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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?      Home login  
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 wackadoodledoo
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 3
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Chronic pain disorder can be a real can of worms. Pain can be debilitating and limit activity. Secondly, there is the use of pain medications. Often, pain meds are narcotics and can easily be abused. Just sayin' beware!!!
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/5/2012 12:50:49 PM

their pain can limit them when doing daily things like sitting for too long or walking for short periods of time

IMO, the best way to broach this is to frame it as limitations on activitities, and let it come up in the course of conversation about activities.

that is, if you're blurting out clinical terms like 'fibromyalgia' and 'chronic pain disorder' out of the blue, that can be unnecessarily alarming. but if, say, the discussion is on seeing a movie and you say 'i prefer short ones because my back starts to hurt if i sit in one place for more than two hours,' that puts it in a context less likely to send someone's imagination running wild.
 wackadoodledoo
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 7
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/5/2012 1:07:50 PM
Irish Eyez, what you described is a very common result of chronic pain disorder. It does and may lead to chronic abuse of pain medications!!!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 8
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/5/2012 1:15:18 PM
I live in chronic pain every day, from a spinal cord injury back in 1996. I recovered well, no one ever knows.

It hasnt affected my love life. In fact, makin whoopy is the best therapy you can have for pain!

I see folks who pull a muscle jogging act out in more pain than I ever show to anyone. I use many pain management techniques, including a daily physio regimine. I take responsibility for how my body operates. If I feel stiff and need to stand for awhile, I dont announce it, I just do it. No one ever asks or even notices. If by chance someone asks why Im standing, Ill just say 'because I feel stiff today'. If you dont make a big deal of it, no one else is going to. I have been working with the same team since 1998 at my job and people are flabbergasted when they learn what I do deal with.

For me, the fact someone may have pain is not relevant, the more important factor, is how are they dealing with it. Are they using is as a the reason they cannot accomplish things, or a reason to lash out at people? Those are traits I would not date.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/5/2012 2:48:12 PM
if I like her....
and she can manage it...
so could I.

Best mention it before date 3.
No need to before date 1.

Here is my reason for that:
Often when trying to date we may focus on a known problem,
and in so doing..... ignore the other reasons why we may be unsuccessful.

A guy with a bad back for instance may think that is the reason he strikes out.
when it is really dressing sloppy or hitting on the wrong type of ladies.

Let a guy get to know you a little,
and then he can decide.
Don't decide for him in advance.
 wackadoodledoo
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 13
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/5/2012 3:33:28 PM
I am glad that you were able to get out of the relationship in time, with no heart ache, I hope.
 Womac911
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 14
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/5/2012 4:10:24 PM
Look at it this way...
It's an opportunity to offer a nice relaxing massage.
 safebetinvegas
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 15
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/5/2012 4:37:12 PM
We all have some issue in our own lives that only a potential SO can evaluate looking toward the future.

Everyone has their internal "deal breaker" list no matter how unfair it may seem.

So, although one wouldn't want to list all "baggage" from the get go, you would think that such issues would not be a focus unless conversation lead to a situation where you know, due to your/thier limitiation, that long term would not workout.

Of course, there is always friends or other relation, other than LT, that both parties could live with.

Issues like this are really similar to other atributes one looks for in another such as having a care, no kids, financial stable, fit (both mentally and physically), personality, etc...
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 16
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/5/2012 5:36:33 PM
Does it cause you to be continuously negative?

That would be the cruncher.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 17
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/6/2012 6:14:36 AM
OP: Yes, I would.
 sillygoosess
Joined: 4/18/2012
Msg: 19
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/6/2012 10:44:18 AM
I probably wouldn't because of personal experience with family members but I would most certainly befriend them. How horrible it must be to shut in with no one that understands. They need people, too. Extending kindness doesn't mean that person will expect anything more if you are upfront from the begining. I'm sure most would really appreciate new friends in their lives......
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 22
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/6/2012 4:50:07 PM
I'm a pain, and a lot of days in pain. All because of "stuff" that I have done in the past. I guess you could define it as "chronic",cause it is always there. Most days I don't try to acknowledge it at all, and over the years I think I have the brain trained. Won't take meds, cause I do believe that I do need to "feel" it when it reaches that point. I don't go around telling people about it, but when I start limping, or can't put a jacket on without looking like Gumby, people will ask what's up. I reply "age, and my yesterdays".

