. :)
 MacInOC
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 48
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:50:53 PM
I know this is a different flavor than your original question. But, after a few PoF exchanges, I'll leave my phone number. And they never mail me theirs back, which is ok.

BUT then, after a few days I will get a text message my phone, AND I NO IDEA WHO IT IS!!!! No name, no hint, just some unknown number.

So the answer is YES, a girl will message my phone first and it does no good if I don't know who it is.
 Cobra977horsepower
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 52
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/8/2012 9:11:36 PM
I mostly recieve the messages first. I get all kinds of PM's.....but I get lots of lady's giving me all their info, and wanting to meet me right away. Its crazy sometimes. I'll be off POF for a day or two, and when I get back on, I have 2-3 pages of PM's from lots of folks!!
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 53
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/10/2012 4:03:11 PM
the only girls that message me first are ones that want to comment about how big my ears are and how goofy I look and how much of a pathetic nerd I am. (Basically really negative bullshit)

I literally average 2-3 messages a year that are genuine interests.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 65
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 7/14/2012 9:42:43 AM
When I actively looking for a date on POF, I rarely got emails from women first. Maybe 1-2 emails a month at the most. When I was on another dating site, women contacted me much more often. Sometimes I would get 4-5 emails / winks a week from women. I had some initial interest in about 50% of the women that contacted me first.
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