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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates      Home login  
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 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul matesPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
If you can conceive of it, and put it into words to ask, you will find at least one person for whom something has been a deal breaker.


I don't believe in "soul mates," and have always despised the concept (while I was growing up, it was among a number of fad ideas which people used to try to explain away all sorts of abuses of others), but I have seen that a ton of the folks who do believe in it, still allow almost anything to get in the way. This is why I am sure that the folks who use the term "soul mate" actually mean something entirely different than what the dictionary says it means.

What they usually appear to really mean is, that they themselves feel as though they can do exactly as they please, and get away with it, while feeling doped to the gills with all the "in love" brain chemicals. They might claim that a "soul mate" is magically determined and given to them as a gift because they are so special, but in reality, they expect the "gift" to be perfectly tailored to fit them, OR to be willing to change at the mere mention of a desire. If said adjustments fail to occur, the typical "soul mate" believer usually declares fraud, and sets out again to seek their REAL "soul mate."
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/21/2012 3:15:25 PM
I was trying to answer that question. More simply, I know that I have witnessed people declaring "soul mate" status, and then discovering a religious/philosophical divide, and thereafter discarding the "soul mate" tag. And I have only extremely rarely met who did not attach some sort of magical meaning to the term "soul mate." But perhaps you simply mean "extreme compatibility," when you say "soul mate." I've run into a few of those.

If, by your definition of Soul Mates, a religious difference is ipso facto impossible, then you have functionally asked a specious question. But my answer is still, that yes, I have seen religious differences be a deal breaker between people who were in all other ways, by your definition, soul mates.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/21/2012 3:24:52 PM
I might not be allowed to answer again so soon, but just in case:

I would say make up your mind. "Deal breaker" means they are done. Dunski. Over. No take-backs. If someone says "deal breaker," then my only response is to do the obvious: move on. Anything else would almost certainly require rudeness, or even criminal intrusiveness.

"DEEP LOVE" isn't a firmly defined term. As with "soul mate," I have known people for whom "deep love" meant the same pseudo-magical thing that "soul mate" did, as I already described.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 8
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/21/2012 4:19:10 PM
Yes it a deal breaker because respect for intellect and sharing similar values are more important to me than the fantasy of soul mates who can surpass differences.
I don't even believe in soul mates and realationships are hard enough just staying true to yourself and your partner. How can one stay true to someone who they disagree with on a fundamental level?

btw I consider religious people naive, so much so they are like a different species to me and they in turn don't have much respect for me. Perfect, we'll stay out of each others way, NOT get together.

Find someone of the same ilk. Life is complicated enough.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 10
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/21/2012 5:25:13 PM
Soul mate... its an interesting concept, and one I feel does exist, but to find that person is like finding a needle in a haystack. There is someone for every one, and once in a blue moon two people meet that are just made for each other on all levels. This being said, if you find your "soul mate" a different beleif wouldn't be a problem, only because with great love comes great respect. It is from this great respect that differences are looked at as part of the whole person you are in great love with.

Loving someone, means you love all of them. We don't get to pick and choose. There will be somethings we like better than others, but all in all acceptance is a large part of what love is about.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 11
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/21/2012 6:08:37 PM

If you're past that stage, I don't think it would be an issue.


no... it's still an issue.


Most mature adults can appreciate someone's beliefs without feeling threatened by them.


it's not a matter of being threatened - it's a matter of sharing values.

i don't believe in any god or religion or even "spirituality". for some reason, "christian" men who are looking for "god-fearing" women keep contacting me. i don't live by the tenets of any holy book, nor will i, and i won't go to any regular religious services.

if that's important to someone, i want nothing to do with him.
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 14
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/21/2012 9:51:58 PM
I would think it would have to do with just how serious the 2 people were about their religion. I will not date anyone who is the religion I was brought up in due to childhood issues I had. But I'm willing to go to anyone's church. I finally added something to my profile about it. Right now I actually would prefer to find someone who was somewhat into his religion and attends church on a somewhat regular basis. However, I doubt I'd ever want to convert to anything. So if both people are not real serious about their religion, I can't see how it would make a difference. If both people are very serious about it then I can see where there could be problems. I would think the younger the people (still having children for example) the more important it would be.

