Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dating married women in O.R ??      Home login  
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 2
Dating married women in O.R ??Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
"I am actually a great guy"

Do you think her husband would agree ?
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 4
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 3:41:00 AM
You will get very little (if any) sympathy for your situation.

I will leave that to the others but I just wanted to ask if you really think it is appropriate to have a photo of your daughter (I'm hoping you aren't posting photos of someone else's daughter) with no shirt on posted on a dating site?
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 6
view profile
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 3:52:34 AM
How ironic, this is from your profile:

".....She must be trusting, not someone who says your a cheater because you walk in the door 5 min's late from work."

Right, you are so misunderstood. Because of course you are NOT a cheater!!

Of course you can choose a train wreck situation if you like. My concern of course is subjecting your daughter to this nonsense. Really, this is the type of woman you want your daughter to have as a role model. This just the kind of thing that makes my heartache. Your daughter has no choice in this, she just has to live with your poor judgement.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 4:59:30 AM
I'm not going to get involved with the relative moralities in this mess OP.

Instead, looking directly at your question of how to proceed from here:

For a solution to occur, everyone has to be actually working to make it happen. When a married couple is involved, and one wants a new partner, that means one thing must be the next and only thing on the daily agenda: DIVORCE.

No solution will be achieved, if all you do is "buckle up and hold on for the ride." Waiting for someone or something else to make everything okay is useless and destructive.

Is she actively seeking a divorce? Have either of them filed separation papers? I would bet the answer is no. From your description of things, all that's going on, is that you are dallying with another guys wife right in front of him, and pretending to yourself that you aren't a total cad/dweeb/tool for doing so.

Stop wasting your time telling yourself how you have room in your house, can be the white knight, and how she's this damsel in distress. That's all crap. Unless they actually want to divorce, and she actually is working to accomplish that so that she can get together with you, then ALL of what you are doing is worse than a waste of time. It's child persecution (of her kids), and you are just ONE of the crew of guys doing the persecuting.

Stop everything you are doing with her, and offer to assist her in getting a divorce, if you actually want to do something positive. Otherwise, get out and leave them be, for the children's sake.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 7:55:47 AM
Dude, have you ever heard the saying "seeing the forest from the trees." You are so deep, so deep in this mess that you can't even see what is going on.

I have to agree with Igor and some of the other people. In reality, she is using you. And let me explain what is going on. This is a classic example of Karpman's Drama Triangle. There are three people, or should I say three personality types at play here. There's the Perpetrator, the Rescuer, the Victim. All three roles become interchangeable by all of them to derive their sense of power. The Perpetrator, in this case the husband calls her a whore and emotionally abuses her to feel powerful. She, the victim, also plays games of victimhood. They follow scripts where they are constantly seeking help, and they seem helpless in these type of situations. She does not want a divorce because that would require empowerment, something that she does not want, because then she would have to take control of her life, or turn you, the Rescuer, into the Perpetrator. As a victim, she cheats with you, thus making her husband feel like a victim as well, thus now she is the perpetrator.

So this is where you fit in. You are the Rescuer, you provide a sense of what could be. But along the way, your own feelings, and needs will be trampled and ignored. Remember, you are the third wheel. You serve a purpose on this drama and the objective is not to end the drama. The logical thing to do is to get a divorce right now. But I can bet you that even when she says yes, the but, but, buts will start to show up and before you know it she will find her kicks elsewhere. Now you will feel used and indignant and will tell her, thus now you will become the Perpetrator. As you can see each person, will play the other person's role and perpetuate the whole cycle of DRAMA.

This is pretty much text book stuff and you are living it. So don't take my word for it. Now, here's another problem that you have. As time goes along and this drama keeps playing and emotions keep flying all over the place. Chemicals, hormones and so forth are secreted in your body. It's like taking a roller coaster ride, and it feels scary, but it also feels good. Well, people become addicted to that intensity, so when you are not having the drama, you go through withdrawal symptoms, anxiety, panic, depression and overall a sense that you are so in love with this person that you cannot live life without them. You are addicted to yes, DRAMA.

The reality is this, you are right now in quicksand and your nostrils are barely coming out, yet you do not realize this and are asking us if you should try the breast stroke. Dude, you're about to drown.

My recommendation is just as Igor and others have indicated. If she means business, other than maintain this drama, she should file for the divorce right now. She needs to end that. But I can tell you, that she will say sure, yes, yes, and start finding excuses. "he is going to change" "he promised to do this..." "I am going to give it one last chance.."

They are excuses. She is not going to do it.

