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 Boaterfloater
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 6
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The more people I datePage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
This seems to be common with online dating.

Going from dating offline including bars, clubs, set-ups, etc to being overwhelmed with hundreds of emails is very overwhelming and the standards hit a whole different level because of the choices you have.

Just remember one thing, if you look in the mirror and see that you are better looking, financially superior, extremely witty, etc, you will have tough time meeting perfection.

I'm not saying to settle, just be reasonable. Happiness prevails not material items.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 8
The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 1:19:37 PM
And soon you will become the usual jaded woman that is eternaly on dating sites complaining of where are the "Real Men."
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 2:15:34 PM
Most likely cause: you never completely let go of the last guy.

After all, you can only compare new people to him, if he's still inhabiting your consciousness.

Rollerblading after driving a car?

Yeah, you aren't actually ready to date yet. You still want that guy back again, or you are harboring resentments against some segment of life for causing him to be gone.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 2:53:13 PM
Congratulations OP!!!!!

What you describe is the proper perspective of dating.
Seeing people as they are,
without making them into more than they are.

Having ex's to compare peeps to
just gives you a better perspective of what you are looking for.

Instead of being jaded,
I think you now have the proper mental/emotional balance to date successfully.

When I am surfing profiles.....I look for that.
Instead of....walks on beaches....likes to laugh...looking for a good man...
and all the other clueless stuff women put on their page.

good luck.
(but you don't need it now.)
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 12
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The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 2:57:54 PM
Oh, I agree one hundred percent. Every single guy I dated helped me figure out what I wanted, mostly by showing me what I didn't want.

If all the guys you dated were so fantastic, why aren't you with any of them?
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 13
The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 3:07:52 PM

How can one go back and prefer rollerblading when you've already driven a car? I'm lucky that I've dated a slew of wonderful men, but knowing what I have had in the past only makes dating that much harder for me.


I know exactly what you mean, but you've got to compare apples with apples. How can you go back to a Yugo when you've driven a Beemer? You can't. On the other hand, you're still very young, and time is on your side. It gets tougher when you reach middle-age and become more rigid and set in your ways.

Have fun dating and just don't worry about it.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 16
The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 3:26:45 PM
They were fantastic in their own ways, but there was something about them that were lacking.

And that is called reality. Human beings are imperfect, and usually what you most criticize as a major flaw in others,
is a reflection/projection of that which you feel you lack enough of within yourself.. The Completion Effect.


For example, if I enjoy going to concerts regularly or spending $50 on a nice meal, it would be very difficult for me to ask a guy earning minimum wage and can barely afford his gas expenses to go out with me. I also need a guy who maintains his finances the way that I do.

There are very few young male escorts with enough genetic celebrity status like Richard Gere's character to call themselves professional flirts.


now I realized that one can become jaded with a string of good dates as well.

More accurately that may be called "habituated", or more commonly referred to as spoiled...
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 20
The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 5:52:24 PM
I don't get excited about anyone new I meet either.

It takes a stellar girl to compare to the experiences I have already had. in fact; many of the women off of here would feel like a huge step backwards.

My dating spirit is pretty grey these days, and can be described in one descriptive word.

*shrug*
 Feather21
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 23
The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 8:25:41 PM
Thats a good one! lol

You're only 27, OP, you have plenty of time to find Mr. Right:)
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 25
The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 10:57:08 PM
I'm sure the dinners and champagne on the beach were awesome too.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 26
The more people I date
Posted: 7/25/2012 10:58:24 PM
i take your post like this. you dated one guy who was really smart, but he wasnt all that great looking so you broke up with him. you dated a really good looking guy , but he wasnt all that smart, so you broke up. you dated a really rich guy, but you didnt connect on an emotional level so you broke up. now, when you meet someone new you think "well, hes not as good looking as guy b, smart as guy a, or rich as guy c, so youre not interested. youre looking for someone who has all of the perks of all the guys youve dated, without any of the disadvantages. this guy doesnt exist. i occasionally see people doing this. it does create unrealistic, unattainable standards. stop looking at people and judging them by their looks, brains, and portfolio, and actually see who they really are as a person. if someone has to have all these qualities before you can love them, i question the authenticity of your emotions.
 rod1919us
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 29
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The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 3:50:03 AM

The more people I date, the more indifferent I am to falling in love. I know it's not the smartest idea to compare former potentials/boyfriends with people I'm currently dating, but I can't help it. So ... I end up thinking "well, he's not as intelligent, or he's not as witty, or he's not financially secure enough, or he's not good-looking enough, etc." At this point, my standards are almost unattainable and I don't know how to expect less anymore. And I really don't want to settle.

How can one go back and prefer rollerblading when you've already driven a car? I'm lucky that I've dated a slew of wonderful men, but knowing what I have had in the past only makes dating that much harder for me.


In the words of Steve Harvey "you must be lookin' to date Jesus" lol
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 32
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The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 5:06:33 AM
^^^^ Five stars for Import.
 Wedne003
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 40
The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 8:38:07 AM
Spot on import_from_uk.

It all about growing.....
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 42
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The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 10:06:31 AM


Ever heard the joke "The Husband Store"
Well, your on the 6th floor LOL!


ScottishHouston
Hell No you are in the basement of the basement of the bargain basement.


Scottish, you are obviously unfamiliar with the joke being referred to. Please go here and read, and then you will understand:

http://phocks.org/stumble/husband-store.php/
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 44
The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 11:45:12 AM
Lol Lynx, no, you not my target. The OP is beautiful and I'm sure she has no problem shopping for the Mr Right, but she's also gonna meet a lot of Mr Right Nows.

