Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Can't get a word in edge-ways ...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 1
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I tried chatting on the phone to a guy from here yesterday. I say "tried" because he constantly interrupted me, went off on about 20 different topics at one time and started talking about his friends like I knew them ... "I was talking to Bob about cousin Mary and you know that dog of hers -- Pooper or Scooter -- whatever it's name is ..." just crazy, random topics. I'm sure you get my point. After about 10 minutes of his non-stop yakking, I felt myself dozing off -- seriously. I nicely told him I had things to do and tried to say good-bye, which led to rant about various unrelated things (again). Finally, he asked if we could talk again because he didn't know a thing about me! No big surprise here. I reluctantly told him OK, but later I got a message from him telling me we weren't a good match because I didn't communicate very well!

I was shocked and relieved at the same time. The point I'm making is that at this age, we've lived a lifetime and we can't possibly tell our life story in a first telephone conversation. And then to have him tell me I didn't communicate well. I'm fairly new to internet dating -- has this happened to anyone else?
 382838382838
Joined: 7/15/2012
Msg: 2
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:16:49 AM
You did the right thing by getting off the phone. The reason he e-mailed you and said you weren't a good match is because you are mentally healthier than he had hoped for. His phone conversation of changing subjects was a way to manipulate you. If you had let him continue you would have seen after several phone calls there would be no meet and greet. This happened to a friend of mine on here. He told her the same thing after talking one hour non stop and going off on different subjects. She said I need to get off now and he said I want to talk to you again because I didn't get to know about you. She allowed it another night where it was just a repeat of the first conversation. He then gets to that he needs 2K for something. Be glad you ended it so early.
 Attercop
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 3
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:23:27 AM
Answer to your specific question about this specific brand of NUTBAR: No, never happened to me.
The broader topic of "will you run into a wide variety of kooks in online dating?" Yes. Yes, you will.

Your turn to answer: Why in hell would you consent to go there a second time? Reluctantly, or not. Why?
seriously
I sympathize with all newbies. But the quicker you learn to deflect weirdos, and reject their criticism of you, the better you will fare online
and in real ife
in fact

If only real life were this easy !!! If only we could implement a "block" or just break contact with, say, coworkers we are forced to see every day.
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 4
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:26:16 AM
Oh my, I could have told that story a dozen times!!!!!

It has gotten to a point that when I see that I am in the mist of that sort of behavior I give them a little test. If I am trying to have a two way conversation the the other person doesn't stop talking I WILL interrupt, very pointedly in fact. Although it is really against my nature to do so but it is a good test to see how they react. Some people are talking because they are just nervous and when I 'interrupt' them they sort of snap out of their verbal barrage and for those that don't snap out of it after a few attempts then I know it is time to call it quits. Saves oddles of time and frustration. I mostly chalk it up to loneliness or nerves however sometimes it is just plain arrogance. Sigh.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 5
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:38:38 AM

I sympathize with all newbies. But the quicker you learn to deflect weirdos, and reject their criticism of you, the better you will fare online

No...It has never happened to me....for a couple reasons.
If we have exchanged a" few" e-mails....I suggest a meet as soon as possible.
I do not waste time...telling a stranger too much about me before we meet nor do I want to know too much about him...yet!
I do not need to talk on the phone first...exchange#'s or add you to my FB....!
This eliminates the ones who are never going to meet you because they have lied about their age...etc...
Second....I need to be attracted to you and see if there is a potential for wanting to know more about you.
 mlb33161
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 6
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:47:05 AM
Oh yes, this has happened to me quite a few times and a couple times the guys knew they were talking too much and admitted it. But it was a huge turn off for me so when they ask if they can call back or go on a date I politely refuse. What ever it is...nerves, arrogance, retardation...it isn't someone I want to waste my time with. I know the man I had a date with yesterday was a little nervous and he repeated himself a few times and almost crossed the line in talking too much and talking over me, but I could tell it was first date jitters and it was actually kind of sweet and I hope we keep our 2nd date plans for Friday!
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 7
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:55:52 AM
I have learned to be less passive and meek in my conversation style when I am with someone like that.

It's not my "preference" and I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone I had to constantly talk over... but it's not necessarily a bad thing to have the skill to meet someone where they're at when necessary.

Or just hang up.

If someone is rude, I don't politely wait to issue my intentions.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 8
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:17:32 AM
I would have asked the guy if he could hold for a minute while I go take an extra dose of my ADD medication so that at least ONE OF US is focused.
Cindy O
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 9
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:19:43 AM
I remember coffee meets similar to this with non stop talking men.. Sometimes this can be because they are nervous and feel they have to talk talk talk.. I just cut the meet short and exited to get some relief..

Hang up like Janet said, chances are he will just keep right on a talking and will not even be aware of it for sometime to come.. lol
 stargazin53
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:32:18 AM

I would have asked the guy if he could hold for a minute while I go take an extra dose of my ADD medication so that at least ONE OF US is focused.


ah, Ms.O.....still laughing, and taking notes. :)
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 11
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:43:03 AM
That's why talking on the phone prior to meeting is key.. I've eliminated a lot based on just that.

