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Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 1
My 3 Year old Terror...Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I am the oldest of three children, however my grandmother took me over when i was a baby (newborn baby) and she and my mother both raised me throughout the years. I found no problem in this, i didn't know any better. However, my grandmother soon after i had my first son, stepped in and tried to do with my son the same thing she done with me. With much argument and fighting she didn't fully get it to work but somewhat had. Now, it has been almost five months since she's passed away and she's left me a terror of a three year old.

My son is very misbehaved although very mannerly. He knows please and thank you, excuse me and all the WORDS to be kind and mannerly, but he is VERY brazin, doesn't listen to ANYONE and acts out even when we are giving him our full undivided attention. He is very active, he doesn't even stop to sleep, he fights sleep, then when his body can't take it anymore he flakes on the floor. Simply because she had ruined him. she let him stay up all hours of the night, gave him his own way whenever he wanted something she knew he shouldn't have (i.e. nail clippers, something to plug in like a minivac or even hand cream, which he didn't rub into his hands he just wanted to lick it off...??[side note; i made it clear he wasn't aloud to have it because it was dangerious and limited time with her alone so i could monitor what she was giving him] ) As well, he talks back, he is VERY bad to his little one year old brother. (we had an incident where the doctor figures he'd given him a minor concussion) and he beats up everything and tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. and this is only some of the little things i deal with daily. I can't even take him anywhere outside in public.

When we are out in public he has to be confined to a stroller because he runs away. within seconds he could be 100 feet from me and will not come back no matter how many times i call him and when i chase him to bring him back he runs farther and have in one incident ran into a road, fortunantly it was a park and VERY low traffic, but i may not be so lucky next time. Then, because he wants his 'freedom' to run, and i won't let him because of that he tantrums really bad outside where he screams and yells and kicks his stroller or anything in front of him, i had actually brought him to a clothing store with me a little over a month ago and he was so bad the store manager confronted me to ask if there was anything she could do to help me calm him down. there was nothing she could do. even mothers of other children and children themselves there were taken aback by his bad behaviour. one little girl younger than him asked her mommy why he was crying (he was in the middle of a bad tantrum.)

i honestly don't know what to do with him. i have tried time outs, naughty corners (still doing them i know they don't work a couple times) i have tried taking things from him and showing him the right thing to do, but he refuses to improve. the more i punish him the worse he gets. The phase of throwing food on the floor is still a big thing with him as well, it was only an hour ago he painted the walls with Tomatoe soup from his supper (which ended up entirely on the floor)..

if anyone has any suggestions for me, PLEASE let me know. I am working on getting him into daycare because apparently it will help his behaviour, but if it doesn't work (which other people has told me it wouldn't) i honestly don't know what to do with him....
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 2
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:50:00 PM
If you have a three year old and a one year old, why does your profile state you don't have children ?

How are you going to afford day care if you don't work ?

As you are unemployed, why did your grandmother have your child so much ? Where were you ?
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 3
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:59:41 PM
This was a friends account, i just updated it. and I know this says single parents but there are no forums for not single parents, i am married and my husband works full time 44 hours a week and making good money.

so that answers two questions and the last one:

she didn't have him alone that often actually. she was mainly here with me in my apartment. she came to visit EVERY day (on my request, since she was my best friend as well) and on the off occasion (maybe 5 times in the two years before she died, since he just turned 3 in july) she asked to take him because she was close to him and it was her first great grandson or great grandchild for that matter. or, while i was working she would come and watch him for me. but 90% of the time she was with him, we were both together, she went behind my back in my own apartment and done EVERYTHING i asked her NOT to do..
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 4
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:21:18 PM
we have considered that as well smexi... but, he was like it before she passed away as well. maybe not AS bad, but bad enough. in the last month before her accident i got to the point if i needed to go anywhere, even just to the corner store, i would have to ask her to watch him because i couldn't take him with me. i think it was a bad idea because it gave more opportunity to make him worse, but it was too hard for me keeping him under control when i had important stuff to do... wasn't AS bad when my husband came with me, but even both of us could NOT keep him under control enough to do what we had too... i went gerocery shopping with him one day and came home without half the stuff we needed because he was so misbehaved he had us going crazy. we went for a weeks worth of food and may have gotten two days worth, he had us that frazzled... and that was before my grandmother passed away.. i dunno, i think it has a lot to do with being spoiled, i just am not 100% sure how to correct it.. i am sure eventually i will find a way, i was just hoping for something sooner than later. the faster i can fix it the easier it will be for him for school.. god help the teachers if i can't get it fixed now.. lol ?
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 5
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:21:57 PM
A good backhand should do the trick.
That is a joke...

