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 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
relationship goals?
never heard of the term.......BUT I will say there are people dating for many various reasons
which can vary widely... both good and bad.
There are users, abusers and every type of person out there to date. The key is to find someone who is at your level of maturity/ attraction.. etc.

I met the grass is greener types, the rebounders, the abusive men ( there are women like all these types too)

honesty is the best policy... if you meet someone who is not on the same page, say goodbye. The reasons do not matter.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 4
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:00:52 AM
I am looking to be swept off my feet.. but i am even more interested in enjoying what i already have..

some times when you are too busy waiting.. You miss out on life. life is meant to be lived.

And i am not interested in men who make false promises... blah

And i find.. while i BELIEVE most men are looking for a real relationship.. they really want someone a little too good for them before they will settle down.

BUT are willing to date YOU while they are waiting for her,..,,, all the while looking over your shoulder..

And thats why im single.. :))
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:39:58 AM
I have never dated for recreation, except in high school.

The idea is one I do not even understand. If I were to be with someone for recreational purposes alone, they would be called "friends"... not dating.

so to me, someone who does not know what they want, wants to date recreationally is not even someone I would consider dating.
hmm, maybe this is why I found the right person and married. I tend to not want to play games with people and pretty striaght forword.

did I meet guys who didnt know what they wanted? yes
did I meet guys who wanted to date recreationally? yes
did I keep dating them? no

Maybe the key is to be mentally cognizant as to people? and knowing who is worth dating and who is not?
unless there is blantant deception, one can usually tell.

was I ever blatently lied to? yes but figured it out quickly and broke up and moved on.

Maybe some people are just not ready t be dating on any level if they can't figure out who is for them and to be honest about it and find the right match ? hmm, yes I think so
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 8
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:54:31 AM
What I want in a relationship?

To be loved. To love someone. To have fun together. To enjoy the ups and downs of life. To have a ton of sex in different places and situations. To be committed to each other.

That is it.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 9
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:56:15 AM
I used to be Person A. Now I'm Person B. Not as gullible as I used to be I'm not looking at things so black and white. I used to want a longterm relationship and didn't consider dating just for fun. Now that I've pretty much given up on longterm I sometimes think maybe dating just for fun makes sense.
I also know if I put this in my profile or change it to dating but nothing serious I'll get all the men just looking for sex. I think I tend to dodge this question when asked. I'll decide that after knowing the person better.
I think maybe this question shouldn't be asked, watch what they do not what they say.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 10
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:09:41 AM


Person B:"I donno what I am looking for"


Translation



Person B: I want to get laid
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 11
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:45:23 AM
And there you go!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 16
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:41:05 PM
I think people say I don't know what I want and other trite things
when in fact they know exactly what they want, but it
isn't with you. No one says these things to people they are interested
in.

It's hard for people to understand why someone doesn't want them
when they are both looking for a relationship. If that was the only
criteria, there wouldn't be any single people.

Same with people who think they meet all the standards of someone
else...what are you going to do when the attraction isn't there? The
trick is to have the attraction, then work on the standards and which
ones are etched in stone and which are open to compromise.

At least in my experience. I'm more tolerant of people and their
foibles when I'm interested in them. I assume it works for others when
they look at me as well.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 17
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:53:54 PM
C ...

To enjoy my life and if per chance someone comes along to enjoy it with me ... Bonus!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 18
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 2:59:21 PM
This has got to be a trick question.

Cus going by the profiles in POF....
Answer A is a woman.
Answer B is a man.

:-P
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 21
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 3:42:24 PM

All men are looking for sex. Absolutely.


Yeah, wrong. I'm with Capn, been so long I'd probably win a longetivity award.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 23
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 7/27/2012 5:26:41 PM

All men are looking for sex. Absolutely.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I disagree.
some are looking for nurses, mommies, wage earners, throphys, etc......

if all men were looking for sex, things would be pretty easy.. lol
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 29
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/14/2013 7:36:11 AM
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.. may I have this brief moment in history to introduce to you .. exactly what expresses via rah rah rock.. what Love is all about ..


oh yeah...kill it.. Jack.. kill it..

Love Interruption

I want love
To roll me over slowly
stick a knife inside me,
and twist it all around.

I want love to
grab my fingers gently
slam them in a doorway
put my face into the ground.

I want love to
murder my own mother
and take her off to somewhere
like hell or up above.

I want love to
change my friends to enemies,
change my friends to enemies
and show me how it's all my fault.

I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me x 2
Yeah I wont let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore.

I want love to
walk right up and bite me
grab a hold of me and fight me
leave me dying on the ground.

And I want love to
split my mouth wide open and
cover up my ears,
and never let me hear a sound.

I want love to,
forget that you offended me
or how you have defended me,
when everybody tore me down.

Yeah I want love to
change my friends to enemies,
change my friends to enemies
and show me how it's all my fault.

Yeah I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore.



aw Jack you are the hottest electric and acoustic set of testicals this side o' dah milky way.. relationships are what yah make em... if you got a maker you got one, good dinner and all .. if you got a taker yah got none, dumb stimmer and done.. .. dat's about it..

