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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Should I or Shouldn't I      Home login  
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 3
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Should I or Shouldn't IPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Bottom line: bad idea. Focus on YOUR life.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 6
Should I or Shouldn't I
Posted: 7/29/2012 6:20:22 AM
So let me take this in. You have a son. You are not married or ever were married to the mother. You want to spend time with the son? Or the ex gf? I am confused.

What was your presence to this boy as he was growing up?
Did you spent time with him?

So you ended up hanging with the ex and her two kids, which I guess are not yours?

This doesn't make much sense.
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 7
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Should I or Shouldn't I
Posted: 7/29/2012 6:26:29 AM
^^^^^^Agree. Forget stupid Facebook and your ex-wife and concentrate on repairing the relationship you don't have with your son.

I'm not sure why you didn't spend the day "chilling" with your son as you had planned, but you should have put your foot down and insisted he spend time with you, even if he balked at it. Kids will do that, even when they want you to do the opposite. If he disappeared before even seeing you, you should have tracked him down.

You need to show him you really care, not shrug your shoulders and let him off so easily....if that's what happened. Even though he's 19, he's still really still a kid. You should have tracked him down and spent time with him, not with his mother and step-siblings.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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Should I or Shouldn't I
Posted: 7/29/2012 7:00:35 AM
There is an ancient phrase, often said, but not as often correctly understood, that one ought to try to "be the bigger man" about things.

I believe that what it best means, is that one can take the larger, more inclusive view of all things in life, such that the most important, long term, and grandest ideals, can be supported overall, despite their apparently being damaged or attacked in small moments.

In this case, it means that your genuine love for your own child is the grander ideal, which should rise above and beyond all petty details, such as Facebook falderal, and times when he mistakenly feels he must reject you. He is young. Allow him his mistakes, and care about him in spite of them. Suffer the "slings and arrows" of Facebook nonsense, and vengeful actions taken by angry people who wish you and/or him ill. If a game must be played on the smaller fields, such as having a Facebook link with someone you'd as soon leave in the dumpster, in order to serve the larger goal of caring for your child, so be it. Play nice with people you dislike, in order to achieve the best for those you love.
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 20
Should I or Shouldn't I
Posted: 7/29/2012 10:34:15 AM
I'm not sure what FB friends even means, if it means anything at all... it wouldn't to me. As far as you two being friends, only you can answer that.
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 21
Should I or Shouldn't I
Posted: 7/29/2012 10:36:59 AM

There's nothing I can do to change my son.

All you can do is love him, and pray/hope for the best.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 23
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Should I or Shouldn't I
Posted: 7/29/2012 12:10:56 PM
I think it's time you've worked on your relationship with your son. Obviously something is terribly wrong, but for 5 years now you've shrugged it off as not your problem.
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