But it's my opinion that many of these "problem children" have learned that they can control their parents and ellicit a response from them through their behaviour. It doesn't even have to be a positive response, because negative attention is still attention.

If he throws a fit, walk away (normally best in the home). If he throws food on the floor, take the rest of the food away. If he runs into the road, you need to make him respect and FEAR cars and roadways.

He has no idea what would happen to him if he ran into the road. I have my own system, but a friend of mine had a serious problem with her son running into the road until one day she had her husband park on the side of the road and wait in the car - when the boy ran in front of the car, he laid on the horn and scared the shit out of the kid... Mean, yes... Excessive, maybe... Effective, you better believe it.

There is no such thing as someone "ruining a child", you have the let that kid know YOU ARE IN CONTROL, not him. And guess what, it's gonna be hell while you do it, because he will fight you every step of the way, because he could up until this point.

Don't back down from the stance you take. Everytime you give ground, he will take it and demand more. Children are much smarter then we give them credit for, and they quickly learn what the can get away with, the concequences for their actions and how severe they are (and if it's worth it).

And I'm sure that I will catch flak from many of these "softy parents", who believe that being a strict parent is a bad policy, or cruel; but my son is the most attentive and well behaved child I know (and he still drives me nuts sometimes), and I have been told how jealous other people are of me.

My kid is well behaved because his daddy is a strict, unbending a.sshole. And he loves me more than anything else in the world.
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 6
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:32:01 PM
god help the teachers if i can't get it fixed now

No... God help your son if you can't "fix it"... Teachers will demand medication, then remedial classes, and counsoling and then finally they will simply tell you your child is not welcome.

It is not going to be a quick fix unless a light bulb goes on in his head that clues him into the error of his ways.

You need to do a weeks worth of groceries and he's throwing a fit because he doesn't want to? Carry him over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes,and finish your shopping. Don't stop what you need to do in order to deal with the behaviour, he learns that YOU WILL. Make it an uncomfortable experience for him to be a "bad boy", see how many times he throws a fit while grocery shopping when everytime he does you simply toss him on your shoulder and carry on, whistling a merry tune.

Screw everyone else, then can listen to the kid whine, scream cry. You have a job to do, and there is no need to be embarassed about disiplining your child. And don't tell me you can't, that he's a strong kid and won't let you... You are a full grown woman, and he a 3 year old boy... you can physically manhandle that child at will, regardless of the flailing.

I think George Carlin said it best... "Parents are Pussies these days" That's why we have problem children.
(yes I realize your grandma instilled the bahavior, but the sentiment is still valid)
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 7
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:34:39 PM
Wireburner, thank you for replying. i totally understand. i have been trying to stand UP to him. so to speak. i personally NEVER let him have his own way, i punish him, i take things from him, i give him time outs, etc.. everything i was suggested to do before i done, while my grandmother (and aunt too actually) was/is around they undid it.. such as, i don't let my son have pop, it is bad for him and acidic... my son has been asking for pop lately. the only one he's with other then my husband and i are his aunt... no trouble to tell who gives him what he wants... and another thing .. i went to the mall with my mother, aunt, and sister, the other day (well, a week ago) and my mother and i were standing in the washroom doorway watching my aunt while she was watching my three year old and one year old for us to do our business. my eldest was climbing all over the back of the seats and was atleast 10 feet from her (the length of the wall peu) and was hitting and kicking the chair and almost falling off the other side of it and not ONCE did she even look up from my youngest to see what he was doing, he could have been grabbed off the chair and kidnapped and she wouldn't even had been able to say what the person looked like. whereas, if i was there he would have been sitting quitely (or as best to my ability) on a chair, eating his dinner, without doing all the things she was clearly allowing him to do... i think that is my biggest problem..