I guess if it really affects your everyday life, you could mention it,but like I said, I don't until asked.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 23
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 7/8/2012 11:12:24 AM
Stray Cat bravo for saying this!

Let a guy get to know you a little,
and then he can decide
Don't decide for him in advance.


OP, I don’t think it matters which gender lives with the pain. The chronic pain itself would not keep me from pursuing a man. I agree with all that said it depends on the approach to the condition, outlook on life, ones attitude to living with the condition and the tools he/she uses.

Many people who have chronic pain are blessed with a sort of insight, appreciation, and passion for life that some healthy people have not discovered yet. There are a lot of things we can learn and gain from them.

Chronic pain or Fibromyalgia can be brought up when you are able to trust the person you are sharing it with, not a second earlier. You deserve to make this decision on your own because you have to live with the consequences of what you share as well. Part of being kind to yourself is knowing who and when it is safe to share personal things with.
 Sexysundance
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 26
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/20/2012 2:31:05 AM
A reply to carolann0308,

"If the person is strong enough......".
How a person deals with chronic pain does not reflect his or her level of strength. Pain is a signal that is sent to the central nervous system. It is a unique experience not two people with the exact same injury will feel and show their pain in the same way. You can never judge an individual as strong or weak, when you have no clue what they are experiencing!
 Sexysundance
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 27
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/20/2012 2:44:01 AM
Dear Irish Eyez,

I have seen many patients with chronic pain. Not every person who has chronic pain is also a narcotic abuser.

By the way, sorry about what you went through with your ex.
 wackadoodledoo
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 29
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/20/2012 7:44:13 AM
My ex had three failed back surgeries. As a result, he sustained permanent nerve damage and is currently taking Methadone due to the chronic nerve pain. No, no chronic nerve pain syndrome for me. Been there done that!!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 30
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/20/2012 7:30:59 PM
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. Dating someone with a disability means the able bodied person has to alter his/her lifestyle to accommodate the lifestyle of the other, including restrictions of many activities. I like being out and about and doing various activities-long walks, hikes on nature trails, bike rides lasting 2 or 3 hours, and doing things on the spur of the moment. I want someone who can share those activities with me. That's what good memories are made of-sharing experiences.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 31
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/20/2012 8:19:21 PM
ALL physical disorders have an emotional cause. take that into account. you will not only be dealing with their pain but also emotional issues that manifest themselves as physical issues!
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 32
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/23/2012 7:40:38 AM
It depends of the severity of the condition & how or if it affects your daily life & activites.
Some chronic pain disorders aren't as serious as others & can be controlled with meds. If you have a mild or correctable condition, I don't think it's anyone else's business, especially when you first meet, & are dating casually getting to know each other.
Some conditions are mild & can be corrected with meds, some fixed with surgery, others may be a life long condition. Some ppl are disabled because of it, & if that's the case where it interfers in everyday activites, then I think something should be said in the beginning, but your date would probably figure it out anyways. If you meet someone & are limited from enjoying activities together because of it, then it may be right to tell them. It shouldn't be the end of a relationship, lots of ppl are of some kind of medication or have something medical, psychological or physical going on.
I've been suffering from chronic pain for over 3 years. Surgery will correct it, but being a single parent, I'm waiting for the right time to go out for surgery, as I will be off work for 3 weeks to a month. I'm preparing for a worst case scenerio, in case I have to be out longer. I have my good days & my bad days, but it hasn't really affected my life, I do everything I want to do.
If I didn't tell you, you would never know. I have an active life, I work full time, I maintain a large butterfly garden, I maintain my house, & do everything I want to do.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 33
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/23/2012 8:34:09 AM
ALL physical disorders have an emotional cause. take that into account. you will not only be dealing with their pain but also emotional issues that manifest themselves as physical issues!