Goals.. nah.. no such beast.. it's random, luck and great whatever rhymes with luck.. udder than that.. goals will disappointcha. unless it's the Leafs .. and the cup .. other than that.. just eat food, get sleep..stay warm and make money.. and if you can dance .. dance .. if you can't dance anyway .. just give 'r what yah got and dance anyway ,,

oh yeah.. and would everyone start taking cod liver oil and lay off the excesses... it'wud be nice to walk around and see more healthy skin and eye balls all over the planet at my ripe old age.. good olive pressings for sure..
 CyclistWill77
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 30
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/14/2013 11:02:10 AM

I think when someone says "I want this or that" what they mean is that's what they're attracted to. The fact that some people change their minds about it later just means that they've made or are making adjustments based on experience. We all have an idea of what we want, and are fine-tuning some of the details as we go along because there are few 'complete packages' out there (meaning perfection is always a work in progress).

You shouldn't get hung up on those who claim they don't know, either - they may be gathering all their information up and are in the process of deciding - may feel they are too inexperienced to put a label on their tastes or preferences - and may, in fact, be much more open then those who claim to have a 'type'.


I have to agree with this view. Since I have never had the opportunity to be in a relationship all I can do is guess what I might like, and be flexible with those thoughts and ideals. For me its always case by case basis. No two people are alike and to have a list of things a person wants and doesn't want is crazy. There must be some compromise on both sides otherwise you end up feeling let down by the other person.

In my case, I would like a relationship that lasts for as long as it can, but I'm not really looking to get married. I'd like to experience what its like to be with different people. I'm also not looking for a one night stand or a FWB. I'm looking for something that has all the highs and lows of a relationship so I can learn something from it. If I find someone who is willing to keep me around for a month, great, I'll have a better understanding of what I want or don't want. If I find someone who wants to keep me around for a year, even better. At the same time, I might discover after a month in a relationship that I can't stand it and want out simply due to the fact that I've been single for my entire life and despite my preconceived notion that being in a relationship is a great thing, it doesn't happen to work for me.

What do I want? I want the chance to find out really what I want. At this point all I can do is take an educated guess and reevaluate as I learn. Heck, I'm an open book with an open mind, but from the sound of things, this is a bad thing. I'm not here to waste someones time or effort. Its a little like drilling a well, you can guess whats down there, but until you actually drill, you will never know if there is water in the well. Sometimes you guess right, other times you spend a lot of money and come up empty. If you come up empty, you can't at least look and try to figure out why you were wrong in the guess based on what you couldn't otherwise see. (Yeah, its a bit of a strange analogy but it works if you think about it.)
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 31
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/14/2013 1:35:39 PM

I'd like to experience what its like to be with different people.



aw.. we have a player in the making..
statements tell people exactly who you are.. your attitude will get you a lifetime of lonely shallow poof..



Aw,, it's not even testical tuesday and you want to try on alotttah vagina.. be careful what you wish for.. if you end up with alot of loose ends and willknots.. when the right one comes along or the one you might think is the right one .. she might find your experience with all those different people who own vaginas unattractive.. remember whoever you sleep with in terms of your history is in the equation of your story .. and women pay really close attention to details.. it's our job.. the ones that don't pay attention to history get whatever history throws at em..




How bout you develop what alot of people need to develop.. actual standards.. guys who have standards and boundaries are sexy.. the rest .. just lower species men.. lower I do not find attractive.. my brain finds them puke worth y and not in a good way..
 CyclistWill77
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 33
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/14/2013 6:25:54 PM

:
I'd like to experience what its like to be with different people.



aw.. we have a player in the making..
statements tell people exactly who you are.. your attitude will get you a lifetime of lonely shallow poof..



Aw,, it's not even testical tuesday and you want to try on alotttah vagina.. be careful what you wish for.. if you end up with alot of loose ends and willknots.. when the right one comes along or the one you might think is the right one .. she might find your experience with all those different people who own vaginas unattractive.. remember whoever you sleep with in terms of your history is in the equation of your story .. and women pay really close attention to details.. it's our job.. the ones that don't pay attention to history get whatever history throws at em..




How bout you develop what alot of people need to develop.. actual standards.. guys who have standards and boundaries are sexy.. the rest .. just lower species men.. lower I do not find attractive.. my brain finds them puke worth y and not in a good way..


Wow, way to take things out of context. Its people like you who I wish to avoid. To put things back into context, my statement was simply that I don't want to ask the first person to come along to marry me. I've never had a girl friend and only been on 6 dates in my life. I am by no means a player at all. (If someone asked any of my friends if I was a player, they would all die laughing at the idea.) I just happen to have less dating and relationship experience than a typical 7th grader. To be honest, its not something I'm proud of and it does happen to create a lot of frustration in my life. Really, all I want is to be "normal". Honestly, I can't see getting married to the first person who comes along as a good idea. Who knows, perhaps it will happen, but I don't know that it would last. Most of the world has this figured out by the time they are out of college, often way before that. I have yet to find out on my own. I've already more or less given up any notion of having any kids. I just hope I don't have to go through my entire life alone wondering what it would be like not to be alone. Am I desperate? No, I was over that 15 years ago.