and funny thing is. my one year old is an angel... amazing little man. He listens pretty well, even for a year. When i say "no, don't touch that." he will stop what he's doing and move away from it. Now, he does still go back to it sometimes, but there are numerious things now he knows he can't have or touch and doesn't bother with them. my oldest however, has been told a bizzilion times NO and still does whatever the heck he wants when he wants.
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 8
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:40:43 PM
thanks again Smexi and Wireburner.

i know there is a lot of work i have to do... and believe me, if i wasn't completely serious about fixing it i wouldn't even have bothered with this thread.. but i am going off my head and am sure that i need to step it up a couple notches for sure. i HAVE been trying since he was old enough to walk (10 months old) but when i say no, someone would say yes.... and it didn't matter what it was..

no, you cannot have pop or tea buddy... - here bud, have some pop and tea, it won't hurt you...

no, you cannot have the nailclippers ... - ... here take the nailclippers, they aren't going to hurt you anyways.

Here, stay where we are so you don't get lost. - oh don't worry about him, i'll go with him so he can go whever he wants....

no, you can't have a snack before your dinner, you won't eat anything than... -- here, have a cookie, some pudding, a drink, and a bar before dinner... who cares if you don't eat whats cooked...

(yes, its all happened, and MORE)
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 9
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:51:49 PM
I know exactly what you are going through in that aspect:

I "rent" (for an exorborant amount) the basement apartment from my mother (an interesting situation that requires me to contribrute my income to that of my family's), and I have to constantly deal with the "no, it's ok" I have experienced all of the problems you just mentioned in the last post.

My solution... Lay down the law to whomever is countermanding you. Be they your grandmother, mother, father, childcare, family, friends ect. You don't have to answer to them, you answer to yourself and your husband. It can make for some strained relationships, but that isn't your concern, your concern is your son's behaviour and coreecting it.

Now, let me be the first to say that my advice might not be the best, nor the most "socially accepted", so don't take it without first gathering the advice of others. But personally, avoid the "lubby lubby" crap that is preached in most parenting circles these days.

I approached pop with the description of "Dad's Juice"... And ONLY dad's juice. after a couple times of being interested, he hasn't bothered me about it since. It's an adult item, it holds no interest for him.
Joined: 10/13/2011
Msg: 10
view profile
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:31:25 PM
It appears to me you need to establish some boundaries, not only with your son but with anyone who minds him. If you feel his safety is at risk, do not under any circumstances leave him alone with that person, even for a short time. The same applies to anyone who attempts to over-rides the guidelines you have in place. Children need continuity no matter who is caring for them. If your aunt/sister/mother goes against your established rules and allows your son to do whatever he wants, speak up. It need not become a confrontation, simply state your case in no uncertain terms. "We don't allow xxx to eat cookies before supper as we like to eat our meals together as a family. I would appreciate you not doing it again."

At three, youngsters can certainly push their limits but you are the adult and shouldn't be permitting him to dictate how long your trip to the supermarket is or allowing him to hold you prisoner in your home. If he's running away, buy and use a harness. Walmart has them.

Instead of focusing on his 'bad' behaviour, have you tried ignoring 'some' and reinforcing his good behaviour? A simple chart using stars has been known to work wonders.

He could be jealous of his younger sibling and require some one on one time. You could incorporate the star chart into this. Perhaps once x number of stars are reached it could mean a movie at the theatre with mom or a swim at the pool with dad. Negotiate what he'd like to do with him but don't make it unobtainable.

I strongly suggest you take some parenting classes. I did many, years ago, through the psychology department at the Janeway. Give them a call. If they don't still offer them I'm sure they'd know who does.

If this situation isn't rectified, soon enough you're going to have an out of control teen on your hands.

