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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Questions from a single father!      Home login  
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 1
Questions from a single father!Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Ive raised my daughter since near birth and she'll be 8 soon. I've never had issues teaching her the rights and the wrongs, the pleases and thank you's, and helping her learn what every kid needs to learn. My problem is I'm a guy. I'm about 75% dumbfounded when it comes to girly things and the questions. I've gotten by so far on the questions but when it comes to the girly things I can pretty much fail there. I'm ok with that and so is she I suppose but id like to be able to help her see the other side less tomboyish. Any ideas from the women on here or any guys that have been through this and had success.
Thanks christopher!
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 2
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:36:32 PM
Unfortunately my friends that could do this have moved too far away and for family my sisters are on the other side of the state. She gets some time with them. Just kinda looking for ideas for at home. Maybe ways to get her/me into the hair thing at least. I've allways tried there but I quite frankly suck at it and she knows that so we dont get much practice. The scouts idea could help ive been looking into getting her into it.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 3
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:03:58 PM
They have groups that you can sign up for called Big Sisters.
Check into that Christopher.
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 4
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:12:09 PM
educate yourself, you still have some time up your sleeve before you HAVE to have some discussions. But read some books , do what you're doing now, seeks advice from others, but ask SPECIFIC questions, buy a few pre/teen magazines, use your own common knowledge. basically just gather as much ACCURATE information as you can.

I agree !!
...and bottom line, be honest.
Tell her that you aren't perfect and you are learning along and you feel just as awkward as she is having to listen to you BUT it is important that, you as a parent, tell her. Once she hears this, she will appreciate it.
This is how I started my talks with my boys. I'm not a boy. I don't have a clue! lol But open and honest communication is what helped me so far.
Whenever we read, see or hear something that I can use to open communication with the boys on certain issues. I do. For instance a movie about teen love. My oldest is 13 and already into girls. I used the movie to talk about what is going to with him "Have you ever felt that way? Done that? How do you handle it?"
I'm also picking and choosing stories from my own experiences to tell him according to his age.
My youngest is 8. Because of living with a woman, he already knows about periods and from there I use it to explain the birds and bees.
Hope this helps?
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 5
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:13:13 PM
All great ideas thanks! My daughter did have a big sister at school as a part of their program. It didnt go past school outside of a couple of outings. May also look into the actual program. At this point in my life i was hoping id be settled down and married hence having someone around that would be able to offer a womans point of view. Doesnt allways work that way lol.
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 6
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 4:56:18 AM
As the mother of two sons, this is the question I constantly ask myself too.

It's not the general qualities we all try and install in our children, regardless of their gender, but more so the gender specific details which I don't know about being the opposite sex. Simply, I don't know what I don't know.

I think simply being aware of the fact there are differences and being conscious that you might not have the answers, is a huge part of being able to parent through this. For us, I have found open communication on all topics has helped. I have ensured that no subject is taboo as long as it's approached sensibly and I have on more then one occasion had to state that I didn't know the answer to a question or thought they had but I set out to find it.

Big brothers, Big sisters is a great organisation and in hindsight, I do wish I had got my children involved in that. Their cut off age for considering new children is 14. Having a same gender role model or even someone they can confide is is a tremendous help but I do understand that isn't always possible.
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 7
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:22:55 AM
Please don't take this as patronizing, because it isn't: but I sincerely appreciate your commitment to your daughter. It is very helpful to develop sound friendships and community contact with responsible women (like a school counselor, some of the posters here who are raising daughters, Big Sisters) who can help guide you through the stages of her life.

Your commitment to her means she will not be searching for a man her father wasn't later in her life; so everything you're doing for her, now, will absolutely matter in the long run.
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 8
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 10:35:17 AM
Ive never really been against her being whatever she wants. Be it tomboyish or Girly girl. I just think she tries real hard herself to be girly and sometimes it fails. Be it the outfit doesnt match or her hair kinda looks funky. I try to instill anything I can in her. Shes an outdoors kinda girl where as my son would rather glue to the spongebob. That kinda stuff im grateful for lol.
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 9
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Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/26/2012 2:42:39 AM
I was a female single mother and I was CRAP at the girly stuff. My daughter had the most basic hairstyles, and she certainly never learned anything about nails or make up from me!! She absorbed the girl stuff from friends and media, and your daughter will do so too. Yes you will have to explain menstruation to her- you do not want that creeping up on her, or leave it to the grape vine as that can be inaccurate and scary. What all children need, boy or girl, is a loving and caring parent. Your daughter has that, and is lucky! Certainly, make use of big sister style programs if they are available, but you and your desire to do the best you can is all she needs.

Good luck :)
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 10
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/26/2012 7:59:43 AM
I am a single father of 3, the youngest is my daughter who I raised since she was 9 (she is 17 now). the way I handled it was by involving her in activities oriented towards girls. Girl scouts (awesome program), dance class, gymnastics etc...
That way she was around other girls, her scoutmaster was a maternal figure, in dance and gymnastics, the other moms helped her with makeup, hair etc. She has turned out to be a fine young woman.

When she started her period, I helped her with supplies and stuff. I bought her the book mentioned in another post and she learned about it also at school in health education so it was not a very stressful occasion, unlike the sex talk....

She used to call me daddymom LOL and to this day buys me both fathers and mothers day cards!

Joined: 7/11/2012
Msg: 11
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/26/2012 10:30:41 AM
Wow... Very glad I was blessed with a boy. Haha!
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 12
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Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/29/2012 6:11:47 AM
Bit of advice: don't be too over the top about your parental ignorance (not saying you're ignorant, you know what I mean). There are people out there that still think a man can't raise children alone, let alone a daughter. Those people can and will cause trouble for you and it will come from a place you'd never expect.
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 13
Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/30/2012 6:49:10 PM
Ask some of the moms at the park, or at school functions. Go with your daughter to birthdays she's invited to and ask the moms. Go to that girly girl place.. what's it called.. LuLu? Not all the time.. but as a treat.. you'll be so immersed in girl stuff your head will spin lol. Ask the sales girls at the stores you shop at for her. Talk to your daughter too. She will tell you what she likes and what she doesn't. Nothing wrong with her being a tomboy btw. I was, and a lot of my friend were. We all turned out just fine and we all wear dresses occasionally and attract men.

Just think pink and girly and frilly. lol
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