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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me      Home login  
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 Luckyq3
Joined: 6/16/2012
Msg: 3
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Time to walk away . If you were important to her she would take the time t write/text/ call a quick note.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 4:58:48 AM

I'm wondering if the 2 of you are in love with the same person.

I'm thinking the same thing. It sounds on the surface at least, as though she is the sort of person who is so inside herself, so self-focused, that she only interacts when she absolutely needs to.

If that is the case, then her apparent change in behavior is not really a change at all. Essentially, the self-centered person will appear to be other-person focused during the "tempt and capture" phase of mate procurement, and then revert to silence and neglect once the mate is secured. If you noticed this change in behavior was shortly after you agreed to marry, that would tend to support this possibility.

Some variation of this is very common even to otherwise normal couples. It gets referred to most commonly as the "honeymoon phase" phenomenon, wherein both people put all sorts of extra effort into looking their best, working their hardest, and being at their most attentive, until they manage to "win" the mate. Immediately following whatever link-up ceremony they hold (which would have been only marriage in the old days, but would now include formally declaring exclusivity with one another), they would both relax and become who they really are in a longer term sense.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 6:53:58 AM
Don't date people who behave in ways you don't like. It won't work out, even if you stay together the resentments that will build up will only make for drama and a crappy life. It's not that she's wrong or that you are right, it's that you are not compatible in an area that is very important to you.

It drives me nuts when anyone wants to call or text me all the time, I can go weeks without needing to be in contact, and I know that makes me not a good fit for many men, so I don't date men who are bothered by that sort of thing. It's not fair to them, but to have to pretend is not fair to me either. I use to try to make things like this work, I learned along the way that dating people with whom I'm not compatible is a waste of time for both of us.

Move on, find someone who will communicate in the style that fits what you need. Beating a dead horse won't make the horse contact you more often.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 11
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 10:35:23 AM
it all boils down to respect--if someone doesn't treat you well, love doesn't matter, because it's really not there.

people wonder if a partner is treating them with love, and yet its so easy--first, love yourself. then you'll treat yourself with respect. second, see if your partner treats you the same way you treat yourself. if they do, then they treat you with respect, and thus, they love you.

but people who don't respect themselves, need validation instead. so they get into relationships that rollercoaster, and look for the love. look for the respect instead--and you'll never need to look for love again. it'll automatically be there.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 12
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 11:37:45 AM

So she must understand that relationships are about taking and giving from both sides ....

From my side i am really working hard for our future and willing to put effort and money to have good family ... I want her to know that she must have the same commitment


Then share this with her. Sure, most people should know this but you say she is young. Share what's on your heart and develop a closer relationship where you discuss things like this. Perhaps she doesn't know how you feel about this or perhaps she wants reassurances. Get to know each others wants and needs better, as well as getting to know one another better as individuals. Best wishes.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 13
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 11:59:46 AM
she's in school or working isn't she? Law school maybe? Do let her study, OP, and don't take it personally :)
living up to her parents standards probably supercedes your need for attention from her BTW ;)
 cr4zycupcake
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 14
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:05:45 PM
stop dating her, she's being a b^tch mate
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 16
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I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:14:18 PM

It is good that girls don't do that kind of games at USA ... in my case i think my GF do it because she is still young and wants to be sure that i am only for her ... But as my grandmother said , if i fellow her all the time she will be used to take from me but not giving me ... So she must understand that relationships are about taking and giving from both sides ....

From my side i am really working hard for our future and willing to put effort and money to have good family ... I want her to know that she must have the same commitment ....


I don't recommend taking your grandmother's advice. What I do recommend is actually talking to your girlfriend. It sounds like you don't even know her. She should be your best friend. I presume that the marriage is arranged.

Relationships based on keeping score, wondering if they love you as much as you love them, chasing, pushing away, are really a bunch of bull and don't really generally turn out too happy. Two people that love each other, that do things for each other because they love the other person and don't expect anything in return, continue to respect and value each other and work through rough patches and have their best friend with whom to share their joys.