Good luck.
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 11
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:44:52 PM
Instead of giving him attention for doing bad things, b.c thats whats happening here.. when he does something good... praise him... clap with him.. hugs etc.. tantrums are normal, we all went through that phase...
If he was able to paint the walls with soup, that just shows you are not watching him.
he needs a proper schedule.... up at 7am.. (most school start at 8)... and follow through with times for everything. He has no structure..Blaming your grandma for your fault,, is not the answer.
..As for your 1 year old..being good.. he's one, what else would he be?... If you're doting all this good loving attention on him in front of the 3 yr old right before you yell at him or after... he's learning this.
You need parenting classes and help.. daycare is not the answer just someone to do your job.
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 12
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:55:12 PM
first, i dont give him attention when doing bad things as such, ignore, or try to ignore some or most of it, but when it comes to extreme stuff.. like hitting and hurting his brother, than i will give him a stern punishment in the time out corner. (well, as stern as you can get in a timeout corner). and when he does do something good, we praise him for it. we treat him, and give him things we wouldn't normally to show him we are pleased.

and as for the tomatoe soup incident; well, i had to use the washroom, my mom was resting (shes working the 11-7 shift.. up all night) and there was no one here to watch him while i was doing my business. which wasn't long at all. (its too bad i have to say that but how else would anyone understand?) and in the five minutes i was left the room he had his food on the floor and the wall covered.

and he is up every morning at the same time (8:30) and he has his afternoon naps at 2:30 and goes to bed about 9 ish. it's been a regular routine for a while.

i have been doing EVERYTHING in my power to do the right thing with him, teaching him his manners, and trying to teach him to behave.. anyone that knows me and my situation will say "If her grandmother had of left her alone to do what she wanted to do with him in the first place and listen to her he wouldn't be like he is now." so the people who live with it and SEE it, know it wasn't me at all... it was the mistakes and stuff that was being done behind my back that was doing it.

and as for daycare, he NEEDS daycare because he is speech delayed. but i was told that once he goes in there it will inprove his behaviour as well. whether or not it does is a different story, but whatever the case, he needs it for his speech.
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 13
view profile
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:20:23 PM
hey Angel..
single Mom here..
Tomatoe soup.. thats one my boys didnt try.. but I still try and figure out how the mustard ended up on the ceiling.. lol
you mentioned him running of and haveing to keep him in a stroller.. find a child harness... not on of those crappy things that go around a wrist.. one of the ones that go around the chest/shoulders.. they useually hane about a 6 foot handle on them.. make sure you do up the harness behind his back.. so he cant undo it.. and tie your end of the lead to your waist..
We all have to use the washroom sometime.. lol.. it wasnt soup for me.. it was amazing to see .. how many rolls of t.p. on little boy could
daycare will help with his speech.. my oldest was tongue tied and it helped him alot.. also getting down and letting him see how the words are properly formed while you say them .. some of his behaviors might be a bit of frustration about an inability to get across something.. but thats a bit of a guess.. I know most of my boys trouble stoped when he was able to talk properly..
I cut out almost all sugar.. try crystal light if he wants something interesting to drink.. if you get the little packages he could help make it .. might make him feel like a big boy..
only advice I can give for the shopping.. other then hireing a sitter for that couple of hours.. is to get him to help.. tell him to help you find the apples and then get him to help put them in the bag..
that my bit of advice.. message me if you need to ask anything.. I managed to get the boys to the age of adults.. without resorting to medication for me and selling them to the circus.. lol..
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 14
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/10/2012 3:18:40 AM
Sounds like ADHD. Might want to look into that being a possibility.

3 is a tough age. With both my kids, between 3 and 4, 4 1/2 was a rough time.
They grew out of it, and are very well behaved, caring children who listen to Mommy and other significant adults in their life.

Be strict, set your boundaries & expectations, while reassuring them that they are loved, but Mommy has rules & regulations that are non-negotiable. In the meantime until the behavior calms down, just keep being firm but loving, and be diligent in supervising him so he doesnt get hurt or do something stupid.

A cool, dark room would always help my son calm down. I bought blackout curtains, a little fan, and a sounds of nature machine, and made it my sons "time out area". (he is adhd/autism spectrum but is an awesome well behaved child, there IS hope and it WILL get better).