I do have standards, and boundaries. I've had plenty of chances to sleep with people who are drunk, but that is one boundary that I absolutely will not cross. I won't have anything to do with someone in another relationship. If they aren't 100% single, and in a clear state of mind, I have no interest what so ever. Your assumptions of me are 100% wrong. I don't have any interest in sleeping with a lot of people. Heck, I don't even necessarily wish to sleep with the first person who comes along. I'm not saying I wouldn't, its just not at the top of the priorities list. I'd rather get to know the person first before jumping in bed with them. For that matter, I don't think I'd sleep with them till it was mutually known that we were exclusive. My guess is that waiting that long will be too long for many people. Its the people who are willing to wait that are attractive. I have no interest in dating more than one person at a time. Since I've only had the chance to date the same person twice, on two occasions, I highly doubt I'll run into trouble with this. Oh yeah, I haven't slept with anyone I've dated either. I think you can take your statement
"Aw,, it's not even testical tuesday and you want to try on alotttah vagina.. be careful what you wish for.. if you end up with alot of loose ends and willknots.. when the right one comes along or the one you might think is the right one .. she might find your experience with all those different people who own vaginas unattractive.. remember whoever you sleep with in terms of your history is in the equation of your story .. and women pay really close attention to details.. it's our job.. the ones that don't pay attention to history get whatever history throws at em.." and choke on it. Better yet, why don't you take a good look at yourself before you make an assumption like that about another person. I'll tell you right now, you have slept with far more people than I have, and it appears they have left their mark, at its not a good one.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 34
Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/14/2013 6:35:08 PM
I'd rather someone know what they want--at least they gave it some thought. choice B sounds like they've gone thru life taking whatever feels good. if you know more about what you enjoy on your plate than what you enjoy on your arm...i gotta wonder.

i'd be more thrilled, tho, if they can tell me what they want...and WHY they want that. they may change their mind later, but gee, nothing in life is guaranteed to stay the same. i'll adjust, or i won't.

i'm not worried that someone's laundry list will exclude me. since childhood, i did my own thing and that didn't make me fit in with the cool kids chasing fads. so, its nothing new that someone's detailed list will exclude me again. their loss :) lol no seriously, if i don't match up to their list, would i be able to have fun with them? likely not. so it works out for me, too.

as for guys wanting sex...so do women. its how procreation extends the species :) but that's one of the things that kicks me off some peoples' lists...being honest :)
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 40
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/17/2013 8:01:15 AM
I think this is a problem that has ONLY arisen because of internet dating/matchmaking agencies.

When I was young and the men I dated were met in the pub, at work, through friends, etc, we did not have to state our "relationship goals" before our first date. The very idea is absurd!

We spoke to each other, and decided we'd like to spend some time together on another occasion/time/place. And so we swapped phone numbers and then we made a date. And if that went well, we made another date. And so it went on, and after X weeks we were saying I love you, and maybe after X months we were thinking of living together or getting engaged.

It just all happened naturally. I didn't go down the pub or to work wearing a badge saying "My relationship goals are ...." and yet I was always in a relationship. Soon as one ended, I was with someone else within weeks. And yet with internet dating, well, it just goes on year after year ... date after date and never finding Mr Right.

As for me, for now, I do not have a "relationship goal". I just want to find someone that I enjoy being with, and who enjoys being with me, and who is of the right age/distance/income level to make it work.

It's a PERSON I am looking for, NOT a relationship!
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 41
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/17/2013 9:54:58 AM
"I'm willing to bet (or hoping anyway) that you at least had a discussion about dealbreakers sometime before you started saying those I love yous."

You lost the bet. We never DISCUSSED stuff in those days. Soon as we felt loved-up we just said "I love you". You don't sit down and discuss deal breakers before falling in love, do you? Have you never felt romantic? Are you always 100% in total logical control of your feelings? We just went with the flow... one thing led to another ... we loved, we lived and we didn't worry ....
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 42
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/17/2013 10:34:56 AM
But you are implying that you can stop yourself from falling in love if you find out the man does not have your life goals.

That, to me, isn't love. In my long experience of loving and being loved, it's not a conscious choice. I cannot say to myself "Hmmm... that man is suitable for my requirements, I think I will fall in love with him". Nor can I say "That man isn't going to give me what I want, therefore I will prevent myself from loving him".

Yeah, I have more than once been passionately, madly in love with men whose life goals were not the same as mine... and so yes, I have "loved and lost"... but at least it was real, true, genuine, heartfelt love, not faked because the man was "suitable."
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 43
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/19/2013 6:52:32 AM
"And this is why deal breakers and 'life goals' are things that should be discussed at the beginning, before allowing yourself to fall in love."

A date with you must be just like a job interview. DO you take a clipboard and checklist?
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 44
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Revealing your relationship goals in dating!
Posted: 1/19/2013 6:58:11 AM
I really like that answer holycowow. Do you think the on line illusion of so many choices adds to this problem?
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