So the other solution, the real solution, is that you remove yourself from the situation. Now, with all morality aside, why do this? You are getting some good nookie. The sex is probably awesome. Why stop it? But this is what is going to happen, as you demand more, as you become more consumed by her, and become more "in love" with her, then she will start to withdraw from you, because you will start to switch the role from rescuer to perpetrator, so she will turn you into a victim.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 10
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 7:56:48 AM
My advice is stop making life choices with the genitals.
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 11
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 10:14:35 AM
She with you in front of the hubby.
What man will she be with in front of you? Don't think for a second that just because you are a great guy she won't.

Leopards don't change their spots
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 13
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 10:28:46 AM
Here's a BIG tip for you to avoid heartbreak city.

Stay away from ANY married or attached women!!!!!

Got it?
Okay, you're good to go then.
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 14
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 12:13:18 PM
This is the song that neveeeeer eeends- it goes oooon and ooon my frieeeeends!
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 15
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 1:22:36 PM

Should I end it before I get my heart broken to bad or just buckle up and hold on for the ride?

Your heart will be broken sooner or later--it is inevitable.

End it. If she really wanted to be with you, she would be.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 16
view profile
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:21:31 PM
This is just sick as hell. She is using you, you are apparently parading around with the mom in front of the kids and you supposedly have known them for 15 years so you met them when you were 12, how old were they?
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 17
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:26:18 PM
I agree with MetalVixxn. It's gross.
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 18
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:52:07 PM
OP: Ah, yes. Married women. Let me share some pearls of wisdom that have kept me on the straight and narrow.

1. A woman who would have an affair with someone who is married is also a woman who would boil a bunny.
2. Behind every married woman is a husband with a 12-gauge and sufficient motivation.
3. No matter how beautiful a married woman might be... no matter how desirable... no matter how enchanting... she's probably got a husband at home who is desperate to kick her ___ to the curb.
4. No matter how much greener the grass might be on the other side of the hill (or anywhere else), it still needs mowed. At some point, in the middle of mowing, you're going to ask yourself "Why in the Hell am I mowing this ___-up yard?" You're always running to get gas, you have to change the plugs, the blade needs sharpening, it starts smoking eventually, and then you stop and look around at the "yard." Originally, from a distance, it looked great. Standing where you are now, though, you can't help seeing all the weeds, bare spots, gopher holes, and you suddenly notice your neighbor's dog has done his business right where you're standing with bare feet. Then there's the spraying with all the chemicals to keep the weeds down, get rid of the moles, and kill the grubs. The weedwhacker is all out of line, too. Oh... by the way... you're working on a pretty good sunburn. You eventually realize "servicing the yard" just isn't worth it... and that you were better off admiring it from afar.
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 19
view profile
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:53:00 PM
The three of you deserve each other. The kids deserve to be raised in a safe, loving, functional home. Their momma taking them to live in your house would not fit the bill. My suggestion? Maybe these kids have an aunt who is sane. Put them in her home. Then the three of you can play your twisted games.
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 20
view profile
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 5:28:58 PM
Outmind, I really appreciated your insightful post. Many things to think about!
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 21
view profile
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 5:36:42 PM
look up cuckhold. that's what you're really part of.

Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 23
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/7/2012 10:11:38 AM
This is terrible. You have no morals and have been teaching children this. I think your kids need to be placed into a moral home. This just makes me sick that people don't teach morals to kids!
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 25
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/7/2012 11:27:36 PM
You say you're kind of friends with her husband?

As the saying goes, with friends like that, who needs enemies?
Imagine if you married somebody, and then a "friend" of yours started banging her when things between you were rough.
No matter how low your self image is, do yourself a big favor and stop the affair.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 26
view profile
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/8/2012 5:57:36 AM
And of course there are kids involved because people with this type of low-life mentality don't care what kind of disgusting hell they put their kids through. If you are fawning all over this sick bytch in front of her husband, then you are also doing it in front of their children, not sure how must sicker the lot of you can get. The three of you deserve each other, the kids, they need to be taken and given to parents who will treat them and teach them dignity and self-respect.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 27
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/8/2012 6:37:40 AM
OP, I agree with a previous poster: These two have an open/swinger relationship. There are many men getting off on seeing their women fooling around with another man, and him calling her slut etc is most likely part of their fun and games.

Do not delude yourself with thinking she would want to leave him. And even if she did move in with you, she would probably not give up the lifestyle.

That said, if you are ok with the situation, go for it, but if it bothers you get out, as in all likelihood nothing is going to change.

And PLEASE keep that lifestyle away from the children!!!!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dating married women in O.R ??