Stick to a routine, kids thrive on routine.
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 15
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:04:41 AM
You could take him to the doctor and get him evaluated for ADHD. I do notice how you keep saying you are doing everything and nothing is working and blaming grandmom even though she didn't have him that much. I think the best suggestion I could give you is to contact a behavior therapist and have him or her evaluate your family and help you. You really have to look at yourself and how you deal with him.

Do praise him for being good. It is easy to get caught in the negativity. Start with writing everything down. Write all the rules down and what the consequences are for breaking them. Never give in or you have to start over. You can read the rules to him and paste pictures next to them and have him sign the paper like a contract. Always use a monotone when correcting him.

I have a son with extreme ADHD, Asperger's and other problems. We had to be extremely diligent with the rules. We used time outs and they work. You have to be willing to fight it out until they get it. At the age of 4 my son had punishments that would be more fitting for a much older child. We could never let him slide or we had to start the whole process over. It took almost a month to get him to stand in the corner. Use a timer. One peep and it starts over. I can remember the days of starting the time out over 50 times.

Don't send your child to daycare to fix him. That is not the answer.
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 16
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:17:05 AM
Get the book, "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children" and apply it
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 17
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:37:04 AM
Your son is three, speech-delayed and having severe tantrum/meltdowns? Have him evaluated asap for a possible autisic spectrum disorder. Kids with an ASD/Pervasive Developmental Disorder often present similarly at this age. Unfortunately there is a great tendency to blame the mother or other caregivers for the child's perceived "bad behavior". You can ask your pediatrician, but I'll caution you that many peds are not trained to recognize ASD's. Therefore you will have to be VERY outspoken on your son's behalf if you want a formal eval. from a recognized center. If an autistic spectrum disorder is present, early intervention is vital.

My seventeen year old son has PDD-NOS, an autistic spectrum disorder. He had delayed speech, bit and scratched his little brother, was difficult to soothe as an infant, and starting having severe tantrums around his first birthday. People tried to blame me for my son's apparent bad behaviors but I was an experienced mother who spent ALL my time with my children, so I wasn't having that. Though somewhat sensitive to criticism at the time (who wouldn't be?), I strongly suspected my child had a developmental problem. I later learned that many actions that seemed to be misbehaviors (spinning in circles, throwing dirt, etc.), are actually forms of "self-stimulation"- rituals not uncommon for kids 'on the spectrum'.

In no way am I qualified to diagnose your son based on forum posts or otherwise, but I see enough similarities with my own son to suggest an autism evaluation.
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 18
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:01:19 AM
I've got to say, that you really need to stop blaming others for how your son acts. In one breath you say the grandmother wasn't around him all that much, then in the next, you say she's ruined your son. Fact is, YOU are to blame for his behaviour. Children are a result of the rules of the household they are raised in....a treat given to him by people who are not responsible for him daily is not going to "undo" all the work you have done. Take responsibility for the monster YOU have raised. YOU have chosen to let him act the way he does, and so he does it. If you didn't give in to his tantrums, they would quickly stop because he would know they don't work.

Try growing a backbone with your child and teaching him who is in charge.

Oh, and BTW, when a child causes a concussion in a sibling, it's generally not an "accident"; it was due to YOU allowing him to act in a way that put your other child's health in danger. By not punishing bad/reckless behaviour, you are condoning it, and setting him up to a lifetime of difficulties. Get control of your kid for everyone's sake.

As well: It's not your sisters', mother's, grandmother's, teachers', or daycare's responsibility to raise your child, it's YOURS! You are the parent, so stop blaming others for your child's behaviour and expecting them to fix your shortcomings as a parent and step in and actually raise the child you chose to have.
Joined: 10/13/2011
Msg: 19
view profile
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:13:10 AM
It's pointless to point the finger of blame on anyone. The fact is, it's up to you to take whatever steps are necessary to alter what's not working properly.

All daycares have rules which have to be adhered to, like it or not. He will quickly learn to behave accordingly in order to blend in with the others in that environment. The problem is, unless you enforce the rules at home, nothing will change and he'll continue to do as he's always done with you ... because you allow it.

I agree with limiting his sugar intake but would be hesitant to use anything with an artificial sweetener.

Stick to a routine, kids thrive on routine.

So true!