But one snuck past and I had to endure him going on and oooooooon about himself during the coffee meet. I have no issues speaking up and did so, but literally everything I brought up.. he quickly reverted it all back to him. I sat there digging my fingernail into my thumb, waiting for the moment I could bring it to a close.

I am a listener, so falling into that role comes quite natural. It's sometimes more uncomfortable when dealing with another listener strangely enough, lol..
 sactowndude
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 12
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:49:43 AM
It's happened to me a couple of times, I just say I have a call coming in that I have to take. Just be lucky you didn't meet him in person. Shakti makes a good point, I have friends that have been happily married for years and the key to their success is communication. One is the talker and the other is the listener. If both are talkers then it becomes antagonistic, if both are listeners then they grow apart.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 11:01:17 AM
Yes, this has happened to me, but without the e-mail say we weren't a good match because I didn't communicate well. I got a laugh out of that one. I simply don't call them again. There's no way I could date someone like that.

Someone who talks nonstop about things and people I don't know is a huge turnoff. Worse yet is someone who just keeps on yacking when I say I need to go. That just annoys me.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 14
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 11:13:26 AM
Thanks, ya'll have been very helpful. And I'm glad to see I'm not the only one this has happened to. I was exhausted after I got off the phone with him -- I can only imagine how a meeting in person would have been.

I didn't even respond to that message he sent, but in an even odder turn of events, he just sent me a message telling me maybe he had over-reacted telling me I didn't communicate very well and could we start over???

I'm gonna have to answer that last message with a "thanks, but no thanks."
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 15
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 11:18:16 AM
I went on a first meet/coffee with a guy I met off POF. BAD idea. All he did was yap, yap, yap and yap talking about himself constantly! He would NOT shut the hell up! Not once did he ask me a question. I had enough and politely left early. He also claimed on his profile he didn't smoke - he was a chain smoker ( when we were outside the restaurant. ) Nervous or not, he was a pain in the ass.

OP, I wouldn't bother wasting a text in reply to him. No response is a response.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 16
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 11:21:41 AM
get a loud horn...keep it near the phone...4 telemarketers & bad fishies- JUST BLOW IT INTO THE PHONE & then wait 5 secs & hang up, (evil laugh)
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 12:07:25 PM
It's for this very reason that I decided not to talk on the phone prior to meeting someone. In real life, most people with even a modicum of interpersonal skills can read body-language cues and know when it's their turn to speak. This is not true on the phone.

Rather than have someone get the wrong idea about me, or vice-versa, I told my prospective dates that I preferred to skip the phone and get to know them in person. Most went along with it.
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 12:37:39 PM
OP, Chalk it up to experience and take some of the advice of the ladies here, but don't call him back. You don't communicate well! *wink* LOL
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 12:50:41 PM
I have noticed that people that live alone and have little social life will talk like that. They have so much to "get out" and they are thrilled to have someone to listen. Sometimes they will wind down after a while, and realize what they are doing and make an effort to stop. Sometimes. lol

A simple butting in with a "can I talk too?" will be enough.
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 20
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 1:02:58 PM
That's happened to me a couple of times at a recent coffee meet...the fella just didn't stop talking! Basically told me his recent life history...on and on and on. I listened, tried to change the subject but he kept talking. I think he was nervous...at one point he did say he was talking too much, but didn't ask about me or what I liked to do, etc. He went off again on another tangent. After an hour I said I had more things to do that day and he agreed it was time to go. Never heard from him again which was fine.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 1:13:25 PM
I have a long time friend like this.. motor mouth.

Its tough situation. I tend not to talk to her much. Less and less as years go on, she gives me a headache.
She was this bad when we were younger or am I just realizing how bad it is now?

:)
 Jusneedu
Joined: 6/12/2012
Msg: 22
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 1:20:59 PM
OP, I met one guy that every time I even began to say something, he would interupt me and start speaking. Didn't matter the topic of subject, but he'd open his mouth, and never stop!!! Once I timmed him and he went on for almost half hour without me saying a word! I even called him on it after a few dates, and he said he had no clue he was doing it.
The last time he did, we were sitting at a nice resturant eating lunch, or at least I was trying to, but he kept talking and talking. He'd ask me a question and before I could get two words in, he was answering it for himself.
I had actualy taken a fork to my glass, going, ding...ding...ding, to get his attention. And when I did, I told him one more time, and I was leaving the table. Needless to say, I gave him three more strikes, he continued on again interupting, so I got up and left!
Needless to say, he never did it again, as I left him sitting with no ride home from me.......
 J_bird61
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 23
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 2:27:41 PM
Yes, something like this did happen to me.
I had a phone conversation (if you could categorize it as such) where he was driving, talking on the phone, getting lost from his GPS, asking a by stander for directions, telling me all about his past relationship and about his kids, all at the same time. He was changing from one thing to another in split seconds....and right, not a word in edge ways for sure.
I figured he probably had either ADHD or was on coke....
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 7:00:23 PM
We've all run into non-stop talkers/interrupters from time to time. Sometimes it's a potential date, sometimes an aquaintance or a total stranger.

Just throw that fishie back in the drink.
 AlfredoDP
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 25
Can't get a word in edge-ways ...
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:31:25 PM
The best thing to do is be quiet, listen... if you have no help to offer, quit, and, stop the complaining.
It happens everyday.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Can't get a word in edge-ways ...