Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Texting all the time, at our age?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 2
Texting all the time, at our age?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
In fact, I have to laugh -- the guy I dated who was REALLY into texting (sent me over 2500 texts in the course of 2 months!) broke up with me via text! How juvenile is that?

Apparently you were ok with ~1,250 texts a month for 8 weeks until he broke up with you, at which point texting suddely became "juvenile"?


Have others run into this problem?

No. If somebody texted me about nothing, I'd simply ignore it. [Unless, as Cowboy said, it was something like "sorry I'm late B there real soon], because that's useful information.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 3
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:08:34 AM

In fact, I have to laugh -- the guy I dated who was REALLY into texting (sent me over 2500 texts in the course of 2 months!) broke up with me via text! How juvenile is that?

Have others run into this problem? Does anyone think that perhaps for guys, texting is a way to diffuse anxiety over talking to a real live girl and potentially facing rejection?


It's a new way to commit an old sin, IMO...some uses of texting are OK, but I think it is sneaky, insulting & dangerous...look at all the vehicular deaths caused by drivers & text- either sending or reading...a man who is married or in a relationship can text & wifey won't hear it...it's kind of aloof for those who are not cheating...who wants to date a robot?

I once got dumped via email by a man who was UPPER MANAGEMENT in a HUGE COMPANY. Scary that someone in that position was so JUVENILE. BTW, he married an attorney shortly afterwards, I suspect he was cheating on her- w/ me!

My cell that I rarely use doesn't have the texting feature on. Therefore, I do not have to deal w/ texts! IMO the smartphone really is stupid, not a put down to you OP, but to the industry. They make it easier for people to become idiots w/ no social skills.

There's nothing like face to face, real time relationships!
 Anywherbuthere
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 4
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:40:07 AM
"Have others run into this problem? Does anyone think that perhaps for guys, texting is a way to diffuse anxiety over talking to a real live girl and potentially facing rejection?"

Yes I have run into this as well. I refuse to have a conversation via text...it's always the same with people who prefer to communicate this way. They are incapeable of having a normal conversation.

"Does anyone think that perhaps for guys, texting is a way to diffuse anxiety over talking to a real live girl and potentially facing rejection?"

For guys? I know absolutely no guys that will try to have a conversation via text...none.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 5
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 7:02:11 AM
I do not run into this problem since I never give them my cell number.. The reason is my cell phone is always off , I just turn it on in case of an emergency.. Maybe I have used it once a year when caught in a Thunderstorm and needed to call a cab..
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 6
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 7:16:23 AM
I envy you nativerock. I am working at turning my cell off more and more....and eventually I will come full circle and cut my connection with this format to a drip..................BUT..
I have my 17 yr old son who lives with me, and like it or not cell phones and texting is the way to communicate.
I do not like texting to talk. It is extremely impersonal and as a couple of people stated it can be used to be sneaky or other negative behaviors. I want to hear your pretty voice!!

The funny thing is I remember when cell phones first came out up here and we got one.. omg! the thing was giant..u know in that big green army like bag..it was 1996 or 97...we were the coolest peeps around!!

Now Im walking through the store and 5 yr olds are whipping our $400 I phones and telling some one off...via TEXT!! hehe
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 7
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 7:45:44 AM

I envy you nativerock. I am working at turning my cell off more and more....and eventually I will come full circle and cut my connection with this format to a drip..................BUT..
I have my 17 yr old son who lives with me, and like it or not cell phones and texting is the way to communicate.
I do not like texting to talk. It is extremely impersonal and as a couple of people stated it can be used to be sneaky or other negative behaviors. I want to hear your pretty voice!!


I am a distance walker so carry mine on hikes for emergency.. However I do have two sons that live some distance away but they call on my land line phone and are aware of when I am usually at home..

To be honest find a cellphone intrusive that someone can reach you while you are busy doing other things.. Even if that intrusion is just meditating while I am walking.. We lived without them before and I do find them good for emergency situations but other than that have no use for them.

However my two boys use them all the time.. I do think it is better to text than to talk on them due to radiation exposure.. Although some people can talk without holding the phone near their heads most are texting these days as I have seen my boys do..

Karen
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 9
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:00:52 AM

To be honest find a cellphone intrusive that someone can reach you while you are busy doing other things

It's only intrusive if you feel a slave to it's calling. There are times to turn the ringer off and let it go to message or just simply don't answer it. No biggie.

The good thing is that you are able to receive a message and retrieve it at your convenience and not wait until you return home as on a landline. I also appreciate when others have cell phones and I'm not let wondering if they got the message or if they are gone for day, etc.

I no longer even have a landline... most of the people I know are the same. My parents and grandmother are the ONLY ones I know that use their landlines ;)

As for texting, I only use it to convey information and NEVER for conversation. I see my kids text back and forth and it seems so silly and so much more work.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 10
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:01:41 AM
I'm with you.......Yes to small messages & such or to communicate with your kids, family & such, but not conversations with those I meet to date.

I gotta include the email, IM thing with online dating too. So over used & impersonal as opposed to a phone conversation.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 11
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:20:45 AM

It's only intrusive if you feel a slave to it's calling. There are times to turn the ringer off and let it go to message or just simply don't answer it. No biggie.