OP, there's not a parent amongst us who hasn't had problems with their children at some point. You're to be commended for reaching out for help. My concern is you get a handle on this before he begins school. Once a teacher labels your child it's near impossible to shake the stigma attached. He doesn't need that in his records following him up through the grades. Like it or not, judgementalism is alive and well amid our educators.


I lack your training but agree wholeheartedly.

OP, if you have a good medical plan that covers alternative medicine, my suggestion is you make an appointment with Dr. Gordon Higgins. His office is on Bonaventure Ave., I believe. It's a possibility your son could be hypersensitive to some foods or one of the additives. It's non-invasive so none of the scratch tests commonly associated with allergy test are involved. I've witnessed first hand the dramatic results of a simple dietary change to a child diagnosed with "autism". It's nothing short of remarkable!

Btw, have you had his hearing checked?

Parenting is one of the hardest job. There's no one size fits all fool proof manual. Often, it's a matter of trial and error to find what method works best for a particular child. All you can do is your best. Keep trying hon.
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 20
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/10/2012 9:54:30 AM
excuse me barefootlkitten, but i have been doing everything i could possibly do with him since he has been born i was living with my grandmother for the first year of his life and she took complete control over him. heck, i wasn't even aloud to pick him up out of the bassinet when he was a few months old because "he was trying to sleep" despite him being wide awake laying there. but when SHE wanted to pick him up or talk to him at 4 in the morning during a feeding it was okay.

as well when i say no she'd say yes.. she TAUGHT my son how to PULL on people's hair, and then would wonder why he was doing it to his brother... she spent a significant amount of time with him, i said she didn't spend very much time with him ALONE... my aunt is the same time, when i say no, she says yes!! such as getting into the cupboards in my entertainment center and destroying DVD"s... or ripping pages out of his books. because she taught him to tear up paper. i can't give him a book to even look at, he tears the heck outta it.

i stood behind her when she was saying/doing all of it, and telling her NO NAN you can't do that, you can't teach him that. you are teaching him wrong, he is going to be a horrible child. you have to teach him right or he is never going to listen. and it was all just "he is just a child, leave him alone"... let him play with buttons on the TV the DVD player, let him plug in and unplug the vaccum cleaner, let him turn the microwave on himself, let him try to cut his own finger/toe nails, let him pull on other peoples hair, let him trow food on the floor and CONDONING it.. allowing it and TELLING him to do it.. my son never put a bowl on his head until he was over 2 years old, and he probably never would have, but she told him to do it.. now he's three, still doing it. She told him once "Ah, throw that on the floor we'll get it later." and meanwhile i am behind her freaking out because she is not listening to me and she just give me the guilt trip, cried, and told me she wants to enjoy him while shes still alive... i am suffering for it... but i DID and still AM trying to stop it and fix it.. so before you go saying "its your fault and you can't blame someone else"... make sure you know me and my situation.. i asked for help to fix him, i didn't ask for critisism because i apparently didn't do a well enough job.. i done and am doing everything i know HOW to do...

my mother saying (as i said up there) if i had of just been left alone, he wouldn't be HALF or even a quarter as bad as what he is, because i had rules i followed, i gave him the time outs he needed, i done what was supposed to be done.. only to have two people go behind my back and say yes to everything i was saying NO too... even my doctor told me to tell them to stop .. because he would never listen... and they still didn't listen.. now look at me.. and all i was doing here was asking for help.
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 21
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:22:26 PM
Hey... I want to apologize up front if what I say come out harsh.. My intention is not to criticize but to make you think about what you are doing, what is working, what is not and where you are lacking. Because we all need to do that sometimes.

First.. Accept that something you are doing has created this mess and stop blaming your grandmother. Disrespectful kids only disrespect those who allow it and those who they are allowed to disrespect. If your child is disrespecting you, then you are doing something or not doing something that makes him think this behavior is acceptable.

Second... Listen to others suggestions, but apply them to your child. It doesn't' make sense for me to take away my son's phone because he doesn't care about his phone, but if I take away the Wii or confine him to his room. that works.. When he was younger sitting in a chair in the corner worked. Find what works and do that. Do not worry about what other people think when you are in the store with a screaming child. When my son was little, I used to tell him to scream louder, someone in China might hear him and get him what he wants.. He eventually stopped the tantrums in the store.. but I had to endure the screaming a few times... and all the disapproving looks.

