Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mizzouchick38
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 1
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?Page 1 of 1    
Am I crazy to feel frustrated by this? Met a guy on another site a few days ago. We emailed and then texted and he asked if I wanted to meet for a drink the next night. I agreed..I didn't have plans and the sooner the better to meet. I agreed to drive to him because he was on call for work so it was easier. About an hour drive. I get lost on the way but finally make it. We go in and order a drink. He didn't really have much to say so I tried asking questions and making conversation. About 10 minures in he tells me he recently broke it off with his 3 year long distance relationshipand I'm his first date. I probably should've just left right then. We continued to talk and he ordered an appetizer. When he was talking abut his previous relationship and how wonderful she is, the conversation flowed...but any other subject and he had little to say but I kept trying. I had checked out as soon as he told me I was his first date because I knew this one wouldn't be going anywhere. But I made the best of it. Couldn't really tell if he was attracted and didn't really matter. And yes, I have pictures on the other site so it's not like he didn't know what I looked like.

So halfway thru the second drink he jumps up and says he probably should go since he's on call for work. That was fine and we had been there probably a little over an hour. We walked out and he says "I'm probably not going to be doing much dating". I said "that's cool. Thanks for the drink and see you later". I got in my car and deleted his phone number. No hard feelings. I hadn't had any plans for the night and was better than sitting at home. I did feel a little frustrated with myself that I should've asked before we met about prior relationships. Had I known his situation, I probably would've not have met.

On the way home, I get a speeding ticket. What a night! Then I sign on here this morning...I don't date much from here but always read forums. And guess who pops up as a new user on here? The same guy started a new profile this morning! We had talked about online dating and I told him I had tried on here and he said he hasn't used this site. Too bad I can't get a referral credit lol. I guess he is ready to date, just not me! I am not upset or mad...just a little put out with the whole situation. Is that crazy?
 mizzouchick38
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 2
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 10:47:49 AM
Don't really know that me asking a question is drama. When I left I didn't think much of it other than somone not ready to date yet is dating but we have all probably done that. Now today I just don't know why he had to make a point that he won't be doing much dating and now is on two dating sites. I knew I would not hear from him again....no need for him to have made that comment.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 11:27:25 AM
Let's also not forget this was his FIRST date after his relationship.

Sometimes a person doesn't know that they're NOT ready until they get there.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 11:28:08 AM

I guess he is ready to date, just not me!


This could happen in any scenario. Just chalk it up to online dating and move on.
 mizzouchick38
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 5
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 11:30:19 AM
Yes, I have learned to ask more questions of the guy I am meeting and to not ask questions here! Since you were not there, the comment about the double shot really isn't called for. Yeah I made his night so horrible....I listened to him go on about this wonderful woman and agreed it is a shame that circumstances don't allow them to be together. I was probably too nice. I wish I could be like some of you and be more cold. Thanks for your advice.
 RifferX
Joined: 4/20/2010
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 12:35:46 PM
If you do online dating long enough, you will be surprised at how you will find yourself in his situation sooner or later. Just because you have pics up doesn't necessarily mean he was attracted to you in person or felt a connection.

It is part of the dating game is all, just move on to the next interest. Hopefully, he at least picked up the tab. It's the least he could have done after you drove that far for his convenience :) Sorry about your speeding ticket, being rejected and getting one of those makes for a bad date for sure.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 7
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 1:01:45 PM



Don't really know that me asking a question is drama.


Well, is this the question of which you speak????


Am I crazy to feel frustrated by this?


I honestly don't know why you would even feel "frustrated". Over the wasted 2 hours and a couple of drinks???? You met someone that YOU knew you would not continue seeing after the drinks, yet you come one here questioning us wise old forumnites about your own sanity??????

I'm very very confused.
 RifferX
Joined: 4/20/2010
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 1:05:13 PM

People who had just gotten out of long relationships, are the worst to date it seems like. You can pretty count on it being a one time thing with those folks.


Without a doubt. Huge red flags are those who mention they are not quite completely over their ex yet (despite what they say, you can tell) and those coming off long term gigs. If you are the first, you will get the run around and the old "not sure what I am looking for, but I am hoping to meet new people and go from there" type of BS.

I tell those that I wish them luck and hope for the best. I have had them contact me again after they found out the grass wasn't always greener and a couple told me they went back with their exes - only to once again be back online in a few weeks lol.

Bottom line is, anybody who goes on a dating site with the expressed written contention in their profile that they are looking for a relationship, they should not be giving anybody the run around out the gate. Time to boogie.....
 trh1268
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:17:57 PM
there two sides of the pancakes, the one side is good meaning he let you know he is not interested in 2nd date therefore time was not wasted, on the flip side of the pancake does not look good, he lied with the reason and you have a right to be pist off, it's not him, it's you. It's his loss, he lucked out on a great opportunity to be with you.
 providence2006
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 10
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:45:12 PM

I am not upset or mad...just a little put out with the whole situation. Is that crazy?


No need to feel put out....this type of scenario is something you'll have to get used to if you're going to continue with online dating.
The guy sounded like he was not ready to be dating but was probably looking for something....
 metsjets7732
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 11
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/1/2012 8:09:00 PM
Some girls, will start telling you about the OTHER GUYS they are dating on a first date to get you to not touch them lol...for me I leave within sixty seconds of hearing that then they get upset that I dont want to be their "listening friend"
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 12
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:54:49 AM
If you go into a first meeting with the expectation that it will lead to love and marriage, you are the one wasting your time. It is not the person you met.

A first meeting is just that. You agree to meet. There should be no expectations beyond that. If you can't be bothered to meet people under those circumstances, online dating is not for you.
 RifferX
Joined: 4/20/2010
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:19:39 AM

Short time of me being on here I know a drink date isn't a date... If a guy asks me to go out for a couple of drinks I decline the offer. If he stops talking to me good, one less person to weed out. If he wants to set up another type of date or takes my suggestion. Great maybe a connection.


Lynxx1337 - God bless ya, but it's obvious you are new to online dating. Like others have said, a first meet is just that. You meet for coffee or a couple drinks to chat in person. You can talk, text and message for weeks, but until you meet, neither party has an idea what the other is like in person. This includes looks, mannerisms, smell, chemistry, conversation, how you both treat service staff, etc, etc.

Not saying that people don't whine and dine and do a big date for the first meet, I certainly have. Every situation is different, but you seem to already have this preconception that you are entitled to a whine and dine date from a guy when you first meet. For those who have done the big date thing enough and been burned many times, the casual meet is always the way to go. Especially with the massive serial dating that goes on with both women and men out there. I can make time and money for a few drinks when someone may or may not be dating someone different every night of the week, but I am not going to be one of the suckers who is feeding her nightly for a peck on the cheek at the end of the date.

Wait until the first time you are eagerly awaiting a big date for weeks, then you meet the guy and you want to run the second you see him or vice versa lol. Then you will see why the meet and greet is good, and mostly the sooner the better.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Not ready to date yet. Is he wasting our time?