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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 2
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult SitesPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Not only is the gender ratio way skewed on those sites, but many women post profiles and then abandon them for whatever reason, leaving those sites littered with 'dead' profiles. So there is, I think, an even greater tendency on those sites for guys to be extra blunt about what it is they're looking for, because they seldom get any replies no matter what kind of messages they send.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 3
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:54:17 AM

why did I get so much attention on an adult site; but, seem to have a problem meeting someone that really wants an actual relationship on this type of site?
Most likely because on an adult site it's about sex and on here you are seeking a relationship. The sex industry has a reputation of easy, unattached sex. It doesn't have a reputation of undying love and meeting a life partner. It's completely different. The attention you got from your blog on an adult site came from those who were approaching your interactions with a completely different goal.
In your blogging days you responded and interacted with those who sent these messages, here, because your intent is different, you most likely will only respond to those who interest you personally.
If you want to make a true comparison about your popularity on the adult site vs here, then play into the sex reputation you were previously working under and change your profile accordingly. I imagine your 'success' will increase and at least the circumstances will be somewhat comparable but it rather defeats the point as that's not what you are seeking.


It seemed the men on the other site took a chance at getting to know the real me instead of judging a book by its cover, which is what men on here seem to do.
Again, you are trying to compare apples and pears. When you were blogging, the purpose of that is not to actually move from the internet into the real world. You were essentially an anonymous person. They could say anything they wanted, however they wanted, because they could hide behind their screen. It was a safe environment where they could be honest with you and not have to consider you judging them in any way.
This is different. Here, people want you do judge them positively in their interactions with you. They want to create a good impression and are less likely to confide in you their deeper thoughts until they are sure there will be a real world connection. You are no longer a safe and anonymous person but the polar opposite - someone hoping to meet them.
 Boaterfloater
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 9
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Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 12:46:01 PM
You are a relative newbie in the POF world. Live and learn, it takes time to settle in with the creeps and pigs. I suggest hiding your profile and contacting only the people you want, or make it impossible for people to contact you.

Like my profile :)

I would get all kinds of nasty messages and I'm a guy.

It's all good now!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 4:43:34 PM
Getting guys who want to do you
is easy.

Getting guys to want to be with you
is much harder.

Dating for a relationship is always harder
than dating for just sex.
One requires only a warm willing body.
The other requires emotional involvement and risk.

Good luck with your book.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 6:34:36 AM

I'm guessing, you got so much attention because you were open to talk about sex and it didn't offend you like it does to a lot of women on "vanilla" site. Plenty of threads about first messages, a lot of women will get upset if a man writes them and says "Hi sexy" and get offended like they've been violated.


Yep. Show an interest in what men have an interest in, and well, men will be interested in you. Talk with someone on here who is looking for an intimate encounter and you'll eliminate close to half of the rest of em by And here I thought it was 2012????
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 17
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 7:12:26 AM
OP, no offense, but I am surprised that you would feel the need to ask this!

It would be a fairly safe assumption that men AND women are on adult sites because they are looking to get laid. You blogged--not only were you on the site, but called attention to yourself and "made" yourself readily available. You don't mention the content of the blog, but if it, ahem, dealt with "adult" situations, you put yourself "out there" even more. The assumption on the part of the men were that you were looking for sex and that you are sexually adventurous. Even if they never planned or knew that they were unable to meet you, the fantasy alone would be enough to sustain them coming back.

I have experimented with my profile on POF, and I wrote a short essay about breasts, including the historical view of breasts, i.e. goddesses are often shown holding their breasts as a way of saying, "I can feed the world." When I posted this, responses from men doubled. Most of them said, "I really like breasts." Even though it was NOT the point of the essay, men assumed that I was looking to have my breasts fondled by any man who offered.

I also have a Youtube account. I usually ramble about things in my life but I love shoes and I have long hair. I made a few videos where I talked about different pairs of new shoes that I just bought or my favorite shoes. I also made a couple discussing how I take care of my hair. Oh, my! These videos garnered more viewers and comments than my other videos (well, except for the ones about Bob, the 200 Year Old Man). Men started messaging me, making comments and asking for more videos of the same type.

I checked out other shoe videos and found that 99% were for foot fetishists. The comments on these videos were largely sexually overt. The amusing and ironic thing is that it did not matter if the women never showed their faces, if they showed their faces and were not pretty, or if they were quite a bit overweight: men responded the same to all of them. They had ugly feet and the responses were still the same!

It was the same for "sexy" hair videos. In both types, it wasn't the attractiveness of the woman, but the obvious "promise" of sex. The comments I received about my hair were much tamer than the ones about my shoes. Had I wanted to play up sex in displaying either shoes or hair, I could have garnered many, many more viewers.

But I soon deleted both types of videos.