Third.. make sure you follow through.. if you say "you will sit here for 3 minutes" then make sure he sits there for a full 3 minutes.. not 2 1/2, not whenever he decides to get up.. You have to follow through and stick with it. If you say "no ice pop" then do not give him an ice pop later that day.

Fourth.. Take control of your life. If your child runs into the street, then strap him into the stroller or get one of those leases. Do not "reward" him until he behaves. Instead of taking away, maybe tell him what he will get if he behaves. Like if you behave we can get ice cream, if you do not there will be no ice cream. Or.. if you behave we can play :favorite game: when we get home, or we can have :favorite food: when we get home for dinner. If he doesn't behave then he doesn't get it. period.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 22
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:46:16 PM

Now, it has been almost five months since she's passed away and she's left me a terror of a three year old.

SHE "left" you a TERROR?????? Really now.(I'm biting my tongue as I type)

excuse me barefootlkitten, but i have been doing everything i could possibly do with him since he has been born i was living with my grandmother for the first year of his life and she took complete control over him

Did your grandmother throw you in a closet and lock it the first year of YOUR son's life????? Just asking.

Doesn't matter who is alive, and who isn't alive when you have children. YOU, ARE the mother,and supposed parent. Sure, you may not have the skills because of YOUR upbringing,but I'm gonna tell you right now(for your kids sake), get some help. There are PLENTY of "parenting" help courses,classes, or whatever out there for people just like you. There never use to be,but, there is now. Go use em. And please, quit "blaming" your dead grandmother for your kid's actions. Seriously. Who are ya gonna blame in 5,10,15,20 years?????

Get help. They'll at least tell you the skills that you are lacking. What you do with that information is up to you.

Edit to add:

Maybe then, when both my kids got a lot older, i would consider adopting too.. i would love to give a needing child a home... but until they lighten it up a bit, a lot of kids are going to grow and die in boarding homes.. people are just too particular.

Did YOU write this post or was this your "friend" posting. I really bit my tongue in that other thread, but here, well, enough. DO NOT EVER "consider" adopting,until you get the skills you require to raise your OWN children please. For those "other kid's" sake. Okay?????

Holy moly macaroni.
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 23
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/12/2012 7:08:34 PM
^^^ I gave her a few words of encouragement and some advice, and am always open to helping parents with difficult children, being that I am quite very skilled in turning bad behavior in kids around to good behavior, with permanent results.

People that are downright nasty about children, have no children but seem obsessed with others children, and say downright hateful things about children and their parents, are the ones i would be afraid of being potential child-harmers, not parents going through a tough behavioral phase.
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 24
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/16/2012 9:41:24 AM
OP, I agree about having him tested for food allergies. I know several people who experienced much of what you are experiencing with your son, and it turned out to be food allergies. Certainly worth considering.

ADHD is a MYTH.................I have a masters degree in psychology and forensic to define my point!

I have a master's degree in clinical psychology. ADHD is NOT a myth.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
My 3 Year old Terror...
Posted: 7/16/2012 10:12:58 AM
Awesome, blaming your dead granny for your kids behavior.

I would suggest both you and your husband take a parenting class, it sounds to me as if neither of you has the slightest clue how to raise kids.
Your son needs exercise and better socialization. Throwing him in a stroller is not the solution, he needs to run off all that energy every day just like a puppy does. Take him out every day for a few hours to a park and let him loose. Shopping malls, department stores etc are not fun for kids. Pre school is fine but do you really want to spend the rest of your life averting your problem and thrusting it on others?
Secondly, get rid of all the junk food in the house and tell your mom, Aunts friends etc that only YOU will feed your child. No more crap to eat before dinner. And what about your husband? Is he blind and deaf when it come to the kids? When does he get a chance to parent them? One of you has to take on the role of alpha dog.

If your relatives complain then tell them that you will be unable to hang out anymore. You have allowed too many people to influence how you raise your kid.
Grow up.
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