You don't really sound like your relationship is headed in that direction but you could do something about that in the next five months.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 18
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:37:20 PM
First, ignoring girls just to get them interested is playing games. Do you want to stoop to that level?

How much freedom did she have in choosing to be married to you? You have mentioned your culture and the male role in developing relationships; could she have been under family pressure to commit to you even though she might not really feel that way about you?

You are very attractive, so it is not like you could not find another girlfriend. But if family pressures will limit your choices, be careful. You do not want to be committed to someone who does not truly feel the same way. In western cultures, people get desperate and will appear to be very attached when they just don't want to be alone any more. That's not good for a long term relationship. Anything that leads a person to a commitment to someone they are not truly attracted to and in love with can easily turn into a disaster.

If I have made inaccurate assumptions about your culture, please excuse me. It is just that I know a lot of Eastern cultures still practice some form of arranged marriage and families have a lot of say in who one marries. Your gf seems not to have been really into you, or she would have been more eager to be in touch (esp. if you give her space when she needs it). If you can break it off, do so, and try again, maybe after your time in Australia. Good luck with your graduate studies!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 19
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:45:10 PM
Behavior over a period of time in a relationship, if anything, tends to DEvolve rather evolve. It can remain the same, ideally, but suffice it to say that bad behavior doesn't ordinarily change for the better. Long lasting and happy relationships, no matter what type in GENERAL, but moreso romantic ones are based on healthy interactive communication, just talking alot doesn't necessarily mean anything in and of itself.

If you feel like you're being ignored and you can't just tell her that without hesitation, that speaks to the prospect of a potentially happy, long term relationship. Obviously, it's not the only thing, but personally I can't imagine sharing a life with someone I couldn't openly talk with about anything and everything.

Litmus test is always do words and actions line up? If they don't one or the other is false and it should be no question it's a no-go.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 21
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:50:18 PM
Yikes, Live with her first before agreeing to get married,lol...
 Zamboni_Operator
Joined: 11/20/2012
Msg: 24
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 12/7/2012 4:13:09 PM

About the marriage, actually in my culture we have to do that .... Our families took this as commitment from us ...

my culture the man is almost responsible about the success of relationships .. so we are under huge pressure financially and emotionally ...


Sorry, but in the West we view those old-fashioned cultural practices in India & the Middle East as ridiculous. Very double standard, & why let your extended family & social pressure dictate your relationship(s)?

As for your question, here's the answer... "a person's actions speak louder than their words".
 Green_Jello44
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 25
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I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 12/7/2012 4:19:30 PM
She's negging you lol....
 Lowtones84
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 27
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 12/8/2012 10:59:25 PM

Time to walk away . If you were important to her she would take the time t write/text/ call a quick note.

funny how nobody seems to get this anymore.
 blueprint770
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 28
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 12/9/2012 1:23:16 PM
she probably lost interest. Stop chasing her and find something else that makes you happy. If she isnt responsive to your new ways then you probably are best finding a better match.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 29
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 12/9/2012 7:37:02 PM
OP, she either loves you, OR ignores you, the two are mutually exclusive.
 Lighttruthrevisited
Joined: 10/19/2012
Msg: 30
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 12/9/2012 9:29:37 PM
Some people need more space and some people need to take time to be still to process things.
I know you feel like this is a game, but who is initiating the game ?
Could it be you, you may not relize the part you play in this.
Maybe she is feeling like she needs space to think, but then your feathers get ruffled and you start ignoring her, and then she comes back professing her love, out of fear of losing you, who is calling the shots??
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 31
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 12/10/2012 1:36:12 PM
Hmmmm Failure to communicate already...not a good basis for a marriage in five months!
 AusteniticSteelMan
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 32
I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 12/10/2012 4:38:04 PM
Okay dude, trust me, you guys aren't getting married. Period.

Chances are she has cold feet about it. And she's not a good match for you. You're pretty clingy, and you will need to find a co-dependent woman who is just as clingy as you.

Sorry bro, looks like you're sunk. I highly doubt you can change who you are overnight, you guys need to sort out quite a few things before getting married.
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