Someone mentioned politics too. I absolutely don't care what anyone's politics are. I have friends of both of the major political parties and just don't discuss politics with any of them. So if anyone says they won't date either a Democrat or a Republican, I realize they would not be okay with me either since I vote for individuals and not some party line.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:58:20 AM
I can't escape the sense that this discussion is essentially about definitions, and whether the concepts define the person, or the persons define the concepts.

There is a sort of self-fulfilling aspect to terms such as "soul mate" and "deeply loving." I have known people who wanted so much to believe that "true love conquers all," that when they found that love was not enough to overcome the problems they faced with someone, instead of admitting the limits of love, they rewrote the facts they had heretofore been reporting, so that they could retain their ideals, while discarding the people they once declared were proof of those ideals.

In short, for many folks, when their "soul mate" proves to be a turd, they say that "this proves that he/she WASN'T my soul mate after all."

Want to call it Deep Love instead? Okay, I've seen many people say in the same way after a break-up, "I guess they didn't REALLY love me after all, so that must have been a long infatuation, or self-deception, or lie on their part."

And most pertinently to the OP's thread, I have known a few couples, who were apparently deeply in love for many years, until one day, one of them went through a religious conversion of some sort (born again, persuaded by Muslim teachings, whatever). The new religious aspect of the mate, though the deep love was unaffected, nevertheless made further life together impossible. So once again, yes, religious differences can certainly even BECOME deal-breakers, long after Deep Love was well established. Again, unless you play the back-dating/re-interpretation game.
 northwoods57
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 25
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/22/2012 4:11:06 PM
it can be! or it will be.
live together first...then, if things work out, get married.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 26
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/22/2012 5:01:10 PM
ModelAviation

Im a salt freak, I love salt.....Id be a deal breaker for some
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 28
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/24/2012 10:28:18 PM
I'm pretty sure it is, but I haven't made it through my deal breaker list yet....I'm at page 320, so it will have to be within the next 50 or 60 pages......Oh wait!, here it is (religious people O.K. for friendships, but not for LTRs)....humm, how did NASCAR fans get behind "R" for religion?...these are supposed to be in alphabetical order.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 30
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:26:23 AM
Some people will love their "religion" or "faith" more than any person. If you hook up with someone like that, don't expect it to last....
 Thornz2000
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 33
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/25/2012 2:19:47 PM

Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them."
Matthew 15


Do not forget 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 34
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/25/2012 2:39:11 PM
^^^ 1 Peter 4:8
New International Version (NIV)

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.


( yeah don't see any restrictions there. ) Oh and the "above all" kinda puts that at the top of the list. :)
 Thornz2000
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 36
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/25/2012 5:19:24 PM

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.


( yeah don't see any restrictions there. ) Oh and the "above all" kinda puts that at the top of the list. :)


Its a love for each other short and simple.
So if you think that this is saying it is ok date and be unequally yoked long as you love each other then you truly missed the mark.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 37
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/25/2012 6:23:12 PM
I have missed nothing. If you love each other you aren equally yoked. There is something to learn from everyone, humility at the top of the list at times. To each their own. :)
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 40
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/25/2012 7:08:32 PM

Sure glad I'm an atheist and don't believe shit like this. It also makes it easier to filter out the religious freaks.
"wickedness", gimme a fvcking break.


Yah.

Of course, Christian Scripture consistently contradicts itself i.e. "Judge not lest ye be so judged" but you can "Judge a tree by the fruit it bears."

I have been struggling with the religious issue for over five months: the man whom I am seeing is a devout Christian and I am a devout pagan atheist/agnostic.

The common theme of "mixed" partnerships is one of respect:
Nevertheless, he respected my faith and I respected his.


I don't respect anyone's "faith": I respect people; I do, though, respect the right to believe what one wants to believe.

My boyfriend has expressed the desire for a very long-term relationship, but I cannot see ever living with him (or at this point, with anyone) because of the physical trappings of his beliefs--iconography, prayer meetings in the home, etc.

