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 nat_pierce
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 1
Sex after monogamy?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So as the saying goes, No sex before monogamy. What if you establish your relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend but after 4 dates? Would you give it up then or would you wait until your a bit more established in the relationship?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 2
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:30:22 PM
Do whatever feels right for you. Since I don't believe in no sex before monogamy (not sure I even believe in monogamy!), I say go for it whenever it feels mutually right.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 3
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 2:02:59 PM
As a rule I only have sex 7 days, 4 hours, 32 minutes and 9 seconds after meeting somebody. Not ifs, ands or buts... well sometimes there's butts but that's different.
 gailwyatt
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 4
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 2:13:00 PM
Hello Nat. Sex is for marriage only. Whoever you have sex with you take part of them with you good or bad.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 5
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:04:30 PM

Whoever you have sex with you take part of them with you good or bad.


These can be arranged tastefully in jars of formaldehyde on a coffee table or other display area.

OT

I suggest waiting until you feel it means more to you than just ‘giving it up.’
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 6
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:14:59 PM
Do it as soon as it's so hot that tear one another clothes off.
I thought sex was a good thing, just do it.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 7
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:39:10 PM

I suggest waiting until you feel it means more to you than just ‘giving it up.’


Wow fleuron, you do realize that with that piece of advice, it will be a cold day in h3ll before many of the people on this site have sex again!!!
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 8
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:18:19 PM

Hello Nat. Sex is for marriage only.

You left out the qualifier: 'In my opinion'.


These can be arranged tastefully in jars of formaldehyde on a coffee table or other display area.

That's gold! And a little creepy all at the same time! lol


I suggest waiting until you feel it means more to you than just ‘giving it up.’

I agree with this, the OP seems to think she has something 'she has to give up'. Sex is not a commodity to be bartered, it's something both parties bring to the table when they choose to share themselves. (In my opinion) lol
 MistressChill
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 9
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:25:52 PM
I had sex with my husband the first time I met him. We had 3 children together and we were married for over 10 years.
I try not to make up rules where rules can not really apply.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 10
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:52:11 PM

Man, I am carrying around more souls than the Highlander, now.


There can only be one.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 11
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:53:37 PM
This is what is wrong with your entire concept about sex:


Would you give it up then


"Give it up"? Do you mean as in "give up" and have sex" Or do you mean "give it up" and the "it" is your vagina?
Are you holding your vagina as hostage?

Sex should be a mutually pleasurable, mutually agreed upon act. It isn't about "giving" anything "up." If you feel that sex is about surrendering, then you really need to reevaluate your attitude about sex and men.

Four dates? Some people get married on the first date--does that constitute enough monogamy? Does four date cement a commitment? What if you give it up on the fourth date but there is never a fifth date?

Have sex when you want to have sex--not before.


Hello Nat. Sex is for marriage only. Whoever you have sex with you take part of them with you good or bad.


Oh, this did make me laugh.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 12
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:29:53 PM
Whoever you have sex with you take part of them with you good or bad.
---------------------------------
Exactly that reason why. I will not be giving it up until after a relationship has been established. Just my preferences. Part of you is part of her and part of her is part of you, the 2 persons shall become 1 flesh. Sex is marriage
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 13
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:40:09 PM
If you want to have sex with the person, have it as long as you are ready and comfortable enough to enjoy it.

Just do not attach any more meaning to it than, this is another way to enjoy each other.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 14
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:44:21 PM

Sex is marriage


But marriage is not sex, so the equation fails.

However, what you choose to do or believe is - of course - your choice.
 BlooFlame
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 15
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:46:20 PM
If I didn't feel established enough to have sex, I wouldn't be establishing anyone as my boyfriend.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 16
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 9:19:29 PM
A wide variety of views and perspectives on this. The important thing is to find someone on the same page as you. Don't compromise your integrity for the sake of a relationship.
 Jaded_Travesty
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 17
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/16/2012 7:30:40 AM

So as the saying goes, No sex before monogamy. What if you establish your relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend but after 4 dates? Would you give it up then or would you wait until your a bit more established in the relationship?