I think if someone is new online and says they are looking for a relationship, what they are really saying is 'I dont care if you're Brad Pitt with a billion dollars, I need to see what's out there!'

Ooops, I can hear the Horde coming...run!!
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 51
The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 5:18:13 PM

The more men I date, the more my expectations change. I am now capable of enjoying a man's company simply for the entertainment without looking for a "relationship" in every single guy who happens to want to share an evening.

I'm having much more fun and I'm going out a whole lot more.


Probably making yourself look alot more appealing and respectable while you're at it too.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 53
The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:42:02 AM
Awesome MrMatt! HaHaHa

I earn a decent living so I can be a good provider and take care of take care of others.

So yeah, that does contribute to me being a great catch. I'm generous too. Love doesn't pay the bills.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 54
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The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:12:06 AM
Ever notice sometimes you meet someone who has almost none of the qualities you're looking for yet you're crazy about them? Same goes for someone who has most of the qualities you're looking for yet you have no interest.
Be open to possibilities with someone who initially doesn't appear to be a match. Don't let yourself become so picky that you end up alone. Not one of us is perfect yet lots manage to be happy in relationships.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 56
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The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:21:04 PM


Scottish, you are obviously unfamiliar with the joke being referred to. Please go here and read, and then you will understand


ScottishHouston
come on let's get real. Most men think his having employment and some of his hair makes him a great catch.

This is unclear. Does that mean that you read the joke and disagree with the basic premise, or you didn’t read the joke because you can’t be bothered and will continue to make comments without even a clue what the subject is?

And let’s break down your actual sentence here. Are you trying to say that “most men” (the majority of all men) think that they themselves are a great catch simply because they have a job and some hair? Or were you referring to some nebulous “he”, someone who had posted earlier in this thread?

I cannot claim to speak for all men, or even the majority of men, but the majority of men that I know personally do not think of themselves as a “great catch”.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 2:51:13 PM

The more people I date, the more indifferent I am to falling in love. I end up thinking "well, he's not as intelligent, or he's not as witty, or he's not financially secure enough, or he's not good-looking enough, etc."

It's human nature. If you're frequently out in the dating/singles scene, that can happen. Conversely, if you've been out of the dating/singles scene for a long time but single the whole time due to uncommon circumstances, you'll be a lot less "picky".

And I really don't want to settle.

It's not so much that -- you just don't want to "settle down" with someone for the sake of settling down with someone. Which is a good thing, I think. But it can get to the point where you're more than comfortable being single, and your sights are on the downsides of being "caught up" in a relationship... and things are seen in a skewed lens, and it's an illusion of "higher standards", when really it's just your tastes deflating. That's not to say there won't be guys you shouldn't start seeing -- but being red-flag happy and seeing things thru a negative lens will make almost all of them seem that way vs a more satisfying view in the past.
 sledgehammer79
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 59
The more people I date
Posted: 7/29/2012 11:59:57 AM
OP, who sets those unattainable standards? YOU do! Therefore since you set those standards don't complain that you can't find someone. Google Lori Gottlieb. She has a book out on the topic of women and dating and how they've become too picky and are killing the dating scene. While there are some things you need to be picky about,(chemistry, job, what type of person they are), many of things are just down right absurd. I do agree that y ou shouldn't settle, but somewhere you have to compromise. Falling in love is not always about you but what you can do for that other person as well
 JeanJuly
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 60
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The more people I date
Posted: 7/29/2012 12:26:15 PM
Very wise reply and I agree with you completely.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 61
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The more people I date
Posted: 7/29/2012 1:11:13 PM
The men that had these excellent qualities didn't have something lasting with you, so why are you allowing your thoughts to linger on these individual attributes and take up valuable real estate in your mind, especially now that they are out of the picture?

It's impossible to recreate something that has gone before; and to me seems pointless. To cobble together some sort of 'Frankensteinian' model of high-value attributes as 'must have' is set yourself up to never be satisfied or to completely move on. Our imperfect selves are what's on offer here and in that crazy mix of who we each are, some see us as "10's" while we might only be "6's" truthfully; and hey, that's okay...that's part of the mystery of being enamored with someone.

When I think back...a great relationship or a great guy was rarely about an individual quality or about individual parts. It was about the sum of those parts together interacting with me that made things great. The other part of this...people vary and change how they are from one relationship to another, because of how they individually relate to other people.

Much better to accept the 'trail mix' of capabilities, personalities, strengths and weaknesses that we each represent/bring out when we are with others and not to obsessively trip yourself up on individual details when the 'win' here is about finding the guy/gal with whom we have the greatest degree of comfort, compatibility and fit.
 Gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 65
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The more people I date
Posted: 8/1/2012 9:06:49 PM
DanaScully88,
NewEngland is dating the same kind of women I have found in my area. I've had women tell me since I didn't own a house (and they did) that I was something of a liability. They got their homes from their ex-husbands in the divorce. They couldn't have afforded a home on their sole income now that they are divorced. They said if we had a brief relationship/marriage they might loose the house to me (in a divorce) and it wasn't a chance they wanted to take. They thought I was a nice guy, but...

I know several women socially that have made it very clear that any male candidate for dating must earn more than they do. They are college education women that have responsible jobs and past marriages.

You might think differently than they do, but you shouldn't put some onus on NewEngland since he's dealing with somewhat "average" women that are in the dating pool. Look around you and ask some others in your age group how they feel about this -you might be somewhat surprised.
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