Thanks Janet for the tino since to be honest not that familiar with cell phones.. However do not have a message system on my cell only on my landline,, So they best call that.. I guess I am with your parents and grandmother on this one.. lol
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 12
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:34:58 AM
Does anyone think that perhaps for guys, texting is a way to diffuse anxiety over talking to a real live girl and potentially facing rejection? What do the forumites think?

This Forumite thinks..
That tex is for kids.
And so many kids may pretend to be anything online that real adults should not text/email or chat much with any unmet person. It can be used as a crutch by those with undeveloped RL social skills.

And without broad experience and education in semantics and human behavior, many people MIScommunicate by texting instead of face-to-face intercourse.

Texting favors impulsive thoughtless remarks over serious thought. Great for kids with short attention-spans or some attention-seeking adults,
but a negative for most independent adults with mature thinking ability, consideration of others and much experience.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 13
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:48:39 AM
What about FACEBOOK ??????

Like texting, facebook can be a useful TOOL but otherwise I can't understand people over a certain age that seem OBSESSED with fb - pick up the phone or get together in person for crying out loud !
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:50:37 AM
I have found in the short time I have been single that those that text or IM the best aren't so good in real life. Its a small survey to be sure, but its been pretty accurate. Its easy to be what ever they think you are looking for hiding behind typed words. But in person, they faulter.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 15
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 9:06:16 AM
I'm 39 and I don't text in place of proper communication, unless it's my children, but we speak face-to-face about all important matters.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 16
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 9:08:42 AM
I use texting to convey/receive simple information, like "Sweetie, I'll pick you up at the front door," or "Hey, Mom, bus is stuck in traffic; aim for 5:45 pick up," or, "You ungrateful little wretch; call me already!" (haha). But you get the idea.

I answer my phone when it is convenient or if it is my kids calling unexpectedly--that's pretty much it. I will not answer the phone when in the company of others UNLESS it is my kids calling unexpectedly--and I apologize profusely b/c I know it is rude. If I had a significant other, I would expect he would operate under the same general guidelines--you do not call or text someone who is doing something else unless it is rather urgent.

I'm not preachy about any of this, and my friends all know what I'm like and seem ok with it. Most of my same-age friends are just like this, and the younger friends I have respect my choices.

I don't even pay for texting on my phone--I receive messages but I refuse to pay for them b/c I have told the phone company I have declined that service; they can turn it off if they want. I use a web-based texting program and it works fine--I only gave the contact information to my kids and siblings, so if I get a message signal, I know it is them. They only convey simple info to me b/c they know I won't respond to, "hey, watcha doin'?"
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 9:41:23 AM
Texting is just a tool for short comments and not discussions......at least in my life and how I deal with those that text. If you have to say more then two things or ask two things or more, pick up the phone and call me or send me an email.

What is just as bad, with the smartphones and Iphones, is the constant checking of email, facebook, messages, on and on and on while you are with other people.......I find it rude, and want those around me that know how to control their lives and phones and not the other way around.

cd
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 18
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 9:47:00 AM
Texting has it's place in this world but as others have stated, it's usefulness ends if more then a notifying message is required.

My children text me - "I missed the bus, am walking" or "Going to be late but have a ride at 9" but they send it direct to my e-mail account as my computer is always on and I don't use my cellphone for anything but an emergency. To date, I've had zero emergencies.

If I need to get hold of my children when they are out, I can send them a text from my laptop. Again "Hope you have your key - going to the bank" etc is my limit for text notifications. Other than that, I call them. So much simpler anyway as when I speak to them, I know they have been informed rather then texting and wondering if they have seen/received it.

That said, OP, for two months you endorsed the behavior you are here claiming to detest. Why ? You agreed by means of not speaking out at the beginning, that this was an acceptable way for this man to communicate with you. For an average of 1250 text to be received by you per month, that's suggests entire conversations being conducted via text so I find it rather ironic that you are now complaining about the very action you engaged in. You had to have been responding for this many to flow in - or I have a boring life - because I can't imagine having a reason to make that many one lined statements to anybody.

To say I haven't run into this problem would be inaccurate. It would be fairer to say, I haven't allowed the use of text for communication to become a problem because I would have spoken up long before even ten texts hit my emergency cellphone.

Maybe your thought that some people depend on text as a means to diffuse anxiety when speaking to another person will be true for some but I think rather it is them embracing a technology which is prevalent in society. That doesn't mean you have to blindly follow suit unless you want to.

It's rather ironic to consider the basis of your complaint is the lack of actual speech and intelligent communication and yet these are the two things you didn't do to prevent this situation. It has nothing to do with not being rude when learning about someone new because they too are learning about you - and this is a lesson they could have learned about your preferences within a day of beginning to get to know one another.

