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 Cobra977horsepower
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 2
need advicePage 1 of 1    
You should tell him up front that he needs to either spend much more time with you, or you'll find someone who will.

There is no reason for him to string you along the way he is.
I know you dont want to scare him off, but he needs to juggle his time a bit more carefully in order to fit in some real time with you, and only you!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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need advice
Posted: 7/12/2012 4:50:54 AM
I'm in rare disagreement with Import, possibly due to different life experiences.

OP, your story has a number of alarm bell-ringers in it.

1."One and a half month ago I met a guy, with whom I fell in love." Okay, bell number one: your perceptions are already distorted by brain chemicals, and given that you only see the guy for a few hours every weekend, that totals up to having had contact with him for all of one full day. "Fell in love" smacks of self-delusion.

2. His claim that "it's been a long time since somebody had such an effect on him and that he really likes " you, sounds exactly like a commercial running down here for a phone service, in which a guy on a speed date has his games upset by the gals' ability to call up his posted bragging quickly. He tells her he's out to settle down and do the kids/family thing, she quotes his mast recent post that he will never consider marriage. He says "that was only true until I met you." She quotes back his favorite pick-up line "nothing mattered until I met you."

3. despite all this deep and meaningful interaction between the two of you, he still isn't dealing you into any of his personal life, choosing instead to use your house as a free motel room to sleep in after a night of partying WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

Wanting to see his family without you is the only part that sounds like a real person to me. I agree with Import on that score.

The rest of your story sounds like you are his Saturday morning, post wild-party, cheap second-date FWB, to me, and that he pays for his free motel with maudlin one-liners.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 13
need advice
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:09:50 PM
Actions speak louder than words. His actions tell you everything you need to know already.

He'll tell you he wants you to stay because he wants ...three letter word here... only one guess allowed! (the word you put there won't be the same as his)

If he felt half the way you do about him, you'd know it and, you wouldn't be asking this question.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 14
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Posted: 7/12/2012 1:10:44 PM
this is where the problem lies, IMO.

<div class="quote">One and a half month ago I met a guy, with whom I fell in love.

<div class="quote"> he should have much more interest

<div class="quote"> I am coming from a long relationship, my ex was totally different,
you appear to be trying to force this new guy into the emotional slot your ex occupied. i'm guessing your split wasn't so long ago.

you and your ex had a certain context for relating - a list of agreements and expectations based on your accumulated experience of each other. that was the unique context of you and him. that context is gone now, but you seem to be trying to apply the old agreements and expectations to this new guy, and you're confused because his behavior doesn't match the old guy's.

when a person tries to superimpose the image of an old lover on a new lover, they cannot assess the new lover's personality and behavior. it's muddled by the memories of the old lover's personality and behavior.

IMO, whether this guy is taking you for a ride or not will be impossible for you to determine, since you're not starting with a contextual clean slate. it may be he's in the same boat you are in relation to an ex, and crashing at his old gf's place was part of a set of old agreements he's hanging onto, rather than intending to abuse your hospitality.

as far as concrete action you can take, i would suggest a direct talk about what you want. i wouldn't worry about 'scaring him off.' you might be leaving the country anyway, and an acquaintance of a few weeks has no place in such a decision.
 Kontraz
Joined: 6/23/2012
Msg: 17
need advice
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:36:42 PM
Honestly, I wouldn't address it and just act as you would if you weren't in a relationship. You've been dating for less than 2 months and have barely been able to spend any time together from the sound of it. Even if you'd been dating half a year, I wouldn't suggest changing life plans to be with someone, since things could always fall through with them and you would be stuck in a bad situation.
 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 18
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Posted: 7/12/2012 7:48:38 PM
I haven't read others' replies, but I figure if he's not making time for you when you're making (or planning to at the very least) time to see him, regardless of it being 6 weeks or 6 years, he's got other things on his mind. You should move on. Others might argue that he's trying not to smother you by spending all his time with you, or that maybe you're smothering him (which may be the case - not sure from my end), either way, f he can't spend a few hours in a weekend after you've travelled to see him) he's probably not interested, or has some steady FBs on the go. Go your own way and find someone who wants to be with you, even if that means moving where ever your job takes you....probably more adventure in that anyways
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