I don't what in the h*ll you're talking about, & neither do you. This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. It's a false, degrading, inappropriate & inconsiderate comment to make. I have an injury from a car accident that was caused by another driver. An "emotional issue" did not cause my injury or my chronic pain. This is a ridiculous, ignorant, irresponsible,condesending,insulting & non factual statement to make.
I'm sure those of us dealing with chronic pain don't need to hear that nonsense sputtered from an ignorant person who needs to learn about compassion & empathy for others. You can't even write a sentence using correct puntuation & grammar, but you know about ALL physical disorders & their origins?
According to you: it's all my fault I have an injury or a painful chronic condition. My emotional issues gave me the chronic pain, not the physical trauma my body suffered in that accident, & not the genes others inherited, or any other reason. Get your emotions under control & you will be cured. Wow, thanks for your insight, I'm sure my doctor will be impressed with your "knowledge". You have the answers & know it all!
You have a lot of nerve to come on here & post hateful garbage, keep it to yourself. You really piss me off. Stop posting on this thread.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 34
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/23/2012 3:53:59 PM

ALL physical disorders have an emotional cause. take that into account. you will not only be dealing with their pain but also emotional issues that manifest themselves as physical issues!

Wow, this is really ignorant. Completely untrue, especially for Fibromyalgia (FM). Do your research before before you say something like that.

For a very long time, like it is the case for all understudied disorders, clueless doctors who never studied the disorder in med school claimed FM was cause by trauma. Although science is still behind, we know enough today to know this theory is BS and extremely unfair to the people who are experiencing it. FM pain is completely real. There is no evidence that it's caused by emotional problems as most of these people lead very happy lives until the pain kicks in and never leaves. What has been proven is that it is a dysfunction of the central nervous system where pain is amplified.

Most FM patients who actually do experience emotional distress is due to people like you dismissing the validity of their disorder by making damaging blanket statements like you have here.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 36
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/23/2012 4:37:06 PM
Good for you for trying other alternatives first, Googleplus.
I wouldn't go as far as using the words cure but I know it can be of substantial help. With any illness or disorder, your best friend is not always your doctor but your own research and using the least evasive method that will bring relieve.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 38
Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/23/2012 9:56:02 PM
ive only known two women with fybromyalgia, and both of them were lying so that they could obtain prescription meds and get high for free.

it all depends on the situation. if this woman manages to hold a job, and live a normal life, even with her chronic pain, then maybe id date her. if she has no job, and collects gubernment money because of her chronic pain, im gonna pass.

sexysundance: i would consider someone who doesnt let whatever problems they have stop them from living their life, a stronger person than someone who cannot.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 40
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/24/2012 12:38:04 AM

ive only known two women with fybromyalgia, and both of them were lying so that they could obtain prescription meds and get high for free.
You can't really get high from Fibromyalgia medication because the drugs will work differently on someone with severe pain than someone simply abusing it, unless you are using narcotics when you don't have any pain at all to begin with.

Also, I would suggest that people be more sensitive and respectful in this forum. Maybe think a little and check your intentions before posting.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 42
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Would you date someone with a chronic pain disorder?
Posted: 9/24/2012 11:58:56 AM

You can't really get high from Fibromyalgia medication because the drugs will work differently on someone with severe pain than someone simply abusing it, unless you are using narcotics when you don't have any pain at all to begin with.


You are completely misinformed. After having surgery on my knee twice, my shoulder once and a finger once, I can assure you that it's quite possible to be in agony, then kill the pain and get one hell of a buzz from the pain medication. 3 or 4 percodan or tylox will do it easily.


Let me clarify:
You have listed names of narcotic drugs. Of course they can be abused as I already stated that previously. The FDA approved drugs for Fibromyalgia (FM) is mostly antidepressants, not narcotics, although some do use it to control the pain. The medication you listed will not work long term for FM patients because they build a resistance and need to keep taking more. Also, you can’t be high 24/7 for 20 years and function in every day living, so that is not a good option for people with chronic pain.

Also, you cannot compare pain from surgery with chronic (life-long) pain. If you continue taking pain killers even though you are better, months or years after surgery, you abuse medication. If you have chronic pain 24/7 for 20 years or most of your life, you are not abusing pain killers when it’s used for treatment to control the pain. If you’re getting high, you are not using the correct amount specific to your pain.

Non-opioid analgesic action has a specific limit that cannot be exceeded. Once this limit is reached, further efficacy is not possible regardless of increased dosage. Opioid analgesics do not have this ceiling, contributing to drug tolerance and abuse with increased usage, as their effect is dependent on dosage.
There are non opioid drugs (that mimic opioid action). In order for addiction to occur the patient must use drugs because of their euphoric effects, thus, increasing the dose beyond pain control. Therefore, people suffering from chronic pain are able to maintain their dosage (when they use these non opioid drugs WITHOUT A HIGH) even after prolonged usage, as long as they don’t abuse them.
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