It's not hard or impolite to simply state "I don't use text as I much prefer to hear your voice when we speak." I don't think anyone would be offended by that.
 UrbanPedestrian
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 19
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 10:09:56 AM
Goodness, I love my iPhone. It's my life... it has all my contacts, music, photos. It's all in one convenient little package. I find texting convenient for setting up where to meet or if I'm running late or if I am missing something at home and need him to pick up something. I find it convenient for this. Other stuff, I prefer to talk. You can miss so much by using words only. And don't get me started with the textspeak. I can't stand it.

But if someone was ONLY into texting, I'd be turned off by this eventually and would say something about it. If the behavior or my reaction to it didn't change then that would be a pretty good indicator that things are not right. I'd end it.
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 20
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 10:52:33 AM

In fact, I have to laugh -- the guy I dated who was REALLY into texting
(sent me over 2500 texts in the course of 2 months!) broke up with me via text!
How juvenile is that?

Girls are no better, they can be breaking up with you
up via text and all the while looking for their next F/B
on pof.....!

At other times they can be sexting you and
saying sweet nothings....all the while doing
some other guy for all I know....I wouldn't
put anything passed some out there.....whatever
feeds their mind...you know....and they don't
have to be young either !
 sactowndude
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 21
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 11:02:47 AM
I only use texting for work when the boss or an employee has a quick question or is making a statement, I'm old fashioned and think texting is impersonal for friends and family. If I'm dating a woman I like to hear her voice not play text tag.. This is one reason I don't ask for phone numbers from women I meet on dating websites anymore, after a few emails I ask her to meet me and go from there. If we decide to go out on another date then I will exchange phone numbers. It's sad that someone would breakup with you via text, very immature.
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 22
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 11:19:01 AM
I, too, learned a very valuable lesson with this whole texting/dating thing. I will NEVER allow a guy to have a conversation with me via texting. If it's a short message, yes. I also had a dude who sent me a Dear Jane Text. I should have known from his texting behavior that this would be his MO should things not work out. It's safe as he didn't have to hear my voice and I couldn't respond. How cowardly is that? LOL

I did tell one guy on here that I prefer talking vs texting. Have NOT heard from him since. He was a "weed" pulled from my garden in a short amount of non-wasted time. LOL
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 24
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:13:04 PM
I suppose if someone calls you on your home phone at 3am it's the phones fault? Don't fault the technology for the person who doesn't use good judgement.

For every horror story mentioned in this and other threads I could give you just as many thoughtful and useful stories about tech communication tools.

Someone who breaks up with you by text is just a rude person. Someone who sends you a text to ask you if you are still up and is it too late to call is being thoughtful.

What do you some of you think you are doing when you are posting to these forums or sending emails? It's really no different than a text. I was on the road for 6 weeks recently and brought nothing but my smartphone. Everything I did on my laptop I did using the smartphone. The keyboard you are typing on now is not much different than the one on a smart phone. It's just smaller.

Texting doesn't replace a visit or phone call for those people who use good judgement. It's in addition to. In many instances if I hadn't texted the person I wouldn't have called either. It was the only option. I'm not going to risk waking someone up late at night or early in the morning, interupting them on the job, calling them when they are driving or take them away from whatever else they might be knee deep in. I consider it being courtious.



I have found in the short time I have been single that those that text or IM the best aren't so good in real life. Its a small survey to be sure, but its been pretty accurate. Its easy to be what ever they think you are looking for hiding behind typed words. But in person, they faulter.


You don't think I have good RL communication skills? Try me. I'd be happy to put that theory to rest. : )
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 25
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 1:26:13 PM
I have an HTC Android smartphone and I love it. GPS, internet, phone, appointment book, etc. in one device I can slip into my purse. But I still do not like guys who only want to text or email or who contact me during work hours when it is not appropriate. If a man cannot carry on a live conversation in person/on the phone and does not respect the professional boundries regarding my workplace, he won't hold my attention for long.

And because my niece was killed by a rapist, when I read that women are giving their phone numbers to men they may not have met or do not know well, I am concerned. Ladies, rapists shop dating sites for potential victims because they know the women on them are single and likely live alone. You should NEVER give out your cell phone or home phone number to someone you have not met in person first. Once they have your phone number, they can do an online reverse phone number search and find you within minutes.

A safer approach is to ask the guy for HIS number, do a reverse search and sex offender registry check. If you do want to call him, dial *67 before his number so that your number will not show up on his caller id. I know this sounds paranoid, but rape, abductions, stalkers and internet predators are very real. Better to be safe than sorry.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 26
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 1:54:45 PM

I have an HTC Android smartphone


I have that very same phone. I was thinking. Maybe your phone would like to get together with my phone some time and go to a show or listen to some live music.

We could tag along to make sure they don't get into any mischief.
 AHSfan
Joined: 7/8/2012
Msg: 27
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 2:53:32 PM
I'm not a phone person so I find it annoying when someone is having a conversation within ear shot of me while I'm at work. Windy people are a bore

I can't imagine ever texting, I'm much too lazy
 Happy Dude 63
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 28
Texting all the time, at our age?
Posted: 7/13/2012 3:03:45 PM
my son just texted me from the other room...he wants to go to the movies.

here we are 2012..............

oh i am not answering him.....he just sent me a..."well"? hehehe

and hear he is....wow I won this one...so few!
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Texting all the time, at our age?