Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Please help, advise needed............      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 kandala9
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 5
Please help, advise needed............Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
oH MY,,, why in the world would u keep chatting on here? There are sooo many other chats out there, MSN, to hundreds of chats on ur phone that u dont have to pay for. Sounds fishy to me and now he gave away a rose? Hunny u need to open ur eyes. yes he gave it to someone else. Confront him and boot him. Cheating to me.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 7
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/24/2012 3:57:24 PM
Why would you chat thru here, you have no other means to chat?
 ezlivin313
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/24/2012 4:30:06 PM
Oh for gawd sakes... get a grip. If the two of you are planning on moving in together.. then both should delete. That or propose the fact that one or both of you will remain open. That is if the both of you are gonna remain online here. That or be open and invite the friends you both met for a party. Hell... I dont care if your married, single, engaged.. if you'd like to shoot the breeze then lets do so.. it wont mean we are gonna knock boots later.
Heres to Anna>> if your going to be soooooo worried about him.. dont worry. Your going to decide one way or the other. Besides.. its a computor. The cheapest way to flirt and not actually meet(have you thought about that?)
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 14
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/24/2012 4:45:12 PM

Up until now I really trusted him but my confidence has just been shattered, would love to hear what others think..


Put off "moving in together" for a little while. Seems there are some very unanswered questions in your brain that you need to sort out. I honestly thought you were a youngster when I read your original post. Now that I see you are not so young, time for you take stock of what you are really doing with your life in the name of,,,,,love. That's what it is, isn't it???? Love?????
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 16
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/24/2012 4:51:59 PM
Since you are guessing his fidelity, If I were you, I wouldn't move in with him unless I had complete trust in him.
 sunninginfl
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 18
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/24/2012 5:29:43 PM
There are other ways to chat and stay in touch. For instance, yahoo, aol, mail, texting, and the telephone. My opinion that you should both delete your accounts and get on with a real relationship. I also feel that keeping an account open here while in a relationship is harmfuln and it opens door to give out cyber roses.... I would definately question it but also both agree to close your accounts here but now you not so sure about your relationship.
 basschops
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 27
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/25/2012 12:35:54 PM
I dont think you guys should be on this site if it served its purpose and brought you two together. Chating is available thru all kinds of outlets, yahoo etc.. If your on here your being viewed.. get it ?
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 31
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/25/2012 5:22:35 PM
Janet Always????
No one stole one of fhis roses??? he gave it willingly,
 prettyflowers
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/29/2012 8:59:28 AM
I think you have been
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 36
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:05:31 AM

Don't you own phones?


Best thing in this entire thread.

There really is something either really wrong with you two, or something huge is missing from the story.

If you can get on PoF, then you're in an area where technology exists. That means you have the internet, you definitely should have phone service... Why have the dating site still? If you're about to move in together, you'd think you'd maybe have a phone number or something...
 TAZZYTJ
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 37
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:23:59 AM
I think you are hoping a bunch of us strangers are going to give some reasons for you not to be worried and let it go. The bottom line is you are already questioning something that there is no excuse for. I'm curious whose idea it was to keep accounts open and chat through here? Because of the log-in stamp, he would want to chat here so you couldn't see that he was logging in either.
To me, communicating with anyone here while in a relationship is cheating, unless you have both agreed on it. Talk openly about it, don't believe excuses he may give you, and either inactivate both accounts or agree that you are not ready to take any further steps in your relationship.
good luck!
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 39
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:59:00 AM
why move in so fast? give it a bit more time before you do that, especially if your having these kinds of thoughts.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 41
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/29/2012 10:56:59 AM
Acknowledging the posters that have said they've sent or recieved virtual flowers/gifts/roses in friendship, as a "thank you"( and the idea of "replacing" his "missing/stolen" rose is very cute and clever,as a good way to open a dialogue about its' absence!)-but I think you need to take your time about moving in together because there is now a shadow of a doubt lurking in your heart-get that sorted FIRST.
As for communication, who cares if they communicate via PoF, signal flags, talking drums-whatever!?

For those who insist that their SO delete from PoF, do you also put a tracking device on him or her? Although I have often stated that the internet/internet dating sites are a tremendous convenience for those with an unfaithful intent, the fact remains that if someone is going to cheat, (s)he will manage to find a way to do so.

The only thing I think the Op should do is slow down a bit on the co-habitation plans. She might suggest that both of them HIDE their profiles-as I understand it, one can still communicate if there is a "favorite" designation-if their preference is to communicate via PoF email &messaging systems,and/or participate in forums. If he doesn't want to do that, it would-IMO-raise a question in my mind. But the bottom line is that PoF/PoF participation is not the CAUSE of cheating, or continuing to "shop "(B.igger B.etter D.eal/G.rass I.s A.lways G.reener syndromes)-you wanna be SURE the object of your affection is protected and constrained from leaving or being lured away?

Chain 'em to a radiator in your basement...( if anybody actually takes this suggestion seriously, my thinking would be that they need to work on their personal sense of emotional self-security before they do anything else.)
Cindy O
 slanee
Joined: 3/10/2011
Msg: 45
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/29/2012 3:58:23 PM
The feeing you have is not uncommon in this day and time, there are many temptations for both men and women. I am not seeing the bond of trust. Before the two of you take the plunge of sharing your lives together, maybe give it a little more time. Best of Luck
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 46
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/29/2012 4:12:47 PM
AnnaG43 (OP),

No, there is no reason for almost A YEAR, with plans to move in together, that you both use POF, as SINGLE, to chat with each other. Did he come up with that idea? LOL

You can use Yahoo IM, Skype, or Facebook just to name a few for purely chatting purposes. You don't need to use a dating site where members of the opposite sex are looking for encounters -- that's absurd. Doubly absurd to do so while marked as SINGLE. Wtf?

Yeah, he is flirting with other girls. Of course. One would be an idiot not to think that. Your confidence in the solidity of your relationship should be shattered. It's a shady situation for both of you!

I'd not confront him, or ask him to explain or anything. I'd just say I felt we were not compatible and move on quickly..leave him hanging, not knowing what happned. I know this is probally not the best way to handle the situation, but i'd not give a rats ass at that point.

No, it's not a good choice at all. It's a coward's way out; an cop-out due to fear of confronting (addressing) issues. Not saying anything and leaving for no reason is just going to propel him to do it more. Him learning that his girl left him because he was doing all that -- that would shape him up at least to some degree. No knowledge serves no learned consequences.

But I don't think he's deserving of being flat-out left. She has herself open & available on here in her profile. And she agreed to use POF alongside him, so it isn't a BF being "found out" using POF. They both know it, and she's single on here. They both need to sort things out.
 giveitatry93
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 50
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/31/2012 6:23:27 PM
This site is suppose to be, for available people! Not for people in a relationship.........For Ma Bell communication purposes. I have always had this rule........If i am making love to a person...............I am off any Dating Site! Think you two need to re-evaluate!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 52
Please help, advise needed............
Posted: 7/31/2012 7:04:00 PM

My question would be if you are planning on moving in together in the near future, why the heck do you both still have active profiles on here!!!!!!


The second part of the question is when you move in together, are you both going to finally delete your profiles? I get the feeling the OP won't ever fully trust the guy again because she admitted that she's emotionally scarred from a previous relationship. She needs to deal with that issue before getting involved with another guy. Otherwise, she will always be a keg of gunpowder just waiting to explode and will never trust anybody.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Please help, advise needed............