As for why you are not getting the same response from men on POF or other types of dating sites--you are not "promising" sex. No offense, but your pics are almost all the same--same angle, same expression (so are mine because I take them with my webcam). You do not stand out--again, no offense--nor do you have a "gimmick" to attract attention--most men comment about my hair when they contact me (though my profile is hidden now).
Yup, a lot of men on POF are out for fantasy and sex as they are on adult dating sites, but again, on your profile, the promise is not there. Put sexy pics up and talk sex in your profile and it would change, but the men would not be looking for a relationship with you.

But surely, you knew this.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 18
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Posted: 7/22/2012 10:35:45 AM
I frequent a couple of adult sites with blogs and message boards, and the general consensus in those sites is, "this is a SEX site, we're not here to talk about fashion, kitty-cats and romance. We came in here to talk about SEX."

In fact, the advice they give those who want to talk about romance is to go to sites like this one, lol.
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 19
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:23:41 AM
You want both.... A man whom you are satisfied with sexually and one who engages you emotionally. GOOD luck with that. ON line men are here just for the sex. ON adult sites and on dating sites.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 20
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:16:55 PM

My question is ... why did I get so much attention on an adult site; but, seem to have a problem meeting someone that really wants an actual relationship on this type of site? Is a physical relationship all men are interested in at my age? It seemed the men on the other site took a chance at getting to know the real me instead of judging a book by its cover, which is what men on here seem to do. Thanks for any input you may have. I am curious if anyone else has had the same experience regarding the difference in sites.

OP ~ here's an interesting twist for you to ponder. I've been on a BDSM site since it's conception. Oddly? My profile there is just as vanilla as it is here. More so, in fact. I REFUSE to talk sex, even though I am exceptionally sex-positive. Until I have a feel for someone and feel there is need to discuss the most intimate parts of my personal life, I don't. I often times (over there) post out and out nasty journals about being asked "do you take it up the ......" or "are you a ****-pig".....silliness. The truth of the matter as I see it? I will be treated with respect regardless of what site I'm on and if not? I won't be communicating. I have no interest in feeling like human-****-meat, nor do I allow those types of exchanges. This site is NO different than that site and there are MANY of the same members there that are here (believe it or not, tis true ~ many of these good vanilla boys are singing different tunes just a click away!) I suppose I don't/didn't have the experiences so varied between the sites (such as you noted) because I want to be treated as a person long before I want treated as the sex-positive creature I am (once I know someone.) I would guess that you had 800 followers because you attracted what you offered and you offered to fill a void for many people by being sexually open. Do that here. You'll go from no attention to having more than you can handle, I promise. It's the same thing, just a different venue. JMO
 Juslookin01182
Joined: 11/18/2011
Msg: 21
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 7:03:40 PM

Getting guys who want to do you
is easy.

Getting guys to want to be with you
is much harder.....



Gosh so many awesome answers to this topic but this one really stuck out. Nail hammered.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 22
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/23/2012 9:29:16 AM
OP,

Another thing I can tell you, from personal experience, in fact, that once guys post a profile on those adult dating sites, and come to the realization that they have little chance of actually meeting a woman through it, logging into the site and trading stories and observations with other members becomes an amusing form of time-wasting. I'd guess a lot of the attention you received at that other site was like that.

And, so far as I'm concerned, the POF forums are pretty much the same kind of time-wasting, just a little less explicit.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 23
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/23/2012 9:50:33 AM
Anytime men think they're going to get any kind of cheap sexual thrill, they're RIGHT there. Talk about sex and play to the mouth-breathing male masses, and that's what you'll get. Neanderthals writing to you about what they want to do to you is not romantic interest; if that type of "interest" is flattering, then you're a better woman than I because I sure don't. It was nothing more than spank material to most of those cretins - and they were probably typing to you with one hand. Blech.

These guys could say whatever they wanted to you because they were miles away and they didn' t have to put their money were their keyboards were. I'm sure plenty of them acted as though they'd be with you "in a New York minute if you just weren't so far away." What crap. No doubt, 98% of them probably had a wife a few feet away out in the kitchen cooking their dinner while the buttmunch was acting like an idiot out at a sex site on his computer, making promises he couldn't keep.

That type of "interest" is hardly the thing dreams are made of.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 24
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/24/2012 3:37:05 PM
Many of the men on vanilla sites are on Adult Friend Finder- w/ their vanilla pic up! Some just want to get laid & have a hard time doing it on traditional sites, whereas some are sex addicts & need a constant stream of NEW sex partners & many of them...so they will email many women. Also, when on a pay site, they want their money's worth & will work harder, than on a free site when they can email a woman any ole day.

Sometimes I think a sex site may be more HONEST than a dating site...and from what a friend told me, at least they buy you dinner! LMFAO!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 25
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/24/2012 3:44:37 PM

Sometimes I think a sex site may be more HONEST than a dating site...and from what a friend told me, at least they buy you dinner! LMFAO!