Sigh.
 Thornz2000
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 52
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/26/2012 2:06:50 PM
MSG 42-"I have missed nothing. If you love each other you aren equally yoked. There is something to learn from everyone, humility at the top of the list at times. To each their own. :)"
You speak as a fool and live the lie as well. You really should attend a reliable church once in your life and talk with a pastor about it, but your probably self taught and know more then a pastor which would explain your off the wall comment.
Lots of luck to you cause you will need it, all you can get.

MSG 43 - "The atheist can't find God for the same reason that a thief can't find a policeman", or if you like "Atheism is a crutch for those who cannot bear the reality of God"
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 54
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/26/2012 3:41:28 PM
*smile* Thornz, you don't know me or where I stand with the Lord. Your judgement should make you wonder just a bit. Matthew 7:2-4 could be of use to you.

If nothing else it shows that even those that are of the same faith can't get along at times. Although it is great to agree on all things there are times in relationships where differences cause people to study more, and revisit their belief systems, if nothing else to remind them how they got there. Love doesn't descriminate on faith, color, or status. Love just is. Sometimes its to raise us up to a new level, sometimes its to help raise others, but most times its to raise each other to a greater understanding. All roads lead to the same place and some are narrow and sure, some are wide and windy. None will be forsaken, but all have different reasons for the path they choose, we are guided and fed as we need, lessons learned, ego understood and all have love to give and receive.
 BluEyedBlond1966
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 55
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/26/2012 3:55:40 PM
tbicon: "Has anybody ever before allowed or been the victim of religious differences coming between them and true love?"

Of course! I was engaged to a man that did not belive in God and I do. He did not want a Christmas tree or any decorations in the house. I could not live my life that way!
 Thornz2000
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 56
Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/26/2012 5:06:21 PM
MSG 59 - You take scripture out of context due to poor understanding.
How you stand is your business, but what comes from your mouth (or in text) shows how poorly your understanding of the bible is. I have not judged you at all, just pointing out your giving bad/false information is all based on your limited knowledge.
In a nut shell your taking scripture an twisting it to fit your needs and your willingness to compromise your faith.
Your better off to give a hungry man a toothpick and assumed you helped him then to think you know what you are talking about.
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 57
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/28/2012 7:52:18 AM
"Deal-brakers" come in all shapes and sizes. Religion can be one of these. The solution is easy! Chose what you desire to have in your significant other BEFORE you start using the search command. Only those with the attributes you desire will normally be shown and the "deal-braker" is moot, unless you start looking against you search preferences. That is the only time one will run into that challenge on this site, unless your selection has been untruthful about the particular attribute.

In my personal life, I have run into a religious difference. She was my first love. We talked about raising children. We found our impasse: Christianity versus Islam. I knew we were not going to remain together because i did not want to raise Muslim children. I was devastated! My heart hurt for about a year. I was only eighteen, but I learned a valuable lesson: for me, religion was the deal-breaker.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 63
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/28/2012 10:08:25 AM
...As far as judgemental Christians, I think it says in the Bible somewhere that you should spread the 'word'. Some just get a little carried away with it. And if you really take the Bible literally, I think it would be understandable to a point. A lot of 'Christians' don't... 'Cafeteria Christians.'
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 66
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/28/2012 1:09:06 PM
I wish to offer a most sincere apology to anyone I may have offended with my prior posts on this topic. My trigger got tripped and I am a bit ashamed how easily I allowed it. I have the gift of healing and have met a lot of "opposition" from fundamentalist Christians that feel there is only one way to interpert the bible, and its their way. It was those that kept me from the Word for decades. I am also a Law Enforcment Chaplain and should have a better ablity to deal with folks like that. Its been a great reminder for me, so I thank you Thornz. I will be more aware in the future.

My current BF is an agnostic, and I will say because of his past background as a theology major, we have some very spirited discussions. It dosen't matter to me where his faith stands, all things in their own time.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 82
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Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates
Posted: 7/31/2012 7:37:04 AM
Soul mates is a rather cliched way of saying high compatibility. However, if you are religious, it may have additional connotations.

So, yes, religious differences can be a deal breaker. Your souls were made by different manufacturers in that case, so obviously due to competitive reasons and proprietary designs, they can't blend.
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