The only REAL rules for sex are "Safe, Sane, and Consensual". Really. The rest of the rules are imposed by the people in the equation. If you want to wait, wait. If you don't want to wait, don't. Your body, your rules, but don't forget the other person has a right to rule their body as well (that whole consensual thing).


Sex is for marriage only.


Sorry, Gail, but not everyone drinks the same Kool-aid as you...
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 18
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Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/16/2012 7:53:39 AM
How about sex anytime? There are no rules for biology!
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 19
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/16/2012 11:04:00 AM
No sex before monogamy? Screw that.

I am actually old fashioned when it comes to sex. I don't rush in and would have no problem going 1-2 months to truly get to know someone (foreplay would have to be included though. But even I am not going to commit to a woman unless I know we have sexual compatibility. It would be like buying a car without test driving it.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 20
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/16/2012 11:30:16 AM
Other than a one night stand, sex can happen on the 2, third, or even after two months. It not only varies from woman or men, but from relationship to relationship. Two things, one let it flow naturally. That means have some sexual tension on it. Second, don't become pushy. Let it flow. In earlier days I would try to get the intimate part as soon as possible, but after being in some longer term relationship that were more fulfilling than any quickie. I would rather let it flow and get there together.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 21
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/13/2015 11:28:18 AM
Sex AFTER monogamy is awesome. First of all, sex before being exclusive is more about the conquest. It's more of a hunt. The woman becomes your pray, the hunt becomes the seduction, the give an take, the kill is having sex with her.
This is fine and dandy, but, be real, how often are you hunting for new meat? It takes a lot of set up, dates, what not and then you have sex, now what. How many times, that first time you had sex was actually inadequate, weird and border line mediocre. How many times you had good sex, but compared with having sex with that person for the 100th time was a million times better?

When you seek exclusivity and instead of sex feeling like hunting, sex feels like a deep spiritual meditation where you get to the innermost spiritual side of your partner. Each session with your partner discovers something new. One day you explore anal, another day submission, another day some different poses, places (public or private), locations, or even clothes.

So I find sex after monogamy to be about 3,000 times more fulfilling that sex before monogamy.

But that is just me and I am definitely weird.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 22
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/14/2015 5:57:26 AM
Uh im trying to get to the 5th gate of hell and I keep ending up here.
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 23
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/14/2015 6:33:54 AM

However, it seems the paramount thing about online dating these days is DONT EVER MENTION you want to have sex, because then you are only seeking a "booty call" anyway.


This point is very important and too often ignored. The reasons go beyond catering to the spiritual wrecks of the blue rinse brigade. Sex simply isn't a fit subject for any electronic arena, telephone included. The nature of it is so personal that it is best left to face to face. You can't actually do it without being face to face so why even open the subject until then?
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 24
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/14/2015 6:55:17 AM
I would only have sex when monogamy has been achieved but try to not be in a relationship/monogamous for as long as possible to see whats out there and have some non-sexual fun ;)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 25
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 2/14/2015 2:11:07 PM

So as the saying goes, No sex before monogamy. What if you establish your relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend but after 4 dates? Would you give it up then or would you wait until your a bit more established in the relationship?


I'm not sure you understand what monogamy is. It has two meanings that are very similar. The original definiton of the word was based around marriage. Being monogamous meant only being married to one person, nothing at all about sex. Under that definition, you cannot be unmarried and monogamous.

If you meant it as marriage, then your question kind of answered itself. If you're waiting for monogamy, you're waiting for marriage.

Monogamy also took on a sexual meaning, basically that you're only having sex with one person. Basically the opposite of polyamory.

If you meant it sexually, then you still answered your own question, it's your bf/gf, they should be the only one, and since you're not waiting on marriage, go for it.
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