Your friend has a valid point. (About the HONEST part, not so much about the dinner part....LOL)
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 26
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/25/2012 6:23:21 PM
Well ladies, if we want dinner b4 getting propositioned, we should go on sex sites!
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 27
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:46:00 AM
BLoNde_ANgeL,

Many of the men on vanilla sites are on Adult Friend Finder- w/ their vanilla pics up!"

So I take it that you've spent a fair amount of time cruising AFF to gain your insights into what motivates men to post profiles there?
 RubyLynn67
Joined: 2/7/2016
Msg: 31
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Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 6/28/2017 7:41:26 PM
because on adult site they think you only want nsa sex , if you want a shades of grey long term relationship they wont write you,
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 32
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 6/29/2017 10:59:24 AM

Another thing I can tell you, from personal experience, in fact, that once guys post a profile on those adult dating sites, and come to the realization that they have little chance of actually meeting a woman through it, logging into the site and trading stories and observations with other members becomes an amusing form of time-wasting. I'd guess a lot of the attention you received at that other site was like that.


I have been on adult websites in the past. While it can be difficult for a man to directly meet a woman from there, some of these websites have sections where people can post ads for sex / swinger parties. A single man would probably have a better chance to have sex at these parties.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 33
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Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 6/29/2017 11:56:48 AM
I prefer chocolate over vanilla...
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 34
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Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 6/29/2017 1:58:27 PM
I am on several adult oriented web sites, and have been for just as long as I have been on here. And yes, I do run into women on those sites that also have conventional profiles on POF and Ok*Cupid and Match and ….

I remember about 5 years ago, there was a woman who was a semi-regular here in the forums, and rather strait-laced, condemning men for only wanting sex, etc. I encountered her profile on a different site, entirely different, and I sent her a private message asking about that. Her reply: “On here (POF), I am looking for a relationship. My odds on finding a relationship are much better if I act prim and proper. But while waiting for Mr. Right, I wouldn’t mind spending a little time with Mr. Right Now.”

I found her honesty rather refreshing, but her double standards not so much. I later asked her about dating married men (her other profile was on AM), and she replied, “I can get a better class of man if I’m willing to date married.” This shortly after she made a post here condemning another woman for dating a man who was separated.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 35
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Posted: 6/29/2017 2:12:30 PM

Most men will be more successful finding a relationship than getting laid.


LOL.

Good one.

Or did you mean successful at finding a "friend zone" relationship?
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 36
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Posted: 6/29/2017 2:49:51 PM
meh one person's kink is another person's vanilla

I have had profiles on a number of nontraditional sites.
Anything and everything is what you make of it.
Nothing more and nothing less.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 37
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 1/15/2019 7:21:56 PM
Ironically I met more relationship-minded men on kink sites. I've met 3 and though we had sex rather quickly, 2 of them asked me to be their girlfriend quickly too. I think it has something to do with most of the female profiles being fake and from what they told me, women flaked WAAAYYYY more on kink/sex sites than vanilla dating ones. The men on kink sites were much less afflicted w/ a "grass is greener" mentality than on vanilla ones.

From a superficial standpoint, most of the people in the BDSM community were not conventionally attractive. If you are decent-looking and you find another decent-looking person who shares your kinky proclivities, it's a lot less likely you're going to toss them back into the pond.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 38
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Posted: 1/16/2019 7:55:17 AM

Most men will be more successful finding a relationship than getting laid


Not necessarily. As mentioned earlier, it might be tough to directly find women from adult websites. However there are sex / swinger parties where a decent looking man that is respectful will be able to have sex more often than not. Just need to know which parties allow single men. That can be done with some online research.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 39
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Posted: 1/17/2019 5:50:02 PM

I am on several adult oriented web sites, and have been for just as long as I have been on here. And yes, I do run into women on those sites

"HI Henry!" (collectively spoken) Welcome to sex-a-holics anonymous... ;)

I do run into women on those sites that also have conventional profiles on POF and Ok*Cupid and Match

It does raise an eyebrow, but merely conventional (not outlandish) on a conventional site isn't crazy, but...

there was a woman who was a semi-regular here in the forums, and rather strait-laced, condemning men for only wanting sex, etc. I encountered her profile on a different site, entirely different [on AM]

If the profile is in the Opposite direction, or as you point out, their expressions in forums are in the Opposite direction -- yeah, that's messed up.

IMO, it's one of the ways people are, truly deny it (to themselves and others), but it's more prevalent than we think and unfortunately kind of common to some degree. No, I'm not saying That situation that extent is common. But I do believe the more one is motivated to be straight-laced as a Good way of life AND pro-active in the social scene of society -- the more apt they are to have contradicting desires and not fully realize the scope of it.

It doesn't take a blue moon at all to find an otherwise Normal gal expressing one thing about what they like in a guy and/or how a guy should act, but then cum to find out, being relatively sober still, she ends up hooking up with a guy who does Not fit that bill. Saying one thing, doing another. Same goes for some guys, to a lesser extent -- but I believe that's due to guys feeling less social-conforming pressure in life.
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