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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > People with Social Anxiety- is online dating good for you?      Home login  
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 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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People with Social Anxiety- is online dating good for you?Page 1 of 1    
One thing to start with for yourself, is to ditch the offensive primary picture. Insulting EVERYONE here, isn't the most intelligent way to get people to want to read your posts. I wont bother reading the rest of your stuff until it's gone.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
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People with Social Anxiety- is online dating good for you?
Posted: 7/12/2012 3:33:11 PM
Thanks for switching to the smiling good person pic, OP.

I truly sympathize with your sense of challenge. I am still one of the more shy people on the planet myself. What has helped me the most, in a situation such as you describe, is a very old old and somewhat trite trick.

It's quite simply, to assume before you try, that you will fail utterly, and be rejected again. If I convince myself thoroughly enough, but don't actually play the "poor me" game with myself, then I can relax, and actually speak clearly enough, and calmly enough, that I know I no longer appear to be insane.

I can't say that it directly results in success. Nothing but already being a natural seems to do that. However, it does permit me to at least TRY, which is the only thing anyone can do, to make the otherwise impossible, possible.

Besides, if you get good at it, you will actually appear to be so unfazed by rejection that people will actually start to think you are NOT socially impaired.

In addition, work very hard NOT to try to think other people's thoughts for them. No matter how sure you are that you know what's in their heads, and no matter that you are occasionally right, most people will get turned off to you because you tried to tell them what to feel. Plus, it gets really confusing if you try to answer what you think someone meant to say to you, instead of what they actually said.
People with Social Anxiety- is online dating good for you?
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:09:26 PM

Dear God, now I'm wondering about what was offensive - AHSfan

I found myself wondering about that, too. Igor tends to be so laid back, he doesn't generally offend easily.

I have never heard of "social anxiety", whatever that is, so I am not sure what it is, or how it relates to shyness in general. I have been what I would describe as "relationship-shy", pretty much my whole life. I did have the usual shy stuff, trouble speaking in front of the class, making friends, etc. But my main problem area is relating to men. I see someone whom I find appealing/attractive (when I was single), my heart rate goes up, I get this knot in my tongue, I blush like I was sunburnt & sometimes I even end up stammering. For me, online dating was a Godsend! It makes life in so many aspects, so much better! I even met my husband here!

My method is somewhat different than Igor's. I go into a situation, knowing that I might fail; but that I will certainly fail, if I do nothing. Is it a gamble? HeLL Yeah!! But the truly important things in life, are worth taking that chance, IMO.
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